whats left is right

thats how it always seems to me.
my life somehow is always on the extremes.
both extremes.
i dont have a normal life.
i wont have a normal life.
why? cos i cant make myself live a normal life.
its too...normal.
i'd much rather live it my way,
fuck it all up and in the end still say i live it my way,
den to jus live it the normal way.
its too lame.

and its also very funny.
how i'm living in self-denial,
yet being realistic at the same time.
its conflicting, yet its endearing.

do i like my life?
i cant say i do, i cant say i dont.
theres some parts of my life that are really wonderful.
theres some parts, lets just say they suck.
but dats the whole point aint it?
the balance of good and bad.

how i wish blitzball were a real sport.
its like the coolest sport ever.
and i'd own at it.

part of me died...

i haf found anythin i find weird. ok dat was a weird sentence. ok dats not my point is. my point is, i tink its quite queer how pple blog for pple. u noe. ok now here this may look like i'm bloggin for pple, but its diff. i used to. nowadays i don tink i do as much. but i dunno i jus read smthn about how someone "self-censors" becos of others readin his/her blog. i find dat quite weird, dumb and pointless. i mean, its like come on its ure blog. wadeva u write shld not be restricted by others. ok so maybe pple tink differently from me. ok pple DO tink differently from me. no maybe.

point is, especially if teachers read our blogs, the more we shld feel compelled to say exactly wad we want. so teachers if ure readin this: fuck u for making my life so terrible .|.

haha. haha. haha. i'm a serious bastard lah. so ego -.- and i cant help it mah. i blog for myself. its slightly compulsive. sometimes it helps me, sometimes its fucks me up, sometime it does notin. sometimes its jus a means of fillin in the little gaps in my life. hahahahahahaha.

we need to understand. u noe.

gah. its like, i'm gonna fail bio. no its not its like. i noe i'm goin to fail bio. i knew since wad, febuary 2005. woohoo.

i need to see other things.
i need perspective.
i want to know what its like out there.
i want to grasp more than i know i can.

bane of my life

fucking bio. fucking bio is fucking irritatin. geesh. i am now gonna attempt to remotely understand 2 yrs worth of asubject i haf yet to spend a full lesson payign attention to. really. bio is a fucking stupid subject. i mean, sorry to all the pple hu like/are good at the subject, its stupid. there is little pratical application lah wa lau. i mean, why the fuck do i want to noe wad mitosis and maeiosis is? its not like when i'm fuckin some chich next time and in the back of my mind i'll be like "oh my god my chromosomes are goin to fucking split and shit and blah blah blah". its dumb. and i cant stand the fact that if ms toh had actually followed thru on wad she said, i wouldnt even be writing this fucking post right now. wa lau. want to drop bio she said she'll 'speak to farah" and here i am on the verge, ok not on the verge but in the process of flunking bio. and of course this will have such a fucking positive effect on my already terrifically fabulous average. like oh my god i am so fucking happy. seriously i feel like jus burning all my bio notes, go and study chem and macbeth, and when i get 10/100 for the exam i can say i accidentally put my bio stuff into the toaster. or my dog ate it. or it grew wings and flew away. wadeva.

i tell u, my bio paper is gonna be one hell of a sight. for all the qns which i dunno how to do, which will of course be alot, i plan to write rubbish. like serious cocked up shit. jsu to kaobei them. hu cares if james koh or whoever comes and make noise at me. freedom of speech man.

three fucking lions my fucking ass

fuck it. mclaren is a fucking moron. and i am damn pissed.

seriously. i realise, mclaren is as pathetically fucked up as sven was. droppin beckham is the only decently smart thing he has done. seriously. he is a lousy tactician. there must be a reason he was only assistant manager at man u and manager at, -.-, middlesbrough. and he's jus like eriksson. he aint got the balls to drop players. lampard shldnt be playing, cos he's playing shit now. carrick shld haf been gone by half time, considerin he wasnt fucking doin nuts other den passin the ball 5 metres to the defenders. gerrard was pretty much shit and leaving the flank open, and he too shld haf been gone. wright-phillips shld fucking haf been on the whole time, jus based on wad he did in the fuckin 20 mins he was given. and downing was the best friggin midfielder on hte pitch tonite and of course he gets taken off. take of gerrard/lampard? in ure fucking dreams. the way its goin, singapore could fucking beat england. i'm serious.

i hope the fucking fa fucking sacks mclaren like next wk. argh. if they even gonna haf a chance to win anything, they need a much smarter, more capable manager hu has balls. they need a fucking foreigner.

scolaaaaariiiiiiiiiiii.................

O_O

this is possibly the weirdest conversation i've EVER had.

char. says:
i dreamt of my perfect guy last night, you know
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
O_O
wad was he like o.0
char. says:
hot
sweet
funny
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
no duh -.-
char. says:
smart
geeky
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
haha
char. says:
take scott
plus seth cohen
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
OOOHHHHHH SETH COHEN
!!!
char. says:
and a bit of goofyness
sigh
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
u haf good taste
char. says:
do you have cheap trick?
yes, thanks, i know
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
ure dream guy sounds like my dream guy :P
char. says:
eww no!
go away
MINE, okay?
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
oh and u noe cheap trick was featured in john tucker
char. says:
back off, bitch!
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
hahaha
we share
char. says:
yes i know
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
:D
char. says:
NO
fuck you! go away!
he's MINEEEEEEEEEEEEE
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
the scott guy was like singin i want u to want me it was hilarious
char. says:
yes
i know
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
i'll stab u den go fuck himn
char. says:
obliged to sing, right?
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
^^
char. says:
haha
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
hahahaha
char. says:
oh god
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
i was singin along to time after time
char. says:
now you're gay?!
and you're out to fuck MY boy?
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
if he is dat hot i don mind
this convo is soooooo goin on my blog
like now
char. says:
for the record, FUCK YOU, DESMOND!!

--

dat is one hell of a fucked up convo. but for the record, i'm not gay. not now at least. really.

wrong way on a one way track

gah. i need a ipod with more space. preferably a ipod video. bleh. my current 4 sad gbs means dat my ipod can contain a max of 800+ songs. this of course means that about 90+% of the songs are rock songs in some form or another. WTF. even when i shuffle my songs in the ipod i also almost always skip all the pop sings, which means i'm listenin to rock and more rock. anythin from acoustic to classic to alt to emo. gosh.

i need perspective. shivers

i'm so bored i can cry

haiz. i dunno why but suddenly playing the guitar alone feels weird. its like, somethings jus not rite. i tink char has put too many ideas into my head. grrr. why cant the a levels like end nexy wk or smthn........ blehhhhh.

lonely, i am so lonely. haha. mwadeva man.

i am pekchek

seriously i am pissed. after the exams i am gonna start on some serious running bleh. today play soccer wa lu run 10 mins tired liao, abit the fucked up lah. gah. and i'm also quite sad teh way i played today. it felt like i was a step behind everything. so screwed. on a brigther note, i scored a pretty nice goal :D haha. at least the shot was sweet.

zz badly deprived of movies little me went to watch john tucker today, and the scott guy aka the other tucker is fuckin hot. like omg. and the girl is also pretty chio, with the exception of her four pack which i found highly disturbin. seriously. girls should NOTNOTNOTNOTNOTNOT haf anythin more than one nice pack aka a nice flat stomach. anythin more is jus plain wrong.

haha. the scott guy is hot. if i were gay i'd go after him for sure. but den again, i'm not gay =D

dont panic

do you tink anyone cares?
do u tink anything u say matters?
no one really listens to anything u say.
no one trust u.
no one is gonna bother to understand u.
no one will bother to decipher wad u mean.

seriously, snap out of it.
everyone's moving on around u.
why must it be u hus stuck in the trenches of ure history?

and i have come to realise this: i cant not care.
laugh. ok now dat ure done laughing, its true.
sadly, its not smthn i like or want.
but regardless, nothing changes the fact that i am affected.

ure a joke.
pple are laughing at you.
everyone's so far away.

i'm sick. like disturbed sick. mentally whacked.
or maybe. i'm obsessed.
no. i'm deprived.
yes dats prob it.

she's drilling holes in my head.
she's making me squirm in my dreams.
she's holding on to my breath.
she's haunts my every waking moment.
is she all that i have?

when the good bad and ugly all become the same damn thing

i am slightly surprised it took me this long to realise this, but now i've realised, when ure feeling like shit, the worst thing u could do, is to try to be happy. really. i mean, lets face it. whatever u do, when ure feeling like shit, ure feeling like shit. nothing u do is gonna change that. and trying to be happy, that makes it worse init? i mean, u try and try, yet u won succeed. dat sucks. and whilst tinkin about good times will help, too much of it will also make u feel even worse. or so i believe. i tink the best way is to jus drown in the frustration and anger and depression and everything. yea really. like go listen to depressing music, watch depressing tv, do depressing things, talk depressingly, do everything with that little bit more edge. i tink thats the way to get over it the best. its like rubbing salt into a wound. it'll hurt like fuck, but it'll get better faster. i've done it before, it sorta worked. den again, i tink its best not to trust me.

i'm not sad. i really aint.
even if i may look it, i'm not.
i'm jus...not happy.
theres nothing much to be happy about.
i'm jus trying my best not to feel much.
maybe its better of this way.
to have nothing,
den to haf something den throw it away.

lala. i don even noe why i do things sometimes.
ok not sometimes.
most times.

the quest to fail maths

yay i shall kop a quiz thing.

