this is a cryptic message:
i have a confession to make. i cant make decisions. i really cant. all those options, they just float over, and float away. in a way i think i need people to make decisions for me. why? maybe its cos i'm too scared to face the consequences. maybe i'm afraid of responsibility. probably its cos i just dont want to be definite about. i mean, just look - the past 3 sentences have failed to produce a concrete proper explanation. its all maybes and possiblys and ifs etc. this needs a solution. dont you see? deep down, everything needs to mean something. i make things mean something, even if they dont. in a way its a sense of security, knowing that you understand. or maybe pretending that you understand even if you dont. its like how people pretend to be good at something even if they arnt. truth is, people do get away with it, so why cant i? there are things we all need to say, and there are things we all need to hide. recently i have taken to typing in proper sentences, even though i suspect i still dont. why? i dont know. its not like i'm practising for anything or what. i hate being chased, but i must be. why am i so full or paradoxes and shit? its frustrating. i can never figure out who i am. i think i am having identity issues. identity crisis? maybe not. issues? i think i have issues man. and i suspect it might become worse. and you cant just throw all that away can you? in some sense theres still that little bit of hope that lingers on. maybe i am just being stupid and idiotic. i suppose i am, but i cant help it. they never can. its hard to explain it, not cos its actually hard, but cos i dont want to. i dont like explanations that i can find. it just takes all the fun out of life you know. that's a serious problem. thoughts get in my way way too much. it sucks thinking and thinking and thinking, at the end of the and the problem isnt solved. i think i shall start a think-less-do-more campaign. we dont need bright minds in this world, we need effective ones. people are naturally stupid, they only pretend to be smart. only 4.6% of the human population have naturally effective minds, 18.62% have smart minds. the remaining 77.78% are stupid, naturally. dont blame them, blame me. you see, we need to train people to develop effective minds, not smart ones. smart minds are useless. just look and yourself already. i just wish somehow it was easier. but it never is. i cant be. if it was any easier, it wouldnt trouble me like it does. at the same time, any easier and it wont be attractive anymore. everything that means anything would just fall apart. why the hell do i have to be in school at 9 tomorrow? i dont want to go to school, even though i do. i dont get you. i really dont. its frustrating, yet at the same time its fascinating. you keep me guessing all the time, and i must admit, as much as i hate it, i love it also. bob is annoying. why? he just is. he was born this way. born to take away all that i have. really, its the simplest things that are so hard. it seems like a lifetime ago that i heard you giggle. dont you remember? i bet you dont. no one does anyway. how does one cope with so much rubbish? i mean, all this crap i'm saying, no one bothers, no one cares. i pretend as if people will bother, even though i know they wont. stupid? you bet. why must i be in that 77.78%???
ok so maybe it isnt.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Monday, November 05, 2007
the significant thing
i think i know now. i think i know why i'm so bored all the time.
yes, there are tons of stuff to do.
msn, youtube, google, etc etc.
but now i know.
i want to do things that are meaningful.
like, i want to do stuff that matter.
that will impact other things.
i dont just want to do stuff i'll forget the next morning.
honestly, i think i'm weird.
yes, there are tons of stuff to do.
msn, youtube, google, etc etc.
but now i know.
i want to do things that are meaningful.
like, i want to do stuff that matter.
that will impact other things.
i dont just want to do stuff i'll forget the next morning.
honestly, i think i'm weird.
reflections
i still think i have lost touch.
am losing touch, have lost touch.
i suppose, there'll always be times we feel alone.
yet at times, we do feel loved.
i dont know, maybe i should just speak for myself.
personally, i find that i am quite a pessimistic person.
(like, haha wow revelation)
but yea i suppose there are times when,
i do feel like things are ok.
that things could actually be good.
its rare, but it does happen.
in a sense, i'm always waiting for it to happen.
its quite amazing, just like that 17 years have passed.
one grand year of jc life has whizzed by just like that.
its been different, very very different.
alot of the time was spent dealing, i think.
to just adapt to new situations, new people.
to realise that what once worked no longer does.
i couldnt treat people the same way i did in ip.
the people now, the people then,
they are so different, its beyond worlds apart.
and like i was telling ethel,
i really cant compare. it wouldnt be fair to either side.
honestly, both has its pros and cons.
but i must say its been a really happening year.
very different than ip, i must say.
for starters, i have a cca.
second, i didnt fail anything. (yes i'm serious, as hard to believe as that may sound)
third, i actually dont have that much time to burn.
last year was so bad, everyday i got home at 4,
and burnt my life away.
how loser-ish.
its just been so so different.
yet, while my life has changed,
i must (and always) ask myself:
have i?
its a difficult question.
i mean, some parts of me have changed, definitely.
but still, some of those not-so-pleasant traits still linger.
i mean yes i could argue that that makes me who i am,
but the obvious question is this:
do i want to be who i am?
actually, do i have the ability to change who i am?
the egoistic, proud side of me says yes.
yes, i am capable, yes it can be done.
but the more pessimistic self is somewhat resigned to the fate,
the fact that you cant change who you are.
where do i stand? i dont think anymore will ever know.
not till i myself figure myself out.
i think in many ways,
i'm learning how to fall on my own now.
its strange, to suddenly be pushed off a cliff,
and yet the safety net that was always there,
suddenly it isnt there anymore.
everything i thought was safe,
everything i believed i could count on,
suddenly its just falls away like leaves out of a window.
suddenly, i dont know anymore.
my world of monochrome suddenly turned a heavy shade of grey.
but, i think i'm moving on.
or at the very least, i'm learning to.
am losing touch, have lost touch.
i suppose, there'll always be times we feel alone.
yet at times, we do feel loved.
i dont know, maybe i should just speak for myself.
personally, i find that i am quite a pessimistic person.
(like, haha wow revelation)
but yea i suppose there are times when,
i do feel like things are ok.
that things could actually be good.
its rare, but it does happen.
in a sense, i'm always waiting for it to happen.
its quite amazing, just like that 17 years have passed.
one grand year of jc life has whizzed by just like that.
its been different, very very different.
alot of the time was spent dealing, i think.
to just adapt to new situations, new people.
to realise that what once worked no longer does.
i couldnt treat people the same way i did in ip.
the people now, the people then,
they are so different, its beyond worlds apart.
and like i was telling ethel,
i really cant compare. it wouldnt be fair to either side.
honestly, both has its pros and cons.
but i must say its been a really happening year.
very different than ip, i must say.
for starters, i have a cca.
second, i didnt fail anything. (yes i'm serious, as hard to believe as that may sound)
third, i actually dont have that much time to burn.
last year was so bad, everyday i got home at 4,
and burnt my life away.
how loser-ish.
its just been so so different.
yet, while my life has changed,
i must (and always) ask myself:
have i?
its a difficult question.
i mean, some parts of me have changed, definitely.
but still, some of those not-so-pleasant traits still linger.
i mean yes i could argue that that makes me who i am,
but the obvious question is this:
do i want to be who i am?
actually, do i have the ability to change who i am?
the egoistic, proud side of me says yes.
yes, i am capable, yes it can be done.
but the more pessimistic self is somewhat resigned to the fate,
the fact that you cant change who you are.
where do i stand? i dont think anymore will ever know.
not till i myself figure myself out.
i think in many ways,
i'm learning how to fall on my own now.
its strange, to suddenly be pushed off a cliff,
and yet the safety net that was always there,
suddenly it isnt there anymore.
everything i thought was safe,
everything i believed i could count on,
suddenly its just falls away like leaves out of a window.
suddenly, i dont know anymore.
my world of monochrome suddenly turned a heavy shade of grey.
but, i think i'm moving on.
or at the very least, i'm learning to.
sorry my friend, it must end
the caravan rolls past, night by night,
even with the thunderstorms hiding his sights.
feeling a little gravity talking to him,
cold showers seep through his veins.
drip out onto the side walk, all his pain,
so much he forgets the endless aim.
call out in vain, just like yesterday,
on and on, he will light his path...
for the caravan must move on.
i dont do full sentences.
i dont do full paragraphs.
its just, unsightly.
who really bothers to read across?
more often than not, people just read downwards.
of course, thats assuming they read at all.
its always the case isnt it?
its so easy to say, oh this is what i want.
its easy to even say this is what i need.
but, life isnt that easy. it cant be.
i figure, to be able to want what you need,
it necessarily implies that you have choices.
to want what you want,
it means you have chosen, yet you may not have that choice.
its hard isnt it?
i mean, we can say sorry a million times,
but sorry dont make dead people come back to life.
sorry isnt going to change the past.
sorry isnt going to make the future any easier to bear.
sorry, sorry is but a filler.
sorry is when we have nothing else.
when we dont know what to say.
so, i'm sorry.
i always am.
even with the thunderstorms hiding his sights.
feeling a little gravity talking to him,
cold showers seep through his veins.
drip out onto the side walk, all his pain,
so much he forgets the endless aim.
call out in vain, just like yesterday,
on and on, he will light his path...
for the caravan must move on.
i dont do full sentences.
i dont do full paragraphs.
its just, unsightly.
who really bothers to read across?
more often than not, people just read downwards.
of course, thats assuming they read at all.
its always the case isnt it?
its so easy to say, oh this is what i want.
its easy to even say this is what i need.
but, life isnt that easy. it cant be.
i figure, to be able to want what you need,
it necessarily implies that you have choices.
to want what you want,
it means you have chosen, yet you may not have that choice.
its hard isnt it?
i mean, we can say sorry a million times,
but sorry dont make dead people come back to life.
sorry isnt going to change the past.
sorry isnt going to make the future any easier to bear.
sorry, sorry is but a filler.
sorry is when we have nothing else.
when we dont know what to say.
so, i'm sorry.
i always am.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
no one deserves to hurt this way
quit complaining my friend, cos you'll survive in the end.
it is weird. i mean, we're all only 17, yet we somehow make ourselves believe that we actually understand. but we dont. we make so many mistakes, but pretend they are little lessons in life. we dont recognise failure, only means to an end.
i think slowly, i'm forgetting how it's like. its not fair, but it never is. things just...happened. we can wish all the time that things were different, but life must move on. we must.
listen to the clicking invisible locks,
the taps on the keyboard through the night.
he stares at the same screen till his eyes turn grey,
the ghosts of msn conversations want to play.
he knows he's chance has gone away,
still he waits, everyday,
hoping maybe someday it'll be the same.
making excuses just to talk to you,
yes its pathetic, but its the best he can do.
it is weird. i mean, we're all only 17, yet we somehow make ourselves believe that we actually understand. but we dont. we make so many mistakes, but pretend they are little lessons in life. we dont recognise failure, only means to an end.
i think slowly, i'm forgetting how it's like. its not fair, but it never is. things just...happened. we can wish all the time that things were different, but life must move on. we must.
listen to the clicking invisible locks,
the taps on the keyboard through the night.
he stares at the same screen till his eyes turn grey,
the ghosts of msn conversations want to play.
he knows he's chance has gone away,
still he waits, everyday,
hoping maybe someday it'll be the same.
making excuses just to talk to you,
yes its pathetic, but its the best he can do.
Saturday, November 03, 2007
you dont know it shakes me deep inside
i have a problem. i have a problem looking into people's eyes. i dont know why (but of course, i actually do. i jus say i dont, cos thats wad i always do). its like, i cant look into people's eyes when i'm talking to them, and i suppose many people will take it that i'm eitehr rude, or uninterested or wad. the truth is, i jus find it really discomforting. yes there will always be the old cliche about the eyes being windows to the soul.
while that might be a stretch, i think the essence of that cliche is this: our eyes are where we are most vulnerable. we can manipulate how we act, we can manipulate how we talk, we can manipulate how we look, but i dont think we can actually manipulate our eyes. eyes give away alot. its easy to tell whether someone is lying. it actually really is. you can read it in their eyes, even if their faces tell no lies.
i think i am scared. i always get the feeling that, when i'm looking into someone's eyes while talking, its almost like they can read in to me. its almost as if they can see past just the words and the appearances. while in some ways i do wish that were the case, its scary. it really is. i mean, if i were a secure person, if i knew who i am, maybe i wouldnt be this bothered. but i'm still drifting around, here and there, not quite sure where.
and there are some looks, they have a way of making me feel really naked and vulnerable. and as a result, i will look away. it happens all the time, i know it. i mean, its easy to stare into senseless, unfeeling eyes, for there is nothing there to feel. but when there's all that emotion, all that tension, it becomes so different. suddenly, i cannot do it anymore. i dont like how it makes me feel. and in some ways, i dont think i can take it. theres so much there to be felt, to be perceived, to be understood, and some people just cannot deal.
some people are weak. like me.
while that might be a stretch, i think the essence of that cliche is this: our eyes are where we are most vulnerable. we can manipulate how we act, we can manipulate how we talk, we can manipulate how we look, but i dont think we can actually manipulate our eyes. eyes give away alot. its easy to tell whether someone is lying. it actually really is. you can read it in their eyes, even if their faces tell no lies.
i think i am scared. i always get the feeling that, when i'm looking into someone's eyes while talking, its almost like they can read in to me. its almost as if they can see past just the words and the appearances. while in some ways i do wish that were the case, its scary. it really is. i mean, if i were a secure person, if i knew who i am, maybe i wouldnt be this bothered. but i'm still drifting around, here and there, not quite sure where.
and there are some looks, they have a way of making me feel really naked and vulnerable. and as a result, i will look away. it happens all the time, i know it. i mean, its easy to stare into senseless, unfeeling eyes, for there is nothing there to feel. but when there's all that emotion, all that tension, it becomes so different. suddenly, i cannot do it anymore. i dont like how it makes me feel. and in some ways, i dont think i can take it. theres so much there to be felt, to be perceived, to be understood, and some people just cannot deal.
some people are weak. like me.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
please?
