wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i'm high xDDDD
haha. ok ok . i tink being up so late and palying damn funny dota is bad for hte brain. wtf. hahahahahaha. bzzz. i haf abit less den an hr to burn before the match starts, i'm hungry, my brain is currently not functioning, i'm talking to pple i haven talked to in ages, zombie has been on repeat for the past 2-3 hrs, WHAT THE FUCK.
what the fuck.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
bohemian rap city!!!!!
something's scary.
sometimes, i feel pple are too eager to place labels on things. or jus too liberal with their generalisations. like this and that is so emo, or this and that is so stupid, etc. cos i mean, do we actually take the time to actually analyse the various situations/objects, before placing such labels on them? cos if we don, den the labels are, jus to general.
i'm not saying i understand everything i see, or that i have a greater understanding than others, but its jus that i've seen too many instances of pple, jus, i guess freely associating things when there is little reason too. i mean, it then becomes such that the labels are the one that matter, nto the actual thing itself.
i'm not making sense am i -.-
sometimes, i feel pple are too eager to place labels on things. or jus too liberal with their generalisations. like this and that is so emo, or this and that is so stupid, etc. cos i mean, do we actually take the time to actually analyse the various situations/objects, before placing such labels on them? cos if we don, den the labels are, jus to general.
i'm not saying i understand everything i see, or that i have a greater understanding than others, but its jus that i've seen too many instances of pple, jus, i guess freely associating things when there is little reason too. i mean, it then becomes such that the labels are the one that matter, nto the actual thing itself.
i'm not making sense am i -.-
at the end of the something
bleh i missed the tao nan outing. and now dat i tink about i tink i shldnt haf. cos its like we're all 16 goin on 17, and like its a really good time to meet up once more to jus see how everyone's doin, before steppin into jc life. and i'm tinkin, this hols is the best time to meet up with old frens. the timing is jus so, right. sigh. so now i'm tinkin i wan to meet old frens all over again. maybe one day i'll go find yijing joel they all, maybe the tuition pple, vs pple even, jus old mates.
is it one more hello, or one last goodbye?
is it one more hello, or one last goodbye?
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
down in a hole
i'm standing across the road.
the other side, its so far away.
over on this side,
its so calm, so peaceful.
leaves rustle in the wind,
birds are chirping,
as i run my hair through my hair,
shivers run down my spine.
den i glance across the road.
there are pple everywhere,
the hustle and bustle of daily life,
right before my eyes.
the markets full of pple,
the playground packed with kids.
its so damn noisy,
everyones so alive.
shivers run down my spine.
is it the loneliness,
or the silence,
that scares me?
i wonder.
i wan to cross the road,
but cars keep rushing past.
everytime i take that tentative step,
theres the deafening roar of a cars horn,
forcing me to leap backwards.
its frustrating.
the other side,
its so tempting,
i want it so bad.
or do i?
wads wrong with this side aniwae?
its so perfect, bliss.
theres nothing wrong is there.
there is something wrong.
somethings missing.
everything is.
cos, theres no one here on my side.
the other side, its so far away.
over on this side,
its so calm, so peaceful.
leaves rustle in the wind,
birds are chirping,
as i run my hair through my hair,
shivers run down my spine.
den i glance across the road.
there are pple everywhere,
the hustle and bustle of daily life,
right before my eyes.
the markets full of pple,
the playground packed with kids.
its so damn noisy,
everyones so alive.
shivers run down my spine.
is it the loneliness,
or the silence,
that scares me?
i wonder.
i wan to cross the road,
but cars keep rushing past.
everytime i take that tentative step,
theres the deafening roar of a cars horn,
forcing me to leap backwards.
its frustrating.
the other side,
its so tempting,
i want it so bad.
or do i?
wads wrong with this side aniwae?
its so perfect, bliss.
theres nothing wrong is there.
there is something wrong.
somethings missing.
everything is.
cos, theres no one here on my side.
down in a hole
i'm standing across the road.
the other side, its so far away.
over on this side,
its so calm, so peaceful.
leaves rustle in the wind,
birds are chirping,
as i run my hair through my hair,
shivers run down my spine.
den i glance across the road.
there are pple everywhere,
the hustle and bustle of daily life,
right before my eyes.
the markets full of pple,
the playground packed with kids.
its so damn noisy,
everyones so alive.
shivers run down my spine.
is it the loneliness,
or the silence,
that scares me?
i wonder.
i wan to cross the road,
but cars keep rushing past.
everytime i take that tentative step,
theres the deafening roar of a cars horn,
forcing me to leap backwards.
its frustrating.
the other side,
its so tempting,
i want it so bad.
or do i?
wads wrong with this side aniwae?
its so perfect, bliss.
theres nothing wrong is there.
there is something wrong.
somethings missing.
everything is.
cos, theres no one here on my side.
the other side, its so far away.
over on this side,
its so calm, so peaceful.
leaves rustle in the wind,
birds are chirping,
as i run my hair through my hair,
shivers run down my spine.
den i glance across the road.
there are pple everywhere,
the hustle and bustle of daily life,
right before my eyes.
the markets full of pple,
the playground packed with kids.
its so damn noisy,
everyones so alive.
shivers run down my spine.
is it the loneliness,
or the silence,
that scares me?
i wonder.
i wan to cross the road,
but cars keep rushing past.
everytime i take that tentative step,
theres the deafening roar of a cars horn,
forcing me to leap backwards.
its frustrating.
the other side,
its so tempting,
i want it so bad.
or do i?
wads wrong with this side aniwae?
its so perfect, bliss.
theres nothing wrong is there.
there is something wrong.
somethings missing.
everything is.
cos, theres no one here on my side.