The rules:
Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italicise the statements that you WISH are true.
Leave the fibs alone.

I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe that honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse.
I have changed mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe , free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have long hair. (gor a guy)
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I'm currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past. (?)
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I somehow enjoyed this thingy!!!
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake's slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.

what does all these mean? it means that i'm gonna fucking fail the maths paper tom. yay me

ahhhhhh

http://youtube.com/watch?v=aXPeEmKqeJQ&mode=related&search=

crouch is god. wad the fuck. i mean seriously. hes a friggin beanpole. ball comes in, he tries a bicycle. he could scuff it, laugh and walk away. he could totally miss the ball, make a fool of himself, laugh at walk away. he could misjudge and let it hit his head, make a TOTAL fool of himself, laugh and walk away. wad does he do?? he hits it like a bitch. bam straight into the corner. i tink the keeper didnt move cos he was too stunned by the fact crouch actually attempts a bicycle, prob tinkin it was gonna fly away somewhere. hah. wads more it was a technically perfect shot. 100% perfect contact. damn. a bullet if i ever saw one. reminds me of andy "i'm gonna do a bicycle whenever i can
cole. woo.

and i keep tellin everyone crouch is fuckin good and no one fucking believes me. well NOW do u believe me?

a completely pointless meaningless and neccessary post

tamper tampering tampered.

i like eating eggs. even with the cholestral and shit. and i thoroughly enjoy scrambled eggs with bbq sauce. its nice. jus as i like condensed mlik dissolved in hot water or cold milk. i'd rather cold milk. i generally like seafood. i like meat alot also. altho prob beef more than anythin else. ok i'm done with my 4 eggs. i shall go make my cup noodles.

ok i am back. and i haf forgotten wad i was tinkin about. well anyway now i'm tinkin about wad it means to be selfish of generous. which is worse really? tink about it. being generous makes u friends, being selfish can save ure life. which brings me to the question of which is worse? being too generous or too selfish?

i like making list. they give me some sort of comfort. some kind of control i rarely have. they give me smthn to do, smthn to place meaning in when theres nothing left.

oh yes i rmb now. i was tinkin about books. specifically war books. reacently i've been drawn to war books, and i find them very interestin and relevant. i tink wars are cool. i wan to fight a fucking war. the whole concept of warring is rather ironic. u spend months, years of your life preparing and training and preparing and training, and when it really comes down to it, its jus a matter of seconds. enemy? shoot. finish. end of fucking story. and at least from the books i've read, it seems like war brings out a different side of everyone. those fighting, those at home, those orchestrating the war. maybe its cos of the simple fact that wars are so...rare. unlike crime or natural disasters or anything else, war is just so infrequent. so much so that its a new experience for about everyone entrenched in it. which den of course means that no one really noes how to react. everyones new, everyones equal. everyone's on the brink of death. everyones that much closer to the end.

i've had very strange conversations with pple b4. from topics like respecting penises and vaginas to jus random meaningless bullshit. strange nonetheless. its funny.

u noe, somewhere, there is both a kid and an adult inside all of us. and i tink pple shouldnt try so hard to suppress any of those characters. it makes u one-dimensional. wheres the fun in that?? i mean, there are times we shld all jus act like kids. jus forget everything, embrace innocence once more. i don tink pple do this enough. its really quite sad. den again, there are times we shld, well, jus be mroe grown up. it sounds quite stupid and ompossible, but i tink its true. its like someone with the mental maturity of a 5 yr old in the body of a 16 yr old who sounds like an alien from mars. u know.

and another thing. the bus stop opp sch is actually a very good place for stoning. or well if u'd rather do it a place for reflection, a locale for embracing the past and anticipating the future. i don even noe wad the fuck i'm saying. point is, its a good place for stoning. why? cos one its not terribly ulu. so theres enough activity to keep one interested and entertained. two its not too noisy. three the roads quite wide, so its not all dusty and smoky and stuff. and four its a convenient place cos there are so many buses, so getting around/away shld not be a problem. i've taken to stonin quite abit over at that bus stop. it, i tink, keeps me mildly sane. at least after sch.

if ever you want to talk to me or tell me smthn or basically jus get my attention, and i'm listenin to my music and not lookin at u, kick me. its really the only way to get my attention. that or jump in front of my face and act like a clown. now that will get my attention. anyway its cos my music will be blastin at a volume that basically nullifies everything that is happenin around me. so rmb: kick me.

am i toying with fate,
or is fate toying with me?
actually, i shld jus do smthn about it.
yeah right.

inspiration

last nite i read jarhead. and i've decided its a good book. the movie was m18 i tink >.> wtf. everyone go read it. it deals with quite pertinent issues.

aniwae, somethings seriously wrong with me now. i jus broke another glass container. fucking hell. seriously my brain is all fucked up now. i'm becomin mad i tink.

ok ok i'm off to stalk pple. cya later...

stalker complex

i tink i haf a stalker complex. yes. wtf.

today i saw that girl again. den again, its not like i totally didnt expect it.

i haf a stalker complex. not that i really stalk pple per se, but, well, i guess i'm very much inclined to. the way i'm rather particular in remembering where people stay, the way i want to stalk pple, its all very disturbing.

what am i doin to myself really. you noe i noe we all noe its but jus a dream, jus a dream, jus a dream.

i am quite scared of myself. really. cos of the fact that i am very much a perfectionist. a very poorly disciplined one, but a perfectionist nonetheless. and i noe that if there is smthn i wan done, badly enuff, it will get done. like say stalking someone. i believe that if i wanted to, i could really do it.

its like, i'm doin this to myself. i'm exertin this torture unto myself. why? why?

dont want to live for wasted tomorrows...

the world you love

dats no officially my song of the moment. yep. not jus cos its a jimmy eat world song, but cos its a really nice song, and the lyrics are...relevant. to say the least. the song makes me feel. but u noe, dats jus me.

an u noe, these kinds of moods,
they are self sustaining.
cos i'm hatin myself for being so moody,
and my response?
get even moodier.
so, its really a vicious cycle.
i'm hating everything i do,
yet theres notin else but to do wad i'm doin.
dats how it is really.
and you know when life gives you lemons,
it doesnt rain it pours.
really.
life has a way of doin dat to u.
when it seems like you hate everything around you,
life conveniantly puts more things there for you to hate.
i'm not jokin.
of course the logical explanation is that its a matter of perception,
cos when you're feeling like shit,
everything else seems like shit.
but really. the kind of mood dat i am,
logical isnt an option.
so why does life do this to us?
constantly laughing in our faces,
kicking us when we are down.
its like how jus now on the way home on the bus,
i saw the prettiest girl i've seen in a long time.
and it makes me wonder,
is it these kinds of moments dat define who we are?
cos if anything else,
it applifies things.
it makes everything look so much more.
so maybe the girl wasnt daaat pretty. (she was)
maybe its cos i'm feelin so shit that she jus appears to be prettier.
its like how everything else around me jus seems...better.
more right. more perfect.
thats how it is den isnt it.
self-pity? its a very fine line.
i mean, self-pity isnt good,
no pity isnt good either.
yesterday i watch grey's anatomy,
and i tink the one thing i remember most,
other den the absolutely gory nature of the show,
is this very true fact of life:
its all about finding a balance.
yea. in the show it was about life and death.
in life, maybe not so much.
den again, maybe its the little issues that really matter.
it the small things we don care about that really affects us the most.
i believe that.

its not like i want to be like this.
i dont. i really dont.
its not helping at all,
considerin i'm 5 days from my exams,
and i feel like murdering half the pple i see,
and stuffin the other half in a box.

i honestly think alot of pple are too selfish.
ok so thats pretty duh.
but the thing is i don tink enough pple acknowledge this fact.
i'm selfish, i know it.
and i accept it.
do i do things about it?
i try, i really do.
but everytime i look around me,
i don tink pple even know they are selfish.
and its not in the very obvious things.
its very subtle, and maybe dats where the problem is.
its not obvious enough such that its screamin in pple's faces,
and hence we all jus pass it off as smthn else.
covering it up.
like "aiya he's jus liddat one lahh",
or "zz ure being over sensitive!".
ok so maybe i am,
but that still doesnt change the fact that there are so many pple out there,
unaware of their own selfish ways.
and its scary.
i think we shld all try harder.
to do many things.
to know who we are,
but more importantly to realise who we are to others.
to realise that the worlds bigger than outselves.
i know it sounds very preachy and idealistic,
but face it, its the truth.
we all are too selfish, too naive, too egoistic.
haiz wads the difference aniwae?
its not like anyones gonna change.
for a start who even takes me seriously -.-

i wish someone'd jus understand.
but haha, its asking a tad too much eh.

i've got alot of figuring out to do,
after the exams are done.
yea, the exams.
this exams is really screwin me up.
i tink the muggin is the cause of me falling ill twice in 3 wks,
in addition to all the other little nuances that has infested my life.
its also messing with my head.
i'm not the person i used to be,
but dats probably a good thing. for now.
but once the exams are done, ahhh.
i'd jus feel so much freer.
that word doesnt exist, but yea.
it'll jus be so relax.
theres so much i want to do.
so so much.
i cant wait.

have u ever had this experience?
where you want something so very much,
but when u finally do get it,
u realise its the worst thing that has ever happened to u?
well i haven been through something like this before.
but i'm afraid i mite.
i'm afraid,
the coming together could finally spell the falling apart.
i jus hope not.