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/MUSE-EP-Very-first-CD-release-555-999-RARE-MINT_W0QQitemZ320174676762QQihZ011QQcategoryZ1049QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
make bob a happy boy :)
make bob a happy boy :)
Monday, October 29, 2007
i love my father :))))))))))))))))))))))))) <3 <3 <3
i'm sorry ok.
sorry for being so stupid.
sorry for being this useless.
sorry for not having an ounce of initiative.
sorry for being self-centred.
sorry for being selfish.
sorry for being hopeless.
sorry for not believing in all your stupid ideas.
sorry for being a non-conformist.
sorry for believing in what i do.
sorry for being lazy.
sorry for being dirty.
sorry for being eq retarded.
sorry for being a social outcast.
sorry for not knowing basic etiquette.
sorry for having no sense of what is right.
sorry for not doing the basics.
sorry for being totally worthless.
sorry for not even making the grade.
sorry for constantly failing.
sorry for being such a fucking failure, even tho i didnt fail.
sorry for being this pathetic.
sorry for not being a grown up.
sorry for being a teenager.
sorry for following trends.
sorry for being hip.
sorry for knowing how to use computers and technology in general.
sorry for wanting to be cool.
sorry for being so demanding.
sorry for not caring about what you want.
sorry for being such an insensitive bastard.
sorry for being a recluse.
sorry for not wanting to talk to you.
sorry for hating you.
sorry for all that i have done wrong to you.
sorry for making so much noise with my guitar.
sorry for actually liking and wanting to play music.
sorry for failing my grace 8.
sorry for hating my piano.
sorry for not doing what you believe should be done.
sorry for being such an idiot.
sorry for my existence in your life.
sorry for being such a pest to your blissful existence.
sorry for enjoying what i am doing.
sorry for wanting to get away from home.
sorry for wanting to stay over at other people's home.
sorry for being so damn selfish.
yes, i apologise for everything that i have done wrong to you. yes, i am always in the wrong. yes you are always correct. yes i bow down to you great sir. yes i worship your majesty. yes you are right. yes i am useless. yes yes yes.
go fuck yourself wont you.
sorry for being so stupid.
sorry for being this useless.
sorry for not having an ounce of initiative.
sorry for being self-centred.
sorry for being selfish.
sorry for being hopeless.
sorry for not believing in all your stupid ideas.
sorry for being a non-conformist.
sorry for believing in what i do.
sorry for being lazy.
sorry for being dirty.
sorry for being eq retarded.
sorry for being a social outcast.
sorry for not knowing basic etiquette.
sorry for having no sense of what is right.
sorry for not doing the basics.
sorry for being totally worthless.
sorry for not even making the grade.
sorry for constantly failing.
sorry for being such a fucking failure, even tho i didnt fail.
sorry for being this pathetic.
sorry for not being a grown up.
sorry for being a teenager.
sorry for following trends.
sorry for being hip.
sorry for knowing how to use computers and technology in general.
sorry for wanting to be cool.
sorry for being so demanding.
sorry for not caring about what you want.
sorry for being such an insensitive bastard.
sorry for being a recluse.
sorry for not wanting to talk to you.
sorry for hating you.
sorry for all that i have done wrong to you.
sorry for making so much noise with my guitar.
sorry for actually liking and wanting to play music.
sorry for failing my grace 8.
sorry for hating my piano.
sorry for not doing what you believe should be done.
sorry for being such an idiot.
sorry for my existence in your life.
sorry for being such a pest to your blissful existence.
sorry for enjoying what i am doing.
sorry for wanting to get away from home.
sorry for wanting to stay over at other people's home.
sorry for being so damn selfish.
yes, i apologise for everything that i have done wrong to you. yes, i am always in the wrong. yes you are always correct. yes i bow down to you great sir. yes i worship your majesty. yes you are right. yes i am useless. yes yes yes.
go fuck yourself wont you.
false hopes and missing presentations
i thought i understood, but i realise i dont.
i cant even see beyond the curtains,
the sun doesnt chase me anymore.
maybe is not enough. we all know that.
and yet, maybes are all that we have.
i cant even see beyond the curtains,
the sun doesnt chase me anymore.
maybe is not enough. we all know that.
and yet, maybes are all that we have.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
ruled
pretend like the past was never there,
lift your head and make a stand.
hold on to the candles that light the way,
make all the clouds float away.
i've reached a point, where it just doesnt matter anymore. and i guess, all those things are all lost to be. i'm practising selective ignorance, and its easy. its so easy to block out all those things. i guess the reason its so easy is because its all external. you can just close your ears, let your mind drift of to another spatial dimension. but, there are still those ghosts that keep ringing in my head. yes its easy to block out the external, but the internal rages all the same. and i cant shut it out. my mind inevitably drifts back to those memories, those dreams, those little shattered hopes. and it is a vicious cycle. pain breeds pain. i guess the truth of the matter is that i cannot deal. i never could, and i still cant. its all the same at the end of the day. i mean, everyone's grown up, but still, everything will be the same. we're all existing in a static past, trapped in an artificial void of time. you cant really blame them. its the only way to kind of preserve what was there, yet at the same time not hold it back. the only real way to to create these little artificial blackholes, and to suck us stars back every once in awhile, just to prove that they can. and even the biggest planets must fall, even the farthest stars will divide.
and of course, we deny all that we have done.
lift your head and make a stand.
hold on to the candles that light the way,
make all the clouds float away.
i've reached a point, where it just doesnt matter anymore. and i guess, all those things are all lost to be. i'm practising selective ignorance, and its easy. its so easy to block out all those things. i guess the reason its so easy is because its all external. you can just close your ears, let your mind drift of to another spatial dimension. but, there are still those ghosts that keep ringing in my head. yes its easy to block out the external, but the internal rages all the same. and i cant shut it out. my mind inevitably drifts back to those memories, those dreams, those little shattered hopes. and it is a vicious cycle. pain breeds pain. i guess the truth of the matter is that i cannot deal. i never could, and i still cant. its all the same at the end of the day. i mean, everyone's grown up, but still, everything will be the same. we're all existing in a static past, trapped in an artificial void of time. you cant really blame them. its the only way to kind of preserve what was there, yet at the same time not hold it back. the only real way to to create these little artificial blackholes, and to suck us stars back every once in awhile, just to prove that they can. and even the biggest planets must fall, even the farthest stars will divide.
and of course, we deny all that we have done.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
that was yesterday, this was tomorrow
and so it begins, all over again, almost like yesterday couldnt be very much the same.
there is a difference. i mean, i dont know if anyone will notice, but i definitely do. and its because of this difference that makes it so hard. its bad enough hacing to start from nowhere. but having to restart from somewhere is even worse.
why is it that a simple man like me cannot even do the simplest of things?
its weird having all these thoughts. sometimes, i wonder if its all just wrong.
using masking tape to patch up these holes, it wont hold. sooner or later, somethings gotta give. lets hope it wont fall too much either way.
this whole escapism thing, its coming back to me. in all honesty, i realise its probably a whole lot easier than people make it out to be.
at some point or another, everyones going to have to entertain these thoughts. i think its just human. i wonder where all our lost thoughts and memories go. is there some kind of thought/memory catching machine that stores all the thoughts and memories that we dont retain? it would be thoroughly fascinating to be able to access such a machine. i'd imagine it would have some form of ranking system. i mean, some thoughts MUST better than others, right?
there is a difference. i mean, i dont know if anyone will notice, but i definitely do. and its because of this difference that makes it so hard. its bad enough hacing to start from nowhere. but having to restart from somewhere is even worse.
why is it that a simple man like me cannot even do the simplest of things?
its weird having all these thoughts. sometimes, i wonder if its all just wrong.
using masking tape to patch up these holes, it wont hold. sooner or later, somethings gotta give. lets hope it wont fall too much either way.
this whole escapism thing, its coming back to me. in all honesty, i realise its probably a whole lot easier than people make it out to be.
at some point or another, everyones going to have to entertain these thoughts. i think its just human. i wonder where all our lost thoughts and memories go. is there some kind of thought/memory catching machine that stores all the thoughts and memories that we dont retain? it would be thoroughly fascinating to be able to access such a machine. i'd imagine it would have some form of ranking system. i mean, some thoughts MUST better than others, right?
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
first time is no time to cry
hm let me try with my ipod instead.
1. Every move you make, and every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake
I'll be watching you
(stalker song!)
2.I am a one way motorway
I'm a road that drives away
and follows you back home
I am a streetlight shining
I’m a white light blinding bright
Burning off and on
3. Tear it out of these open pages
Women and kids of all ages
Millions of men with blank faces
Italicized lies, headlines, bold type
(i suspect only rachel will know this)
4. You were not to blame for
Bittersweet distractors
Dare not speak his name
Did I cater to all you
All your needs?
5. And it's hard to say
Just how some things never change
And it's hard to find
Any strength to draw the line
(lol!)
6. You spent my money, drove my car
I treated you like a shining star
But in my sky all burnt out you are
And I'll have the last laugh, when I see you walking with some other guy
'Cause I know you are gonna end up all alone
(gosh such terrible lyrics)
7.I wanna love you, but I better not touch (don't touch)
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you, but I want it too much (too much)
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
(freak)
8.I'm not in your house
But I'm not in your head
And you're not even listening
It's so hard to know
When you're not scared
9. (jap song. skip. its a ffx song)
Fat and docile, big and dumb
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun
Cows aren't fun
(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA omg omg everyone must listen to this song!!!)
10. Remember Rio and get down
Like some other DJ, in some other town
Who's been trying to tell me to hold tight
But I've been waiting this whole night
But I've been down across a road or two
But now I've found the velvet sun
That shines on me and you
11.Watching the people get lairy
Is not very pretty I tell thee
Walking through town is quite scary
And not very sensible either
(woo!)
12. Ice-age heat wave, can't complain
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand
13. Take me back where I belong.
You swear that it's safe here.
There is nothing to fear at all.
Take me back where I belong.
The pressure releases,
If I just let down my guard.
14. A monster lives in your backyard.
the 2x4's are making their way around.
the big get bigger when the fight’s done.
i found that secret door.
(lol. one of their weirder songs i suppose)
15. I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
(doh. haha its no 15! lol ok not funny -.-)
16. she was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene
(classic man, classic)
17. You know I'm a dreamer
But my heart's of gold
I had to run away high
so I wouldn't come home low
Just when the things weren't right
doesn't mean they were always wrong
Just take this song
And you'll never feel
Left all alone
(i dont like this song very much.)
18. Heaven knows
I'm head over heels and it shows
( :) )
19. No cars facing our way
No cars, no cars
We'll all melt away,
Like ice in your hand, your hand
(i'll be very surprised if anyone knows this song)
20.Prom is coming up,
It's on the 17th of May
And i got a message
That I want to convey
I'll buy a nice suit
And you can wear a pretty dress
You will watch me dance
And realize i am the best
(such a queer queer song. is it even considered techno?)
21. No matter how hard I try
You're never satisfied
This is not a home
I think I'm better off alone
You always disappear
Even when you're here
This is not my home
I think I'm better off alone
22.And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this
Cause you're all I want
You're all I need...
(ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh omg i love this song)
23.'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to
Sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
(ahhhhhhh)
24.So I start a revolution from my bed
'Cos you said the brains I had went to my head.
(i dont like this song, i dont like this band, Q mag loves them. wth -.-)
25. But this time
I mean it
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me
As snow falls
On desert sky
Until the end of everything
(ok granted, one of their better, albeit older songs)
wow. theres really alot of diff btw my ipod and my itunes. sigh. i should be doing pw. yes desmond, go do pw. shuttup bob. go scerw yourself des. -smacks bob-
1. Every move you make, and every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake
I'll be watching you
(stalker song!)
2.
