so -_-""

everytime i tink of smthn,
its almost as if smthn inside of me,
is telling me to give it up.
why??

i mean, there are so many things i want,
so many things i wish i could have,
but time and time again,
i dunno if the world is out to screw me over,
or its jus me letting myself down.
don u ever get that feeling?
u jus feel that no matter wad u do,
its not gonna matter,
its not gonna work.
den why even bother to try?

i wonder if being happy and being sad,
i wonder if its but a choice.
u know, maybe we can decide how we feel.
i hate it.

i hate it,
how lifes a everchanging,
everlasting,
circular argument.
the answer to every question,
is the question itself,
which questions the answer.
why do we even bother?
its like some sick game we like to play on ourselves.
challenge ourselves to see how far we can go,
before we all turn fucking insane.
are we superior, condescending,
anything at all?
i wonder.
theres so many things i do,
i'm not even sure why.
is there even a why?
i'm assuming there is.
why?
the irony of irony is that it is ironic.
maybe its jus how we work.
have our brains evolved to be this way?
is it the fault of post-modernism?
is it the fault of our forefathers?
whos to say?
i mean, we all seek meaning,
we all want to understand,
maybe its jus a never ending struggle,
and never ending chase,
but one we partake in anyway.
maybe, maybe, maybe.
maybe nothing.

stupid ho

sigh. i'm very sad. inspiration pang seh me again and again and again.

nowadays, i jus don feel like i can write anything anymore. everytime i get an idea, when i put it down on paper it turns out so cheesy and crappy. i mean, i can tink of like one liners and shit, or a very nice scene, but somehow i jus cant string them together. even melodies i'm writing like bits and pieces only. damn sad.

sigh.

BOMBING BABY

wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i'm high xDDDD

haha. ok ok . i tink being up so late and palying damn funny dota is bad for hte brain. wtf. hahahahahaha. bzzz. i haf abit less den an hr to burn before the match starts, i'm hungry, my brain is currently not functioning, i'm talking to pple i haven talked to in ages, zombie has been on repeat for the past 2-3 hrs, WHAT THE FUCK.

what the fuck.

bohemian rap city!!!!!

something's scary.

sometimes, i feel pple are too eager to place labels on things. or jus too liberal with their generalisations. like this and that is so emo, or this and that is so stupid, etc. cos i mean, do we actually take the time to actually analyse the various situations/objects, before placing such labels on them? cos if we don, den the labels are, jus to general.

i'm not saying i understand everything i see, or that i have a greater understanding than others, but its jus that i've seen too many instances of pple, jus, i guess freely associating things when there is little reason too. i mean, it then becomes such that the labels are the one that matter, nto the actual thing itself.

i'm not making sense am i -.-

at the end of the something

bleh i missed the tao nan outing. and now dat i tink about i tink i shldnt haf. cos its like we're all 16 goin on 17, and like its a really good time to meet up once more to jus see how everyone's doin, before steppin into jc life. and i'm tinkin, this hols is the best time to meet up with old frens. the timing is jus so, right. sigh. so now i'm tinkin i wan to meet old frens all over again. maybe one day i'll go find yijing joel they all, maybe the tuition pple, vs pple even, jus old mates.

is it one more hello, or one last goodbye?

down in a hole

i'm standing across the road.
the other side, its so far away.
over on this side,
its so calm, so peaceful.
leaves rustle in the wind,
birds are chirping,
as i run my hair through my hair,
shivers run down my spine.
den i glance across the road.
there are pple everywhere,
the hustle and bustle of daily life,
right before my eyes.
the markets full of pple,
the playground packed with kids.
its so damn noisy,
everyones so alive.
shivers run down my spine.
is it the loneliness,
or the silence,
that scares me?
i wonder.
i wan to cross the road,
but cars keep rushing past.
everytime i take that tentative step,
theres the deafening roar of a cars horn,
forcing me to leap backwards.
its frustrating.
the other side,
its so tempting,
i want it so bad.
or do i?
wads wrong with this side aniwae?
its so perfect, bliss.
theres nothing wrong is there.
there is something wrong.
somethings missing.
everything is.
cos, theres no one here on my side.

down in a hole

i'm standing across the road.
the other side, its so far away.
over on this side,
its so calm, so peaceful.
leaves rustle in the wind,
birds are chirping,
as i run my hair through my hair,
shivers run down my spine.
den i glance across the road.
there are pple everywhere,
the hustle and bustle of daily life,
right before my eyes.
the markets full of pple,
the playground packed with kids.
its so damn noisy,
everyones so alive.
shivers run down my spine.
is it the loneliness,
or the silence,
that scares me?
i wonder.
i wan to cross the road,
but cars keep rushing past.
everytime i take that tentative step,
theres the deafening roar of a cars horn,
forcing me to leap backwards.
its frustrating.
the other side,
its so tempting,
i want it so bad.
or do i?
wads wrong with this side aniwae?
its so perfect, bliss.
theres nothing wrong is there.
there is something wrong.
somethings missing.
everything is.
cos, theres no one here on my side.

-____________-"""

thank you yonglin char and victoria :D

du di du di

lol yuxuan posted and i shall rip a quiz. lalala. i got notin to do sia -.-

1) How old do you wish you were? 18
2) Where were you when 911 happened? at home i tink
3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money? pout. and put in another dollar -.-
4) Do you count yourself kind? depends
5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? arm.
6) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? french/jap
7) Do you know your neighbours? abit.
8) What do you consider a vacation?alot of guitar, alot of sleep, alot of food, alot of sun and rain, very little of everything else.
9) Do you follow your horoscope? horrorscope maybe. horoscope no.
10) Would you move for the person you loved? i guess?
11) Are you touchy feeling? am i touchy feeling? uhhh, wtf is touchy feeling?
12) Dream job? dunno. psychiatrist, psychologist, alot of stuff i guess.
13) Favorite channel(s)? mtv, axn, espnstar, starworld when rockstar is on.
14) Favorite place to go on weekends? my head.
15) Showers or Baths? both.
16) Do you paint your nails? do i, no. haf i, yes.
17) Do you trust people easily? -.-
18) What are your phobias? they are everchanging.
19) Do you want kids? maybe.
20) Do you keep a handwritten journal? yah
21) Where would you rather be right now? dunno. playing ball, back at camp, maybe.
22) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy? myself.
23) Heavy or light sleeper? heavy.
24) Are you paranoid? yah.
25) Are you impatient? yah.
26) Who can you relate to? myself, diff pple in diff situations.
27) What's your favorite pick-up line? "yo babe are u free to join me in bed tonite?" i've never uttered a pick up line in my life.
28) What's your main ringtone on your mobile? vibration.
29) What were you doing at midnight last night? sleeping. or was i dotaing. cant rmb.
30) What did the last text on your cellphone say? not gonna say. smthn about telling and crying.
31) Whose bed did you sleep in last night? ure mothers -.- mine.
32) What color shirt are you wearing? none.
33) Name three things you have on you at all times? hair, ego, distrust.
34) What color are your bed sheets? blue, with some weird patterns.
35) How much cash do you have on you right now? none.
36) What is your favorite part of the chicken? the intestines, kidneys, livers, etc.
37) What's your favorite town/city? dunno. i'm not well travelled.
38) I can't wait till..? i die.
39) What did you have for dinner last night? uh, zi cha.
40) Do you own a gun? yah. i bought one 3 days ago for a dollar.
41) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? beer. or horlicks. or coffee.
42) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? in my head.
43) Last thing you ate? uhh, raisin bread.
44) What songs do you sing in the shower? alot.
45) Last thing that made you laugh? www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmXrqiSpgaY&eurl=
46) Worst injury you've ever had? i dunno. sprained wrist?
47) What's your favorite candy? dunno. lollipop?
48) What song do you want played at your funeral? november rain.
49) Ten random people to do this? ...
50) Say 'Goodbye' to yourself? yes. goodbye.

if nothing's missing, den everything's missing

ok so now that my head has kinda of cleared itself up, and my eyes arnt crossing each other everytime i look at something, i tink my thoughts are now straight. lalala. ok so i'm still slightly high, but ok nvm wtf.

ok omg now i jus realised i tink i left my small pink book there. AHHH! die die die.

but its ok, cos i tink its more den jus the things written down. looking back at the camp, i think the one thing dat struck me most, was that while everything is there, its how u use those things dat matter. its like the activity where we are giving objects and must use them as smthn else. and it got me tinkin about the whole emo thing again, where i still mantain its only good is u know how to use it. i found that even more true with the sun performance, cos like if u know how to utilise it to connect with an audience, or jus to create a particular atmosphere for something, den its a good thing. but if its jus to dwell on things and brood and shit, den i guess wads the point? it doesnt serve any useful purpose...