"we're only just as happy, as everyone else seems to think we are"

crikey ure crikey

i tink the whole steve irwin thing got/is gettin abit too much lah. i tink pple are over doin it, much like the singapore govt did the durai thing. but aniwae dats not really my point. actually throughout this whole steve irwin dying thingy, i really didnt care much for it, considerin i havent watched a single episode of his shows, and i do agree with critics he's somewhat of a moron to be messing with dangerous creatures u KNOW can and will try to bite ure head off. a brave idiot if i ever saw one. no anyway the only reason why i could even feel sad is cos it reminded me of someone else hu died. eddie guerero. haiz. its like everytime someone mentions steve irwin my mind automatically rewinds back to dat one episode of raw, the tribute episode. its funny, but u'd never have thot a wrestling show could make a person cry like that. really. cos when i watched dat ep i really cried lor. couldnt help it, cos he really was such a character. which den of course means that i can somewhat sympathise with pple who really feel for the cros hunter. altho i tink the fact that he was a celebrity like he was, alot of pple prob feel sad for the sake of feeling sad. aiya wadeva.

and yes it is also why hurt by johnny cash almost always brings me to the brink of tears. sigh. good times, good times.

even heroes have the right to bleed

i tink its a very true and rather meaningful line. i find the whole idea of how men arn't supposed to cry quite apalling, irritaing, and honestly, pathetic. seriously. i cant stand people who tink that oh guys are suppose to be strongand manly and wadeva shit and hence arnt allowed to cry. like its some rule. wadeva. i'm really not in the mood to think or rant or anything. its jus a random thot.

which reminds me, i'm in a terrible mood right now. not terrible as in foul, but terrible as in bad, not good, etc. and i hate it. very very much. cos its a very lousy mood to try to study in, its a very terrible mood to be in 1 wk b4 the exams, and it jus generally is a very terrible mood. i hate it. i hate it.

i tink i can tell when i'm this kind of mood. one clear sign is a post like this. meaningless, pointless, useless, everything-less. second is when i jus seem to not be myself. which den again brings about the question of jus who the real me is. maybe this me is the reak me, which means i'm being very myself. argh wadeva.

i tink... i don wanna tink. fuck.

let it shine on...

argh. ok this must be my longest blogging hiatus in like forever. but den again i really aint in no mood to blog. fuck lah. i'm fucking sick again. this is bloody irritatin. wad stomach flu. i mean, falling sick twice in 3 wks?? no good. at all. considerin the exams are only 2.5 wks away. the total cost of my 2 illnesses is roughly about 5 days of studying. fuck lah.

emofication

"in your head in your head in your head"

honestly dats jus how i feel.
its like everything's so messed up,
yet nothing really is messed up.
so maybe, it really is but in my head.

haiz. rockstar is over.
so lukas won.
but now dat its over,
my life is tending towards emptiness again.
it sucks.
now my wed and thur nites are empty again.
now i haf to find things to do during those hours.
i mean, i noe i shld be studying and shit,
but at home, i really cant.
there are wayyy too many distractions around.
the comp, my guit, my parents, fucking hell.
it does piss me off, the fact that i cant get any studying done.
haiz. wad to do?
i don tink studying 3 days a week is remotely even enough.
not with the kinds of marks i'm getting...
sigh. its kinda stupid really.

aniwae on the way home i was tinkin.
about this whole emo thing.
and i realise, i prob am quite emo.
really.
i mean, first the music.
i can safely say the emo music i listen to way outstrips every other genre.
breaking benjamin, taking back sunday, jimmy eat world,
rise electric, lifehouse, blue october,
its all emo. well generally.
and really, i don exactly listen to thaaat much music outside of those.
or rather outside of the emo/alt/classic rock genre.
den i guess my mentality is also quite emo-ish.
in that i dunno, i'm not the social-ish person.
nowadays i aint that much of a happy-go-lucky person anymore.
still, but alot less den last time.
i've got the whole fuck the world its not worth it thing going on.
haiz the everything lah.
den nowadays the kind of clothes i want/wear.
i'm wanting jackets and hoods and generally most things black.
long sleeves vs t-shirts.
and u noe, its not as if its a good thing.
if more den anything, i tink this could potentially be very disastarous.
on my sanity more than anything i guess.
.|.

haiz i love my music.
if u didnt already noe,
I LUV MUSIC.
it really is one of the few things that can make me feel,
or rather, make me not feel.
cos when i plug in,
it allows me to jus let go of everything.
i noe it sounds cliche and dumb and what not,
but its fucking true.
with music i can forget about all my frustrations,
i can (literally) shut out stuff.
it really is wonderful.
and also when i'm playing music, guitar or piano,
on my own free will, i feel...liberated.
yes i tink dats it. limited but much appreciated freedom.
its like it allows me to jus forget everything.
and the notes, the melody, jus takes over.
which is again prob why i much prefer,
and prob am better at pop/improvisation den classical piano.
serious, my classical sucks so bad, even tho i'm grade 6.
somehow -.-
and i tink the beauty of music is that,
regardless who you are,
how u feel, wad ure tinkin,
there always IS a song for it.
there some always is.
because music is so extensive,
and we generally don listen to very much,
compared to the actual amount of music out there.
which is why i want to amass as much music as i can.
not trying to sound lit-ish or wad,
but music is a very powerful metanarrative.
our experience can be explained by it,
cos there will always be someone else who has had a similar experience.
and the beauty about music is that one can make the experience last,
through songs, one can write about it,
reflect about it, everything.
its a medium for communication, music is.
and also its a music of connection.
cos pple can connect with each other thru purely music.
honest. sometimes i tink its much easier to understand a person by his music rather den by him himself.
because the kind of music that we listen to,
it really reflects who we are.
conciously or subconciously,
i tink we are all drawn to music that we can associate with,
music that mean something (or nothing) to us.
and hence it is a very good way of trying to know someone.
much like clothing, or like they say judge a person by his friends,
i say judge a person by his or her playlist.
and u noe, u mite jus be surprised.

"theres a really fine line between whats yours and whats mine."

honestly, it couldnt be any truer.
and it really isnt just about what is whose.
its the whole idea really.
when it comes down to it,
there jus really is a very fine line.
anywhere. everywhere.
and the sad part is,
we never see it,
we never know where the hell the lines are drawn.
only until we've crossed it.

haiz. all along, i've always believed depression is stupid.
and i still tink it is.
but the prob is, now i'm starting to wonder if we even have a choice.
what happens when we are pushed again and again,
closer and closer to the edge,
what happens when hate anger and fury builds up inside?
if we cant find a way to let it out,
maybe, jus maybe, depression isnt a choice den.
maybe its a natural reflex then?
to find solace and comfort in feeling like shit.
i really dunno.
but now there lies the real problem.
what exactly is depression?
is there a definitive definition of it?
because, these days,
i find myself slipping in and out of states of mind that are dangerously close to what i tink is depression.
and i'm scared. afraid.
because i don wan it to happen.
i've seen what it can do to a person.
and i am scared.

--
i'll be thinking of you no matter what i do,
even when my life is up,
i'll still watch over you.
if u feel lonely and down,
pray tell u'll seek help from above.
i'm not perfect. no one is.
all we can do is try,
to make it all be right.
please remeber, that i never lied.
no one ever can know what its like,
to be fated to telling only lies.
i wish somehow i could tell u now,
you've kept me safe even when i left your side.
now this is all i have,
fragments of the person i once was,
all i can do to try and breathe.
and when it proves to hard,
try to remember,
that you could never make up your mind.
all i can say,
love will lead us,
in the middle of the night.
--

SUPERNOVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

woohoo!!! lukas yay lukas yay lukas yay!!!

weee i'm sooooo gonna buy the sueprnova album. woo =D

yafa yafa yafa

zzz. listenin to my dad is painful. really. and hope to hell i havent inherited those genes... rfffff. and i am quite sad today, cos pe we ran, and den i realise how much my fitness (what little bits of it there was) has deterioted. i tink the stupid flu really took it out on my body lah. now i'm weak all over. MORE weak all over. this is very saddening. den play soccer i dunno why my crossin was screwin with me lah. its like, only maybe 50% of my crosses were half decent. dats sadd...