I'm a road that drives away
and follows you back home
I am a streetlight shining
I’m a white light blinding bright
Burning off and on
3. Tear it out of these open pages
Women and kids of all ages
Millions of men with blank faces
Italicized lies, headlines, bold type
(i suspect only rachel will know this)
4. You were not to blame for
Bittersweet distractors
Dare not speak his name
Did I cater to all you
All your needs?
5. And it's hard to say
Just how some things never change
And it's hard to find
Any strength to draw the line
(lol!)
6. You spent my money, drove my car
I treated you like a shining star
But in my sky all burnt out you are
And I'll have the last laugh, when I see you walking with some other guy
'Cause I know you are gonna end up all alone
(gosh such terrible lyrics)
7.
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you, but I want it too much (too much)
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
(freak)
8.
But I'm not in your head
And you're not even listening
It's so hard to know
When you're not scared
9. (jap song. skip. its a ffx song)
Fat and docile, big and dumb
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun
Cows aren't fun
(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA omg omg everyone must listen to this song!!!)
10. Remember Rio and get down
Like some other DJ, in some other town
Who's been trying to tell me to hold tight
But I've been waiting this whole night
But I've been down across a road or two
But now I've found the velvet sun
That shines on me and you
11.
Is not very pretty I tell thee
Walking through town is quite scary
And not very sensible either
(woo!)
12. Ice-age heat wave, can't complain
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand
13. Take me back where I belong.
You swear that it's safe here.
There is nothing to fear at all.
Take me back where I belong.
The pressure releases,
If I just let down my guard.
14. A monster lives in your backyard.
the 2x4's are making their way around.
the big get bigger when the fight’s done.
i found that secret door.
(lol. one of their weirder songs i suppose)
15. I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
(doh. haha its no 15! lol ok not funny -.-)
16. she was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene
(classic man, classic)
17. You know I'm a dreamer
But my heart's of gold
I had to run away high
so I wouldn't come home low
Just when the things weren't right
doesn't mean they were always wrong
Just take this song
And you'll never feel
Left all alone
(i dont like this song very much.)
18. Heaven knows
I'm head over heels and it shows
( :) )
19. No cars facing our way
No cars, no cars
We'll all melt away,
Like ice in your hand, your hand
(i'll be very surprised if anyone knows this song)
20.
It's on the 17th of May
And i got a message
That I want to convey
I'll buy a nice suit
And you can wear a pretty dress
You will watch me dance
And realize i am the best
(such a queer queer song. is it even considered techno?)
21. No matter how hard I try
You're never satisfied
This is not a home
I think I'm better off alone
You always disappear
Even when you're here
This is not my home
I think I'm better off alone
22.
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this
Cause you're all I want
You're all I need...
(ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh omg i love this song)
23.
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to
Sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
(ahhhhhhh)
24.
'Cos you said the brains I had went to my head.
(i dont like this song, i dont like this band, Q mag loves them. wth -.-)
25. But this time
I mean it
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me
As snow falls
On desert sky
Until the end of everything
(ok granted, one of their better, albeit older songs)
wow. theres really alot of diff btw my ipod and my itunes. sigh. i should be doing pw. yes desmond, go do pw. shuttup bob. go scerw yourself des. -smacks bob-
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
everyone do the bob!
shall steal something from rachels blog. i am bored.
Step 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 25 songs that play
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song the lines come from
Step 4: Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly
ok first to decide, itunes or ipod? ok itunes.
1. I've dared to dream and i've tried to live
But I've played it safe again
Just another slave to my vices now...
(its a terrible song with terrible lyrics and terrible melody)
2.I just wanna see the weather,
But you, you've got my shoes,
It feels so wrong, it feels so right,
To come home to you late at night,
But baby, where are you now?
(doh)
3.Unos dos tres catorce!
(eeeeeeek1) i hate this song. hate hate hate.
4. So fly away and leave it behind
Just stay awake, there's no where to hide
I see you cause you won't get out of my way
I hear you cause you won't quit screamin my name
I feel you cause you won't stop touchin my skin
I need you-- I'm coming to take you away
(lyrically it looks terrible)
5. Ain't it amazing when the seasons begin to change
Someone behind the scenes just seems to pull some strings
I struggled with an old angel all nite long
I thought it might be nice if we just talked 'til down
6. I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills 'cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds and she kisses me windy
I never worry, now that is a lie.
7.I needed somewhere to hang my head, without your noose
You gave me something that I didn't have, but had no use
I was too weak to give in, too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again, but I break loose
My head is giving me life or death, but I can't choose
I'll swear I'll never give in, I'll refuse
(yay finally a decent song)
8. (i shall skip to the next one, i cant even find these lyrics online. its tv screens by phonograph)
Hike up your skirt a little more
and show the world to me
Hike up your skirt a little more
and show your world to me
In a boys dream...In a boys dream
(lol)
9. Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay.
were laid spread out before me as her body once did
All five horizons revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed
Has taken a turn
10.Well I'm back in the class, falling out of your past
All the letters I wrote and you thought as a joke
And the phone never rings when your cold and it stings
All the holidays sucked *by myself* cause I'm fucked
And I'm dying, dying, dying
(eeyer. wad kind of lyrics are those -.-) haha ethel why in the world do u haf this song? its terrible.
11. Another knife in my hands
A stain that never comes off the sheets
Clean me off
I'm so dirty, babe
The kind of dirty
Where the water never cleans off the clothes
I keep a book of the names and those
Only go so far to bury them
So deep and down we go
(-.-)
12.Another day is going by
I'm thinking about you all the time
But you're out there
And I'm here waiting
And I wrote this letter in my head
'Cuz so many things were left unsaid
But now you're gone
And I can't think straight
(omg rofl)
13. And porn speaks to its splintered legions
To the pink amid the withered cornstalks in them winter regions
While aiming at the archetypal father
He says with such broad and tentative swipes "Why do you even bother?"
(this is just weird)
14. Ridin' down the highway
Goin' to a show
Stop in all the byways
Playin' rock 'n' roll
Gettin' robbed
Gettin' stoned
Gettin' beat up
Broken boned
Gettin' had
Gettin' took
I tell you folks
It's harder than it looks
(scream!!)
15.Dont love me for fun girl,
let me be the one girl
(ohmygod wtf wtf wtf)
i jus thought of something. its circular isnt it? love me for a reason let that reason be love. wth -.-
16.Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight
Never thought I'd let a rumour ruin my moonlight
(:D)
17.Give me a shot to remember
And you can take all the pain away from me
(terrible, indeed terrible)
18. Oh, I've got something in my throat
I need to be alone
While I suffer
19. Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please
(sigh)
20.Mama, take this badge off of me
I can't use it anymore.
(possibly the most covered song ever? maybe most murdered too)
21. tick tock of the clock
make a wish but the time wont stop
i saw the glow of city lights
never thought id say that they shined too bright
22. (ugh another ___ song. i shall skip. its an interlude anyway)
betrayed
my plan ends a war with me
it's never up to me
I know they'll all pray
(uh,)
23.Hey Amanda
Where'd you find these crazy boys this time?
They say you're pretty but you don't think they're right.
(HAHA)rachel's possibly the only other person i know who erally listens to copeland. hm.
24.Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true
(who doesnt know this song? ah connie.....)
25. The legend brings forth a time to come
No reason to slay the newborn son
The sky is falling
No escape Armageddon
The sky is burning
The end is just the beginning
(i would be very surprised if anyone knew this. if you do you prob need therapy)
aha so it is done. bob is off to eat again (that fat pig) and i shall go guitar.
Step 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 25 songs that play
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song the lines come from
Step 4: Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly
ok first to decide, itunes or ipod? ok itunes.
1. I've dared to dream and i've tried to live
But I've played it safe again
Just another slave to my vices now...
(its a terrible song with terrible lyrics and terrible melody)
2.
But you, you've got my shoes,
It feels so wrong, it feels so right,
To come home to you late at night,
But baby, where are you now?
(doh)
3.
(eeeeeeek1) i hate this song. hate hate hate.
4. So fly away and leave it behind
Just stay awake, there's no where to hide
I see you cause you won't get out of my way
I hear you cause you won't quit screamin my name
I feel you cause you won't stop touchin my skin
I need you-- I'm coming to take you away
(lyrically it looks terrible)
5. Ain't it amazing when the seasons begin to change
Someone behind the scenes just seems to pull some strings
I struggled with an old angel all nite long
I thought it might be nice if we just talked 'til down
6. I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills 'cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds and she kisses me windy
I never worry, now that is a lie.
7.
You gave me something that I didn't have, but had no use
I was too weak to give in, too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again, but I break loose
My head is giving me life or death, but I can't choose
I'll swear I'll never give in, I'll refuse
(yay finally a decent song)
8. (i shall skip to the next one, i cant even find these lyrics online. its tv screens by phonograph)
Hike up your skirt a little more
and show the world to me
Hike up your skirt a little more
and show your world to me
In a boys dream...In a boys dream
(lol)
9. Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay.
were laid spread out before me as her body once did
All five horizons revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed
Has taken a turn
10.
All the letters I wrote and you thought as a joke
And the phone never rings when your cold and it stings
All the holidays sucked *by myself* cause I'm fucked
And I'm dying, dying, dying
(eeyer. wad kind of lyrics are those -.-) haha ethel why in the world do u haf this song? its terrible.
11. Another knife in my hands
A stain that never comes off the sheets
Clean me off
I'm so dirty, babe
The kind of dirty
Where the water never cleans off the clothes
I keep a book of the names and those
Only go so far to bury them
So deep and down we go
(-.-)
12.
I'm thinking about you all the time
But you're out there
And I'm here waiting
And I wrote this letter in my head
'Cuz so many things were left unsaid
But now you're gone
And I can't think straight
(omg rofl)
13. And porn speaks to its splintered legions
To the pink amid the withered cornstalks in them winter regions
While aiming at the archetypal father
He says with such broad and tentative swipes "Why do you even bother?"
(this is just weird)
14. Ridin' down the highway
Goin' to a show
Stop in all the byways
Playin' rock 'n' roll
Gettin' robbed
Gettin' stoned
Gettin' beat up
Broken boned
Gettin' had
Gettin' took
I tell you folks
It's harder than it looks
(scream!!)
15.
let me be the one girl
(ohmygod wtf wtf wtf)
i jus thought of something. its circular isnt it? love me for a reason let that reason be love. wth -.-
16.
Never thought I'd let a rumour ruin my moonlight
(:D)
17.
And you can take all the pain away from me
(terrible, indeed terrible)
18. Oh, I've got something in my throat
I need to be alone
While I suffer
19. Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please
(sigh)
20.
I can't use it anymore.
(possibly the most covered song ever? maybe most murdered too)
21. tick tock of the clock
make a wish but the time wont stop
i saw the glow of city lights
never thought id say that they shined too bright
22. (ugh another ___ song. i shall skip. its an interlude anyway)
betrayed
my plan ends a war with me
it's never up to me
I know they'll all pray
(uh,)
23.
Where'd you find these crazy boys this time?
They say you're pretty but you don't think they're right.
(HAHA)rachel's possibly the only other person i know who erally listens to copeland. hm.
24.
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true
(who doesnt know this song? ah connie.....)
25. The legend brings forth a time to come
No reason to slay the newborn son
The sky is falling
No escape Armageddon
The sky is burning
The end is just the beginning
(i would be very surprised if anyone knew this. if you do you prob need therapy)
aha so it is done. bob is off to eat again (that fat pig) and i shall go guitar.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
not near, not here
its not quite all right. not yet. and maybe it will never be, but there's hardly anything we can do about it anyway...