hahahahaha. the camp also made me laugh alot. i tink there are alot of amusing pple in hk. its so funny xD its so damn funny lah hahaha. i could never imagine sch being dat...weird, yet fun. sch's so -.-

and i guess the other thing that i've learned from this camp is the need to not be so concerned over one's image. after all, if someone thinks of u one way. its hard to change it. so no point being paiseh and stuff. is it the same as courage? i dunno. and considerin we are doin drama, this think-skinned mentality would appear to be a prerequisite, but i don tink it is. huh.

i tink group identity is a very important part of any person. cos while the individual is so subjective and open-ended, the group isnt. when one is in a group, there are particular expectations, and hence it is alot more fixed. being in a group, one must be willing to give up certain aspects of the self, to be able to fully appreciate the joy of being in a group. because it really is a very nice thing. it allows u to let go of personal frustrations, indulge in stuff u'd never do on ure own. its shiok. its the shared identity that pple seek. and i guess its true for all groups. cultures, religions, classes etc. pple don wan to feel alone. they don wan to be me against hte world. so they make it us against the world. isnt that jus so appealing?

why don we jus understand? maybe its cos we jus cant.

living the washing machine life

so i'm back, now,
from some camp.
hahahahahaha.
my brain is now being funny.
i'm caught between high and moody.

i am so fucking suay... -.-

its hard to tell the difference sometimes.
left or right, right or wrong, yellow or orange.
i tink today the performance thing,
was damn nice.
at one point i was really really on the verge of tears.
music fucks with u bad i swear.
SO BAD.
playin 3 mins worth of emo music is enough to make someone cry.
playing as in actually playin, not listening.
so sad right.

its really all about the qi fen. the atmosphere.
theres a really great impact of it on anything.
its like, if everyone is feeling sad,
if they are willing to indulge in it,
i tink it makes the performance better,
as the emotion of sadness in the performers is greatly emphasised.
its so complicating life is.
whos to understanding whats miSsIng?

ok so the lack of sleep is fucking with my brain. my eyes are out of focus as i type, theres a ringing sound in my ear, my brain hand coordination is fucked, i'm fucked. ok i go play dota cya haf a nice day bye bye xoxoxo

quantaeom theorry and its manny benefitts

wad do u do when u don wan to tok but wan to be heard?

wad do u do when u don wan to think but wan to understand?

aneoprinting

is there anything worse than thinking about thinking? i think not.

oh well.

neoprints are wonderful for preserving things long gone. u noe. its like our cheapskate way of making up for our poor memories. they say it changes when the sun goes down!!!!!!!! i haf this fleeting suspicion i'm already fucking insane. but it doesnt change the fact that neoprints rock. its a social activity dont u see?

ok whatever starlight is invading my fuckin head again.

when nobody understands anyone anymore

haha oh well, cant say i didnt see this coming.

my heart hurts. like theres this painful throb to it. and i thot i was like goin to die yesterday, when at one point there was this feeling of everything crushing my head. really. i guess at some point in time everyone's gotta feel like dying, just abit. theres this bitter taste in my mouth, after taste possibly. like wtf. ok i'm making shit sense.

its so funny, yet i think its so true. many pple cant take intensity. it scare the shit out of many pple i tink. it scares me quite abit. haven met many of such pple before, but the few that i haf they are scary, yet strangely fascinating, possibly even attractive. theres this smthn happening.

there are things to look at, and then there are things to have. i tink the distinction is very important. cos when they become the same thing, dats very saddening. the value of it is greatly reduced. u know...

fucking pissed off. this is so stupid, pointless, disastorous, horrible, fucked up, irritating and painful. wad morons.

OMFG

http://youtube.com/watch?v=lqbt6X4ZgEI

OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD

this is jus wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy insane. its the craziest and best shit ever.

cos of her united states of whatever

quiz time, cos i'm so bored its gay.

1. First Name? desmond

2. Were you named after anyone? no -.-

3. Do you wish on stars? sometimes.

4. When did you last cry? considerin its 12.51, meaning its sat, 6 days ago.

5. Do you like your handwriting? fuck no.

6. What is your favorite lunchmeat? wtf is lunchmeat? and meat is meat.

7. What is your birth date? 6/2

8. Mountains or Beach? mountains.

9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? depeding on who the other person i am is. chances are, no.

10. Do you have a journal? a diary? yah.

11. Do you use sarcasm a lot? -.-

12. Do you have a nickname? dessy o.0

13. Would you bungee jump? yes. if i could afford it dat is.

14. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? generally not. depends on the shoes/how the laces at tied.

15. Do you think that you are strong? Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? no, no, no.

16. What is your favourite ice cream flavour? rum and raisin.

17. Shoe Size? 10.5

18, What is your least favorite thing about yourself? if it had to be one thing, its gotta be my brain.

19. Who do you miss most? someone.

20. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? no.

21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? pants, blue. shoes, colourless.

22. What are you listening to right now? my guitar. in terms of music zombie. alot alot alot of it.

23. Last thing you ate? raisin bread with nutella

24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? pink, but nowadays black.

25. What is the weather? the weather is "the state of the atmosphere with respect to wind, temperature, cloudiness, moisture, pressure, etc."

27. Last person you talked to on the phone? aaron.

28. Something you notice about the opposite gender? erm, that they are female? wad kind of qn is this o.0

29. Do you like the person who sent this to you? -

30. Favorite Drink? anything alcohol is fine.

31. What is your favorite sport? soccer.

32. Hair Color? black, sadly.

33. Eye Color? black

34. Do you wear contacts? no

35. Favorite Food? stupid qn.

36. Last Movie You Watched? uhhh, i watched national security on axn the other day. in cinemas it'll haf to be........cant rmb. oh yea. deathnote.

37. Favorite Day of the Year? none. christmas maybe.

38. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? happy. but den again, they arnt even comparable subjects. scary movies can haf happy endings no?

39. Summer or winter? winter. most definitely

40. Hugs or Kisses? i'll tell u when i've had both.

41. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? not sure.

42. Who Is Most Likely To Respond?

43. Who Is Least Likely To Respond?

44. Living Arrangements? bad.

45. What book are you reading? notin at the moment

46. What is on Your Mouse Pad? the mouse? -.- but no. at the moment i ahf no idea where my mousepad fuckin is, consideirn i don use one, so no idea.

47. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? last night, meaning fri night, um, alot of stuff. i watched like 3 hrs straight. stupid mtv shows.

48. Favorite Sounds? silence.

49. What is the furthest you've been from home? japan o.0

50. What do you admire about yourself? wads there to admire?

i still maintain, that everything i say, everything i mean.

when everything's made to be broken, i just want u to know who i am...

haha. i love iris >.>

wee. my life has gone from meaningless to pointless to down right sad. hahahahaha. now i've fforgotten wad i was tinkin about. oh yes. last nite while i was lying in bed, i had a particular thought. every nite when we sleep, does anyone actually consciously tink that u are killing ureself? or rather at least setting ureself up for death? becos isnt it true? when we sleep we are at our most vulnerable, as we have no conscious knowledge of anything that is happenin to us. every nite we sleep, it could be the last thing that we ever do. isnt that just scary??

i realise alot of things are very scary.

like how one is never able to match up to his or her own potential. to know that it is possible, but to never attain that target. thats scary, stupid, and really irritatin. gah.

ok so i figured my blog is sorely lacking in colour and pics, and hence i shall like put up pics and shit. yay :D

hmmmm. wad to put up. lemme see.














now THATS how to sleep. wtf.















thats another cool way to sleep.














yea. the guy at the back looks uber extra hahahaha.















no comment.













wahahaha. dats a g chord o.0

ok wtf. yea wtf. i shall leave my thinkin for later.

weep

if we all only knew hahahahahahahaha.

i hate it. i know it

i miss having someone to talk to.

u know whats my problem? i tink too much. i make meaning when there is none, and that is never a bad thing. why? now thats another problem. i let myself tink too much. i don distract myself enough. i've got noting to do, cos i don wan to do anything. i'm in shit, but instead if trying to get out, i let myself sink further and further. will i hit a point where i can never ever get out? i don noe yet. i wonder if i'm pushin myself in that direction.

i always believe in my judgement. on my true honest judgement. i don thing that i believe i must, no matter what. and hell i'm willing to face up to the consequences. and i guess pple don really understand, that whilst i have tendencies to lie, to tell half-truths, to wadeva, at the end of the day, i haf certain fundamentals i stand by. and i guess thats prob why i'm so fucked up. i stick to my beliefs to much. warped beliefs, i shld say. but somehow, i cant imagine myself anyway else. i guess not many pple understand.

hahahahahaha.

its so funny. i'm a fence sitter in about every way. i want things, yet i don want them. i mean what i say, yet i don mean what i say. its all like a game. a sick, demented game. yet a game so intriuging, so tempting, its hard to resist. and i cant.

would things have been any better? can things be any better?