AHHHHHH. THIS WAITING IS KILLING ME. BAH.

nothing else matters...

yes yes. dats essentially wad it is. ok so i now have a modified list of things to get after exams, budgeting withstanding.

i now MUSTTTTT buy the following stuff:
1. the freddie mercury tribute concert (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Freddie-Mercury-Tribute-Concert-Mallet/dp/B00004
CMSX/ref=imdbpov_vhs_1/202-9376882-1924630?ie=UTF8)
if anyone's feeling kind, please do help me put in an order. i'll CONFIRM pay u back one. haha. and yep its in tape format. yep tape. apparently the dvd cuts the whole 1st half, which is a big reason why i wan the concert, hence i need to get the original.

2. all rise electric albums. lukas. nuff said.

3. ryan's songs from the eye of an elephant. i believe dats the title of his album. i NEEEED it. so bad.

4. the supernova album when it comes out.

5. new guitar picks. and in some quatities too. heh.

6. a guitar strap for my acoustic. i jus wan one. haha.

7. accessories. i wan to get a ring or two, a bracelet or two or three. and maybe a necklace.

yep i'll stick with this list for now. now someone PLEASE help me order stuff online. i'll luv u for life. peace.

<3

i absolutely absolutely absolutely love this song.

Headspin - Rise Electric

All I want to say
is you’re the sattellite in my life
You don’t have to lie
You don’t have to cry anymore

Lost inside your eyes
The vision never dies
Oh just take my hand
or float and never land

Then I hear you say
“Let’s live for the moment this time”
Then you want to keep me forever
Why don’t you just make up your mind

You make my head spin
You make my head spin
Why, why do you
You make my head spin
You make my head spin
Why, why

You love to build me up
just to tear me down
Wouldn’t it be nice
if we found paradise someday

Then I hear you say
“Let’s live for the moment this time”
Then you want to keep me forever
Why don’t you just make up your mind

You make my head spin
You make my head spin
Why, why do you
You make my head spin
You make my head spin
Why, why

Did I hear you say
you wanna be alone
Or was it a mistake
How would we ever know
I can’t hear you scream
You wanna be alone
I can’t hear you scream at me
scream at me

I’m not perfect
I’m not perfect
No, no, no
I’m not perfect
I’m not perfect

You make my head spin
You make my head spin
Why, why do you
You make my head spin
You make my head spin

Did I ever mean something
Did I ever mean something to you
Did I ever mean something
Did I ever mean something to you

sigh. its soooo nice. rah rah rah.

and aniwae, today is a GOOOOOOD day. i omg frickin passed chem, slept during chi, slacked thru the whole ss thing, wadeva. AND i ate 3!! scoops of gelato today. so i am :))))))))) haha. yay yay. i owe pple money now tho. tho pple oso owe we money. gah. incoherence creeping in like now. this is bad. very bad. i tink my bloggin is gonna fuck up my la paper badly. shits.

READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if till now msn is fucking u up,

start>run> (open with notepad)
C:\Windows\System32\Drivers\etc\hosts

add

65.54.239.80 messenger.hotmail.com
65.54.239.80 dp.msnmessenger.akadns.net

everything solved :D

i luv dudes who do these stuff. u noe, the so called nerds. yay smart pple!!!

su-per du-per woo-per

fuck it lah. wad the hell is wrong with msn???? cos apparently i'm not the only one having problems signing into messenger. GRRRRRRRRR. and clever me jus HAD to uninstall my windows messenger, which explains why i'm using the highly pathetic web messenger -.- fuck lah. i am uber pissed with microsoft. they prob fucked their servers somehow or another, or maybe someone jus went to take a piss and accidentally hit a switch or smthn. i need a gd anecdote here. WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh.

piss piss piss piss piss piss piss

in a weeeee kind of mood

haha. weee. hm ok so here are some songs i tink are very fun to play on guit. heh.

1. 23 - jimmy eat world. its a very nice long emo song with some nice riffs. its nice :P i luv playing the solo. acoustic :D

2. dont cry - gnr. ok so i stilll cant get the solo up to speed. bah. but other den dat the riff's fun.

3. everlong - foo fighters. its a nice song to play and sing at the same time. woo.

4. iris - goo goo dolls. play at ure own risk. but if u do decide to tune ure guit, the song's very nice to play, and its quite singable too.

5. blind - lifehouse. haha. i jus like playing this song. its bloody easy.

6. wish you were here - pink floyd. gah i haven touched this song in ages. i shall like now. its a very nice sweet song, which can be very touching dependin on the person. storm made herself and newsted cry. wtf.

7. broken - seether. its a beautiful song. sadly, i cant play it well. i jus cannot get finger plucking. gah.

8. collide - howie day. its jus sweet until cannot sweet lah. and its friggin easy too.

9. behind blue eyes - limp bizkit cover. the very first song i ever learnt how to play on guitar, and i still like playing it nowadays.

10. if you could only see - tonic. but i cant get the acoustic solo thing. i can only do the very first part. bah. but i can play the rest of the song which is qutie fun. heehee.

11. hear you me - jimmy eat world. its sweet.

12. hotel california - eagles. i can play most of it, bar the more complicated parts of the solos. its really very fun to play. like desperado on the piano haha.

ok. weeeee.

hm now some songs i like to play on the piano.

1. my immortal - evanescense. its nice, emo, quite easy, wads not to like?

2. november rain - gnr. its sooo easy, yet sooo nice. haha. i haven actually played the whole song once tho. it gets boring.

3. bohemian rhapsody - queen. its very jumpy fun. but i always mess up the end.

4. aeris'/tifa's theme - ff7. haha. they are nice pieces.

5. desperado - eagles. again very easy yet nice. weee.

6. drops of jupiter - train. haha. quite a simple song, nice song, singalong, dadada.

7. random chord progressions. i tink its the one thing i play most on the piano lah bzzz. jus play chords and notes. wtf.

8. listen to ure heart - dht. its a nice song with a nice intro riff thing.

9. because of you - kelly clarkson. nice song, quite easy ><

10. diary of jane - breaking benjamin. GAH. MAJOR GAH. if i can figure out anything past the first 2 lines i'd be very very very happy. cos its a great great great great great song to play. shit. SOME HELP ANYONE????

fuck lah. my mother whole day jisiaoing me. hate it hate it hate it. grrrr. anger building up. face turning read. ears fuming!!!! omg!!!! ARGH.

lukas lukas lukas lukas lukas

wahaha. go lukas!~~~

ok so aniwae if anyone's feeling rich and charitable, heres my wishlist of sorts:
1. an elec and amp. heh.
2. RAM for my comp.
3. shirts. preferably nice black ones.
4. a white blazer thing.
5. pink/black hairbands (someone?)
6. a bass :D
7. shades. woo.
8. a cap. i really shld get one.
9. a new nice hood thingy. haha. i like hoods :D
10. the funky acoustic they have on rockstar the one with the car rim like thingy. its cool.
11. new specs.
12. effects pedal(s)? hahhaha.

bah i'm too lazy to tink.

on a seperate note, i tink my head and leg pains have gone away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my foot

gosh. it is quite saddenin to tink anyone can 1) tink velvet revolver is good and 2) tink supernova MIGHT be as good as vr. it is seriously quite sad.

the only thing remotely decent about vr is slash. and come on face it. its yr 2006. slash was big in the 70s-80s. i mean, he's good, but i've come to realise, there are a whole lot of guitarists better den him. the thing about slash dat is so fascinating is the fact that he had a major influence on guitar playing. he's a decent guitarist with tons of style. his guitar riffs arnt as difficult as others i've seen around. i mean, i can play some of his stuff. and i'm noob. dat does say smthn about his stuff eh?

and gah the singer of vr cannot sing. i'm not jokin here. the cd is insanely digitally mastered lah. i rmb like 2 yrs back i was watchin some mtv award show and when i heard vr was performing i was pumped!! and after u heard them perform and was so disappointed. cos the guy CANT sing. i'm serious i'm not sure he even it half the notes to fall to pieces.

haiz. how can ANYone think vr is even gd? i thot they were and now i've come to realise my mistake. wtf.

you make my headspin,
you make my headspin,
why, why, do you...

7 weeks

that is all the time in the world i have to get my hair lukas length. sigh. jiayou hair!!