Sunday, September 30, 2007
promises we made
i dont get it. i never do.
its very very demoralising.
and at the same time, i know,
i'm just sinking, deeper and deeper,
and at the moment, there just doesnt seem to be any way out.
its very very demoralising.
and at the same time, i know,
i'm just sinking, deeper and deeper,
and at the moment, there just doesnt seem to be any way out.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
hope
fuck it lah, its not use anyway. i mean, nothings going to change. all i can do is to learn to live with it. all the hurt, all the regret, all the misery, and the missed chances, everything. i just aint cut out to make it. ever.
yes i feel terrible.
yes i want to feel special.
yes i need to be there.
yes i hope i can mean something.
just, once.
but never shall that opportunity present itself again.
yes i feel terrible.
yes i want to feel special.
yes i need to be there.
yes i hope i can mean something.
just, once.
but never shall that opportunity present itself again.
i can see your lips moving, but i dont hear a sound.
its lonely out here.
i'm standing on a cliff, in the middle of some strange outback.
i feel so alone, yet so free.
i have with me my towel,
and all the time in the world.
to think, to understand, to feel.
to realise, that i've been lost for so long.
its lonely in here,
this room but with the bare bed and empty chairs.
water drips outside the window,
the sky gleams like a distant shadow.
and still i choose nothing,
but to sleep here every single night.
just to be alone,
just to runaway,
just to do all those things i cannot say.
i'm standing on a cliff, in the middle of some strange outback.
i feel so alone, yet so free.
i have with me my towel,
and all the time in the world.
to think, to understand, to feel.
to realise, that i've been lost for so long.
its lonely in here,
this room but with the bare bed and empty chairs.
water drips outside the window,
the sky gleams like a distant shadow.
and still i choose nothing,
but to sleep here every single night.
just to be alone,
just to runaway,
just to do all those things i cannot say.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
not in the mood
today was pretty bad.
its really quite strange how quickly the promos are passing. i mean, compared to ip, its just so much less, its quite amazing really. i mean, in ip i had to effectively study 6 subjects, now i more or less need to study 2.5. thats a hell lot of difference. and i dont know why, but i'm not stressed at all. its a bad attitude to adopt, this whole dont give a damn attitude. sometimes i think i really need to give a damn. (it is perhaps quite ironic that the things i do give a damn about, aiya)
it seems to me, that my life will always be about all the ifs and maybes.
theres too many choices, too few decisions.
always.
its really quite strange how quickly the promos are passing. i mean, compared to ip, its just so much less, its quite amazing really. i mean, in ip i had to effectively study 6 subjects, now i more or less need to study 2.5. thats a hell lot of difference. and i dont know why, but i'm not stressed at all. its a bad attitude to adopt, this whole dont give a damn attitude. sometimes i think i really need to give a damn. (it is perhaps quite ironic that the things i do give a damn about, aiya)
it seems to me, that my life will always be about all the ifs and maybes.
theres too many choices, too few decisions.
always.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Saturday, September 22, 2007
how lovely the greatest masketeer
i remember reading an article somewhere, about not having to understand the technicalities of sports to appreciate the beauty of it. and i've just come to realise how true that is. for the past hours or so, i've been watching figure skating. haha. pair skating, to be specific. i dont understand a single thing about the sport, but just watching it, what makes it so wonderful is that just watching it makes you feel different. the intensity, the passion, it screams out at you. and you cant help but throw yourself in. and for me, that really is what appreciating beauty is. and it doesnt apply only to sports. dance, music, everything really. the wonder of it all is how it makes you feel. does it make your heart beat a little faster? does it make your hands tremble just that little bit more? theres something about beauty, you dont have to understand, and often, you cant. all you can do, is to appreciate it, and let it wash over you.
and oh btw, pair figure skating is omg so romantic lol.
and oh btw, pair figure skating is omg so romantic lol.
somewhere i belong
its just not right. and yet, i dont know why time and time again i cheat myself, pretend like it might be right just this one time.
i suspect, man are inherently lonely. some people, the lucky ones, they find those special people called friends. others, they surround themselves with people, as a way of ignoring their loneliness. some people, the flit around, trying so hard to find a place where they could fit in, but at the end of the day, the probably never do. but that doesnt stop them trying, for thats all they can do - try. and some others, they just accept it, and live with it. all the lonely ones...
the straight and honest answer is this:
all i really want, is to really mean something to someone.
i suspect, man are inherently lonely. some people, the lucky ones, they find those special people called friends. others, they surround themselves with people, as a way of ignoring their loneliness. some people, the flit around, trying so hard to find a place where they could fit in, but at the end of the day, the probably never do. but that doesnt stop them trying, for thats all they can do - try. and some others, they just accept it, and live with it. all the lonely ones...
the straight and honest answer is this:
all i really want, is to really mean something to someone.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
oh no.....
OMG I CANT BELIEVE I JUST SPENT 3 HRS ON THE NIGHT BEFORE MY PROMOS REARRANGING MY GODDAMN FECKIN ROOM WTF. WTF. THIS IS SO DAMN FECKIN RETARDED. FECKIN HELL WAT AM I DOING???
OH AND BY THE WAY, I AM FECKIN UNPREPARED!!! :D X 10000000000
OH AND BY THE WAY, I AM FECKIN UNPREPARED!!! :D X 10000000000
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
of the hopeless kin
live the dream is really good, in that it really shows how impossible singapore's music scene is. i mean, first having a rock themed show is a bad idea, secondly all the bands just plain suck at playing rock. i like cats in the cradle, but i like them for their acoustic work and nothing else. i mean wth, its not over, summer of 69, its not rock. its more pop rock. which is then very sad, because it really shows how impossible it is to become a rock musician in spore. honestly, nothing but pop can survive here, singaporeans cant appreciate rock music lah. thats what all the globalisation and cultural diversification has done to us, we have become general.
G: general.
G: general.
for now
OMG ITS OVER.
it was horrible. terrible. absolutely drastic. i am pretty certain i'll fail. but i dont care.
COS ITS OVER.
it was horrible. terrible. absolutely drastic. i am pretty certain i'll fail. but i dont care.
COS ITS OVER.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
camcorder baby
i realise i've been in vj so long, yet so little do i know about the school. oh well.
the hallowed dvd
the hallowed dvd
peace
i am in a very strange mood right now. i think being angry makes me go abit wacky. my piano exam is in 35 hours ftw.
today i had a nice long talk with phoedebe. i realise i really miss being able to talk to people, people who wont judge, people who accept you for who you are.
its sad. it really is, how pathetic our society is becoming. are we all becoming stupid judgemental fools? cant we function anymore, without having to so readily judge people for what they are or are not? scarier still, haf we reached a point where we judge people according to who we make them out to be, and not who they really are?
there are some questions that just have no answers.
am i that worthless in your eyes,
a fly fluttering in the fading light.
i wont take it anymore this wholesome lie,
cross between two dragons and one sky.
because i rather be who i really am,
than to just be some stupid so called gentleman.
today i had a nice long talk with phoedebe. i realise i really miss being able to talk to people, people who wont judge, people who accept you for who you are.
its sad. it really is, how pathetic our society is becoming. are we all becoming stupid judgemental fools? cant we function anymore, without having to so readily judge people for what they are or are not? scarier still, haf we reached a point where we judge people according to who we make them out to be, and not who they really are?
there are some questions that just have no answers.
am i that worthless in your eyes,
a fly fluttering in the fading light.
i wont take it anymore this wholesome lie,
cross between two dragons and one sky.
because i rather be who i really am,
than to just be some stupid so called gentleman.
Monday, September 17, 2007
absolution
"As for Dom, he just rocks. He needs the transparent drum set so we could see his awesome pants.."
i freaking love muse.
i freaking love muse.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
bookshop heroes
i need a new template. i need a cool template. i need a template. tem-plate.
consciously, i lie to myself all the time.
subconsciously, i keep asking myself why.
though in my dreams it threatens to speak,
i hold by breath in anticipation of what might come next.
consciously, i lie to myself all the time.
subconsciously, i keep asking myself why.
though in my dreams it threatens to speak,
i hold by breath in anticipation of what might come next.
trust me
i hate not having stuff to do. it gets me damn restless.
its sucks to have a little bit of everything, and a whole lot of nothing.
its sucks to have a little bit of everything, and a whole lot of nothing.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
gotta say something if not nothing
being scared is so easy eh.
this afternoon/evening was sooo nice. sitting in the canteen with phoedebe shu hao ge and nad, just talking, really not giving a care about anything else, and to really talk, it felt so good. sigh. i miss times like these, i really its been quite a forever since i had such conversation. it actually gives me hope in this world again.
theres so much i want to say, words just dont do justice to how i feel.
all of the running away, all of the lingering pain.
i want to be just like those angels that stay awake,
all night just to watch your peaceful sleep.
the shadow of your back fading into the sunset,
with the swallow diving into the never ending cloud.
this afternoon/evening was sooo nice. sitting in the canteen with phoedebe shu hao ge and nad, just talking, really not giving a care about anything else, and to really talk, it felt so good. sigh. i miss times like these, i really its been quite a forever since i had such conversation. it actually gives me hope in this world again.
theres so much i want to say, words just dont do justice to how i feel.
all of the running away, all of the lingering pain.
i want to be just like those angels that stay awake,
all night just to watch your peaceful sleep.
the shadow of your back fading into the sunset,
with the swallow diving into the never ending cloud.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
learning back my heartbeat
oh my god. listening to pink floyd live leaves my brain and body in strange untold places. oh god. my heart is beating strangely now. oh god. pink floyd. oh god.
oh god.
serious damn, a 4 and a half min comfortably numb solo is just indecent man. it leaves the brain in places yet explored. mind fuck baby.
oh god.
serious damn, a 4 and a half min comfortably numb solo is just indecent man. it leaves the brain in places yet explored. mind fuck baby.
now or never or never ever
i'm bored.
and tired.
and cranky.
and unhappy.
and dissatisfied.
and unpleasant.
the list will go on and on.
until i finally decide to end it.
and tired.
and cranky.
and unhappy.
and dissatisfied.
and unpleasant.
the list will go on and on.
until i finally decide to end it.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
i want a backstreet boy to punch
fuck you, world. no, correction: FUCK YOU, WORLD.
if you can tell, which you probably cant, i am currently very pissed with the whole urgh world. (i am trying very hard to avoid swear words. i dont know why and i dont want to knwo why. it might get me angry.)
i AJIGHOQH(N@)!UT)goih HATE THE WORLD.
ok now for decent chat.
ok i got physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, spiritually, defeated. destroyed. i am in a state of shambles, i am caught in a traumatic guitar string. i wish i had a punching bag right now. i dont know why, but i am suddenly filled with rather pent up intent. and rage. and anger. ARGABKQBVIBIBIVOQJOOBO.
i am feeling like an angsty angry boy right now. so, PIKAJOKAB. YOU BLOWJOB. PISS IN MY RED BULL AND SHIT LIKE A HORSE YOU COW FACE PUNK ASS TYRE RUNNER.
if you can tell, which you probably cant, i am currently very pissed with the whole urgh world. (i am trying very hard to avoid swear words. i dont know why and i dont want to knwo why. it might get me angry.)
i AJIGHOQH(N@)!UT)goih HATE THE WORLD.
ok now for decent chat.
ok i got physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, spiritually, defeated. destroyed. i am in a state of shambles, i am caught in a traumatic guitar string. i wish i had a punching bag right now. i dont know why, but i am suddenly filled with rather pent up intent. and rage. and anger. ARGABKQBVIBIBIVOQJOOBO.
i am feeling like an angsty angry boy right now. so, PIKAJOKAB. YOU BLOWJOB. PISS IN MY RED BULL AND SHIT LIKE A HORSE YOU COW FACE PUNK ASS TYRE RUNNER.
Monday, September 10, 2007
ode to the masses
honestly, being sad isnt that hard.
no matter how many times i say it,
over and over till the sky turns grey,
you'll never see, you'll never understand
that deep down someone i actually do care.
though you may think i feel no pain,
imagine that i've got ice filled veins.
the lies told over and over again,
conceal the truth of ghostly shame.
words dont come out the way they should,
meaning always clearly misunderstood.
you put me down cos you know you could,
though i've hoped you never would.
i cant say i've never cried,
right at the death of the plightless night.
stripped it right out of my head,
throw it in the boiler's gate.
let it spin and simmer round,
burn until it wont make any sound.
pause.
left right centre is doesnt ever matter,
its the same the claim the game.
often i do play the clown,
letting myself drown not frown.
but sometimes when the river clears,
into a gashing waterfall,
thats when it only ever hurts,
falling like a wingless bird.
you cant see that it means something to me,
what you think, what you make of me.
we all laugh and joke today,
but tomorrow its only my dismay.
no matter how many times i say it,
over and over till the sky turns grey,
you'll never see, you'll never understand
that deep down someone i actually do care.
though you may think i feel no pain,
imagine that i've got ice filled veins.
the lies told over and over again,
conceal the truth of ghostly shame.
words dont come out the way they should,
meaning always clearly misunderstood.
you put me down cos you know you could,
though i've hoped you never would.
i cant say i've never cried,
right at the death of the plightless night.
stripped it right out of my head,
throw it in the boiler's gate.
let it spin and simmer round,
burn until it wont make any sound.
pause.
left right centre is doesnt ever matter,
its the same the claim the game.
often i do play the clown,
letting myself drown not frown.
but sometimes when the river clears,
into a gashing waterfall,
thats when it only ever hurts,
falling like a wingless bird.
you cant see that it means something to me,
what you think, what you make of me.
we all laugh and joke today,
but tomorrow its only my dismay.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Friday, September 07, 2007
HELLO!
tonight is a weird night. WEIRD. correction: today is a weird day. WEIRD.
me and minghao are currently having a strange conversation about an emo radio station, converting everyone such that we become a "a legion of discontented emo singaporeans" "disconnected AND discontented bent on revolution and overthrowing the government then they take powr", and my ascension to power. and how everyone has to bow to me when i say hello. HELLO! now bow. i am disatisfied with minghao's inability to submit to me.
and my conversation with shu has brought about some very very strange lines. such as this one:
if you want your ring back, you must exchange your dreams for it
i mean, how cool is that? i cna just picture that in some super mega cool fantasy game or movie or smthn. like, woah moment!