Monday, December 04, 2006
du di du di
lol yuxuan posted and i shall rip a quiz. lalala. i got notin to do sia -.-
1) How old do you wish you were? 18
2) Where were you when 911 happened? at home i tink
3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money? pout. and put in another dollar -.-
4) Do you count yourself kind? depends
5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? arm.
6) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? french/jap
7) Do you know your neighbours? abit.
8) What do you consider a vacation?alot of guitar, alot of sleep, alot of food, alot of sun and rain, very little of everything else.
9) Do you follow your horoscope? horrorscope maybe. horoscope no.
10) Would you move for the person you loved? i guess?
11) Are you touchy feeling? am i touchy feeling? uhhh, wtf is touchy feeling?
12) Dream job? dunno. psychiatrist, psychologist, alot of stuff i guess.
13) Favorite channel(s)? mtv, axn, espnstar, starworld when rockstar is on.
14) Favorite place to go on weekends? my head.
15) Showers or Baths? both.
16) Do you paint your nails? do i, no. haf i, yes.
17) Do you trust people easily? -.-
18) What are your phobias? they are everchanging.
19) Do you want kids? maybe.
20) Do you keep a handwritten journal? yah
21) Where would you rather be right now? dunno. playing ball, back at camp, maybe.
22) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy? myself.
23) Heavy or light sleeper? heavy.
24) Are you paranoid? yah.
25) Are you impatient? yah.
26) Who can you relate to? myself, diff pple in diff situations.
27) What's your favorite pick-up line? "yo babe are u free to join me in bed tonite?" i've never uttered a pick up line in my life.
28) What's your main ringtone on your mobile? vibration.
29) What were you doing at midnight last night? sleeping. or was i dotaing. cant rmb.
30) What did the last text on your cellphone say? not gonna say. smthn about telling and crying.
31) Whose bed did you sleep in last night? ure mothers -.- mine.
32) What color shirt are you wearing? none.
33) Name three things you have on you at all times? hair, ego, distrust.
34) What color are your bed sheets? blue, with some weird patterns.
35) How much cash do you have on you right now? none.
36) What is your favorite part of the chicken? the intestines, kidneys, livers, etc.
37) What's your favorite town/city? dunno. i'm not well travelled.
38) I can't wait till..? i die.
39) What did you have for dinner last night? uh, zi cha.
40) Do you own a gun? yah. i bought one 3 days ago for a dollar.
41) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? beer. or horlicks. or coffee.
42) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? in my head.
43) Last thing you ate? uhh, raisin bread.
44) What songs do you sing in the shower? alot.
45) Last thing that made you laugh? www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmXrqiSpgaY&eurl=
46) Worst injury you've ever had? i dunno. sprained wrist?
47) What's your favorite candy? dunno. lollipop?
48) What song do you want played at your funeral? november rain.
49) Ten random people to do this? ...
50) Say 'Goodbye' to yourself? yes. goodbye.
1) How old do you wish you were? 18
2) Where were you when 911 happened? at home i tink
3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money? pout. and put in another dollar -.-
4) Do you count yourself kind? depends
5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? arm.
6) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? french/jap
7) Do you know your neighbours? abit.
8) What do you consider a vacation?alot of guitar, alot of sleep, alot of food, alot of sun and rain, very little of everything else.
9) Do you follow your horoscope? horrorscope maybe. horoscope no.
10) Would you move for the person you loved? i guess?
11) Are you touchy feeling? am i touchy feeling? uhhh, wtf is touchy feeling?
12) Dream job? dunno. psychiatrist, psychologist, alot of stuff i guess.
13) Favorite channel(s)? mtv, axn, espnstar, starworld when rockstar is on.
14) Favorite place to go on weekends? my head.
15) Showers or Baths? both.
16) Do you paint your nails? do i, no. haf i, yes.
17) Do you trust people easily? -.-
18) What are your phobias? they are everchanging.
19) Do you want kids? maybe.
20) Do you keep a handwritten journal? yah
21) Where would you rather be right now? dunno. playing ball, back at camp, maybe.
22) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy? myself.
23) Heavy or light sleeper? heavy.
24) Are you paranoid? yah.
25) Are you impatient? yah.
26) Who can you relate to? myself, diff pple in diff situations.
27) What's your favorite pick-up line? "yo babe are u free to join me in bed tonite?" i've never uttered a pick up line in my life.
28) What's your main ringtone on your mobile? vibration.
29) What were you doing at midnight last night? sleeping. or was i dotaing. cant rmb.
30) What did the last text on your cellphone say? not gonna say. smthn about telling and crying.
31) Whose bed did you sleep in last night? ure mothers -.- mine.
32) What color shirt are you wearing? none.
33) Name three things you have on you at all times? hair, ego, distrust.
34) What color are your bed sheets? blue, with some weird patterns.
35) How much cash do you have on you right now? none.
36) What is your favorite part of the chicken? the intestines, kidneys, livers, etc.
37) What's your favorite town/city? dunno. i'm not well travelled.
38) I can't wait till..? i die.
39) What did you have for dinner last night? uh, zi cha.
40) Do you own a gun? yah. i bought one 3 days ago for a dollar.
41) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? beer. or horlicks. or coffee.
42) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? in my head.
43) Last thing you ate? uhh, raisin bread.
44) What songs do you sing in the shower? alot.
45) Last thing that made you laugh? www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmXrqiSpgaY&eurl=
46) Worst injury you've ever had? i dunno. sprained wrist?
47) What's your favorite candy? dunno. lollipop?
48) What song do you want played at your funeral? november rain.
49) Ten random people to do this? ...