!!!!>

wahdafuck. this is seriously screwed up. now my neck is fucking hurting like free liddat, such dat any movement is tooo much movement. !! this is damn screwed up lah. my body is like slowly degeneratin into this useless heap of stuff. gah. i seriously need to get out of this flu thing bout soon. halp.

afliction

ahahaha. i have now discovered the wonders of online window shoppin. damn its fun :D although its rather depressing considerin i'll prob never manage to get anything ><

someone sponsor me :D

burn these damn walls down

FUCK. FLINGING ONESELF INTO WALLS SUCKSSSS!!!! ARGH.

serious. gah i dunno wad was wrong with me yesterday morning. i tink the millions of hours of sleep messed with my head. gah. i woke up at 8, wanting to watch rockstar. so i chionged to the toilet to brush my teeth. and i tink i was like a drunk person lah. i seriously couldnt walk straight. so wad happens? i friggin fling myself into the wall. THREE FUCKING TIMES. rawr. i mean like WTF??? it hurts bah. and i got a friggin bruise on my collarbone and another mark across my chest. WAHHHHHHHH!!!

den wtf i stumbled, somehow, to the hall and collasped in the beanbag >< >< >< >< ><

wtf ><

siansiansiansianSIAN!!!!

wahahahahahaha. i am so damn happy the ugly faggot of a twohill finally got kicked out. man is he one ugly sob.

ok so aniwae i koped this from pea's blog:


How many blogs have you had?
one =D

What is your current blog address?
www.evolni-amor.blogspot.com

Which blog has the most interesting blog address?
i quote: "Wilbur, hands down."

Which are the top 5 blogs which you read the most frequently?
hm. rockturtle (does it even qualify?), uh i cant really tink of any others :P

Which blog is the most frequently updated?
mine. seriously.

Which blog is forever in a hiatus?
"Diane, seriously."

Which blog has the longest posts?
cheryl's. yea.

Which blog has the most quizes?
at this point in time? aaron's?

Which blog has the most pictures?
dunno. lesters?

Which blog is the most witty?
-.-

Which blog is the most angsty?
haha. pearlyns. or aarons.

Which blog is the most gossipy?
trent.blogspot? o.0

Which blog is the funniest?
wilburs. no fight there. wahahahaha.

Which blog has the nicest template?
hm. mine? :P i <3 my template.

Which blog has the longest list of links?
uh, dunno. whichever.

How many links do you have?
zero.

How many people in your class have blogs?
hmmm. quite alot.

How many times do you check your blog everyday?
>< quite a few times. reason: beats me.

How many times do you update everyday?
hahaha. anything from once to five times?

Have you ever secretly written a post for someone in your blog?
duh.

Has anyone ever bitched about you in their blog?
duh x 1000000000 hahahaha.

Have you ever spammed someone's tagboard?
no duh -.-

Have you ever pretended to be someone else on a tagboard?
don need to. i hardly ever tag aniwae.

Do you like having people tagging on your tagboard?
yea why not?

Why do you blog?
a few reasons. 1. boredom. 2. further boredom. 3. theres notin else to do. 4. rant. 5. bitch. 6. uh, propaganda :D

ok another quiz from wilbur/pea's blog:

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Eye Color: brown/black
Hair Color: at the moment black. gah. it shall change.
Righty or Lefty: right
Zodiac Sign: aquarius.
Height: 170cm. ><

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: chinese
Your fears: alot alot alot. i did a whole post on it some alot of time back.
Your weakness: again quite alot. biggest weakness is definitely procrastination.
Your perfect pizza: i'm not a big pizza person.
Short term goal: do decently for eoys, get an elec, spam it.
Long term goal: ... still tinking.

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW:
Your first thoughts waking up: ouch.
Your best physical feature: O_O
Your bedtime: for the past 2 days 9-fucking-pm. being sick SUCKS.
Your most missed memory: tuition days? or maybe japan.

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK:
Pepsi or Coke: pepsi!!! coke seriously blows.
McDonald's or Burger King: burger king. i hate macs.
Single or group dates: i'll decide when it happens :D
Adidas or Nike: -.-
Lipton Tea or Nestea: uh, wads the diff?
Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla. i'm not a chocalate person. unless its white chocalate.
Cappuccino or coffee: cappucino

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: nope.
Take a shower: duh?
Have a crush: accordin to me no.
Think you've been in love: hmmm.
Want to get married: yah.
Believe in yourself: sometimes?
Think you're a health freak: i'm suuure.

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH:
Drank alcohol: hmm. yes. it sucked btw.
Gone to the mall: ah duh.
Been on stage: hmm. don tink so.
Eaten Sushi: sadly not.
Been dumped: no...
Gone skating: nah.
Dyed your hair: how can -.-

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER:
Played a stripping game: no?
Gotten beaten up: uh, don tink so :P
Changed who you were to fit in: haha. no.

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLD:
Age your hoping to be married: 30? +?

LAYER NINE: IN GIRL / IN GUY
Best eye color: not sure it matters.
Best hair color: haha. i haf a thing for streaks :P
Short or long hair: depends.

LAYER TEN: WHAT WERE YOU DOING:
1 MINUTE AGO: blogging.
1 HOUR AGO: sleeping.
1 DAY AGO: sleeping?
1 YEAR AGO: slacking?

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE:
I LOVE: alot of things. headspin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I FEEL: sick. sadly.
I HATE: suckups.
I HIDE: quite alot.
I MISS: someone
I NEED: to start studying.

wtf. i'm tooooo bored.

lalalalalalalala

haiz. i'm in luv with headspin. its a wonderful wonderful wonderful song. bish. i've become a lukas fanboy the same way i was a marty fanboy. oh yes and i absolutely adore the friggin hse band too. they are too damn gd. esp rafael. gah if i can play 1/10th as well as him i'd be damn damn happy liao >< rafael is god =D

GO LUKAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you make my headspin...

stupid stupid me

wah fuck. this is terrible. serioiusly i haven felt this weak in ages. zz even typing is bloody difficult. and i'm a genius i tell u. last nite got headache, jus now i went to swim 1km. zzz. now my whole body's fucked up. haiz. i hate this feeling lah bah. everythings so cold, my limbs dont wan to move, everything.

fucking hell. pls lemme recover soon >.>

where the dessert jus don want to give u a name

haha smthn off wilbur's blog.

Why it is good to be a man?
-
1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. The garage is all yours.
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. (hm maybe not)
9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
10. Same work .. more pay.
11. Wrinkles-add character.
12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. (o.0)
13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
17. One mood, ALL the damn time. (not true. serious)
18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds. (haha. really? since when o.0)
19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase. (uh, haha. go there and buy suitcase ah :P)
20. You can open all your own jars.
21. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
22. No maxi-pads.
23. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
24. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
25. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
26. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
27. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. (ure head lah. my hairstyle don last 3 days.)
28. Your belly usually hides your big hips. (uh, wad belly? wad big hips?)

hahaha. very interesting. oh and btw i've taken to watching dave chapelle recently. he's good =D

well u got ure reasons

and so do i.

dont u haf this feeling,
it'll all come back one circle?
it all ends where it starts?
but then maybe, maybe dat aint such a bad thing.
maybe dats how we haf endings.
maybe thats how things eventually resolve themselves.

yes so again i am wasting my life away.
again i am doing stuff i shld not be doin.
again i haf listened to the first 3 songs on my burnt cd like 10 times.
dont cry, if u could only see, diary of jane.
and sadly, i prob will listen to those songs,
maybe another 2 mil times until i finish this post.
a VERY long post.
why?
cos i'm bloody bored.
yes dat IS true.

hm another realisation/revelation thingus:
i am very self-glorifying.
haha. bite me.
i've yet to decide for myself whether its a good or bad thing,
cos i tink its both.
too much of a good thing is a bad thing,
and too much of a bad thing makes you a good thing.
=D
wadeva. point is,
i luv myself.
uh no. ok wait.
point is i am self glorifying. yes.
i hope u get the point.
afterall, desmond rocks! (:

ok i haf re-read blog entries of japan trip,
again yes,
and yet everytime i read it i'm still....inspired.
yes i tink that word fits.
because really the climb was pretty much inspiring.
the whole thing was called beyond borders,
and it truly was dat lah.
call me a sentimental old fool (i am =D),
but i still rmb the whole experience quite clearly.
this yr i missed out on indie-venture,
but i don really feel...anything.
not sad, not happy. jsu, blahy.
i mean, it doesnt affect me.
and from wad i hear notin remotely close to japan happened.
on more ways den jus the climb.
haha.
i tink its says alot when jsu about everyone agrees dat he/she would do mt fuji all over again.
jus the way it was.
sweet.

and looking back,
not jus blogging but other stuff,
like diarys and stuff,
hahahahahaa,
i find it very amusing.
dont we all.
u noe, when u realise how childish and dumb and immature and stupid u sound.
haha. i luv to laugh at myself.
believe it or not.
its very gd for my health.

off subra's blog:
"i started laughing when desmond came, but i must admit, kewl pink hairband."
=D

if i were to die tom,
nah i won die tom.
theres too much i need to do b4 i die to fit in a day.

first, if notin else, i want to say my sorries.
yes i honestly do.
believe it or not, i do wan to apologise to pple.
theres alot of pple i need to apologise to.
jus for me to be at peace with myself.
henry, cheryl, pearlyn, amanda, wilbur, aaron, jonathan, yx, sher, xk, mancher, my sister mel, nick, yijing, aiya the list goes on for abit.
the point is, there is alot of apologising that has to be done.
and honestly, its all me.
i've screwed up too many frenships in my life,
i've made too many mistakes,
done, or not done, too many things.
i've forsaken many things,
i've made many things happen.
dat aint all a good thing after all.
its sad too, to think,
it all has to end somewhere, somehow.