over the years, i've been told by many pple that i should change myself. for the better. make myself more likable. more sociable. but do i? of course not. as fucked up as i am, i like me just as i am. i dont want to change jus because its the best thing for me to do. i'm not trying to sound like some punk rebel or anything, even if i may seem to, but i mean thats just how it is. its about believing in ureself isnt it. trusting that ultimately, it is my life, and if i'm to screw up my life, at least i can blame me and only me. theres no such thing as "for the better". better is bullshit. better is compromising ure character, smthn i believe no one shld ever do. we are all individuals, we shld act like individuals, not all submit to some authoritarians ideology and become mindless fucking robots.

i like seeing happy pple. i'm happy for them. for having found smthn to be happy about. yet at the same time i feel sorry for them, cos i know that that happiness will soon run out, that it will eventually end, and then, and then they will fall harder than me. and i feel sorry for them. really.

a photograph is a truly fascinating object. it is one hell of a double edge sword. becos on one hand its a reminder of the good times in the past, and on the other hand its a reminder that the good times of the past are gone. to put it simply. and yet we always wan to take photos. so we're setting ourselves up for this agony no? why?? photos are also very interesting, as they have the ability to do smthn nothing else can, that is, stopping time. time is contantly moving, contantly chaging, and constantly running out. photos are the only way we can, in a sense, stop time. it is of course jus a play on the human mind, but a good one, and a necessary one, nonetheless.

and there i go again, locking up another memory, locking up another poison, locking up yet another knife.

the ultra-manipulistic view of human nature

i'm at crossroads again. come to think of it, i always am.

i know, i know, that i am mroe than one person. there are a few mes. i tink everyone has a few thems. the happy them, the sad them, the fuck u them, the fucked up them, everyone has all these thems. what makes pple uniquely different from each other is the predominance of one particular self over the others. much like how 0.1% HCl is diff from 1% HCl is diff from 10% HCl. u noe wad i mean. these different facets of ourselves all coexist side by side, hand in hand, but i don tink they ever overlap. but for me i'm not sure i haf a predominant side. its like, i flit between 2 particular selves very very often, effortlessly. the happy, oh-the-world-rocks-theres-nothing-to-be-sad-about self, to the fuck-the-damn-world-its-full-of-shit self. and its not like one day i'm one and another day i'm another, altho dat is often the case. however, its become quite a common thing for me to switch between these 2 selves in the space of minutes.

i tink it has to do with the environment. the things aorund us. they give these selves reason to exist. ok i need to name these selves things. ok i shall call them......part-selves. yes. well, i tink part-selves are created by our constant interaction with environment. humans are social creatures, i agree, and hence the need for part-selves. to allow us to adapt from one situation to another. i tink its important we realise this about ourselves. that we are not jus one character through and through. well actually we are, as our character is determined by our composition of part-selves. it makes us who we are. and i guess certain environments favour particular part-selves as opposed to others. much like how a deserted island would favour a person with a more predominant survival,savage part-selve than one with a more high class part-selve.

and this brings me to another view point. on human interactions and instances they dont exist. accordin to science, so i hear, happiness is the result of the fine balance of hormones and what not. whilst i cannot dispute this, since my grasp of science is so pathetic its laughable, i offer an alternative view. i believe that happiness is only possible, and hence should be viewed as the state of human nature, that exist when one is distracted. by distracted i mean instances when the individual is unable to question himself, unable to run doubts through his head. these instances include when one is socially interacting, such as hanging out with frens, or when one is involved in adrenaline related activities. this is because the individual is thus unable to "think" in the sense, where he is but just acting, jus doing things. this, is happiness.

i take a very pessimistic view of human nature. i believe that the natural state of human nature is one of sadness, loneliness, of despair, and ultimately of depression. when we are alone, when we are allowed to think, when we use our capability to reflect, that is when we see, understand, and feel sadness. i would in fact go as far as saying that humans suffer because of their abillity to think, their abillity to reason. because of our naturally pessimistic ways, when we reason, we can only ever reason things to be negative. things cannot be good, cannot be happy, cannot be right. EVERYTHING IS WRONG.

i tink the greatest achievement one can attain in life, is to estabilish a means not to counter, but to adapt this naturaly pessimistic human nature in such a way it works. we cannot try to be happy all the time, yet we must not allow ourselves to be sad all the time. we must find a way to turn some of our sadness to happiness, yet we must retain some pessimistic ways, to remind us of reality.

this is why i wan to be a psychologist. i feel that it is the one profession that allows for this. because u are able to take other pple's pesismistic thoughts and feelings, and manipulate it in such a way to make the person feel, or at least believe he feels, happier. in a sense, it is stopping a thinking individual from thinking. albeit temporary, but smthn is better den nothing. becuase in this case, nothing condemns the individual to eternal suffering. and as a psychologist, one prob is able to obtain a certain amount of pleasure out of helping others, yet one can delve deeper and deeper into the human mind. isnt that just fascinating?

and whats more? it makes one powerful. and i tink thats what we crave for more than anything else. power.

of course, everything could be absolute rubbish, we could just be living in a virtual hyperreality, and to top things all off, the world may not even exist. now dig that, sucker.

search:

i'm in love.

trust me.

a subra of a post

ok so i figured after readin subra's post i shld also look at my most played list. itunes they haf the top 25 played thing, and its actually quite cool.

pause.

1. headspin - rise electric, 133. no surprise.
2. headpin (rockstar supernova) - lukas rossi, 100. erm, yea. nice number :D
3. runaway train - soul asylum, 76. aha. i love this song. too much i tink. its very depressing.
4. rebel yell (live acoustic) - billy idol, 75. zomg the crazy song. bahhhhhh.
5. work - jimmy eat world, 71. haha. this song was top of the list for a very long time. wee.
6. blind - lifehouse, 70. this is there prob cos of my lifehoues phase, where i was listening to blind and spin on replay or smthn.
7. spin - lifehouse, 66. see above.
8. nothing compares 2 u - stereophonics, 63. if u haven heard this song, u deserve to DIE. but den this song i figured if i listened to it more den 10 times in a row i might actually really cry, so yea.
9. memory (acoustic) - sugarcult, 58. hahahahaha. another phase, where i basically listened to this song non-stop.
10. hate me - blue october, 56. definitely the hate me phase. nothing else to it. i hardly listen to this song anymore.
11. pieces - sum 41, 54. actually this song is very old. i was listenin to it alot last yr i tink, when it was a whole lot more, apt.
12. rebell yell (rockstar supernova) - toby rand, 54. hahahaha. i rmb this one. it was one wed night where basically i was up till 3am head banging to this song \m/
13. history - funeral for a friend, 53. the history/curses phase. and prob also another emo phase. its passed.
14. trees (rockstar inxs) - marty casey, 53. :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) weeeeeeee.
15. iris - goo goo dolls, 52. haha. this was way back. nowadays i'm jus playin iris on guitar ALOT. which i guess is reasonable considerin we're playin it for prom lol.
16. sweet child - guns n roses, 51. another phase. the zomg gnr phase. wayyyy past.
17. curses - bullet for my valentine, 50. see history/13.
18. dont cry - gnr, 49. see 16.
19. diary of jane - breaking benjamin, 48. i don listen to it dat much nowadays, when i do i listen to all bb songs.
20. zombie (acoustic) - the cranberries, 48. its jus the damn song. i can listen to it a million times and still love it.

altho i tink this list isnt accurate. cos nowadays i'm not listenin to itunes dat much. sadly nowadays i'm playin wc/dota more. which is very pathetic. altho if i used my ipod as a true reflection, i tink there'll only be like 5 songs or smthn. recently, when i leave the house i tend to listen to nothing but zombie, memory, iris, iris live, zombie acoustic, warmness on the soul, yea. dats about it. damn. my grammer is teh suxxorz.

estranged

i look back, and i realise,
hey, it all feels like a dream.
and maybe, maybe it is.
afterall, my life has always been about dreams.
dreams, nightmares, fantasies, premonitions,
everything.
the sad part is, i can never rmb them dreams.
its like they keep eluding me.
i can remember them in the weirdest times,
like when i'm bathing or shit,
but i can never rmb them when i wan to.
dats fucked up.
do u have any idea how sad it is to move on?
or rather, not to move on.
i'm constantly paralysed in my past,
trapped in photographs,
in letters, in diaries,
stuck.

its funny even, the way things change.
i guess they have to.
things all have a way of coming back to haunt you.
escape death, and it follows ure every step.
run away, and ure but running back towards the edge.
the degeneration of conversation,
its really very sad.
worse still that i till now, dont know why.
it all jus, happened.
and jus like that,
everything fell apart.
just. like. that.

maybe. my life's all about maybes.
maybe this maybe that,
maybe maybe maybe.
fuck maybe.
i wish it'll all just stop.
den again, its jus me.
i keep on screwing myself up,
i keep on letting myself and others down.
the worse part is,
i know it.
i know it'll happen,
i know i'm out to fail,
yet i do it nonetheless.
i'm setting myself up for failure,
i'm setting others up for disappointment and hurt.
why???