50) Say 'Goodbye' to yourself? yes. goodbye.
if nothing's missing, den everything's missing
ok so now that my head has kinda of cleared itself up, and my eyes arnt crossing each other everytime i look at something, i tink my thoughts are now straight. lalala. ok so i'm still slightly high, but ok nvm wtf.
ok omg now i jus realised i tink i left my small pink book there. AHHH! die die die.
but its ok, cos i tink its more den jus the things written down. looking back at the camp, i think the one thing dat struck me most, was that while everything is there, its how u use those things dat matter. its like the activity where we are giving objects and must use them as smthn else. and it got me tinkin about the whole emo thing again, where i still mantain its only good is u know how to use it. i found that even more true with the sun performance, cos like if u know how to utilise it to connect with an audience, or jus to create a particular atmosphere for something, den its a good thing. but if its jus to dwell on things and brood and shit, den i guess wads the point? it doesnt serve any useful purpose...
hahahahaha. the camp also made me laugh alot. i tink there are alot of amusing pple in hk. its so funny xD its so damn funny lah hahaha. i could never imagine sch being dat...weird, yet fun. sch's so -.-
and i guess the other thing that i've learned from this camp is the need to not be so concerned over one's image. after all, if someone thinks of u one way. its hard to change it. so no point being paiseh and stuff. is it the same as courage? i dunno. and considerin we are doin drama, this think-skinned mentality would appear to be a prerequisite, but i don tink it is. huh.
i tink group identity is a very important part of any person. cos while the individual is so subjective and open-ended, the group isnt. when one is in a group, there are particular expectations, and hence it is alot more fixed. being in a group, one must be willing to give up certain aspects of the self, to be able to fully appreciate the joy of being in a group. because it really is a very nice thing. it allows u to let go of personal frustrations, indulge in stuff u'd never do on ure own. its shiok. its the shared identity that pple seek. and i guess its true for all groups. cultures, religions, classes etc. pple don wan to feel alone. they don wan to be me against hte world. so they make it us against the world. isnt that jus so appealing?
why don we jus understand? maybe its cos we jus cant.
ok omg now i jus realised i tink i left my small pink book there. AHHH! die die die.
but its ok, cos i tink its more den jus the things written down. looking back at the camp, i think the one thing dat struck me most, was that while everything is there, its how u use those things dat matter. its like the activity where we are giving objects and must use them as smthn else. and it got me tinkin about the whole emo thing again, where i still mantain its only good is u know how to use it. i found that even more true with the sun performance, cos like if u know how to utilise it to connect with an audience, or jus to create a particular atmosphere for something, den its a good thing. but if its jus to dwell on things and brood and shit, den i guess wads the point? it doesnt serve any useful purpose...
hahahahaha. the camp also made me laugh alot. i tink there are alot of amusing pple in hk. its so funny xD its so damn funny lah hahaha. i could never imagine sch being dat...weird, yet fun. sch's so -.-
and i guess the other thing that i've learned from this camp is the need to not be so concerned over one's image. after all, if someone thinks of u one way. its hard to change it. so no point being paiseh and stuff. is it the same as courage? i dunno. and considerin we are doin drama, this think-skinned mentality would appear to be a prerequisite, but i don tink it is. huh.
i tink group identity is a very important part of any person. cos while the individual is so subjective and open-ended, the group isnt. when one is in a group, there are particular expectations, and hence it is alot more fixed. being in a group, one must be willing to give up certain aspects of the self, to be able to fully appreciate the joy of being in a group. because it really is a very nice thing. it allows u to let go of personal frustrations, indulge in stuff u'd never do on ure own. its shiok. its the shared identity that pple seek. and i guess its true for all groups. cultures, religions, classes etc. pple don wan to feel alone. they don wan to be me against hte world. so they make it us against the world. isnt that jus so appealing?
why don we jus understand? maybe its cos we jus cant.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
living the washing machine life
so i'm back, now,
from some camp.
hahahahahaha.
my brain is now being funny.
i'm caught between high and moody.
i am so fucking suay... -.-
its hard to tell the difference sometimes.
left or right, right or wrong, yellow or orange.
i tink today the performance thing,
was damn nice.
at one point i was really really on the verge of tears.
music fucks with u bad i swear.
SO BAD.
playin 3 mins worth of emo music is enough to make someone cry.
playing as in actually playin, not listening.
so sad right.
its really all about the qi fen. the atmosphere.
theres a really great impact of it on anything.
its like, if everyone is feeling sad,
if they are willing to indulge in it,
i tink it makes the performance better,
as the emotion of sadness in the performers is greatly emphasised.
its so complicating life is.
whos to understanding whats miSsIng?
ok so the lack of sleep is fucking with my brain. my eyes are out of focus as i type, theres a ringing sound in my ear, my brain hand coordination is fucked, i'm fucked. ok i go play dota cya haf a nice day bye bye xoxoxo
from some camp.
hahahahahaha.
my brain is now being funny.
i'm caught between high and moody.
i am so fucking suay... -.-
its hard to tell the difference sometimes.
left or right, right or wrong, yellow or orange.
i tink today the performance thing,
was damn nice.
at one point i was really really on the verge of tears.
music fucks with u bad i swear.
SO BAD.
playin 3 mins worth of emo music is enough to make someone cry.
playing as in actually playin, not listening.
so sad right.
its really all about the qi fen. the atmosphere.
theres a really great impact of it on anything.
its like, if everyone is feeling sad,
if they are willing to indulge in it,
i tink it makes the performance better,
as the emotion of sadness in the performers is greatly emphasised.
its so complicating life is.
whos to understanding whats miSsIng?
ok so the lack of sleep is fucking with my brain. my eyes are out of focus as i type, theres a ringing sound in my ear, my brain hand coordination is fucked, i'm fucked. ok i go play dota cya haf a nice day bye bye xoxoxo
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
quantaeom theorry and its manny benefitts
wad do u do when u don wan to tok but wan to be heard?
wad do u do when u don wan to think but wan to understand?
wad do u do when u don wan to think but wan to understand?