and i dunno. i tink theres too much left i want to accomplish,
for me to die tom.
considerin the stuff i wan to accomplish b4 i die,
i will live forever :D

and again looking back,
at all the animosity and shit,
it really is qutie funny.
sad to say,
these things cannot be changed.
cliched as it is, wads done is done.
the sad part part really is that some people cannot get on with it.
or maybe its jus me.
honestly, i tink i've lost some ability to feel.
nowadays my thoughts have become very...bland.
somehow i don feel as much as i used to.

haha. i like quiz. i like list. i like top 10s.
why? hm lemem tink.
i tink its cos they provide an order of sorts.
they make things associate to each other.
really i haf a fascination with those stuff.
i like things to be structured.
in a weird way probably, but structured nonetheless.
i like top 10s, and anything similar,
its cos i like judging.
i like being in control.
it feels good to noe dat u are in control.
u haf the power to decide.
cos come on,
these kinds of oppotunities don come very often.
u gotta go create them for ureself.

i realise i haf strange...tendencies.
my taste in food is very weird.
i love butter. yes i do.
the other time i went cartel i ate like 4 packets of butter,
cos they ran out of bread. haha.
oil is good =D
and i like condensed milk.
i like milk with condensed milk.
haha.
i like condensed milk with water.
which makes me wonder,
when u dissolve condensed milk in water,
do u get milk?
afterall condensation removes water rite?
so u add water...... uh k wadeva.
point is its nice. condensed milk add hot water stir add ice.
woo.
ok i haf other eating tendencies.
i luv sauces of most kinds.
bbq, tabasco, alot lah.
and basically i can eat most things with sauce.
most edible things anyhow.
veggies, mushrooms and tomatoes and NOT edible foods.
so cool. i luv sauces.

wads with me and randomness aniwae?
my brain is seriously kinda messed up.
at this moment in time, 2.04am on the 5/9/06,
i haf not much idea wad i'm doin.
bloggin? maybe.
yes this is a very pointless and meaningless post.
so u tink.

i'm not being pretentious.
i'm not trying to be cool.
really, i'm not really trying to be anything but honest.
i'm being very myself lah.
i tink, being blatantly honest is hard.
i respect and envy pple hu can do so.
why? because most pple fail (very) badly in that aspect.
we are blatantly cruel,
blatantly blind,
but cant be blatantly honest.
maybe its because we're afraid of being blatantly honest.
and i tink it stems from the fact that we are afraid of others being blatantly honest.
it a mean, vicious cycle.

i love my music.
i really do.
i sometimes wonder wad my life would be without music.
without piano, now without guitar,
and most impt without actual songs.
i tink i'd be in a much much more miserable state.
cos music is something i seek and find comfort in.
i can use it to make this bubble of sorts,
create a world of my own.
and not only that,
sometimes, music can provide answers.
its like those questions about which song best represents u.
if u seriously tink long and hard about it,
i tink its actually a very good gauge of hu u actually are.
of wad u represent,
of wad u want to represent.
music is slowly grdually and steadily becoming my life.
i hardly tink i can live without music these days.
its comforting, more den anything else.

i like to make meaning of things.
hahahahahaa. yes its true.
i cant help but do it,
cos i don like not understandin things.
which possibly and probably contributes to my kaypohness.
WHAT.

some things change. some things dont.
is it possible den, to change the very fundamentals of oneself?
cos these days i'm trying, or at least i tell myself i am,
to change. to be a person i've never been.
for once, to not be a slacker,
and actually worry about my goddam marks.
and i'm worrying alright,
its jus i'm not sure i'm doin enuff about it.
u noe, i believe in letting things happen,
but i also believe that if and where u can do smthn,
do it if u want. and now i want.
ok i don tink dat made sense.
the thing is, i realise there are things inate in me dat cant be changed.
genes or DNA or wadeva.
technically, its not my fault. blame my parents =D
but yes there are things i want to, but really cant change.
like my playfulness. i dunno.
its jus in me, and curb it as i try,
it always comes out at some point or another.
another is my procrastination.
i keep telling myself, theres always a tom.
all talk no action, jus like this will be.
i raelise the only way i can actually get things done is to haf pple push me.
seriously. its like rushing overdue work to hand up rite b4 the tr keys in the results.
when those times come around i can do it.
i need that push, that bit of i dunno, kick?

seriously, my mind is only half-concious now.
i'm talking a whole lot of random stuff.
i aint even tinkin about hus gonna read this,
or how pple will read this,
or this and that or this and that.
i'm not really tinkin much now.
sigh.

i hate this feeling of missing stuff.
of missing people.
its always been a matter of so close, yet so far.
sigh. i hope it can work out somehow.
if nothing else for wad we had.
have?

-.-

some weird stuff:

1. i jus saw a show on cna where apparently this guy is the first, yes yes very FIRST, humour teacher in korea. HUMOUR TEACHER??? this is jus further evidence of korea/japan's penchant for strange things. wads mroe the bulk of his students are ugly fat housewives -.- i mean like its either ure funny or ure not. wtf.

2. this is a very weird and disturbing conversation dat occured between me and navi on msn. i wanted to cry at the end ><
navi: wanna play
me: play wad?
navi: d2
me: now?
me: and ures expansion?
navi: NONONO nest year today
navi: nono contraction
me: ...
me: ...
me: ok i don mind
me: gimme 2 mins or so
navi: COMMAS COMMAS COMMAS
navi: HOURS HOURS HOURS
me: i move back into my room

me: -.-

navi: ._. ._. ._. muahahaha

me: OHMYGOD -_-"""""""
navi: DEVIL DEVIL DEVIL
--
like seriously??? argh.

3. i realise, if theres one thing that these one and 3/4 yrs in ip has taught me, its to shut myself away from pple. seriously. and well i don tink its a terribly bad thing. now at least. i mean hey its a necessary skill when trying to study 2 yrs work in 5 wks. woots. but its not as if anyone will take me seriously aniwae. i mean, me? studying? it jus don go mate. but hell everythings gotta start somewhere i suppose. so like it or not, here i come =D

I CAN FEEEEELELELELELLELEL...

ok so 987 i shaving this ultimate songs to headbang countdown thingy. here's my shit.

10. vertigo - seriously. huh?? how does one remotely headbang to dat song? its the kind more shake-ure-head-side-to-side song rather den a headbang song.

9. the pug jelly or wadeva the new band's name is song. oh yah sore loser or smthn. - again WAD?????? dats jus dumb. gosh.

8. monster - the automatics. uh, rite. okaay. its not a terrible choice, but not a good one either. i'll pass.

7. jerk it out. WAAAAADDDD???!?!?!?!?!? this song is SOOOO not headbang lah. its the kind u groove to -.- wtf 987 shld go flind themselves off their building and let jazzy d run the show.

6. welcome to the jungle - ok cna lah. i mean gnr. altho i don really tink its dat much of headbagin shit. its nto daaat heavy.

5. when the sun goes down. haha it almost made it into my list. so yea i guess its pretty gd. hte rift is sweet shit.

4. faint. o.0. ok lah i guess.

3. are u gonna be my girl - ??!??!?! do they even haf any idea wads head bangin music?

2. teen spirit. ah finally a decent choice.

1. enter sandman. ok FINALLY a GOOD choice.

gah 987 sucks serious balls.




now MY top 10 headbanging songs.

10. trees. haha. really its headbanging quality.

9. diary of jane. the rock versions quite decent.

8. metallica - generally it always works :P

7. somebody told me. the rythym's gd lah. and i mean watch it done on rocksttar and u realise it really is very headbangable.

6. take me out. catchiest rift like ever!!

5. smells like teen spirit. some parts of it yah. esp the chorus. and come on its freakin nirvana.

4. lithium. its nirvana -.- bite me. and actually this song is very headbangy, considerin the chorus is sooo hard.

3. back of your car - ryan star. aahhhhhh. god-like.

2. rebel yell. ONLY the rockstar versions. the original is good but the rockstar ones are wayyyy better. haha. come on i watched the toby one 10 times consecutively can. my neck hurted after dat...

1. and the number one song to head bang to is....................... BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY!!!!!! if this isnt hte most duh thing ever i dunno wad is.

ok so some that didnt go in but will always work include stuff from rammstein, funeral for a friend, bullet for my valentine, panic channel etc etc lah. basically all the heavy metal bands will work, and quite alot of heavy rock will do too.

haha ok so i might be wrong and left out tons of other songs (i'm qutie sure i did) but heh, its all me =D

www.fuckyou.blogspot.com

hahahaha its lmao funny.

ok so after 15 mins of random blog surfing, i haf come to the conclusion that there are tons of blogs out there, but about half of them probably only have one post. like -.-

the wonders of blogger. really -.-

yay i haf discovered a new hobby. its called fill in the blanks. haha.

this blank: www._________.blogspot.com

its so effin funny.

of chimpanzees and donkeys

seriously thats where it's at.
its looks like both, yet its neither one or the other.
a chimdonkey? a donkanzee? wtf?
dats how it all goes down really.
a little bit of this, a little bit of that,
it all adds up to something.
question is, what?
u tell me, i tell u,
it doesnt really matter.
all that matters,
is that someone actually says something,
instead of jus this lovely state of in-between,
this precious state of never-has-been-never-wil-be.
haiz. i confuse myself sometimes.