my life is a conflicting mess.
i want to be alone,
but i dont want to be left alone.
i want to know the truth,
but i cant stand hearing the truth.
i wan to succeed,
yet i'm more than happy to fail.
i wan to do so many things,
yet i only wan to eat and sleep.
i wan to be liked,
i wan to be hated.
i wan to fall apart,
yet i wish pple would hold me together.
u noe, i tink i deceive myself too much.
i'm deluding myself.
i'm blinded by my very eyes.

i like secrets.
i like living a lie.
i like hiding things.
i like running away.
i like deception.
i like discontinuity.
i like mysteries.

the truth hurts.
even if no one but yourself knows it.
in fact, it hurts even more.
it burns from the inside,
wanting to tear its way out into the open.
the effort just to restrain it,
it takes so much out of a person.
if u only knew,
i'm scared, you're scared,
we're all shitting in our pants.
yet no one says a word.
we're all too perfect.
theres so much we could bring to each other,
but no, no chance.
we're all too certain who we are is who we will be.
theres no changing that.

its been a long wait now,
and hopefully, its about to end.
or not.
maybe sometime from now,
the truth will be told once and for all.
maybe we wont be so afraid anymore.
maybe we'd have grown up,
moved on, overcome our mental inertia,
to allow things to happen jus as they do.
maybe it will somehow all work out.
u see, more maybes.
i sound like a baby.

i wonder what it'd be like if we only knew,
if we only gave that one more chance,
if we could only see,
how its really not like it seems to you and me.
theres so much to be had,
its crazy, but somehow,
its not.

its not over u noe.
it'll still go on.
its hard to change things so definite,
so certain.
i mean, the record speaks for itself.
you, are just like that.
its like, every keeps saying,
next time, next time.
i wonder how many more next times u'll have,
until u finally run out of time.
den everything comes crashing down over your head,
and u'll find,
that you're better off on ure own.
u need it. trust me.

all this nothingness is killing me.
i need to do something, anything.
well nto anything anything,
but something anything.
i need to preoccupy my mind,
to keep it from, i dunno,
murdering itself.
goin round and round in circles,
tracing line after line after line that dont exist,
u noe wad i mean.

nowadays,
i feel like i'm running out of things to say.
that, or i'm jus running out of energy to even say anything.
its pointless.
i laugh silently,
i smirk,
i roll my eyes,
i smile,
i tear,
i clench my fists,
but i keep silent.
its worth the torture i tink.

It seems no one can help me now,
I'm in too deep,
There's no way out,
This time I have really led myself astray...

mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooody

i'm so moody.
sigh.
i hate it how i'm so controlled by my moods,
as opposed to being in control of my moods.
or at least maintainin some form of order even with mood swings.
its one of the many things in life i have yet to master.

sometimes, i feel like i'm half of a person.
its like, i'm only being half of hu i really am.
its liek at certain times, in certain contexts,
i am a certain person.
and it all changes.
and i tink dats quite scary.
cos den i'm no one.

do u feel scared?
are u afraid?
will u fucking die for him?
is this the be all and end all?
i think these are questions we should constantly be asking ourselves.

nope my brain isnt working. i'm now mentally stoned, even if i'm physically still holdin up. fuck it. i'm off to sleep.

tears in heaven

wads better den walking alone, along a long straight path, at 3pm in the afternoon, with rain pouring down, listening to iris?

its doing the exact same thing, only at 12mn.

yes.

whilst i havent actually done that, i noe it'll jus be soooooo great.

u noe, my life feels like an unfilmed film.

there are so many filmy moments.

ha.

ha.

KI OR GP?!?!?!?!?

fuck i cant decide which to take. i'm scared that if i take ki i wont put in the work, which will really suck. it'll screw me up bad. but den again, i want to take ki, cos the subject interests me. its alot more interestin den gp imo. which brings me to gp. the thing about gp is that i guess its the safer option. but do i want a safer option? what if it becomes another sian subject, which would den result in me not putting in work, which will still screw my grades. i really dunno. am i willing to put in the effort? i mean, i say i am. i tell myself that if it interests me i'll put in effort. thing is, am i sure? no. of course not. now wad? and there is the elitist issue. all my life i've always been in these positions. tao nan gep, vsgep (especially), ip, and if i take ki, now ki. but i mean it won be an unfamiliar feeling. but thing is, would taking gp make me more 'normal'? would it mean i'm one with the rest? would taking ki make me elitist? and does ki really make me anymore elitist? i mean, i'm entering jc which the vip written all over me. isnt dat elitist enough? and most importantly, does all these elitist talk really matter? and also what about the ki students themselves. i'm guessing 1/3-1/2 of the ki pple will be from vip, which is good and bad, cos if i'm unlikely and get stuck with pple i dislike, gg to me man. its jus so gonna blow. and i don wan dat happening. and dang was saying how its possible to drop ki to gp, but i;m tinkin if its a risk i want to take. if i wan to do law, is it safer to take gp? will i necessarily score better in gp den ki? ARGH. damn they shld never have invented this ki thing. bleh. decision decision decision.

fuck you and fuck you too

i am pissed. fuck sia. my dad's a fucking big piece of shit. this is ridicufuckinlous. it really is. the hols are over, and since now he cant say fuck about me needin to study, now he goes on and on abotu how i'm obesessed and addicted to the fucking comp and guitar. i mean fuck that. its stupid. he somehow cannot accept the fact that i actually like and enjoy certain stuff. its sad. very sad. actually i'm not sure i'm pissed or anything. i'm jus...i dunno how to describe it. its like a cold kind of anger. or smthn like that. frozen fire. u noe. its damn fucked up lah. its like he is jus constantly trying to deprive me of anything i enjoy. use comp not happy, play guitar not happy, sleep late not happy, sleep early not happy, wake up late not happy, wake up early not happy, notin to do stone oso not happy. he is really jus damn screwed up. his whole life is about packing stuff and arranging stuff and packing and arranging mroe stuff. its lame lah. theres only so much u can pack and arrange. it comes to a point where theres nothing left to arrange.

sigh. i cant wait for army man. i really cant wait. ironically, its gonna be 2 yrs of freedom. 2 yrs of not having to care about being fucked up by ure own parents. i don care how much i suffer during army, knowing that i will. its better, considerin its worth it, wheras this? fuck this. it aint worth nothin but a whole bucket of pig shit.

i bother. u see, i do.
maybe that's why...

of better or better more

damn. i live for days like this man. wooo. i love the rain. lalalalala. if i were god, everyday would rain like a bitch. its jus so...comfortable. the natural aircon, the feeling of rain splashing onto ure face, winds blowing thru ure hair. in these kinds of weathers, i hate being at home. i totally hate it. i want to be out there, drowning in the rain, getting soaked right thru. i tink its somewhat therapeutic. zz therapeutic is a word i've been usin too often. but seriously. these kinds of weathers are best for sitting at the beach or in some open field. ok not sitting maybe lying down, jus relaxing, not having to think about anything. its so beautiful. and wads more everyone would be at home or in some sheltered place, so u literally have the whole world to ureself!! isnt dat jus wonderful? sigh. why am i at home. bloggin -.-

its time for us to say goodbye

i realised smthn today. i like briyani. its like soooo nice. haha. and i also like awards shows. i tink its cos u realise that as human as those pple are (esp athletes), they sometimes really arnt human. they mean so much more. its like how a team can represent a whole state. and also many a times, athletes inspire us. and i find it quite a joy to watch. take the steelers for example. they really are the true inspirational story. the came out of nowhere, had a bunch of rookies, somehow managed the best defence in the country, had a quarterback with the longest surname ever (O_O), and they win the superbowl. i mean wad can i say. i wish i were in those positions. to be part of something amazing. of course its wishful tinkin. it'll never happen. haha but i still tink about it. and its aa very attractive proposition. its like watching those great great soccer goals. it takes your breath away.

flattened with boredom

i'm a sucker for depressing music.
i dunno why, but its the most comforting type of music for me.
even more so den headbanging rock.
somehow.

i'm so in love with runaway train. i mean, the lyrics are depressingly wonderful.