Sunday, November 26, 2006
aneoprinting
is there anything worse than thinking about thinking? i think not.
oh well.
neoprints are wonderful for preserving things long gone. u noe. its like our cheapskate way of making up for our poor memories. they say it changes when the sun goes down!!!!!!!! i haf this fleeting suspicion i'm already fucking insane. but it doesnt change the fact that neoprints rock. its a social activity dont u see?
ok whatever starlight is invading my fuckin head again.
oh well.
neoprints are wonderful for preserving things long gone. u noe. its like our cheapskate way of making up for our poor memories. they say it changes when the sun goes down!!!!!!!! i haf this fleeting suspicion i'm already fucking insane. but it doesnt change the fact that neoprints rock. its a social activity dont u see?
ok whatever starlight is invading my fuckin head again.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
when nobody understands anyone anymore
haha oh well, cant say i didnt see this coming.
my heart hurts. like theres this painful throb to it. and i thot i was like goin to die yesterday, when at one point there was this feeling of everything crushing my head. really. i guess at some point in time everyone's gotta feel like dying, just abit. theres this bitter taste in my mouth, after taste possibly. like wtf. ok i'm making shit sense.
its so funny, yet i think its so true. many pple cant take intensity. it scare the shit out of many pple i tink. it scares me quite abit. haven met many of such pple before, but the few that i haf they are scary, yet strangely fascinating, possibly even attractive. theres this smthn happening.
there are things to look at, and then there are things to have. i tink the distinction is very important. cos when they become the same thing, dats very saddening. the value of it is greatly reduced. u know...
fucking pissed off. this is so stupid, pointless, disastorous, horrible, fucked up, irritating and painful. wad morons.
my heart hurts. like theres this painful throb to it. and i thot i was like goin to die yesterday, when at one point there was this feeling of everything crushing my head. really. i guess at some point in time everyone's gotta feel like dying, just abit. theres this bitter taste in my mouth, after taste possibly. like wtf. ok i'm making shit sense.
its so funny, yet i think its so true. many pple cant take intensity. it scare the shit out of many pple i tink. it scares me quite abit. haven met many of such pple before, but the few that i haf they are scary, yet strangely fascinating, possibly even attractive. theres this smthn happening.
there are things to look at, and then there are things to have. i tink the distinction is very important. cos when they become the same thing, dats very saddening. the value of it is greatly reduced. u know...
fucking pissed off. this is so stupid, pointless, disastorous, horrible, fucked up, irritating and painful. wad morons.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
OMFG
http://youtube.com/watch?v=lqbt6X4ZgEI
OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD
this is jus wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy insane. its the craziest and best shit ever.
OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD OH MY FUCKIN GOD
this is jus wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy insane. its the craziest and best shit ever.
cos of her united states of whatever
quiz time, cos i'm so bored its gay.
1. First Name? desmond
2. Were you named after anyone? no -.-
3. Do you wish on stars? sometimes.
4. When did you last cry? considerin its 12.51, meaning its sat, 6 days ago.
5. Do you like your handwriting? fuck no.
6. What is your favorite lunchmeat? wtf is lunchmeat? and meat is meat.
7. What is your birth date? 6/2
8. Mountains or Beach? mountains.
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? depeding on who the other person i am is. chances are, no.
10. Do you have a journal? a diary? yah.
11. Do you use sarcasm a lot? -.-
12. Do you have a nickname? dessy o.0
13. Would you bungee jump? yes. if i could afford it dat is.
14. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? generally not. depends on the shoes/how the laces at tied.
15. Do you think that you are strong? Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? no, no, no.
16. What is your favourite ice cream flavour? rum and raisin.
17. Shoe Size? 10.5
18, What is your least favorite thing about yourself? if it had to be one thing, its gotta be my brain.
19. Who do you miss most? someone.
20. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? no.
21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? pants, blue. shoes, colourless.
22. What are you listening to right now? my guitar. in terms of music zombie. alot alot alot of it.
23. Last thing you ate? raisin bread with nutella
24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? pink, but nowadays black.
25. What is the weather? the weather is "the state of the atmosphere with respect to wind, temperature, cloudiness, moisture, pressure, etc."
27. Last person you talked to on the phone? aaron.
28. Something you notice about the opposite gender? erm, that they are female? wad kind of qn is this o.0
29. Do you like the person who sent this to you? -
30. Favorite Drink? anything alcohol is fine.
31. What is your favorite sport? soccer.
32. Hair Color? black, sadly.
33. Eye Color? black
34. Do you wear contacts? no
35. Favorite Food? stupid qn.
36. Last Movie You Watched? uhhh, i watched national security on axn the other day. in cinemas it'll haf to be........cant rmb. oh yea. deathnote.
37. Favorite Day of the Year? none. christmas maybe.
38. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? happy. but den again, they arnt even comparable subjects. scary movies can haf happy endings no?
39. Summer or winter? winter. most definitely
40. Hugs or Kisses? i'll tell u when i've had both.
41. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? not sure.
42. Who Is Most Likely To Respond?
43. Who Is Least Likely To Respond?
44. Living Arrangements? bad.
45. What book are you reading? notin at the moment
46. What is on Your Mouse Pad? the mouse? -.- but no. at the moment i ahf no idea where my mousepad fuckin is, consideirn i don use one, so no idea.
47. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? last night, meaning fri night, um, alot of stuff. i watched like 3 hrs straight. stupid mtv shows.