OHHHHHH SWEEEET CHIIIILD OOOFFFF MIIIIINEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

AH MOTHER FUCKING HELL. ROCKSTAR SUPERNOVA OFFICIALLY REWROTE EVERY POSSIBLE DEFINITION OF A SICK SHOW. OMFG!!!! THIS WEEK WAS SOOOOOOO SICK IT WAS INSANE. LUKAS' ARRANGEMENT OF LITHIUM WAS OFF THE CHARTS, MAGNI'S PERFORMANCE WAS TIGHT, RYAN'S THINGS WERE O_O O_O O_O. I MEAN, STANDING ON TOP OF THE PIANO, THE SLIDE AND PLAY, THE WEIRD CRAWLING THING??? SOOOO SICK. STORM'S WAS GOOD, ESP WITH TOBY'S VOCALS. DEN TOBY REALLY BROUGHT EVERYTHING TO A NEW LEVEL. BRINGIN UP HOT CHICKS ON STAGE, HAVING THE BEST BEST BEST SINGALOONG PART I'VE EVER HEARD, MAN!!! DILANA'S PERFORMANCE WAS KILLING TOO.

AHHHHH. THIS SHOW IS TOOOOO FUCKING SICK. GO AWAY WHILST I BASK IN ROCKSTAR MADNESS.

pekcheking.

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. now i realise theres a HUGE diff btw new and seasonede strings. cos like my previous set at least got quite a few months liao. actually, i tink those strings have been on for like almost a yr. but den i ystd decided to change all of them lah, considerin i bought the new strings also diff size one. gah now i play i wan to cry can...... gaah. stupid g-string grr.

attempt. its but an attempt.

yes. dats all there is to it isnt it?
try, try, and try again.
when u don succeed, try again.
so try i try.
i guess that really has been what its all about.
always trying.
but there lies a paradox of sorts isnt it?
u keep trying,
you never fail, you never succeed.
you jus keep trying.
then, ask ureself,
wad EXACTly are u trying for?
honestly, i'm quite as lost as u are.

yea yea yea so you say it over and over again.
honestly, i tink i'm too nice for my own good.
or rather, somehow i jus cant let it all go even when i want to.
its painful u noe.
much like a fucking vicious cycle,
it all comes back to haunt all of us.
ouch my insides are hurting.

i want, yet i don want.
i know, yet i don know.
its all very confusing.
i haven felt this way since i dunno when lah.
a matter of neither here nor there,
jus someone right in between.
its like, i can never be sure.
its all me, its all me.

gah i'm too confused lah.
happy, but confused.
in a nice sort of way.

in the middle of the night...

yes h yes h yes h

i really really really really really cant wait for the damn eoys to end. cos after i can start spammin my guit like free liddat. haha. and prob daniel's/lester's too, considerin we gotta prac for prom ><><

in the middle of the night...

yes h yes h yes h

i really really really really really cant wait for the damn eoys to end. cos after i can start spammin my guit like free liddat. haha. and prob daniel's/lester's too, considerin we gotta prac for prom >< hahahaha.

ok so so anyhow, i am feeling very strange. cos for ocne in my life i am actually feeling inspired to study. i mean, i actually now want to study. not mug, study.

this is sooooo scary. ><

hump

"in a world without walls or fences, what use do we have for Windows or Gates?"

tink about it.

if u dont dont why dont u say so

YAY. i am very happy. cos i passed my maths test, did my chem test, and now there are no more tests until the eoys!!!! wooo! and oso for some unknown reason i feel inspired to study. like really. freaky man.

AND PLS EVERYONE, I AM NOT TURNING INTO A MUGGER. I AM JUS GENUINELY, AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, KINDA WORRIED ABOUT MY MARKS. I STILL HATE MUGGERS THROUGH AND THROUGH. YAY.

fuck u u bitch, i dont want u back

argh i am gonna start a kill dilana the bitch campaign. serious she is officially shit. rawr. i hate her lah. so bitch. no sense of respect wadsoeva. she shld jus go die.

i am now officially supporting ryan all the wayyyy!!!!! haha with lukas close behind. i haf this freaky notion of goin to prom lukas-y. it'd be damn fun.

and after lit i finally realised the term for wad i am. self-indulgent ><

i need to start worrying really

waha so i went aaron's blog are saw the uber funny quiz thing and hence messed with it myself check out these shit ><:

dessy -- [adjective]: Sexually stunning 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

like O_O

dessy -- [noun]: A person who laughs at anything (even this entry) 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

hm quite true actually :P

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

muhahaha spielberg ^^

What crazy thing will be your demise?

A ticket to see Carrot Top live in Vegas

... (why?)

Because you sold your soul to satan to get possesion of it

'What crazy thing will be your demise?' at QuizGalaxy.com

uh, okaay. carrot top??

You are 66% Emo You are pretty Emo. You like the music, styles and way of life but it doesn’t really control your life. There is more to you than just another cute Emo face. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

woooo.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

story of my life really...

Death through drugs/alcohol You are going to die drowning after drinking too much/doing too many drugs. Dying like all of the greatest rockers – because you live like one. You like to party and experiment with perception. Rock on hippie. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

lols.

You fit in with: Humanism Your ideals mostly resemble that of a Humanist. Although you do not have a lot of faith, you are devoted to making this world better, in the short time that you have to live. Humanists do not generally believe in an afterlife, and therefore, are committed to making the world a better place for themselves and future generations. 0% scientific. 60% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

check it out 0% scientific!!!!!!

uhhh, ok. wad the fuck.

burn it down

i realise, i am a person who doesnt like loose ends. in fact, i hate them. i absolutely loath leaving things hanging. which is why when people say smthn or i hear smthn, i always want to at least come to some conclusion about it. and i hate it when people give the look, hte "hehe i know smthn that u don haha" look. ok so i do that also >< i mean, when people asy smthn den never really explain wad they mean or wad, its jus weird for me, cos i don like to guess. either i know, or i don. in betweens suck. but hey, my lifes an in between. hooray.

hm i shall go on a bloggin hiatus. like maybe 2 days or smthn. smile bitch

or am i part of the disease

if you're lost you can look and you will find me...

ok i am very bored, haf a lit essay and assignment to do, a chem prac report, maths, and wadeva shit else there is. point is, i don wanna do nuts. so i shall do smthn else! wee. (ok i don tink i'm makign sense. wadeva. when did i ever make sense aniwae?) ok so what shall i do? i shall do a 'quiz'!! yay!! woohoo!! and i figured it shall be a music related quiz haha.

The one song that...

makes you want to puke everytime its played: stars are blind. like woohoo.
makes u tink of killing someone: you're beautiful. no contest here.
inspires you: hotel california (live). up till now it still is sooo damn good.
is complete nonsense: lemon tree. like wtf? i turn around, upside down? dats now even right...
makes you want to jump for joy: the victorian anthem after some occasion. :D
best represents you: hmmm. half my life creep half my life scars.
gives you goosebumps everytime u hear it: bohemian rhapsody (live at freddy mecury tribute concert) jus listen to the friggin crowd.
makes you laugh: i want to ride my bicycle. hahahahaha.
keeps you awake no matter what: curses. or bohemian rhapsody. so much for one song eh?
best describes ure best friend: hmmm. scars? :P haha actually no i tink everytime is more apt. maybe.
least describes you: hahaha. um, you're beautiful? haha kidding. i'm not gay. i dunno really. if you could only see o.0


the ________ bunch of lyrics ever:
dumbest: "don wanna be an american idiot" must i elaborate?
lamest: "i want to hold ure handdddddd..." sorry but it is jus very lame.
most meaningless: "Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango." uh like ok wadeva. its still a fantastic song nonetheless.
most meaningful:

ok lets do plurals.

5 sweet songs:
nothing compares to you - the lyrics are nice.
truly madly deeply - aiya i've loved this song since like i was 10 or smthn...
blind - haha i jus luv this song too much. its not even thaaat sweet i tink. but hey hu cares?
save tonight - i especially like the rockapella version. so nice x)
i don wanna miss a thing - how can u not love this song??

5 songs that makes u wan to dance:
crazy little thing called love. how could u not??
take me out. like duuuuh.
the middle. the chorus is very danceble.
i like to move it - :D
i want you - savage garden - =)))))) hehe.