oh! moment!
me and minghao are currently having a strange conversation about an emo radio station, converting everyone such that we become a "a legion of discontented emo singaporeans" "disconnected AND discontented bent on revolution and overthrowing the government then they take powr", and my ascension to power. and how everyone has to bow to me when i say hello. HELLO! now bow. i am disatisfied with minghao's inability to submit to me.
and my conversation with shu has brought about some very very strange lines. such as this one:
if you want your ring back, you must exchange your dreams for it
i mean, how cool is that? i cna just picture that in some super mega cool fantasy game or movie or smthn. like, woah moment!
oh! moment!
debunking my myth
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
.greatest fear to fear the great..
i fear relationships. why? because for every start there must be and end. for every day there'll be a night. and i fear the end. i fear loss. loss of those closest to me. closest to my heart. people whom i could trust. people i have placed faith in. i fear not being unable to achieve, instead i fear losing what i have. i desperately cling on, hoping it'll last forever. but nothing is forever. is there fprver? who is to say? i fear letting go. i fear having to let go of things i have. letting go is hard. too hard for the heart. it takes too much out of me. its scars too deep. i fear rejection. i fear not being accepted by those i seek acceptance from. not a mass, nto an entity, but the individual. people. persons. and i fear not being able to gain their trust, failing to garner their faith. i fear pain. pain brought about by having to go through life the way it is. the physical pain shall fade away, btu the pain from dealiing with people, egos, emotions, minds, hearts. overwhelming. fragile fragmetns of the soul, yet forced to juggle them, watch to see which is to fall first. i fear letting down the poeple who have placed faith in me. to have to face the dissapointment, the hurt, its just too much for me to take. i fear running away. not facing up to what i should. thrying to escape, though i know i cant. i fear losing control. over my emotions. to lose the control, allowing the gates to break open, i'd be afraid, frightened, cos the repercussions are too great. to be abel to control my emotions is something i want to be able to pride myself for. but maybe its pride misplaced. i fear having to consider all the options of any situation, for it brings rise to too many possibilities i dont want to see. i fear underachieving. not meeting my own standards. others dont matter, for if i dont even meet my own personal standards, its only letting myself down. and yet i fear overachieving. i fear reaching a point where there is no more to achieve. the end. for what then, when theres nothing more to achieve? nothing left to strive for? i fear having belief placed in me. cosi know only too well that it is more thaan likely that i shall dissapoint. i fear things being beyond my comprehension. i seek to understand things that are going on, but if and when i dont, i feel lost. to be unable to be clear of things happening, to analyse but not understand, it'll scare me. and i fear being at a loss, with no direction in which to go, no idea where to turn. i fear having to make decisions. there are too many implications, too many possibilities.
i fear my heart, my mind, but not my soul.
for there is belief. and in that i trust.
could i conquer these fears? probrably not.
i cant make it go away, i wont.
everyday i face all these i fear, but am i fearful? hopefully not.
what do i live for? not for others, not for myself, but for all i fear. i live to see myself faced with all that i am afraid of, over and over again.
why? cos its a challenge. and i like challenges. i thrive on them. not to conquer, but just the ride.
see, i live on adrenaline.
Posted by dessy at 7:25 PM
that, was more than 2 years ago. sigh. see this is what happens when you get sick of reading about holocaust denial and creation-science. you go through old blog entries. what the hell. (note to self: who's you? chances are no one reads this but yourself you idiot, so stop pretending like theres an audience of some sort.)
well i didnt actually read that from my archives. i reread it in my diary, then i reread it on my blog, den reread some other stuff. the thing that really struck me is that, while some things have definitely changed (and for the better, i'd like to believe), some things, well, havent. i mean, i'd like to think that i've become less naive, i'm matured and all that shit, but beyond all of that, there are things i cant help but realise that havent changed at all. in one sense, i dont think i am any closer than 2 years ago in defining who i am. which is a really scary thought. i mean, yes in the almost 3 years i've been in vj i've learnt alot, not just about myself, but in general. but i still am confused about who i am. in sec 2 i thought i knew who i am. sec 3, ok ip1 wadeva, that really fucked everything up. it really did make me reconsider alot of the things i thought i knew, about others, about myself, about life in general. so many things happened, so many things changed, and i say it over and over again, it really forced me to grow up. which is definitely a good thing in many respects.
but the thing that really strikes me about this post, is that for the majority of it, i can still post it now. ok maybe not the last portion (HAHA laugh with me now HAHA). but the whole first section, it more or less still holds true. that aint the scary part. the scary part is this: how long more will all of that apply? i mean, i think at some point, i have to honestly face up to all of that. i cant run forever. i dont want to run forever, even if i'm doing it right now. (HM maybe thats why my dreams are always about running, but i always wake up just before i reach where i want to reach. hm. ok maybe not)
theres another thing i realise. i'm now trying to work out whether i'm more honest now or then. ok desmond shall think. actually, having thought about it, i suspect it is actually quite different. last time, i suppose i could be more honest with others, but not myself. all the hating, all the angst, all the anger, it amounted to some kind of truth, in that beyond all the "fuck"s and all the "shit"s, i probably can sieve out the elements of honesty. now, i suppose i do find it easier to be honest on the inside. on the outside? not so easy. the main difference is this - i suppose last time, i did first, thought(regret/worry/reflect) after. now, i think first, do after. or in many cases, dont do after. and i suppose at least last time, i actually did all those things first. i did stuff i can regret later. now, i'm too scared, i suppose even more scared than last time, and as a result, there are alot of things i want to do but cant, or dont. i mean, so much for development eh. so i suppose i cant decide when i've been more honest, then or now, but i can say i am not more honest than i was, which is a bad thing. i think.
i just had this thought. could this be cyclical? like, 2 yrs and 4 months from now, i'll come back, look at this again, re post it, and realise nothing has changed. scary thought? i hope not.
nope, i cant. not yet.
the age game
i want to live life with no regrets. i want to be able to look back and say, "yes, that was worth it", "no i wouldnt have done it any way else". i want to be able to do that. and now, just 17, already i think i cant.
hur, and you wonder why people never grow old.
hur, and you wonder why people never grow old.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
in need of some pursuit
ah fuck my sis is watching bring it on. (again, i think)
i've realised, i have a few means of running away. one is music. second one is intellectual pursuits. today whilst i was reading, i suddenly realised, "hey, this aint right." i realised that all i was doing was to just push all the thoughts out of my mind, to bury myself in the thoughts of others, so that i dont have to deal with my own.
i cant believe i've resorted to doing quizes to kill my hopelessly wasted time.
i've realised, i have a few means of running away. one is music. second one is intellectual pursuits. today whilst i was reading, i suddenly realised, "hey, this aint right." i realised that all i was doing was to just push all the thoughts out of my mind, to bury myself in the thoughts of others, so that i dont have to deal with my own.
i cant believe i've resorted to doing quizes to kill my hopelessly wasted time.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
dont think about me
the problem is this. thinking makes me sad and fucked up, but i cant not think. i think (hah) i have some form of addiction to thinking, such that i just cannot not think. and its depressing thinking about it (pun not intended). its a horrible feeling, having to think things through, wondering all the time, and not knowing. because my problem is that i want to know, but i'm too scared to find out. so i create all these possibilities and maybes in my mind, knowing that one of them is probably right, i just dont know which one.
so can i make choices? dont trust me on that. seriously.
so can i make choices? dont trust me on that. seriously.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
who needs money when you've got me?
as my 601th post, i shall make it a meaningful one.
first, i'd like to say sorry. its not really as simple as that, but sometimes, theres only so much you can do.
secondly, i'd like to decide what i want to do. short term. long term can wait.
i want to write a song. and not just some lame emo shit song, i want to write a song that means something. i want to write a song. and i want to write a great song. i want to write a hey there delilah, or a tears in heaven. simple, yet amazing. but honestly, i dont think i have it in me to write a song as good as that. its just, you must have that something. some call it inspiration, i call it...inspiration. i suspect. and anyway, since when did i ever do anything i said i would anyway. exclamation mark!
thirdly, i want to buy a guitar pedal. or rather, multiple pedals. i want a distortion pedal, a delay pedal, and after that special effect pedals. someone give me money. please i beg you.
fourth, i want to make music. ie i want to jam. ie i need to jam. ie i cannot jam. ie i got no one to jam with. ie i'm dead. ie my dreams are going down the abyss of reality. ie i am not thinking clearly.
ie i shall be gone. or begone whichever it is.
first, i'd like to say sorry. its not really as simple as that, but sometimes, theres only so much you can do.
secondly, i'd like to decide what i want to do. short term. long term can wait.
i want to write a song. and not just some lame emo shit song, i want to write a song that means something. i want to write a song. and i want to write a great song. i want to write a hey there delilah, or a tears in heaven. simple, yet amazing. but honestly, i dont think i have it in me to write a song as good as that. its just, you must have that something. some call it inspiration, i call it...inspiration. i suspect. and anyway, since when did i ever do anything i said i would anyway. exclamation mark!
thirdly, i want to buy a guitar pedal. or rather, multiple pedals. i want a distortion pedal, a delay pedal, and after that special effect pedals. someone give me money. please i beg you.
fourth, i want to make music. ie i want to jam. ie i need to jam. ie i cannot jam. ie i got no one to jam with. ie i'm dead. ie my dreams are going down the abyss of reality. ie i am not thinking clearly.
ie i shall be gone. or begone whichever it is.
need vs want
often it is really very simple. (i suspect i'm starting to think like an economist O_O)
i need to figure out my needs and wants. only then i can i settle things. yes. simple isnt it?
i need to figure out my needs and wants. only then i can i settle things. yes. simple isnt it?
Sunday, September 02, 2007
say no
he may want to play his childish games, but i swear, i wont. not again. i will not let myself fall back into that angst trap, i will not allow myself to be drawn into yet another meaningless battle. why? because it simply isnt worth it. i've learnt that much. its too stupid, too tiring, having to hate and be frustrated all the time. the only fear i have, is that i may not have anywhere to let it all out. and that might just make me, crack.
fuck you dad.
fuck you dad.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
titles dont make a man
i hate harry potter harry potter. he screws with my life.
on a less exciting note, i have reconcluded that i am actually very normal. i have very normal wants, just expressed in possibly abnormal ways. like seriously. all the abnormal stuff, all the tumultuous rubbish, its all to cover up all the normality within. normality is lame u know, and i dont want to be lame... so i pretend to be different and all. truth hurts, and no one wants to be hurt.
on the other hand, thinking about all this normality shit, it just aint normal is it?
ah well, at least i started with a conclusion. i had another conclusion, but i have forgotten what it is. OH YES!
i have also reasoned why i like music so much. music makes me happy, cos music distracts me from thinking. thinking makes me sad, and music stops me thinking, hence music makes me happy. (any ki student would totally screw my argument over, but wad the hell) and for that alone, music is important. its not just an escape, its...shit i cant think of anything besides escape, but my point is that it isnt just as simple as just being an escape. its like, i feel comfortable, more so than about any other time. really, thinking about stuff just complicates things too much. sometimes, it just so much better just doing. music vs theatre, i'd pick music 7 times out of 10 (there are certain forms of theatre i just cannot say no to). music makes me happy. sometimes, all i really need is a guitar, pen and paper, and time.
time.
on a less exciting note, i have reconcluded that i am actually very normal. i have very normal wants, just expressed in possibly abnormal ways. like seriously. all the abnormal stuff, all the tumultuous rubbish, its all to cover up all the normality within. normality is lame u know, and i dont want to be lame... so i pretend to be different and all. truth hurts, and no one wants to be hurt.
on the other hand, thinking about all this normality shit, it just aint normal is it?
ah well, at least i started with a conclusion. i had another conclusion, but i have forgotten what it is. OH YES!
i have also reasoned why i like music so much. music makes me happy, cos music distracts me from thinking. thinking makes me sad, and music stops me thinking, hence music makes me happy. (any ki student would totally screw my argument over, but wad the hell) and for that alone, music is important. its not just an escape, its...shit i cant think of anything besides escape, but my point is that it isnt just as simple as just being an escape. its like, i feel comfortable, more so than about any other time. really, thinking about stuff just complicates things too much. sometimes, it just so much better just doing. music vs theatre, i'd pick music 7 times out of 10 (there are certain forms of theatre i just cannot say no to). music makes me happy. sometimes, all i really need is a guitar, pen and paper, and time.
time.