48. Favorite Sounds? silence.
49. What is the furthest you've been from home? japan o.0
50. What do you admire about yourself? wads there to admire?
i still maintain, that everything i say, everything i mean.
1. First Name? desmond
2. Were you named after anyone? no -.-
3. Do you wish on stars? sometimes.
4. When did you last cry? considerin its 12.51, meaning its sat, 6 days ago.
5. Do you like your handwriting? fuck no.
6. What is your favorite lunchmeat? wtf is lunchmeat? and meat is meat.
7. What is your birth date? 6/2
8. Mountains or Beach? mountains.
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? depeding on who the other person i am is. chances are, no.
10. Do you have a journal? a diary? yah.
11. Do you use sarcasm a lot? -.-
12. Do you have a nickname? dessy o.0
13. Would you bungee jump? yes. if i could afford it dat is.
14. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? generally not. depends on the shoes/how the laces at tied.
15. Do you think that you are strong? Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? no, no, no.
16. What is your favourite ice cream flavour? rum and raisin.
17. Shoe Size? 10.5
18, What is your least favorite thing about yourself? if it had to be one thing, its gotta be my brain.
19. Who do you miss most? someone.
20. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? no.
21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? pants, blue. shoes, colourless.
22. What are you listening to right now? my guitar. in terms of music zombie. alot alot alot of it.
23. Last thing you ate? raisin bread with nutella
24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? pink, but nowadays black.
25. What is the weather? the weather is "the state of the atmosphere with respect to wind, temperature, cloudiness, moisture, pressure, etc."
27. Last person you talked to on the phone? aaron.
28. Something you notice about the opposite gender? erm, that they are female? wad kind of qn is this o.0
29. Do you like the person who sent this to you? -
30. Favorite Drink? anything alcohol is fine.
31. What is your favorite sport? soccer.
32. Hair Color? black, sadly.
33. Eye Color? black
34. Do you wear contacts? no
35. Favorite Food? stupid qn.
36. Last Movie You Watched? uhhh, i watched national security on axn the other day. in cinemas it'll haf to be........cant rmb. oh yea. deathnote.
37. Favorite Day of the Year? none. christmas maybe.
38. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? happy. but den again, they arnt even comparable subjects. scary movies can haf happy endings no?
39. Summer or winter? winter. most definitely
40. Hugs or Kisses? i'll tell u when i've had both.
41. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? not sure.
42. Who Is Most Likely To Respond?
43. Who Is Least Likely To Respond?
44. Living Arrangements? bad.
45. What book are you reading? notin at the moment
46. What is on Your Mouse Pad? the mouse? -.- but no. at the moment i ahf no idea where my mousepad fuckin is, consideirn i don use one, so no idea.
47. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? last night, meaning fri night, um, alot of stuff. i watched like 3 hrs straight. stupid mtv shows.
48. Favorite Sounds? silence.
49. What is the furthest you've been from home? japan o.0
50. What do you admire about yourself? wads there to admire?
i still maintain, that everything i say, everything i mean.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
when everything's made to be broken, i just want u to know who i am...
haha. i love iris >.>
wee. my life has gone from meaningless to pointless to down right sad. hahahahaha. now i've fforgotten wad i was tinkin about. oh yes. last nite while i was lying in bed, i had a particular thought. every nite when we sleep, does anyone actually consciously tink that u are killing ureself? or rather at least setting ureself up for death? becos isnt it true? when we sleep we are at our most vulnerable, as we have no conscious knowledge of anything that is happenin to us. every nite we sleep, it could be the last thing that we ever do. isnt that just scary??
i realise alot of things are very scary.
like how one is never able to match up to his or her own potential. to know that it is possible, but to never attain that target. thats scary, stupid, and really irritatin. gah.
ok so i figured my blog is sorely lacking in colour and pics, and hence i shall like put up pics and shit. yay :D
hmmmm. wad to put up. lemme see.
now THATS how to sleep. wtf.
thats another cool way to sleep.
yea. the guy at the back looks uber extra hahahaha.
no comment.
wahahaha. dats a g chord o.0
ok wtf. yea wtf. i shall leave my thinkin for later.
wee. my life has gone from meaningless to pointless to down right sad. hahahahaha. now i've fforgotten wad i was tinkin about. oh yes. last nite while i was lying in bed, i had a particular thought. every nite when we sleep, does anyone actually consciously tink that u are killing ureself? or rather at least setting ureself up for death? becos isnt it true? when we sleep we are at our most vulnerable, as we have no conscious knowledge of anything that is happenin to us. every nite we sleep, it could be the last thing that we ever do. isnt that just scary??
i realise alot of things are very scary.
like how one is never able to match up to his or her own potential. to know that it is possible, but to never attain that target. thats scary, stupid, and really irritatin. gah.
ok so i figured my blog is sorely lacking in colour and pics, and hence i shall like put up pics and shit. yay :D
hmmmm. wad to put up. lemme see.
now THATS how to sleep. wtf.
thats another cool way to sleep.
yea. the guy at the back looks uber extra hahahaha.
no comment.
wahahaha. dats a g chord o.0
ok wtf. yea wtf. i shall leave my thinkin for later.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Sunday, November 12, 2006
i hate it. i know it
i miss having someone to talk to.
u know whats my problem? i tink too much. i make meaning when there is none, and that is never a bad thing. why? now thats another problem. i let myself tink too much. i don distract myself enough. i've got noting to do, cos i don wan to do anything. i'm in shit, but instead if trying to get out, i let myself sink further and further. will i hit a point where i can never ever get out? i don noe yet. i wonder if i'm pushin myself in that direction.