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blow torch burnin
I was a key that could use a little turnin

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Chorus
Runaway train never goin back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

And Everything seems cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

CHORUS

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little outta touch, little insane
Just easier than dealin with the pain

CHORUS

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
I runaway but it always seems the same

it jus doesnt get better then that, depressing songs.
and i'm not sure i understand my obsession with depressing music.
i'm not a depressed person,
i don tink i'm depressing,
so its queer.

i wish i could drown in your meaningless...

in a dearth

what is perfect?

its a really very interesting idea, that of perfection. i mean, its all relative isnt it? because of u take perfection to the the balance of say right and wrong, good and evil, then everythings perfect. if equilibrium is perfect, then everything is perfect. because everyone/thing is but a balance of many different things. so everyones perfect. i mean, reaaaally how do consider smthn perfect? jus because smthn is the best doesnt mean its perfect. so then wad can we define as perfect? smthn flawless? surely not.

i don noe. tell me somebody.

ok now i want an elec very very very badly. and a gd amp and possibly an effects pedal. shhh. don tell anyone. (!)

it really is the end the end

hm ok so i noe there are gonna be a mad flury of posts, about 2 yrs in ip and how its all over and shit. and i mean face it it is true. the 2 yrs is almost over. i tink prom will be the last time we'll be together as an ip batch, and i hope its a memorable one.

its been an eventful year end. and its slightly ironic how it all ends i tink. the so called pioneers of ip are technically leaving now, considerin we are gone (from ip), koh's gone, mrs chan's oso gone. and it kinds sucks.

i'm so looking forward to jc now. because as much fun as ip has been, it has also been painful in quite a few ways. and i guess a change of environment (sort of) will do me some good. its not like all the fucked up stuff will go away, but there will be new different ones. challeneges, as i see it.

i tink i might construct smthn for my own eoy. just to i dunno. ah but i do.

closure. i'm a person that requires closure. thats jus how it is.

i'm in love with the ordinary

i am contented.
i think thats the most accurate way to describe myself right now.
i'm not terribly happy with what i have,
i'm not terribly depressed over what i have,
and hence i am jus contented.

dont u just wish we could all live secret lives?
do things no one else would ever know?
i want to live a secret live.
it'll be liberating, yet at the same time thrilling,
much like spiderman.
dangerous, but funky.
and snogging in the rain upside down is a plus.
i want to live aa secret live.
i want to be able to know that i am safe,
safe form the probing eyes and ears of society,
free from lust love and glory.

its funny, how you strut around,
acting as if you knew what was goin on.
acting like you were so capable,
yet at the same time putting on that facade.
the emo kid, directionless in life,
never succeeding, always jus getting through.
its painful to watch,
and even more painful,
when you know that deep down inside,
there are things you are afraid to say.
afraid to tell others,
afraid what it might say of you.
and because of that,
i detest you.

i've learnt that once of the most impt things in life,
is to learn to live life as it is.
to deal with things thrown at you,
with courage, yet fear.
with determination, yet hesitation.
it is in this paradoxical aprroach,
this ambiguious lie,
that will see us through,
the depths of space and time.

caught in the middle of nowhere

i tink, that the music, is getting to my head.

some songs i seriously need to start listening less to:
runaway train - soul asylum
rebell yell (live acoutic) - billy idol (that sob)
memory (acoustic or not) - sugarcult
stay (acoustic) - cueshe' (the original rock version sucks compared to the acoustic one)
nothing compares 2 u - stereophonics
bed of roses (acoustic or not) - bon jovi
layla (acoustic) - eric clapton
nothing else matters (all versions) - metallica
warmness on the soul - avenged sevenfold

yes. for a variety of reasons, from the sheer uberness of the song to the sheer depressing nature of the song, i tink i should seriously get away from my music. its gonna cause me my sanity some day. i shld start listenin to like westlife and lindsay lohan and j-pop and shit. nah dat'll equally fuck with my brain, if not more so. if i'm gonna go crazy, i might as well do it the fun way =D

too sure, too many, too funny

zz. mrs chan is like leaving, and that sucks. cos she is ma really good principal. i cant stand the idea of the hci guy comin. its like >.> no more half days and all kinds of funny stuff. it'll really suck. man. i tink the moe is conspiring against us, cos our sch is too fun, so since mrs chan has to leave, they conveniently move the hci principal over. wtf.

and aniwae, yesterday on the mrt home i saw smthn very strange. there were this 3 pple, 2 guys 1 girl. one of the girls was quite pretty, the other girl wasnt, the guy was ugly. and in terms of dressing oso, cos the chio girl dressed quite nicely, with funky converses and all, the 2nd girl dressed ok, but wore slippers, the guy was like in a ugly blue plain t-shirt tge kind 60-yr old men at the market wear, shorts, and shoes with high socks. like O_O it was seriously weird to think the 3 of them were together in the same group. the 2 girls i would understand, but the guy? and aniwae wad was weird was that all the time in the mrt i was trying to somehow figure out what was the relationship btw the 3. cos at first when they got on at city hall the 2 girls sat down, the guy was standing. and den like the chio girl wasnt talking much, the other girl was tokin to the guy here and there, the guy was talking to the girl yet a few times he like sort of turned to the chio girl to like ask her if she was ok, cos she was like stoning and stuff. i mean of course i couldnt hear nuts cos i had my ipod on with memory playing or smthn. den after a few stops some person left so the guy sat down. so it was like |chio girl|not chio girl|guy|door|. den the 3 of them were like not toking. den a few times the guy would like lean over to the chio girl, but she daoed him a few times toked to him once.

i dunno. maybe its best i didnt noe. its best i dont know. beauty is afterall but a lie.

and i figured, if theres one song i must hear/sing before i die, it must be the victorian anthem. i rmb when we all sang it on fri, esp after hearing mrs chan was leaving, i could feel everyone singing. not jus hear, but actually feel. and it was a really different experience, cause i was having goosebumps, and yet i could feel something flowing inside and through me. it was scary even. its like some invisible bond was forged among everyone in the hall, just for those moments. and i mean, its special. and if i could die like that, i wouldnt mind at all.

i heard it through the walls...

fantasies of the demented soul

i tink i'm going crazy.
or i tink i mite be goin crazy.
or maybe i'm already fucking mental.

another lonely memory
i'm walking along this empty street,
all by myself, always all by myself.
the street is lit, but
just.
every step i take,
i can hear the soles of my feet,
crunching against the gravel beneath.
i look up, watch as the clouds drift past,
watch as the naked sky slowly disappear.
a cat crouches along the sidewalk,
its eyes watch me,
my eyes watch her,
motionless.
all around, i can feel
the world slowly dying.
and i know, in time,
i shall move as the world does.
closer and closer,
to...

sigh. theres so many things i want to do. but i'm jus soooo lazy. its like, i want to do smthn, but in the end i end up at the stupid comp, doin shit and wasting my life away. wonderful.

and i want to learn to smile.

drinking soya bean

this may never start,
we can fall apart,

i'm in that kind of mood again.
sigh.
i don even noe why.
and i tink thats the worst part about it.
i mean, normally if theres a good reason,
then its somewhat legitimate.
but its not.
which is why it sucks so much.
i'm jus being pissed with the small things.
pple saying this instead of this,
pple smiling a certain way,
pple being kaypoh about things i don give a fuck about.
its, stupid.

i need perspective.
i desperately need to see things differently.
i need a change of environment.
i need to do different stuff.
instead of wasting my life away at home in front of the com or tv.
i need to pick up a new hobby.
i need to excercise.
i need help.
my brain needs serious work.
i need new experiences.
i want to try new things.

in short, i need a life. badly.

i'll be your memory...

i need perspective.

i tink its a cool line.

aniwae, WHY DOESNT ANYONE SEE THAT MAKING OUT IN A GRAVEYARD IS COOL HOT DANGEROUS SPOOKY AND OUTRIGHT ROMANTIC?????

omg pple u are all demented in the head. seriously. no i'm not crazy. i know dat it'll be hot. wahahaha. all u sad souls who never make out in a graveyard before you die, i pity you. u don even get to make out it ure final place of rest... sigh.

from a cold steel rail

jus now on the way home i saw smthn dat really affected me. when i was walking into the condo the side gate there, there were these 2 small kids. kindergarden small. one guy one girl. den the grandma came and took the girl into the condo, she waved byebye to the boy, i walked past him into the condo, and the gate closed. and almost immediately smthn hit me. or many things hit me. not literally but mentally. first of all, the scene reminded me of when i was younger. innoncener. smaller. balder. point is, it reminded me of kong hwa. the times i had in kong hwa. and i realise, i've yet to find smthn that feels as good as p1-3 did. now that i tink about it, those were good times. and i guess theres really no chance of a similar experience. why? because i grew up. because every grew up. everyone changed. which den brings me to the 2nd thing dat hit me. it struck me dat it is only when we were all so young that u could be good friends with a girl and no one would say anything. its like in kindergarden everyone's sexless. i rmb even in p1 no one wanted to hold hands with a member of the opposite sex. i tink its quite sad, how pple degenerate like we do. and the 3rd thing that really struck me is that i realised why i disliked kids so much. yes all along i've hated kids, but now i got a good reason to, other den dat they are irritatin. it is because i'm jealous. i'm jealous of them fuckers. i'm jealous of their innocence, their ability to do things without having to consider the consequences. and i hate them so much because they remind me of everything i once had, everything that is now gone, and everything that i can never have again.

kids. i hate u. hurry and grow up and suffer like the rest of us.

because i care

another quiz. x hrs b4 my physics paper.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 10 people to play this game too.

done with my ipod:

How are you feeling today?
everytime we touch- cascada
O_O wtf??