Friday, August 31, 2007
signpost doctor
i'm not needing some place to go. i'm needing some place to stay.
after all, i cannot be wandering all my life, street after streets, because all streets do end somewhere. i've got to find the main road, and i've got to find it fast. before i get lost.
after all, i cannot be wandering all my life, street after streets, because all streets do end somewhere. i've got to find the main road, and i've got to find it fast. before i get lost.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
i need sleep and tons of weep
honestly guess work sucks. you never know where you're going, you dont even know whether you're even getting anywhere. and what is really bewildering is that people do that all the time. i do that all the time! why oh why?? if only life were as simple as math, where the probability of me doing something is but a fixed ratio to something else. i mean, at least then i have choices. but no, life aint so easy is it? so many variables, changing all the time, i really wonder how anyone can figure things out. i do all i can, and i'm nowhere.
yes it does hurt.
its not like writing a book. in writing a book, you can plan the end, and then slowly work out how you're gonna get there. at the rate things are going, i am going to be trapped in a pit hole of misspelled words and misery. and there is no way out. or rather, there is, but i'm not sure how i will get there. and maybe, jus maybe, i'll be just a little too late, and it'll be over.
forever?
yes it does hurt.
its not like writing a book. in writing a book, you can plan the end, and then slowly work out how you're gonna get there. at the rate things are going, i am going to be trapped in a pit hole of misspelled words and misery. and there is no way out. or rather, there is, but i'm not sure how i will get there. and maybe, jus maybe, i'll be just a little too late, and it'll be over.
forever?
disconcerting silence
i know, i know.
who never wished that the world were a better place? who never wished they could change the world? i've always believed that someday, somehow, i will change the world. everyone needs a lofty unachievable goal.
and mine, is to make you understand.
who never wished that the world were a better place? who never wished they could change the world? i've always believed that someday, somehow, i will change the world. everyone needs a lofty unachievable goal.
and mine, is to make you understand.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
augusts
complications complicate.
its like a spider web, suddenly everything's inter-related, suddenly everything's messed up in each other. and i cant control it anymore. its spiralling out of control with every little action, every missed word, every lost touch.
what a difference a night makes.
i. cant. thing. right. now. pain. pain. pain.
its like a spider web, suddenly everything's inter-related, suddenly everything's messed up in each other. and i cant control it anymore. its spiralling out of control with every little action, every missed word, every lost touch.
what a difference a night makes.
i. cant. thing. right. now. pain. pain. pain.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
laimeeyomey?
i think i know why i dont regret stuff. its cos i think about them too much, often before i even do it. ok i am determined, i shall do more things i will end up regretting from now on. usually difference is what matters.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
and counting
i have problems. i wish i had problem. then i would be able to find answer. instead of having to find answers. because it is damn tiring, having to find answers all the time.
stoke the ego, place it on the fire.
let it burn, melt it down,
and forge it into an everlasting crown.
i want a theory of everything. that is what is making my life so damn miserable. i have to stop ki-ing my own life. cos i dont think its getting my anywhere. i keep searching for something more, so much so i'm not sure i can appreciate the here and now.
wonderful. i am in a depressed kind of mood. with 31 hrs to do my crit com. crotch com lah.
stoke the ego, place it on the fire.
let it burn, melt it down,
and forge it into an everlasting crown.
i want a theory of everything. that is what is making my life so damn miserable. i have to stop ki-ing my own life. cos i dont think its getting my anywhere. i keep searching for something more, so much so i'm not sure i can appreciate the here and now.
wonderful. i am in a depressed kind of mood. with 31 hrs to do my crit com. crotch com lah.
tell me
i cant do it alone.
rahh.
i need to change. i really really need to. i need to make myself just do things, and not think about stuff so much. i've come to realise, there is no need to intellectualise everything, there is no need to make everything make sense. sometimes, i suppose its actually better if things dont make sense, and to just do. sometimes my thoughts scare me. maybe thats how nightmares come about.
i am jealous, lah.
rahh.
i need to change. i really really need to. i need to make myself just do things, and not think about stuff so much. i've come to realise, there is no need to intellectualise everything, there is no need to make everything make sense. sometimes, i suppose its actually better if things dont make sense, and to just do. sometimes my thoughts scare me. maybe thats how nightmares come about.
i am jealous, lah.
absurdity in reality
i want fireworks at my wedding. if i can afford it.
OTHER THAN THAT I NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER WANT TO SEE FIREWORKS EVER AGAIN.
singaporeans. tsk .
OTHER THAN THAT I NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER WANT TO SEE FIREWORKS EVER AGAIN.
singaporeans. tsk .
Thursday, August 16, 2007
non-ego
you are fucking stupid.
you have a problem, and you know it. why cant you just deal with it?? you try to act all so cool, like nothing matters to you, like you dont care, but i know you do. deep down inside, you do care, dont you? and all those excuses you keep making, all you do is you keep putting things off. sooner or later, it'll come back to haunt you. why? cos you're stupid. quit pretending, cos i can see right through you. i will mock you every time i can, seeing you all alone, for i have no sympathy for you. you've brought all these upon yourself.
desmond, you deserve it.
you have a problem, and you know it. why cant you just deal with it?? you try to act all so cool, like nothing matters to you, like you dont care, but i know you do. deep down inside, you do care, dont you? and all those excuses you keep making, all you do is you keep putting things off. sooner or later, it'll come back to haunt you. why? cos you're stupid. quit pretending, cos i can see right through you. i will mock you every time i can, seeing you all alone, for i have no sympathy for you. you've brought all these upon yourself.
desmond, you deserve it.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
trapped in a cardboard box
shit lah. i am gettin depressed. my stash of honey stars has run out, snow flakes just doesnt cut it. i suspect i may be making excuses for myself just like i always do. running running as fast as i can.
how hard is it to say sorry?
lets find out...
how hard is it to say sorry?
lets find out...
Sunday, August 12, 2007
|
i detest pw so much its not funny anymore.
wth lah. its like, life life life life PW!!! life life life PW!!!! life life PW!!!! life. LIFE EFFING SUCKS. ugh hate pw. i mean, i've got nothing against my group, nothing against my topic, yadda yadda yadda, but the whole concept of pw is stupid. moronic. its like having grass on a basketball court, or playing checkers with popcorn. ITS FUCKING STUPID.
RANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok objectiveness is key. i shall observe objectively the nature of pw.
assumption 1: pw promotes group work.
yes it does. it promotes group quabbling, arguments, yes it does. pw is directly contrary to human nature. humans are not meant to work together. humans are selfish creatures. the only time they can work in groups is when its voluntary, and absolutely necessary. pw flouts these 2 very basic rules of human nature. stupid, isnt it?
assumption 2: pw encourages students to look at real life situations.
of course it does. and real clever too, we slog slog slog, waste hours and hours of time stressing and working, to PLAN something, that we will never carry out! clever isnt it! so in real life when we go out there to work, we'll just keep planning events, we'll keep on slogging our lives away, so as to come up with a plan we wont carry out! great!
ugh. objectiveness is a lie. i wan my soccer. i hate pw. i want my honey stars. pw can go and fucking die.
wth lah. its like, life life life life PW!!! life life life PW!!!! life life PW!!!! life. LIFE EFFING SUCKS. ugh hate pw. i mean, i've got nothing against my group, nothing against my topic, yadda yadda yadda, but the whole concept of pw is stupid. moronic. its like having grass on a basketball court, or playing checkers with popcorn. ITS FUCKING STUPID.
RANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok objectiveness is key. i shall observe objectively the nature of pw.
assumption 1: pw promotes group work.
yes it does. it promotes group quabbling, arguments, yes it does. pw is directly contrary to human nature. humans are not meant to work together. humans are selfish creatures. the only time they can work in groups is when its voluntary, and absolutely necessary. pw flouts these 2 very basic rules of human nature. stupid, isnt it?
assumption 2: pw encourages students to look at real life situations.
of course it does. and real clever too, we slog slog slog, waste hours and hours of time stressing and working, to PLAN something, that we will never carry out! clever isnt it! so in real life when we go out there to work, we'll just keep planning events, we'll keep on slogging our lives away, so as to come up with a plan we wont carry out! great!
ugh. objectiveness is a lie. i wan my soccer. i hate pw. i want my honey stars. pw can go and fucking die.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
lie lie to my american pie
hm ok. hm ok. hm ok.
i suspect theres something interesting and philosophical and complex about multiple repetitions. things in 3s must have some meaning. like why die die die instead of die? or shit shit shit instead of shit?
honestly, there are alot of things i dont get. i should jot down some of my stuff so i dont forget:
- uhh, something about society and something. OH YES! tv, drama, reality tv etc. our perception and understanding of society etc necessarily shaped by images of society we associate with. with tv taking a greater control of alot of our lives, are we losing touch with what society 'really' is? or is society evolving towards the one(s) seen on tv? (i need to think)
- um, there was something about dream analysis yes?
- is the choice of making a choice the most basic, fundamental choice of all?
- dealing with the self before dealing with others (hey if summer can do it, so can i OKAY.)
- national day. importance, absurdity, necessity -> basics of forging a nation and keeping it together -> submitting of will to a greater power -> reinforcement of ideals as a form creating/instilling knowledge
i suspect theres something interesting and philosophical and complex about multiple repetitions. things in 3s must have some meaning. like why die die die instead of die? or shit shit shit instead of shit?
honestly, there are alot of things i dont get. i should jot down some of my stuff so i dont forget:
- uhh, something about society and something. OH YES! tv, drama, reality tv etc. our perception and understanding of society etc necessarily shaped by images of society we associate with. with tv taking a greater control of alot of our lives, are we losing touch with what society 'really' is? or is society evolving towards the one(s) seen on tv? (i need to think)
- um, there was something about dream analysis yes?
- is the choice of making a choice the most basic, fundamental choice of all?
- dealing with the self before dealing with others (hey if summer can do it, so can i OKAY.)
- national day. importance, absurdity, necessity -> basics of forging a nation and keeping it together -> submitting of will to a greater power -> reinforcement of ideals as a form creating/instilling knowledge
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
down with the sickness
the important thing about identity is that it breeds a sense of belonging. to a place, to an ideal, to someone etc. and thats why having a clearly defined identity is important. it instantly sets down various parameters on how you should act, the things you say, even the way you think. and with that identity, it is akin to an entry pass to particular social circles.
and honestly, while i believe the concept of a 'new' identity is plausible, i dont think it is very feasible. i mean, identity is all about what people associate you with. and if you adopt an identity that people cannot associate with, that becomes a problem doesnt it? how do you even clearly define this new identity of yours? 'new' identities seem to be more relevant in the long run, so i suppose maybe we're looking for pioneers.
my point is, often i feel lost in who i am.
and honestly, while i believe the concept of a 'new' identity is plausible, i dont think it is very feasible. i mean, identity is all about what people associate you with. and if you adopt an identity that people cannot associate with, that becomes a problem doesnt it? how do you even clearly define this new identity of yours? 'new' identities seem to be more relevant in the long run, so i suppose maybe we're looking for pioneers.
my point is, often i feel lost in who i am.
lessons to learn, lies to spill
i must learn how to act is a more smart, clever, logical, decent way.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
heoheoheoheoheo
honestly, like honestly honestly, i think i am on the path towards madness. or maybe not madness, just some mental condition of some sort. chances are its gonna be schizophrenia. and the funny part is i'm not sure it really scares me much. i mean there must be some way to prescribe it rite. weird hardly covers it. weird is a stupid word. weird should be put in the Official Stupid Words Dictionary, along with words such as meaning and lame and stupid and smart etc. stupid words indeed. fuck stupid words they should all die. really, who needs stupid words? ok maybe stupid people need stupid words. fine i shall be a sensitive twit. there is evidently a use for stupid words.
i know this feeling. hwachong -.- actually i dont. is it freaking me out? no. maybe thats the screwed up part. i must be feeling something, but strangely i dont. i know what i'm thinking, but i'm not sure if thats what i want to be thinking about it. how? i mean, the world has enough benjis and joes at the damn moment. annoying shits.
my point just now was that i'm losing the plot. then again, i suppose i always do. but no seriously, somethings not right. if u havent noticed, good for you! :) whats the point lah, in the end its going to end up in some stupid endless struggle with the self. so stupidly moronic. necessary? it seems all the necessary things in life are stupid and moronic and partly pointless.
i need a funky cool way of ending this post. lemme think.
bah black bah sheep.
i know this feeling. hwachong -.- actually i dont. is it freaking me out? no. maybe thats the screwed up part. i must be feeling something, but strangely i dont. i know what i'm thinking, but i'm not sure if thats what i want to be thinking about it. how? i mean, the world has enough benjis and joes at the damn moment. annoying shits.
my point just now was that i'm losing the plot. then again, i suppose i always do. but no seriously, somethings not right. if u havent noticed, good for you! :) whats the point lah, in the end its going to end up in some stupid endless struggle with the self. so stupidly moronic. necessary? it seems all the necessary things in life are stupid and moronic and partly pointless.
i need a funky cool way of ending this post. lemme think.
bah black bah sheep.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
nuggets
i have a question.
can a person change who he or she is? i mean, how much of a person's personality, how much of his or her character, just how much is ingrained deeply into a person, such that nothing can change that? i think everyone should have to answer that question. and what if those, i dunno, core values, what if those clash? its like biting into a chicken nugget and realising its peanut inside, which just happened to me. does that mean that i will forever be stuck with all these internal conflict? will the peanut and the chicken never go away? i'd like to think that its like those weird math things, where one zero is more domineering than the other zero. i mean, its more comforting to know that even in things that are beyond our control, we can still exercise some very little form of control over it. wait that statement is flawed. we are not technically exercising any conscious control over it, rather its just that these core values have their own way of dealing with each other. so do we then just leave them to sort themselves out? how long can a person wait, before it is too late?
i am hungry. i need another nugget. well, 'nugget'.
can a person change who he or she is? i mean, how much of a person's personality, how much of his or her character, just how much is ingrained deeply into a person, such that nothing can change that? i think everyone should have to answer that question. and what if those, i dunno, core values, what if those clash? its like biting into a chicken nugget and realising its peanut inside, which just happened to me. does that mean that i will forever be stuck with all these internal conflict? will the peanut and the chicken never go away? i'd like to think that its like those weird math things, where one zero is more domineering than the other zero. i mean, its more comforting to know that even in things that are beyond our control, we can still exercise some very little form of control over it. wait that statement is flawed. we are not technically exercising any conscious control over it, rather its just that these core values have their own way of dealing with each other. so do we then just leave them to sort themselves out? how long can a person wait, before it is too late?
i am hungry. i need another nugget. well, 'nugget'.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
blurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrb
I need some form of self evaluation.