5 songs that are SERIOUSLY overplayed at some point in time:
the reason. 100% winner. i swear i use to hear it every hour or less.
hips don lie. grrr.
danicalifornia. -.- i cant stand the song really.
makedamnsure - anf for good reason :D
these walls. gah.

the song(s) for the ______:
nerds: the geeks get the girl :D
rockers(?): aiya so many lah.
depressed: pieces, i miss you, mistaken, hate me, november rain, and so so many much more
happy: jump by the faders haha.
losers: haha got so many lah.
punk wannabes: sk8er b0i. or however its written.
sensitive person in you: losing my religion by ryan star. wooooots.

gah i'm too tired to tink. hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

pangs

yes i have strange urges.

i realise, i am a very impulsive person. i eat impulsively, i shop impulsively, or rather i buy impulsively, i talk impulsive, i act impulsively, i basically lead life very impulsively. is this a good or bad thing? i dunno. sometimes its good, sometimes its bad, but many a time its just somewhere in between. thats it then. my life is in like eternal limbo. wee.

and i get cramps too wtf.

say yes, say no. jus dont say maybe.

我现在发现，感情不是找到的，而是培养的。

its quite true isnt it?
and it not necessarily love or wadeva.
even jus friendship.
its jus i realise, i guess everything it all takes some time.
thing is, do you have that time to give?
or are u willing to wait?
patience afterall, is a virtue.
obviously, absolutes are a dangerous thing.
can one deal in absolutes?
is able able to do so?
u noe, forever isnt that long.
but den again, maybe it is.

u ask me if its worth it.
till now, i still dont know.
as i burn another page...

lemon trees suck

gah i haf jus remembered lemons suck xP. ok actually when i eat made to come anywhere remotely close to a lemon my face is more like X( muhaha. lemons are painful u noe. afterall, its acidic. ><

so when life gives u lemons? smile (:

and noe smthn. to give someone the finger and to finger someone is VERY different. jus so we all are clear.

cleaning out my closet

or rather, the skeletons in my closet that doesnt exist.

aye i have jus cleared all my neoprints from my wallet. they shall now move to somewhere in my hse safe. why? i oso dunno. feel like it. today i'm in the mood to change the world.

bite me.

um, yea. so i do. so wad?

fuck. i am so screwed... haiz.
i haf loads of work to do.
sip, lit, maths, chem, wad not,
and most importantly, STUDYING.
yet wad do i end up doin?
i play nba live. like -.-
i am so seriously screwed like really.

yep i tink i'm mentally pretty fucked up.
now as i am,
i'm getting tired of school.
i'm tired or work.
i'm tired of playing games.
i'm tired of the air-con.
as of now i am also quite tired of the damn fan.
honestly,
i need something, anything.
for me to hold on to,
for me to get me through.

honestly? i dont haf very much.
and sometimes,
i guess what i haf jus doesnt cut it.
it jus isnt enough.
i love my music,
but if i cant translate even a minute percentage of that into my work,
its pointless.
i mean, i'm now listening to a playlist if ballads.
i don really understand why.
i'm doing things i never did,
yet i dunno if i works.
rather, i dunno if it can work.
maybe, maybe its jus too late.

i find it very ironic and thus saddenning,
that it always seems as if one can never apply the advice one gives others to oneself.
if i could, i wouldnt be the way i am today.
would i?
or maybe i was meant to be this way.
god's little game of reality.

pawn, bishop, knights, even king?
forget it. titles don matter,
cos after all, ure all jus little stupid chess pieces.

many many more days in time...

if people are loving you to bits,
what then is the fair and/or right thing to do?
do you allow yourself the possibility to be hurt?
or do you prevent ureself from feeling the pain all over again?
den again, is there a real need to choose?
you know the answer,
its all about having the will to follow through.

someday you will know

ouch i jus sat on my belt. ok today was is a very good day. haha. yay. today i went to the library intendin to study, and actually i did manage to study abit. like probability and stats. which is actually very little. however, it was a very productive because i learnt many things. =) hahahaha. den aniwae i pang sehed visa ('s band) instead to go arcade and take neos. not that i regret it because i haf at last found the best neopriint machine ever!!! muhahahaha. wtf was spammin like free liddat... bwah. but i am very sad because like 2 games of ddr i could haf easily gotten a 100% combo, budden screw it up like free liddat lah GAH. rule of ddr: never look at the other's person screen. bah. and crabs are nice ^^

i'm so happy, cos today i found my frens...
yeah yeah... yeah yeah yeah....
yeah yeah... yeah yeah yeah...

i fell into a burning ring of fire...

...and i came out feeling all so strange. \\
YAY. today is a good day. today the floorball guys won!!! haha yea yea i am happy. the girls got second due to some super underhand tactics and fucked up officailling, but hey wad can we do. i quote: "cheating gets it faster" - get it faster, jimmy eat world. haha how true. anyway the guys match was quite exciting, and when i was playing somehow i felt things were right. i tink i really pushed myself very hard, and liek fight for the ball lah. and actually it did get rather physical and some points but hey dats where all the fun is rite? haha. and yah lah today i tink i was quite on form, didnt lose the ball that much dribbling. and my tackling today was qutie gd, so i'm happy!! haha.

anyway many yays to everyone that took part in invigorate, and also to the pple hu organised it. YAY. wootso.

my little black book

yes my little black book.
know wad? i love my little black book.
its my little black book,
where i store fragments of my life,
why i write all knds of rubbish,
and in between some sense.
my little black book,
it is rather precious.
indeed, there are secrets in there,
things most people do not know,
but hey? who cares rite?
my life is boring and lame and pointless,
and most of all, no one really gives a fuck.
but guess wad? i don give a fuck either!!
(:
so my little black book,
its my little escape from reality.
its my saviour from the evil clutches of doom,
otherwise known as bio or evil chi talks.
haha, my little black book talks.
i wonder, if i ever lost my little black book,
would i cry?
honestly, i dont tink so.
in terms of pure content alone,
my little pink book was substantially more...important.
there was more in that little pink book.
but why do i even bother?
its quite simple really.
i want to remember.
simple as that.
haha.
i'm quite the reminiscer u noe...
i need a means of actually storing my memories,
cos my brain certainly fails on that aspect.
its something of a diary,
if less organised,
and theres more stuff inside.
like bio and ss notes and song lyrics which suck.
HAH.

oh and btw, anyone wants to get me a new little black book? my current one is gonna die soon.

on the verge of madness and i'm still lost

i was helpless as u turned around to leave

have u ever felt that way?
so helpless, knowing there ure very best,
it never was enough.
have u sometimes wondered if its worth it?
u want something so bad,
but try as u might,
it is just always that little bit more.
stretch u say. but its still always jus out of ure grasp.
its quite ironic, when its not the loss that really hurts.
what sucks the most, its the almosts.
i almost made it,
it almost could have been.
have u ever had thoughts like these?
i'm sure u have. everyone does.
so lets all make out and die.
wadeva.

how come.

lol this is a very interestin quiz i'm rippin of someone's blog.


1. Put your music player on shuffle. 2. Press forward for each question. 3. Use the song title as the answer to the question. (me: o.0 okaaaay)

How am I feeling today? nerdy - busted. (O_O and ima gonna stud y bio later wtf)

Will I get far in life? stan - eminem (?)

How do my friends see me? everybody's fool - evanescence (aiyo. lidaat ah...)

Where will I get married? whiney whiney? ok i go next song. spin - lifehouse (uh, right)

What is my best friend's theme song? kiss and make up - funeral for a freind (how apt)

What is the story of my life? geek in the pink (O_O O_O O_O wow. my ipod is like alive or smthn)

What is/was high school like? you gang. uh k next. sucker train blues - velvet revolver (hmmmm)

How can I get ahead in life? taking over me - evanesence (wtf)

What is the best thing about me? californiacation - rhcp (uh, okaay. lets try the next one? whatever - oasis. omg i seriously tink my ipod is alive or smthn)

What is today going to be like? screenwriting an apology - hawthorne heights (uh, i doubt it :D)

aha so thats it. >< i wonder how it'd be like if i actually used my library. i'd be getting MUCH werider stuff. beh.

What is in store for this weekend?

What song describes my parent(s)?

To describe my grandparents?

How is my life going?

How does the world see me?

Will I have a happy life?

What do my friends really think of me?

Do people secretly lust after me?

How can I make myself happy?

What should I do with my life?

i'm too sexy for our love

woots seriously i am toooo good for nba live man. chek this shit out.

game 1 i (me in the gamr) shot a shitty 0.185%. its soo crappy its sad. like 4/25 or smthn. now check out game 2:















now THATS too good. haha. i mean wtf 13 steals?? mike james is wayyy noob. 12 of those steals were on him. and its like inbounds dribble to half court steal fast break lay up. 12 times!!! it did get borin after awhile >< and my shootin % inscreased like amillion fold. from 0.185 - p.889!! woohoo.

now check this out for a l33t backcourt :P
















seriously we're too good... muhahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha.

nb. honestly our stats aint very gd. i'm 79 he's 77. so its not that i made myself super imba. the imba one is henry lah. 92 -.-