Will you get far in life?
fade to black - disturbed (metallica cover)
oh no. so my lifes gonna like fade into nothingness. not that i didnt noe dat...

How do your friends see you?
take me out (acoustic) - franz ferdinand
so either pple all wanna hang out with me or they all wanna kill me. i'd say the latter.

Will you get married?
swing life away(acoustic) - rise against
um? so what i fuck up my life, married or not. great?

What is your best friend's theme song?
jump - the faders
HAHAHAHAHA.

How is your life like?
demolition lovers - mcr
oh fucking god no. this is so true in so many ways...

What was high school like?
one - metallica
depressingly wonderful?

How can you get ahead in life?
nothing else matters (acoustic) -metallica
ouch.

What is the best thing about your friends?
your own disaster - taking back sunday
ok dats like bad no? the best thing about my friends are dat they are my own disaster. woohoo.

What is in store for this weekend?
waiting - firelight.
LMAO. how fucking true. like omg results next wk.

What song describes you?
1000 words (piano) - eguchi matsueda
hahaha. yea yea. it takes a 1000 words to descrive me. wee.

To describe your grandparents?
dont cry - gnr
>.> dats bad. the song has connotations of death.

How is your life going?
dont look back in anger - oasis
lmao how true. esp considerin its the end of ip, and ip was a pretty angry time for me =D

What song will they play at your funeral?
stupify - disturbed.
fucking hell. i dont wanna die liddat :(

How does the world see you?
naive - the kooks
owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....... true, but the truth always hurts.

Will you have a happy life?
everything burns - ben moody ft anastacia.
apparently, not.

What do your friends really think of you?
yellow - coldplay.
munjen? wad can i say... -.- but its still a rather depressing song, u noe the whole idea of everthing being monochromish. i dunno. wad does dat say about me o.0

How can I make myself happy?
revolution deathsquad - dragonforce
okaaaaay. so i can make myself happy by goin around killing everyone and taking over the world. smthn liddat.

What should you do with your life?
whats this life for (acoustic) - creed.
i shld ask and ask and ask wad the fuck i'm doin. this is not good.

Will you ever have children?
kiss and make up - funeral for a friend.
um, i suppose? wad divorce and marry again??

What/who do you miss most currently?
a moment like this - kelly clarkson
most definitely not. i will NOT miss studying for physics. although its a very fitting answer/song. cliche and all.

well accordin to this quiz my life does and will in the future positively suck. wonderful.
and actually i shld try this with my itunes. u noe wad i will. :D

quiz, using my itunes.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 10 people to play this game too.

How are you feeling today?
outta control (remix) - 50 cent ft. mobb depp
ok one O_O at mere presence of this song. 2 its actually quite true.

Will you get far in life?
priase you - fat boy slim.
so yes?

How do your friends see you?
are you alone - fireflight
yea i am.

Will you get married?
no sensitivity- jimmy eat world
um, i suppose not den. ok this is not sounding very good.

What is your best friend's theme song?
confession - theory of a deadman
um, i dunno. i don even noe wad the song sound like. ok so i've heard it its jus a rock rock song. not sure about lyrics.

How is your life like?
charlene - the suns.
O_O x 1000000000000000000000000

What was high school like?
we were kids - infinities end
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. we fucking were.

How can you get ahead in life?
melodies of life - ffix
this sounds very philosophical. wtf. i can hear the piano in my head already...

What is the best thing about your friends?
breakdown - breaking benjamin
wad best thing? ok 2 in 2 the best thing about my friends aint remotely a good thing. wtf.

What is in store for this weekend?
home - three days grace.
yay. haha. yes yes i shall be home rotting my ass away in front of the tv.

What song describes you?
mr brightside (rockstar supernova) - toby rand
yes, and no. the depressing sides of it i suppose, but the whole drag things, the girl thing, nah.

To describe your grandparents?
you keep me hangin on - the supremes
strangely, i tink its true. i like my grandparents very much.

How is your life going?
eyes wide open - goo goo dolls
how true. or at least i'm trying to live this way.

What song will they play at your funeral?
magic stick - 50 cent ft lil kim
WTF. NO NO NO I WILL NOT HAF HIP HOP PLAYING AT MY FUNERAL. MOST DEFINITELY NOT!!

How does the world see you?
awake - dashboard confessional.
yet another depressing song. yay me.

Will you have a happy life?
always - bon jovi
ALWAYS BABY =D but its a sad song :(

What do your friends really think of you?
if you leave me now - chicago
HAH. yea right.

How can I make myself happy?
faithfully - jouney
uhhhhh, huh?? i'm like suppose to have kids on the road... wtf.

What should you do with your life?
extra ordinary - better than ezra.
uh, right. i don even noe wad the song is like.

Will you ever have children?
big balls - acdc
=D

What/who do you miss most currently?
everlasting love - jamie cullum
the irony, the irony...

so happy jus to be me

i am so thankful i have peranakan blood. i am sooooo greatful and my grandparents are peranakans. cos or else i'd be missing out on some of the best food i know. i tink in singapore, peranakan food should and probab;y does rank as one of the better kinds of food. i really love peranakan food. haha. its like a feast every single time. i love it.

and best of all, the food is actually really nice ^^

whats left is right

thats how it always seems to me.
my life somehow is always on the extremes.
both extremes.
i dont have a normal life.
i wont have a normal life.
why? cos i cant make myself live a normal life.
its too...normal.
i'd much rather live it my way,
fuck it all up and in the end still say i live it my way,
den to jus live it the normal way.
its too lame.

and its also very funny.
how i'm living in self-denial,
yet being realistic at the same time.
its conflicting, yet its endearing.

do i like my life?
i cant say i do, i cant say i dont.
theres some parts of my life that are really wonderful.
theres some parts, lets just say they suck.
but dats the whole point aint it?
the balance of good and bad.

how i wish blitzball were a real sport.
its like the coolest sport ever.
and i'd own at it.

part of me died...

i haf found anythin i find weird. ok dat was a weird sentence. ok dats not my point is. my point is, i tink its quite queer how pple blog for pple. u noe. ok now here this may look like i'm bloggin for pple, but its diff. i used to. nowadays i don tink i do as much. but i dunno i jus read smthn about how someone "self-censors" becos of others readin his/her blog. i find dat quite weird, dumb and pointless. i mean, its like come on its ure blog. wadeva u write shld not be restricted by others. ok so maybe pple tink differently from me. ok pple DO tink differently from me. no maybe.

point is, especially if teachers read our blogs, the more we shld feel compelled to say exactly wad we want. so teachers if ure readin this: fuck u for making my life so terrible .|.

haha. haha. haha. i'm a serious bastard lah. so ego -.- and i cant help it mah. i blog for myself. its slightly compulsive. sometimes it helps me, sometimes its fucks me up, sometime it does notin. sometimes its jus a means of fillin in the little gaps in my life. hahahahahahaha.

we need to understand. u noe.

gah. its like, i'm gonna fail bio. no its not its like. i noe i'm goin to fail bio. i knew since wad, febuary 2005. woohoo.

i need to see other things.
i need perspective.
i want to know what its like out there.
i want to grasp more than i know i can.

bane of my life

fucking bio. fucking bio is fucking irritatin. geesh. i am now gonna attempt to remotely understand 2 yrs worth of asubject i haf yet to spend a full lesson payign attention to. really. bio is a fucking stupid subject. i mean, sorry to all the pple hu like/are good at the subject, its stupid. there is little pratical application lah wa lau. i mean, why the fuck do i want to noe wad mitosis and maeiosis is? its not like when i'm fuckin some chich next time and in the back of my mind i'll be like "oh my god my chromosomes are goin to fucking split and shit and blah blah blah". its dumb. and i cant stand the fact that if ms toh had actually followed thru on wad she said, i wouldnt even be writing this fucking post right now. wa lau. want to drop bio she said she'll 'speak to farah" and here i am on the verge, ok not on the verge but in the process of flunking bio. and of course this will have such a fucking positive effect on my already terrifically fabulous average. like oh my god i am so fucking happy. seriously i feel like jus burning all my bio notes, go and study chem and macbeth, and when i get 10/100 for the exam i can say i accidentally put my bio stuff into the toaster. or my dog ate it. or it grew wings and flew away. wadeva.

i tell u, my bio paper is gonna be one hell of a sight. for all the qns which i dunno how to do, which will of course be alot, i plan to write rubbish. like serious cocked up shit. jsu to kaobei them. hu cares if james koh or whoever comes and make noise at me. freedom of speech man.

three fucking lions my fucking ass

fuck it. mclaren is a fucking moron. and i am damn pissed.

seriously. i realise, mclaren is as pathetically fucked up as sven was. droppin beckham is the only decently smart thing he has done. seriously. he is a lousy tactician. there must be a reason he was only assistant manager at man u and manager at, -.-, middlesbrough. and he's jus like eriksson. he aint got the balls to drop players. lampard shldnt be playing, cos he's playing shit now. carrick shld haf been gone by half time, considerin he wasnt fucking doin nuts other den passin the ball 5 metres to the defenders. gerrard was pretty much shit and leaving the flank open, and he too shld haf been gone. wright-phillips shld fucking haf been on the whole time, jus based on wad he did in the fuckin 20 mins he was given. and downing was the best friggin midfielder on hte pitch tonite and of course he gets taken off. take of gerrard/lampard? in ure fucking dreams. the way its goin, singapore could fucking beat england. i'm serious.

i hope the fucking fa fucking sacks mclaren like next wk. argh. if they even gonna haf a chance to win anything, they need a much smarter, more capable manager hu has balls. they need a fucking foreigner.

scolaaaaariiiiiiiiiiii.................