i always believe in my judgement. on my true honest judgement. i don thing that i believe i must, no matter what. and hell i'm willing to face up to the consequences. and i guess pple don really understand, that whilst i have tendencies to lie, to tell half-truths, to wadeva, at the end of the day, i haf certain fundamentals i stand by. and i guess thats prob why i'm so fucked up. i stick to my beliefs to much. warped beliefs, i shld say. but somehow, i cant imagine myself anyway else. i guess not many pple understand.
hahahahahaha.
its so funny. i'm a fence sitter in about every way. i want things, yet i don want them. i mean what i say, yet i don mean what i say. its all like a game. a sick, demented game. yet a game so intriuging, so tempting, its hard to resist. and i cant.
would things have been any better? can things be any better?
over the years, i've been told by many pple that i should change myself. for the better. make myself more likable. more sociable. but do i? of course not. as fucked up as i am, i like me just as i am. i dont want to change jus because its the best thing for me to do. i'm not trying to sound like some punk rebel or anything, even if i may seem to, but i mean thats just how it is. its about believing in ureself isnt it. trusting that ultimately, it is my life, and if i'm to screw up my life, at least i can blame me and only me. theres no such thing as "for the better". better is bullshit. better is compromising ure character, smthn i believe no one shld ever do. we are all individuals, we shld act like individuals, not all submit to some authoritarians ideology and become mindless fucking robots.
i like seeing happy pple. i'm happy for them. for having found smthn to be happy about. yet at the same time i feel sorry for them, cos i know that that happiness will soon run out, that it will eventually end, and then, and then they will fall harder than me. and i feel sorry for them. really.
a photograph is a truly fascinating object. it is one hell of a double edge sword. becos on one hand its a reminder of the good times in the past, and on the other hand its a reminder that the good times of the past are gone. to put it simply. and yet we always wan to take photos. so we're setting ourselves up for this agony no? why?? photos are also very interesting, as they have the ability to do smthn nothing else can, that is, stopping time. time is contantly moving, contantly chaging, and constantly running out. photos are the only way we can, in a sense, stop time. it is of course jus a play on the human mind, but a good one, and a necessary one, nonetheless.
and there i go again, locking up another memory, locking up another poison, locking up yet another knife.
u know whats my problem? i tink too much. i make meaning when there is none, and that is never a bad thing. why? now thats another problem. i let myself tink too much. i don distract myself enough. i've got noting to do, cos i don wan to do anything. i'm in shit, but instead if trying to get out, i let myself sink further and further. will i hit a point where i can never ever get out? i don noe yet. i wonder if i'm pushin myself in that direction.
i always believe in my judgement. on my true honest judgement. i don thing that i believe i must, no matter what. and hell i'm willing to face up to the consequences. and i guess pple don really understand, that whilst i have tendencies to lie, to tell half-truths, to wadeva, at the end of the day, i haf certain fundamentals i stand by. and i guess thats prob why i'm so fucked up. i stick to my beliefs to much. warped beliefs, i shld say. but somehow, i cant imagine myself anyway else. i guess not many pple understand.
hahahahahaha.
its so funny. i'm a fence sitter in about every way. i want things, yet i don want them. i mean what i say, yet i don mean what i say. its all like a game. a sick, demented game. yet a game so intriuging, so tempting, its hard to resist. and i cant.
would things have been any better? can things be any better?
over the years, i've been told by many pple that i should change myself. for the better. make myself more likable. more sociable. but do i? of course not. as fucked up as i am, i like me just as i am. i dont want to change jus because its the best thing for me to do. i'm not trying to sound like some punk rebel or anything, even if i may seem to, but i mean thats just how it is. its about believing in ureself isnt it. trusting that ultimately, it is my life, and if i'm to screw up my life, at least i can blame me and only me. theres no such thing as "for the better". better is bullshit. better is compromising ure character, smthn i believe no one shld ever do. we are all individuals, we shld act like individuals, not all submit to some authoritarians ideology and become mindless fucking robots.
i like seeing happy pple. i'm happy for them. for having found smthn to be happy about. yet at the same time i feel sorry for them, cos i know that that happiness will soon run out, that it will eventually end, and then, and then they will fall harder than me. and i feel sorry for them. really.
a photograph is a truly fascinating object. it is one hell of a double edge sword. becos on one hand its a reminder of the good times in the past, and on the other hand its a reminder that the good times of the past are gone. to put it simply. and yet we always wan to take photos. so we're setting ourselves up for this agony no? why?? photos are also very interesting, as they have the ability to do smthn nothing else can, that is, stopping time. time is contantly moving, contantly chaging, and constantly running out. photos are the only way we can, in a sense, stop time. it is of course jus a play on the human mind, but a good one, and a necessary one, nonetheless.
and there i go again, locking up another memory, locking up another poison, locking up yet another knife.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
the ultra-manipulistic view of human nature
i'm at crossroads again. come to think of it, i always am.
i know, i know, that i am mroe than one person. there are a few mes. i tink everyone has a few thems. the happy them, the sad them, the fuck u them, the fucked up them, everyone has all these thems. what makes pple uniquely different from each other is the predominance of one particular self over the others. much like how 0.1% HCl is diff from 1% HCl is diff from 10% HCl. u noe wad i mean. these different facets of ourselves all coexist side by side, hand in hand, but i don tink they ever overlap. but for me i'm not sure i haf a predominant side. its like, i flit between 2 particular selves very very often, effortlessly. the happy, oh-the-world-rocks-theres-nothing-to-be-sad-about self, to the fuck-the-damn-world-its-full-of-shit self. and its not like one day i'm one and another day i'm another, altho dat is often the case. however, its become quite a common thing for me to switch between these 2 selves in the space of minutes.