I wish I knew someone like house. That would be way too cool.
I think I sense increased brain activity in my upper cranium. Wonderful.
There should be some definite way of classifying people. Fear, desires, aspirations etc. Something than cannot be empirically measured, if that is the term (I'm not sure it is). Okay i misuse the term classifying. This is not about classification; it is more like qualifying people. People can be easily quantified - age, height, race, weight, sex, eyesight etc. However I feel there is a need to be able to qualify people, Maybe that is the only way we can truly get to know a person, to be able to look past all the things that can be quantified, and to look for the things that can only be qualified.
There is a problem with this, in that it assumes human interaction to be structured. Here I am assuming that people first look at the so called outer layers, before getting to the inner layers. This is the same as saying that each person is an onion, we all have multiple layers, and to be able to reach the inner layers, one must first get past the outer layers. I would think this to be the normal idea. However, I wish to question this. What if people are in fact not onions? Personally, I do not believe that people are onions. Rather, I think people are more like those fortune wheels we spin at fairs or at lucky draws. However, people are not just any wheel, we are tweaked, tampered wheels. What the arrow eventually points to will depend on the person spinning it.
I much prefer this view of people and human interaction. Why? The onion-view scares me a little, because what it seems to say is that if people try hard enough, and if people know how to, they can eventually strip a person down right to his or her core. The onion will eventually be reduced to onion strips. And honestly? I don't want to be a bowl of onion strips. With the wheel-view, what it seems to say is that people can be selective about who they are. The wheel appears to be fair, but in fact it is not, but only you know it. The wonderful thing about the wheel-view is that it can be manipulated, such that you can allow someone to know everything about you and who you are, or nothing at all. However, the wheel-view is of course based on the assumption that every individual section (vector is the more mathematical term I think, but i am most probably wrong) is filled. Which in many cases, I think they are not, which makes using the wheel-view incomplete and thus flawed.
There is a flaw with this whole argument. What I am here trying to do is to use the onion-view to generate the wheel-view, to some extent. Which then means this argument cannot hold, and thus falls apart.
Splat.
I wish I knew someone like house. That would be way too cool.
I think I sense increased brain activity in my upper cranium. Wonderful.
There should be some definite way of classifying people. Fear, desires, aspirations etc. Something than cannot be empirically measured, if that is the term (I'm not sure it is). Okay i misuse the term classifying. This is not about classification; it is more like qualifying people. People can be easily quantified - age, height, race, weight, sex, eyesight etc. However I feel there is a need to be able to qualify people, Maybe that is the only way we can truly get to know a person, to be able to look past all the things that can be quantified, and to look for the things that can only be qualified.
There is a problem with this, in that it assumes human interaction to be structured. Here I am assuming that people first look at the so called outer layers, before getting to the inner layers. This is the same as saying that each person is an onion, we all have multiple layers, and to be able to reach the inner layers, one must first get past the outer layers. I would think this to be the normal idea. However, I wish to question this. What if people are in fact not onions? Personally, I do not believe that people are onions. Rather, I think people are more like those fortune wheels we spin at fairs or at lucky draws. However, people are not just any wheel, we are tweaked, tampered wheels. What the arrow eventually points to will depend on the person spinning it.
I much prefer this view of people and human interaction. Why? The onion-view scares me a little, because what it seems to say is that if people try hard enough, and if people know how to, they can eventually strip a person down right to his or her core. The onion will eventually be reduced to onion strips. And honestly? I don't want to be a bowl of onion strips. With the wheel-view, what it seems to say is that people can be selective about who they are. The wheel appears to be fair, but in fact it is not, but only you know it. The wonderful thing about the wheel-view is that it can be manipulated, such that you can allow someone to know everything about you and who you are, or nothing at all. However, the wheel-view is of course based on the assumption that every individual section (vector is the more mathematical term I think, but i am most probably wrong) is filled. Which in many cases, I think they are not, which makes using the wheel-view incomplete and thus flawed.
There is a flaw with this whole argument. What I am here trying to do is to use the onion-view to generate the wheel-view, to some extent. Which then means this argument cannot hold, and thus falls apart.
Splat.
poor you poor me
omg. i just realised that i grew up watching lame ass chi variety shows, chi news, crappy chi dramas and, gasp! 出路 O_O
wtf.
wtf.
Friday, July 27, 2007
burn it into my memory
and just like that, the moment is gone.
forever? lets hope not.
there's a sense of inquisition,
beyond all the affirmation.
knowing that beyond the bright lights,
there lie a thousand nights.
forever? lets hope not.
there's a sense of inquisition,
beyond all the affirmation.
knowing that beyond the bright lights,
there lie a thousand nights.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
fuck parentage lah
inherently lonely.
i think, from an economists point of view, being lonely is the best state condition yet.
i think, from an economists point of view, being lonely is the best state condition yet.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Sunday, July 22, 2007
doors and chairs
i have a problem.
and i dont know how to deal with it. it has something to do with arrogance, inferiority, jealous, fear, selfishness, who knows what else.
its like trying to fight an invisible enemy. you know he's there, but you're not sure where. so you cant attack, all you can do is to keep swinging that sword and running around, hoping that you somehow hit him, and making sure he cant hit you. its as simple as that.
or not.
and i dont know how to deal with it. it has something to do with arrogance, inferiority, jealous, fear, selfishness, who knows what else.
its like trying to fight an invisible enemy. you know he's there, but you're not sure where. so you cant attack, all you can do is to keep swinging that sword and running around, hoping that you somehow hit him, and making sure he cant hit you. its as simple as that.
or not.
indeed the moron
i wish life were like a story book, a great book of fiction, a potter on stilts. then everything would be just right.
Friday, July 20, 2007
you make my heart boil
ARGH. i am so irritated right now, i feel like screaming at everything that remotely bothers me. like my damn mother, so bloody annoying. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh.
i cant stand dirty players. i really cant, cos its so frustrating to know that you lost not cos they beat u clean, but cos they beat you dirty. its just unsatisfying. and it hurts to, to look at all the work and pain and everything we have to go through, just for some stupid refs to screw it all up. we've sweat, people have bled, pushed all over place, tripped, everything dirty you can think of, and they just blatantly get away with it. fuck lah. just, argh thinking of it makes me want to smash something.
john muk must die. hahahahahaha muk hahahahahhahaha
i cant stand dirty players. i really cant, cos its so frustrating to know that you lost not cos they beat u clean, but cos they beat you dirty. its just unsatisfying. and it hurts to, to look at all the work and pain and everything we have to go through, just for some stupid refs to screw it all up. we've sweat, people have bled, pushed all over place, tripped, everything dirty you can think of, and they just blatantly get away with it. fuck lah. just, argh thinking of it makes me want to smash something.
john muk must die. hahahahahaha muk hahahahahhahaha
Thursday, July 19, 2007
channel 56
why oh why, do we cry and cry,
seek and seek, for the bleak and weak.
i am annoyed by my lack of elec guitaring. ugh. stupid broken stuck string thingus. argh. i miss the sounds of distortion coming out of my amp very very very much. bleh distortion i miss u :(
i have yet to realise just how much i have to do. lemme see. i have to find 2 texts, work on both of them, get out a duo and a design i/s (wtf). tournament is ending so that shouldnt be too much of a problem. ok wait wait i need a list.
1. tsd - duologue, need to find text, work on text, do text. i/s, need to find text, decide on i/s, do the damn thing. study godot. read up alot more on theatre. god theres so much to do.
2. floorball - ok tournaments ending so this shouldnt be thaaat much of a problem.
3. math- ah fuck lah.
4. econs - see above.
5. ki i/s - shit. what the hell i'm suppose to do i have no idea.
6. piano - insert expletives here. exam in less than 2 months and i'm sooo going to fail.
7. jamming - need a bassist. need to find time to jam. need to jam. need to write. need to record, eventually.
8. me too people - DINNER. argh i miss those people.
9. whatever else there is left. which is alot. ALOT. its so funny how one thing can be everything and everything can be one thing.
see? i'm screwed.
i wonder about something: who the hell am i blogging for exactly? and i have come to a conclusion that i blog for myself. to like, come back and read. well i dont know alot of all these rubbish just come out like that. i mean, who actually reads all these crap. other people's blogs are so much more interesting anyway. its probably my little means of escaping, the whole escapism notion, seeking comfort in the fact that there is indeed something beyond the shit that is reality, somewhere we can go to and escape from everything else. virtual therapy. must be kind of great yea. and half the time i think the things are do are so selfish, because all i'm doing is just amusing myself. who cares?
seek and seek, for the bleak and weak.
i am annoyed by my lack of elec guitaring. ugh. stupid broken stuck string thingus. argh. i miss the sounds of distortion coming out of my amp very very very much. bleh distortion i miss u :(
i have yet to realise just how much i have to do. lemme see. i have to find 2 texts, work on both of them, get out a duo and a design i/s (wtf). tournament is ending so that shouldnt be too much of a problem. ok wait wait i need a list.
1. tsd - duologue, need to find text, work on text, do text. i/s, need to find text, decide on i/s, do the damn thing. study godot. read up alot more on theatre. god theres so much to do.
2. floorball - ok tournaments ending so this shouldnt be thaaat much of a problem.
3. math- ah fuck lah.
4. econs - see above.
5. ki i/s - shit. what the hell i'm suppose to do i have no idea.
6. piano - insert expletives here. exam in less than 2 months and i'm sooo going to fail.
7. jamming - need a bassist. need to find time to jam. need to jam. need to write. need to record, eventually.
8. me too people - DINNER. argh i miss those people.
9. whatever else there is left. which is alot. ALOT. its so funny how one thing can be everything and everything can be one thing.
see? i'm screwed.
i wonder about something: who the hell am i blogging for exactly? and i have come to a conclusion that i blog for myself. to like, come back and read. well i dont know alot of all these rubbish just come out like that. i mean, who actually reads all these crap. other people's blogs are so much more interesting anyway. its probably my little means of escaping, the whole escapism notion, seeking comfort in the fact that there is indeed something beyond the shit that is reality, somewhere we can go to and escape from everything else. virtual therapy. must be kind of great yea. and half the time i think the things are do are so selfish, because all i'm doing is just amusing myself. who cares?
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
power of the gone and departed
i'm tired. over and over again, i really am. i mean, i really dont see much point in the whole thing anymore. its reached a point where it is just plain stupid, but hey, what can i say? nothing. its always nothing.
its all that fragmentation thats doing me in. the little bit here, the little bit there, its all too confusing and distracting and ultimately, useless.
hell it always is so much more complicated that it really is, only because it make it so much more complicated.
i guess it has to happen time to time, this whole fall-into-semi-depression phase thing. its prob the result of a lot of factors. tiredness, irritation, annoyance, general distaste etc. its everything, and its so stupid cos it achieves nothing.
its all that fragmentation thats doing me in. the little bit here, the little bit there, its all too confusing and distracting and ultimately, useless.
hell it always is so much more complicated that it really is, only because it make it so much more complicated.
i guess it has to happen time to time, this whole fall-into-semi-depression phase thing. its prob the result of a lot of factors. tiredness, irritation, annoyance, general distaste etc. its everything, and its so stupid cos it achieves nothing.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
so many things to know
there is ALWAYS enough time for soul searching.
unsaid things, all left to fester.
thank yous and sorrys,
never muttered, never heard.
honesty's too much,
honest words not enough.
all we can ask for is the truth.
all the lies, leave them behind,
they matter no more, they help no more.
cos come the time you search deep inside,
you must realise that you've got nothing left to hide.
unsaid things, all left to fester.
thank yous and sorrys,
never muttered, never heard.
honesty's too much,
honest words not enough.
all we can ask for is the truth.
all the lies, leave them behind,
they matter no more, they help no more.
cos come the time you search deep inside,
you must realise that you've got nothing left to hide.
born stupid, brought up stupid, died dead
i have concluded, i am actually quite normal.
i like to eat, i like to sleep, i like to have fun, i like playing soccer, i like violence, i enjoy sports in general.
so yes, i am a typical alpha male.
now, believe that.
i like to eat, i like to sleep, i like to have fun, i like playing soccer, i like violence, i enjoy sports in general.
so yes, i am a typical alpha male.
now, believe that.