O_O

this is possibly the weirdest conversation i've EVER had.

char. says:
i dreamt of my perfect guy last night, you know
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
O_O
wad was he like o.0
char. says:
hot
sweet
funny
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
no duh -.-
char. says:
smart
geeky
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
haha
char. says:
take scott
plus seth cohen
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
OOOHHHHHH SETH COHEN
!!!
char. says:
and a bit of goofyness
sigh
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
u haf good taste
char. says:
do you have cheap trick?
yes, thanks, i know
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
ure dream guy sounds like my dream guy :P
char. says:
eww no!
go away
MINE, okay?
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
oh and u noe cheap trick was featured in john tucker
char. says:
back off, bitch!
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
hahaha
we share
char. says:
yes i know
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
:D
char. says:
NO
fuck you! go away!
he's MINEEEEEEEEEEEEE
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
the scott guy was like singin i want u to want me it was hilarious
char. says:
yes
i know
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
i'll stab u den go fuck himn
char. says:
obliged to sing, right?
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
^^
char. says:
haha
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
hahahaha
char. says:
oh god
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
i was singin along to time after time
char. says:
now you're gay?!
and you're out to fuck MY boy?
strange is a guy droolin over a hot guy and a girl droolin over a hot lesbian kiss. WTF says:
if he is dat hot i don mind
this convo is soooooo goin on my blog
like now
char. says:
for the record, FUCK YOU, DESMOND!!

--

dat is one hell of a fucked up convo. but for the record, i'm not gay. not now at least. really.

wrong way on a one way track

gah. i need a ipod with more space. preferably a ipod video. bleh. my current 4 sad gbs means dat my ipod can contain a max of 800+ songs. this of course means that about 90+% of the songs are rock songs in some form or another. WTF. even when i shuffle my songs in the ipod i also almost always skip all the pop sings, which means i'm listenin to rock and more rock. anythin from acoustic to classic to alt to emo. gosh.

i need perspective. shivers

i'm so bored i can cry

haiz. i dunno why but suddenly playing the guitar alone feels weird. its like, somethings jus not rite. i tink char has put too many ideas into my head. grrr. why cant the a levels like end nexy wk or smthn........ blehhhhh.

lonely, i am so lonely. haha. mwadeva man.

i am pekchek

seriously i am pissed. after the exams i am gonna start on some serious running bleh. today play soccer wa lu run 10 mins tired liao, abit the fucked up lah. gah. and i'm also quite sad teh way i played today. it felt like i was a step behind everything. so screwed. on a brigther note, i scored a pretty nice goal :D haha. at least the shot was sweet.

zz badly deprived of movies little me went to watch john tucker today, and the scott guy aka the other tucker is fuckin hot. like omg. and the girl is also pretty chio, with the exception of her four pack which i found highly disturbin. seriously. girls should NOTNOTNOTNOTNOTNOT haf anythin more than one nice pack aka a nice flat stomach. anythin more is jus plain wrong.

haha. the scott guy is hot. if i were gay i'd go after him for sure. but den again, i'm not gay =D

dont panic

do you tink anyone cares?
do u tink anything u say matters?
no one really listens to anything u say.
no one trust u.
no one is gonna bother to understand u.
no one will bother to decipher wad u mean.

seriously, snap out of it.
everyone's moving on around u.
why must it be u hus stuck in the trenches of ure history?

and i have come to realise this: i cant not care.
laugh. ok now dat ure done laughing, its true.
sadly, its not smthn i like or want.
but regardless, nothing changes the fact that i am affected.

ure a joke.
pple are laughing at you.
everyone's so far away.

i'm sick. like disturbed sick. mentally whacked.
or maybe. i'm obsessed.
no. i'm deprived.
yes dats prob it.

she's drilling holes in my head.
she's making me squirm in my dreams.
she's holding on to my breath.
she's haunts my every waking moment.
is she all that i have?

when the good bad and ugly all become the same damn thing

i am slightly surprised it took me this long to realise this, but now i've realised, when ure feeling like shit, the worst thing u could do, is to try to be happy. really. i mean, lets face it. whatever u do, when ure feeling like shit, ure feeling like shit. nothing u do is gonna change that. and trying to be happy, that makes it worse init? i mean, u try and try, yet u won succeed. dat sucks. and whilst tinkin about good times will help, too much of it will also make u feel even worse. or so i believe. i tink the best way is to jus drown in the frustration and anger and depression and everything. yea really. like go listen to depressing music, watch depressing tv, do depressing things, talk depressingly, do everything with that little bit more edge. i tink thats the way to get over it the best. its like rubbing salt into a wound. it'll hurt like fuck, but it'll get better faster. i've done it before, it sorta worked. den again, i tink its best not to trust me.

i'm not sad. i really aint.
even if i may look it, i'm not.
i'm jus...not happy.
theres nothing much to be happy about.
i'm jus trying my best not to feel much.
maybe its better of this way.
to have nothing,
den to haf something den throw it away.

lala. i don even noe why i do things sometimes.
ok not sometimes.
most times.

the quest to fail maths

yay i shall kop a quiz thing.

The rules:
Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italicise the statements that you WISH are true.
Leave the fibs alone.

I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe that honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse.
I have changed mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe , free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have long hair. (gor a guy)
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I'm currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past. (?)
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I somehow enjoyed this thingy!!!
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake's slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.

what does all these mean? it means that i'm gonna fucking fail the maths paper tom. yay me

ahhhhhh

http://youtube.com/watch?v=aXPeEmKqeJQ&mode=related&search=

crouch is god. wad the fuck. i mean seriously. hes a friggin beanpole. ball comes in, he tries a bicycle. he could scuff it, laugh and walk away. he could totally miss the ball, make a fool of himself, laugh at walk away. he could misjudge and let it hit his head, make a TOTAL fool of himself, laugh and walk away. wad does he do?? he hits it like a bitch. bam straight into the corner. i tink the keeper didnt move cos he was too stunned by the fact crouch actually attempts a bicycle, prob tinkin it was gonna fly away somewhere. hah. wads more it was a technically perfect shot. 100% perfect contact. damn. a bullet if i ever saw one. reminds me of andy "i'm gonna do a bicycle whenever i can
cole. woo.

and i keep tellin everyone crouch is fuckin good and no one fucking believes me. well NOW do u believe me?

a completely pointless meaningless and neccessary post

tamper tampering tampered.

i like eating eggs. even with the cholestral and shit. and i thoroughly enjoy scrambled eggs with bbq sauce. its nice. jus as i like condensed mlik dissolved in hot water or cold milk. i'd rather cold milk. i generally like seafood. i like meat alot also. altho prob beef more than anythin else. ok i'm done with my 4 eggs. i shall go make my cup noodles.

ok i am back. and i haf forgotten wad i was tinkin about. well anyway now i'm tinkin about wad it means to be selfish of generous. which is worse really? tink about it. being generous makes u friends, being selfish can save ure life. which brings me to the question of which is worse? being too generous or too selfish?

i like making list. they give me some sort of comfort. some kind of control i rarely have. they give me smthn to do, smthn to place meaning in when theres nothing left.

oh yes i rmb now. i was tinkin about books. specifically war books. reacently i've been drawn to war books, and i find them very interestin and relevant. i tink wars are cool. i wan to fight a fucking war. the whole concept of warring is rather ironic. u spend months, years of your life preparing and training and preparing and training, and when it really comes down to it, its jus a matter of seconds. enemy? shoot. finish. end of fucking story. and at least from the books i've read, it seems like war brings out a different side of everyone. those fighting, those at home, those orchestrating the war. maybe its cos of the simple fact that wars are so...rare. unlike crime or natural disasters or anything else, war is just so infrequent. so much so that its a new experience for about everyone entrenched in it. which den of course means that no one really noes how to react. everyones new, everyones equal. everyone's on the brink of death. everyones that much closer to the end.

i've had very strange conversations with pple b4. from topics like respecting penises and vaginas to jus random meaningless bullshit. strange nonetheless. its funny.