i tink it has to do with the environment. the things aorund us. they give these selves reason to exist. ok i need to name these selves things. ok i shall call them......part-selves. yes. well, i tink part-selves are created by our constant interaction with environment. humans are social creatures, i agree, and hence the need for part-selves. to allow us to adapt from one situation to another. i tink its important we realise this about ourselves. that we are not jus one character through and through. well actually we are, as our character is determined by our composition of part-selves. it makes us who we are. and i guess certain environments favour particular part-selves as opposed to others. much like how a deserted island would favour a person with a more predominant survival,savage part-selve than one with a more high class part-selve.
and this brings me to another view point. on human interactions and instances they dont exist. accordin to science, so i hear, happiness is the result of the fine balance of hormones and what not. whilst i cannot dispute this, since my grasp of science is so pathetic its laughable, i offer an alternative view. i believe that happiness is only possible, and hence should be viewed as the state of human nature, that exist when one is distracted. by distracted i mean instances when the individual is unable to question himself, unable to run doubts through his head. these instances include when one is socially interacting, such as hanging out with frens, or when one is involved in adrenaline related activities. this is because the individual is thus unable to "think" in the sense, where he is but just acting, jus doing things. this, is happiness.
i take a very pessimistic view of human nature. i believe that the natural state of human nature is one of sadness, loneliness, of despair, and ultimately of depression. when we are alone, when we are allowed to think, when we use our capability to reflect, that is when we see, understand, and feel sadness. i would in fact go as far as saying that humans suffer because of their abillity to think, their abillity to reason. because of our naturally pessimistic ways, when we reason, we can only ever reason things to be negative. things cannot be good, cannot be happy, cannot be right. EVERYTHING IS WRONG.
i tink the greatest achievement one can attain in life, is to estabilish a means not to counter, but to adapt this naturaly pessimistic human nature in such a way it works. we cannot try to be happy all the time, yet we must not allow ourselves to be sad all the time. we must find a way to turn some of our sadness to happiness, yet we must retain some pessimistic ways, to remind us of reality.
this is why i wan to be a psychologist. i feel that it is the one profession that allows for this. because u are able to take other pple's pesismistic thoughts and feelings, and manipulate it in such a way to make the person feel, or at least believe he feels, happier. in a sense, it is stopping a thinking individual from thinking. albeit temporary, but smthn is better den nothing. becuase in this case, nothing condemns the individual to eternal suffering. and as a psychologist, one prob is able to obtain a certain amount of pleasure out of helping others, yet one can delve deeper and deeper into the human mind. isnt that just fascinating?
and whats more? it makes one powerful. and i tink thats what we crave for more than anything else. power.
of course, everything could be absolute rubbish, we could just be living in a virtual hyperreality, and to top things all off, the world may not even exist. now dig that, sucker.
i know, i know, that i am mroe than one person. there are a few mes. i tink everyone has a few thems. the happy them, the sad them, the fuck u them, the fucked up them, everyone has all these thems. what makes pple uniquely different from each other is the predominance of one particular self over the others. much like how 0.1% HCl is diff from 1% HCl is diff from 10% HCl. u noe wad i mean. these different facets of ourselves all coexist side by side, hand in hand, but i don tink they ever overlap. but for me i'm not sure i haf a predominant side. its like, i flit between 2 particular selves very very often, effortlessly. the happy, oh-the-world-rocks-theres-nothing-to-be-sad-about self, to the fuck-the-damn-world-its-full-of-shit self. and its not like one day i'm one and another day i'm another, altho dat is often the case. however, its become quite a common thing for me to switch between these 2 selves in the space of minutes.
i tink it has to do with the environment. the things aorund us. they give these selves reason to exist. ok i need to name these selves things. ok i shall call them......part-selves. yes. well, i tink part-selves are created by our constant interaction with environment. humans are social creatures, i agree, and hence the need for part-selves. to allow us to adapt from one situation to another. i tink its important we realise this about ourselves. that we are not jus one character through and through. well actually we are, as our character is determined by our composition of part-selves. it makes us who we are. and i guess certain environments favour particular part-selves as opposed to others. much like how a deserted island would favour a person with a more predominant survival,savage part-selve than one with a more high class part-selve.
and this brings me to another view point. on human interactions and instances they dont exist. accordin to science, so i hear, happiness is the result of the fine balance of hormones and what not. whilst i cannot dispute this, since my grasp of science is so pathetic its laughable, i offer an alternative view. i believe that happiness is only possible, and hence should be viewed as the state of human nature, that exist when one is distracted. by distracted i mean instances when the individual is unable to question himself, unable to run doubts through his head. these instances include when one is socially interacting, such as hanging out with frens, or when one is involved in adrenaline related activities. this is because the individual is thus unable to "think" in the sense, where he is but just acting, jus doing things. this, is happiness.
i take a very pessimistic view of human nature. i believe that the natural state of human nature is one of sadness, loneliness, of despair, and ultimately of depression. when we are alone, when we are allowed to think, when we use our capability to reflect, that is when we see, understand, and feel sadness. i would in fact go as far as saying that humans suffer because of their abillity to think, their abillity to reason. because of our naturally pessimistic ways, when we reason, we can only ever reason things to be negative. things cannot be good, cannot be happy, cannot be right. EVERYTHING IS WRONG.
i tink the greatest achievement one can attain in life, is to estabilish a means not to counter, but to adapt this naturaly pessimistic human nature in such a way it works. we cannot try to be happy all the time, yet we must not allow ourselves to be sad all the time. we must find a way to turn some of our sadness to happiness, yet we must retain some pessimistic ways, to remind us of reality.
this is why i wan to be a psychologist. i feel that it is the one profession that allows for this. because u are able to take other pple's pesismistic thoughts and feelings, and manipulate it in such a way to make the person feel, or at least believe he feels, happier. in a sense, it is stopping a thinking individual from thinking. albeit temporary, but smthn is better den nothing. becuase in this case, nothing condemns the individual to eternal suffering. and as a psychologist, one prob is able to obtain a certain amount of pleasure out of helping others, yet one can delve deeper and deeper into the human mind. isnt that just fascinating?
and whats more? it makes one powerful. and i tink thats what we crave for more than anything else. power.
of course, everything could be absolute rubbish, we could just be living in a virtual hyperreality, and to top things all off, the world may not even exist. now dig that, sucker.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
a subra of a post
ok so i figured after readin subra's post i shld also look at my most played list. itunes they haf the top 25 played thing, and its actually quite cool.
pause.