Friday, July 13, 2007
lesson on the mind
Part IV of the Constitution of the Republic of Singapore
Fundamental Liberties
Liberty of the person
9. —(1) No person shall be deprived of his life or personal liberty save in accordance with law. (2) Where a complaint is made to the High Court or any Judge thereof that a person is being unlawfully detained, the Court shall inquire into the complaint and, unless satisfied that the detention is lawful, shall order him to be produced before the Court and release him. (3) Where a person is arrested, he shall be informed as soon as may be of the grounds of his arrest and shall be allowed to consult and be defended by a legal practitioner of his choice. (4) Where a person is arrested and not released, he shall, without unreasonable delay, and in any case within 48 hours (excluding the time of any necessary journey), be produced before a Magistrate and shall not be further detained in custody without the Magistrate’s authority. (5) Clauses (3) and (4) shall not apply to an enemy alien or to any person arrested for contempt of Parliament pursuant to a warrant issued under the hand of the Speaker. (6) Nothing in this Article shall invalidate any law —
---------
basically, my point is that yes it is innocent till proven guilty. now darryl, quit arguing with me :D
Fundamental Liberties
Liberty of the person
9. —(1) No person shall be deprived of his life or personal liberty save in accordance with law. (2) Where a complaint is made to the High Court or any Judge thereof that a person is being unlawfully detained, the Court shall inquire into the complaint and, unless satisfied that the detention is lawful, shall order him to be produced before the Court and release him. (3) Where a person is arrested, he shall be informed as soon as may be of the grounds of his arrest and shall be allowed to consult and be defended by a legal practitioner of his choice. (4) Where a person is arrested and not released, he shall, without unreasonable delay, and in any case within 48 hours (excluding the time of any necessary journey), be produced before a Magistrate and shall not be further detained in custody without the Magistrate’s authority. (5) Clauses (3) and (4) shall not apply to an enemy alien or to any person arrested for contempt of Parliament pursuant to a warrant issued under the hand of the Speaker. (6) Nothing in this Article shall invalidate any law —
- (a) in force before the commencement of this Constitution which authorises the arrest and detention of any person in the interests of public safety, peace and good order; or
- (b) relating to the misuse of drugs or intoxicating substances which authorises the arrest and detention of any person for the purpose of treatment and rehabilitation,
---------
basically, my point is that yes it is innocent till proven guilty. now darryl, quit arguing with me :D
Thursday, July 12, 2007
click click click stop
liberation is hell. or heaven. it really depends.
theres only so much you can say to make it right again.
i'm pressing backspace over and over again.
theres only so much you can say to make it right again.
i'm pressing backspace over and over again.
singing my sappy love song
when you're hanging on to every moment, every word
when you cant help but think and think again
when every breath seems to last forever
when every silence just seems to linger
when it all seems to mean forever
when every step just bounces that little bit more
when every smile seems to stretch that little wider
when it feels like you could go on forever
yes. it is once again.
when you cant help but think and think again
when every breath seems to last forever
when every silence just seems to linger
when it all seems to mean forever
when every step just bounces that little bit more
when every smile seems to stretch that little wider
when it feels like you could go on forever
yes. it is once again.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
own3d
i am having such a disturbing day. terrible in fact. how hte hell does one get lucky stuck in one's heard????
btw, here is absolute totaly pwnage:
shuwen:
"OH OH i have progressed in plaing badminton!!!!!
so happy
i can now hit a shuttlecock twice in a row"
btw, here is absolute totaly pwnage:
shuwen:
"OH OH i have progressed in plaing badminton!!!!!
so happy
i can now hit a shuttlecock twice in a row"
its not tiresome, just tiring
tired.
its sometimes really as simple as that. at the end of it all, it usually boils down to the very simplest problem. i suppose the blame is always on both parties. blame is shifted, blame is pushed, blame is contested, whatever. point is, there never is any black and white left in this world. sometimes it'd be so much better and easier if we just say the grey in everything.
i still cant figure it out, somehow. surprising? i dont know. maybe. its like, its this, then that, then this again. it is confusing, it is tiring, and i dont know where it is going. just how many more pleases?
argh. i'm too tired to think. its damn tiring you know. and its not as if i'm not already tired as i am.
its sometimes really as simple as that. at the end of it all, it usually boils down to the very simplest problem. i suppose the blame is always on both parties. blame is shifted, blame is pushed, blame is contested, whatever. point is, there never is any black and white left in this world. sometimes it'd be so much better and easier if we just say the grey in everything.
i still cant figure it out, somehow. surprising? i dont know. maybe. its like, its this, then that, then this again. it is confusing, it is tiring, and i dont know where it is going. just how many more pleases?
argh. i'm too tired to think. its damn tiring you know. and its not as if i'm not already tired as i am.
Monday, July 09, 2007
SOMEONE BUY ME CHEESECAKEEEEEE
did i mention i hate anonymous taggers? no i didnt. well, i hate anonymous taggers. and i dunno why (actually i have a fairly good idea, but lets pretend i didnt say that) but i feel very mean and bitchy right about.......now. some part of me just wants to grab a chicken and rip it in half and smash it with my tennis racket. gut on gut action hurhur. i dont want to be mean, but i really really really want to do something horrible. its all these cravings, they are so annoying. away cravings!
butterflies arnt flies
hilarious might just be the word of the day.
i know and you know that i am tired/unhappy/emo/depressed/annoyed/someotherstuff when i post more than twice in a single night, and when the post doesnt (dont) really make much sense. oh and yes the crappy grammar is another sign. what the hell. who gives a shit anyway.
i know and you know that i am tired/unhappy/emo/depressed/annoyed/someotherstuff when i post more than twice in a single night, and when the post doesnt (dont) really make much sense. oh and yes the crappy grammar is another sign. what the hell. who gives a shit anyway.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
when saying hello and goodbye means nothing at all
its very scary how easy it just to lose oneself in the virtual world. its all so safe, its so anonymous, its so, easy. i really dont know how to put it. and wish as i may, i know nothing can change a thing. its so easy to curse and swear, so easy to rant about this and hate about that, because behind that computer screen, there is no one but you. and your eyes see nothing but words. no feelings, no emotions. you cant feel the raindrops slapping against your skin, you cant feel yourself sliding all over the wet floor, you cant feel the minions of evil spirits tearing away at your body, all you see is words.
and no one really understands. no one wants to, no one can.
and its just so easy isnt it? just fingers against plastic keys, the steady tapping of the keyboard to accompany the hum of the air con unit. does one even need to think? cos often, everything seems to come out, and i really wonder if anyone really thinks beforehand.
sigh. honestly, its just too damn tiring.
but never did we try...
and no one really understands. no one wants to, no one can.
and its just so easy isnt it? just fingers against plastic keys, the steady tapping of the keyboard to accompany the hum of the air con unit. does one even need to think? cos often, everything seems to come out, and i really wonder if anyone really thinks beforehand.
sigh. honestly, its just too damn tiring.
but never did we try...
ponder the beef fodder
all we need is a little sensitivity,
a little choice to make, a small step to take.
sometimes, the answers lie within, not without. problem is, realisation is a mean bitch.
i've got questions, but whose got the answers?
take it easy
don't you get it's just expression
won't you raise your voice
everytime a little dirt gets under
cry if you want
the return of no sensitivity
you don't have to scream
to say something that you honestly mean
no sensitivity - jimmy eat world
a little choice to make, a small step to take.
sometimes, the answers lie within, not without. problem is, realisation is a mean bitch.
i've got questions, but whose got the answers?
take it easy
don't you get it's just expression
won't you raise your voice
everytime a little dirt gets under
cry if you want
the return of no sensitivity
you don't have to scream
to say something that you honestly mean
no sensitivity - jimmy eat world
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Friday, July 06, 2007
the wonders of maybe
training's been good. its a generally specifically good thing i suppose.
ahhh i know when i am tired. when i get tired i start and finish random blog posts. posting 3 times a night is sign of either depression or tiredness.
i am sooo cool with words man. hur hur.
ahhh i know when i am tired. when i get tired i start and finish random blog posts. posting 3 times a night is sign of either depression or tiredness.
i am sooo cool with words man. hur hur.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
and i never learnt a god damn thing
living in a world of thine own.
its so weird how alike things can be, how roles all seem so similar and familiar.
its a crazy freaky world. full of crazy freaky. some just cant deal. its quite obvious, they dont have a mental and emotional maturity to deal with it. or maybe its all just so contrived. its like a lit poem, its all mush and fluffy, and often theres really nothing much on the inside. something really is wrong with the system. but i wont be like all those stupid idiotic moronic idealist and say how the system must be changed and all that rubbish, because it is all bullshit. it really is. i think anyone who believes in all that idealistic utopian crap is stupid. theres no way we can change the system. we can fight, we can alter it, but we cant change it int he sense of overthrowing it. it jsut wont happen. now if only people would actually get that.
confrontation is a necessarry evil? i'll sleep on it...
its so weird how alike things can be, how roles all seem so similar and familiar.
its a crazy freaky world. full of crazy freaky. some just cant deal. its quite obvious, they dont have a mental and emotional maturity to deal with it. or maybe its all just so contrived. its like a lit poem, its all mush and fluffy, and often theres really nothing much on the inside. something really is wrong with the system. but i wont be like all those stupid idiotic moronic idealist and say how the system must be changed and all that rubbish, because it is all bullshit. it really is. i think anyone who believes in all that idealistic utopian crap is stupid. theres no way we can change the system. we can fight, we can alter it, but we cant change it int he sense of overthrowing it. it jsut wont happen. now if only people would actually get that.
confrontation is a necessarry evil? i'll sleep on it...
and i'm the one to blame
hey i guess somtimes we just got to do what we've got to do. regardless whether it is enough or not, we just do it. no questions asked. and if you cant even do that, what can you do?
wow. all i can say is wow. even i dont think i could ever sink that low. i mean, thats just rock bottom. unbelievable.
its such a strange strange looking world. my hands are numb.
wow. all i can say is wow. even i dont think i could ever sink that low. i mean, thats just rock bottom. unbelievable.
its such a strange strange looking world. my hands are numb.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
sitting on the fences, one more time
honestly, nothings new. its just all about growing up and realising the world is round, not flat.
Monday, July 02, 2007
the circus and the tiger
i have come to realise many things. among them, well not really but whatever i'm the one talking so shut up, anyway my point is, i have come to realise something. in a way. i think now i am more at peace with myself. although i suppose that really isnt the truth. the truth tends towards the nature of lies. anyway point is i feel like i can actually talk now. things feel better, different even. maybe its the change in enviornment, the change in people, the change in lifestyle, changes bring about changes.
oh shut up already. i know my grammar sucks, i cant spell and my english is downright horrible, but i'm talking and your're not so i dont give a shit.
so i think it is a good thing, and i think it is going to make me a if not better, at least a more faceted person than i think i already am. i forget what i was going to say. oh yes i remember now. it is a remote possibility, but i might be now finally be able to be honest because i can and not just because i want to. honesty is never the best policy, but people buy it anyway. its all in the saleperson...
round and round it goes around the merry-go-round.
oh shut up already. i know my grammar sucks, i cant spell and my english is downright horrible, but i'm talking and your're not so i dont give a shit.
so i think it is a good thing, and i think it is going to make me a if not better, at least a more faceted person than i think i already am. i forget what i was going to say. oh yes i remember now. it is a remote possibility, but i might be now finally be able to be honest because i can and not just because i want to. honesty is never the best policy, but people buy it anyway. its all in the saleperson...
round and round it goes around the merry-go-round.
an interesting night just got interestinger
if life were simple, everything would be categorisable. everything would be labelable. but life isnt simple. i wish i were labelable, but everytime i try to think of one label that can actually encompass who i really am, i cant think of anything. someone help me? and everything is so much simpler if everything could be labeled. its like, you could chuck people and things into different buckets and decide how and what you want to do with them.
get me a bucket someone.
get me a bucket someone.
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