u noe, somewhere, there is both a kid and an adult inside all of us. and i tink pple shouldnt try so hard to suppress any of those characters. it makes u one-dimensional. wheres the fun in that?? i mean, there are times we shld all jus act like kids. jus forget everything, embrace innocence once more. i don tink pple do this enough. its really quite sad. den again, there are times we shld, well, jus be mroe grown up. it sounds quite stupid and ompossible, but i tink its true. its like someone with the mental maturity of a 5 yr old in the body of a 16 yr old who sounds like an alien from mars. u know.

and another thing. the bus stop opp sch is actually a very good place for stoning. or well if u'd rather do it a place for reflection, a locale for embracing the past and anticipating the future. i don even noe wad the fuck i'm saying. point is, its a good place for stoning. why? cos one its not terribly ulu. so theres enough activity to keep one interested and entertained. two its not too noisy. three the roads quite wide, so its not all dusty and smoky and stuff. and four its a convenient place cos there are so many buses, so getting around/away shld not be a problem. i've taken to stonin quite abit over at that bus stop. it, i tink, keeps me mildly sane. at least after sch.

if ever you want to talk to me or tell me smthn or basically jus get my attention, and i'm listenin to my music and not lookin at u, kick me. its really the only way to get my attention. that or jump in front of my face and act like a clown. now that will get my attention. anyway its cos my music will be blastin at a volume that basically nullifies everything that is happenin around me. so rmb: kick me.

am i toying with fate,
or is fate toying with me?
actually, i shld jus do smthn about it.
yeah right.

inspiration

last nite i read jarhead. and i've decided its a good book. the movie was m18 i tink >.> wtf. everyone go read it. it deals with quite pertinent issues.

aniwae, somethings seriously wrong with me now. i jus broke another glass container. fucking hell. seriously my brain is all fucked up now. i'm becomin mad i tink.

ok ok i'm off to stalk pple. cya later...

stalker complex

i tink i haf a stalker complex. yes. wtf.

today i saw that girl again. den again, its not like i totally didnt expect it.

i haf a stalker complex. not that i really stalk pple per se, but, well, i guess i'm very much inclined to. the way i'm rather particular in remembering where people stay, the way i want to stalk pple, its all very disturbing.

what am i doin to myself really. you noe i noe we all noe its but jus a dream, jus a dream, jus a dream.

i am quite scared of myself. really. cos of the fact that i am very much a perfectionist. a very poorly disciplined one, but a perfectionist nonetheless. and i noe that if there is smthn i wan done, badly enuff, it will get done. like say stalking someone. i believe that if i wanted to, i could really do it.

its like, i'm doin this to myself. i'm exertin this torture unto myself. why? why?

dont want to live for wasted tomorrows...

the world you love

dats no officially my song of the moment. yep. not jus cos its a jimmy eat world song, but cos its a really nice song, and the lyrics are...relevant. to say the least. the song makes me feel. but u noe, dats jus me.

an u noe, these kinds of moods,
they are self sustaining.
cos i'm hatin myself for being so moody,
and my response?
get even moodier.
so, its really a vicious cycle.
i'm hating everything i do,
yet theres notin else but to do wad i'm doin.
dats how it is really.
and you know when life gives you lemons,
it doesnt rain it pours.
really.
life has a way of doin dat to u.
when it seems like you hate everything around you,
life conveniantly puts more things there for you to hate.
i'm not jokin.
of course the logical explanation is that its a matter of perception,
cos when you're feeling like shit,
everything else seems like shit.
but really. the kind of mood dat i am,
logical isnt an option.
so why does life do this to us?
constantly laughing in our faces,
kicking us when we are down.
its like how jus now on the way home on the bus,
i saw the prettiest girl i've seen in a long time.
and it makes me wonder,
is it these kinds of moments dat define who we are?
cos if anything else,
it applifies things.
it makes everything look so much more.
so maybe the girl wasnt daaat pretty. (she was)
maybe its cos i'm feelin so shit that she jus appears to be prettier.
its like how everything else around me jus seems...better.
more right. more perfect.
thats how it is den isnt it.
self-pity? its a very fine line.
i mean, self-pity isnt good,
no pity isnt good either.
yesterday i watch grey's anatomy,
and i tink the one thing i remember most,
other den the absolutely gory nature of the show,
is this very true fact of life:
its all about finding a balance.
yea. in the show it was about life and death.
in life, maybe not so much.
den again, maybe its the little issues that really matter.
it the small things we don care about that really affects us the most.
i believe that.

its not like i want to be like this.
i dont. i really dont.
its not helping at all,
considerin i'm 5 days from my exams,
and i feel like murdering half the pple i see,
and stuffin the other half in a box.

i honestly think alot of pple are too selfish.
ok so thats pretty duh.
but the thing is i don tink enough pple acknowledge this fact.
i'm selfish, i know it.
and i accept it.
do i do things about it?
i try, i really do.
but everytime i look around me,
i don tink pple even know they are selfish.
and its not in the very obvious things.
its very subtle, and maybe dats where the problem is.
its not obvious enough such that its screamin in pple's faces,
and hence we all jus pass it off as smthn else.
covering it up.
like "aiya he's jus liddat one lahh",
or "zz ure being over sensitive!".
ok so maybe i am,
but that still doesnt change the fact that there are so many pple out there,
unaware of their own selfish ways.
and its scary.
i think we shld all try harder.
to do many things.
to know who we are,
but more importantly to realise who we are to others.
to realise that the worlds bigger than outselves.
i know it sounds very preachy and idealistic,
but face it, its the truth.
we all are too selfish, too naive, too egoistic.
haiz wads the difference aniwae?
its not like anyones gonna change.
for a start who even takes me seriously -.-

i wish someone'd jus understand.
but haha, its asking a tad too much eh.

i've got alot of figuring out to do,
after the exams are done.
yea, the exams.
this exams is really screwin me up.
i tink the muggin is the cause of me falling ill twice in 3 wks,
in addition to all the other little nuances that has infested my life.
its also messing with my head.
i'm not the person i used to be,
but dats probably a good thing. for now.
but once the exams are done, ahhh.
i'd jus feel so much freer.
that word doesnt exist, but yea.
it'll jus be so relax.
theres so much i want to do.
so so much.
i cant wait.

have u ever had this experience?
where you want something so very much,
but when u finally do get it,
u realise its the worst thing that has ever happened to u?
well i haven been through something like this before.
but i'm afraid i mite.
i'm afraid,
the coming together could finally spell the falling apart.
i jus hope not.

"we're only just as happy, as everyone else seems to think we are"

crikey ure crikey

i tink the whole steve irwin thing got/is gettin abit too much lah. i tink pple are over doin it, much like the singapore govt did the durai thing. but aniwae dats not really my point. actually throughout this whole steve irwin dying thingy, i really didnt care much for it, considerin i havent watched a single episode of his shows, and i do agree with critics he's somewhat of a moron to be messing with dangerous creatures u KNOW can and will try to bite ure head off. a brave idiot if i ever saw one. no anyway the only reason why i could even feel sad is cos it reminded me of someone else hu died. eddie guerero. haiz. its like everytime someone mentions steve irwin my mind automatically rewinds back to dat one episode of raw, the tribute episode. its funny, but u'd never have thot a wrestling show could make a person cry like that. really. cos when i watched dat ep i really cried lor. couldnt help it, cos he really was such a character. which den of course means that i can somewhat sympathise with pple who really feel for the cros hunter. altho i tink the fact that he was a celebrity like he was, alot of pple prob feel sad for the sake of feeling sad. aiya wadeva.

and yes it is also why hurt by johnny cash almost always brings me to the brink of tears. sigh. good times, good times.

even heroes have the right to bleed

i tink its a very true and rather meaningful line. i find the whole idea of how men arn't supposed to cry quite apalling, irritaing, and honestly, pathetic. seriously. i cant stand people who tink that oh guys are suppose to be strongand manly and wadeva shit and hence arnt allowed to cry. like its some rule. wadeva. i'm really not in the mood to think or rant or anything. its jus a random thot.

which reminds me, i'm in a terrible mood right now. not terrible as in foul, but terrible as in bad, not good, etc. and i hate it. very very much. cos its a very lousy mood to try to study in, its a very terrible mood to be in 1 wk b4 the exams, and it jus generally is a very terrible mood. i hate it. i hate it.

i tink i can tell when i'm this kind of mood. one clear sign is a post like this. meaningless, pointless, useless, everything-less. second is when i jus seem to not be myself. which den again brings about the question of jus who the real me is. maybe this me is the reak me, which means i'm being very myself. argh wadeva.

i tink... i don wanna tink. fuck.

let it shine on...

argh. ok this must be my longest blogging hiatus in like forever. but den again i really aint in no mood to blog. fuck lah. i'm fucking sick again. this is bloody irritatin. wad stomach flu. i mean, falling sick twice in 3 wks?? no good. at all. considerin the exams are only 2.5 wks away. the total cost of my 2 illnesses is roughly about 5 days of studying. fuck lah.