1. headspin - rise electric, 133. no surprise.
2. headpin (rockstar supernova) - lukas rossi, 100. erm, yea. nice number :D
3. runaway train - soul asylum, 76. aha. i love this song. too much i tink. its very depressing.
4. rebel yell (live acoustic) - billy idol, 75. zomg the crazy song. bahhhhhh.
5. work - jimmy eat world, 71. haha. this song was top of the list for a very long time. wee.
6. blind - lifehouse, 70. this is there prob cos of my lifehoues phase, where i was listening to blind and spin on replay or smthn.
7. spin - lifehouse, 66. see above.
8. nothing compares 2 u - stereophonics, 63. if u haven heard this song, u deserve to DIE. but den this song i figured if i listened to it more den 10 times in a row i might actually really cry, so yea.
9. memory (acoustic) - sugarcult, 58. hahahahaha. another phase, where i basically listened to this song non-stop.
10. hate me - blue october, 56. definitely the hate me phase. nothing else to it. i hardly listen to this song anymore.
11. pieces - sum 41, 54. actually this song is very old. i was listenin to it alot last yr i tink, when it was a whole lot more, apt.
12. rebell yell (rockstar supernova) - toby rand, 54. hahahaha. i rmb this one. it was one wed night where basically i was up till 3am head banging to this song \m/
13. history - funeral for a friend, 53. the history/curses phase. and prob also another emo phase. its passed.
14. trees (rockstar inxs) - marty casey, 53. :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) weeeeeeee.
15. iris - goo goo dolls, 52. haha. this was way back. nowadays i'm jus playin iris on guitar ALOT. which i guess is reasonable considerin we're playin it for prom lol.
16. sweet child - guns n roses, 51. another phase. the zomg gnr phase. wayyyy past.
17. curses - bullet for my valentine, 50. see history/13.
18. dont cry - gnr, 49. see 16.
19. diary of jane - breaking benjamin, 48. i don listen to it dat much nowadays, when i do i listen to all bb songs.
20. zombie (acoustic) - the cranberries, 48. its jus the damn song. i can listen to it a million times and still love it.
altho i tink this list isnt accurate. cos nowadays i'm not listenin to itunes dat much. sadly nowadays i'm playin wc/dota more. which is very pathetic. altho if i used my ipod as a true reflection, i tink there'll only be like 5 songs or smthn. recently, when i leave the house i tend to listen to nothing but zombie, memory, iris, iris live, zombie acoustic, warmness on the soul, yea. dats about it. damn. my grammer is teh suxxorz.
pause.
1. headspin - rise electric, 133. no surprise.
2. headpin (rockstar supernova) - lukas rossi, 100. erm, yea. nice number :D
3. runaway train - soul asylum, 76. aha. i love this song. too much i tink. its very depressing.
4. rebel yell (live acoustic) - billy idol, 75. zomg the crazy song. bahhhhhh.
5. work - jimmy eat world, 71. haha. this song was top of the list for a very long time. wee.
6. blind - lifehouse, 70. this is there prob cos of my lifehoues phase, where i was listening to blind and spin on replay or smthn.
7. spin - lifehouse, 66. see above.
8. nothing compares 2 u - stereophonics, 63. if u haven heard this song, u deserve to DIE. but den this song i figured if i listened to it more den 10 times in a row i might actually really cry, so yea.
9. memory (acoustic) - sugarcult, 58. hahahahaha. another phase, where i basically listened to this song non-stop.
10. hate me - blue october, 56. definitely the hate me phase. nothing else to it. i hardly listen to this song anymore.
11. pieces - sum 41, 54. actually this song is very old. i was listenin to it alot last yr i tink, when it was a whole lot more, apt.
12. rebell yell (rockstar supernova) - toby rand, 54. hahahaha. i rmb this one. it was one wed night where basically i was up till 3am head banging to this song \m/
13. history - funeral for a friend, 53. the history/curses phase. and prob also another emo phase. its passed.
14. trees (rockstar inxs) - marty casey, 53. :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) weeeeeeee.
15. iris - goo goo dolls, 52. haha. this was way back. nowadays i'm jus playin iris on guitar ALOT. which i guess is reasonable considerin we're playin it for prom lol.
16. sweet child - guns n roses, 51. another phase. the zomg gnr phase. wayyyy past.
17. curses - bullet for my valentine, 50. see history/13.
18. dont cry - gnr, 49. see 16.
19. diary of jane - breaking benjamin, 48. i don listen to it dat much nowadays, when i do i listen to all bb songs.
20. zombie (acoustic) - the cranberries, 48. its jus the damn song. i can listen to it a million times and still love it.
altho i tink this list isnt accurate. cos nowadays i'm not listenin to itunes dat much. sadly nowadays i'm playin wc/dota more. which is very pathetic. altho if i used my ipod as a true reflection, i tink there'll only be like 5 songs or smthn. recently, when i leave the house i tend to listen to nothing but zombie, memory, iris, iris live, zombie acoustic, warmness on the soul, yea. dats about it. damn. my grammer is teh suxxorz.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
