30% of my puny ipod is muse. wow.

Yet one more

it hasnt sunk in yet. everyone leaving, you dont quite feel it. not yet.

i wonder what it'd be like if i did leave. for one, there'll prob be hardly anyone around to see me off, so less emotional baggage in a way. two, its a long time away, dont think about it. three it prob will never happen.

sigh. i do feel sad. but i think only over the next few weeks will it really hit me that everyone's kinda gone. the gang just isnt quite the same without all of them. i know we'll be hanging on to all the residual memories, because that's all we'll have. technology may bridge the time and distance gap, but it wont bring us any closer to each other.

there are times i wish a were just a normal boy. but most of the time i'm thankful i'm not.

Soon, another

been very busy. been more busy that i would have liked to be.

i wish time would slow down, allow me more time to say my goodbyes.

BUZZING

OH MY GOD I CANT WAIT FOR THE RESISTANCE OMG OMG OMG. THE VIDS OF THE TEIGNMOUTH CONCERT ARE AMAZING. UNNATURAL SELECTION FTW OMG.

OMG OMG OMG.

*FANBOY MADNESS*

Right Now

its been quite an uplifting week, in the sense that there was nothing downtroddening about the week. outfield sucked, but outfield always sucks.

bickered the night away with xtine, was great fun.

been wondering a lot lately, but not really thinking very much. thinking is tiring. but the resolution of recent times is managing the psp-guitar ratio. more guitar, less psp.

oh my god. august just disappeared, money-wise. what the fuck happened??? i am quite pissed with myself. ok no. damn freaking pissed. going to go on serious diet for sept.

ah its the caffeine in me talking. i've got so much caffeine in my system i'm buzzing. really really buzzing. its all coming out too quickly and incoherently.

To write a song

hopelessly I'll love you endlessly


its so easy, and yet so hard

Use Somebody

i think to tell the truth the week has been fairly interesting, although nothing significant actually happened. i wondered about many things, i thought about what it means to be me, and still i have no conclusions.

i have to get away from games. its too easy, and too meaningless. i got to make my time worth something, if that's the only thing i do.

chirpy chippy chop

heh, changed the url. same old retarded person posting the same old retarded things to.

i feel happier already.

hey, i'm doing ok.

i understand something now. i miss msn. i miss the security and neutrality it offers. its so easy to say something or do something, because you dont have to deal with immediate judgement and response.

fine fine, i'm a coward.

Smart, but

between a couple of stones and a wall of rock,

we talk so much we're bound to rot.

its been a long week. its been more frustrating than i would have liked it to be. right now i'm just wondering how long more till i can figure this out.

if i am the moon, then you are the sun. and all that stands between us is the world. together we are an eclipse. what bullshit.

identity is a curious thing. i've kinda figured, one's identity is a social construct, a defense mechanism when around strangers. i mean when you're around friends, close friends, this whole "identity" rubbish tends to just fade away. because lets face it its about what we make of ourselves as much as what others make of us. and when neither matters, then identity ceases to exist. i believe one only really needs an identity when venturing out into the unknown, entering the abyss that is society. its terrifying to an extent.

so i've been trying to figure out my identity, to very generally put it. its not about figuring out who i am. its figuring out who people perceive me to be. cos i've concluded the person i think i am is vastly different from the person people think i am. i think i'm boring. and yet people can come up with such interesting stories, i myself am rather shocked. its always a case of "i did that??", or "i could do that??". there's a lot of differences here i need to try to reconcile, if not i'm going to forever be living in the shadow of a person i'm not.

who wants everything?

we'll fall in line, pay for our crimes,

looting the lives of those left behind.

blessing, or curse?

once more it has happened. i open my safari browser, surf all the usual websites, read my email, think about whether to pre-order the resistance, slack around, bop my head to some awesome itunes music, check to make sure my game is downloading, blog surf, think about what other sites i havent yet visited, then conclude that i've done all the necessary internet surfing there is to do. now to just read and reply my emails.

and then i realise, i haven't gone to facebook.

Little Expectation

i realise i'm always wanting the things i cannot get. its perpetual disappointment contained in a hat.

for tomorrow

i think a blog still means something. in this day and age of facebook, twitter and god knows what's next, having a blog aint quite the same thing as before. and yet i still find it my favourite medium in which to record, anchor and sometimes communicate my thoughts. with facebook and twitter, its all about being in the moment, living for no space and time. there isnt any thought to that, no meaning. must everything have a meaning? i suppose not, but for me perhaps. i cant stand, or rather a cannot accept provisional living. i'd feel lost.

so i've decided, i will put in more effort to maintain this blog after all. i need to keep my mind moving, and not get sucked further into the dumbing-bin that is the army. help me please.

dont give up on Hope

the youth of today are steadily fading away. we are forgetting why we're here. we're too caught up in the pursuit of achievement and success, we forgot that time is and will always be short.

now we still have the chance to dream. now we still have the chance to believe in the impossible. now we still have the chance to take chances.

soon it'll all be over. very soon we'll be sucked into the relentless cycle of adulthood, the abyss we shall never escape.

the youth are dying. the youth are always dying.

missing the cool randomness of teenage freedom

there was a time when nothing really mattered.

there was a time when one's every action wasn't being monitored.

there was a time when freedom actually still meant something.

its different now. and it will be, for another 17 months or so. that's the reality i've come to hate, and yet the reality i am forced to accept.

its not a choice. that's the only comfort i have.

lets not take things for granted shall we?

poor kelly

troubadour says: (9:43:37 PM)

i walked past this BUSH, this MOOING BUSH

roubadour says: (9:43:46 PM)

it was MOOING like a HERD OF COWS

bobthemob says: (9:43:48 PM)

you what??

troubadour says: (9:43:59 PM)

i swear! like pigs oinking and cows mooing

troubadour says: (9:44:02 PM)

IT WAS TERRIFYING

1000th post

transformers spoilers ahead, please do not be afraid.

transformers is like godot - nothing happens. lets face it, the show is all about supermassive explosions, cool robots and megan fox. the storyline, if you actually call it a storyline, is entirely ciruclar and pointless. optimus dies, optimus is revived. funky massive evil dude rises once more, funky massive evil dude dies. megatron comes back, megatron leaves. hero boy dies, hero boy comes back alive. nothing changes from the start of the movie! it ends exactly the way it ended, albeit a ton of US troops are dead (oh come on dont pretend anyone actually cares...). the movie should be retitled transformers: rise of godot. becket would be proud.

master

life happens in many unrepeatable phases.

the existential search for a sense of belonging

i'm still trying to figure out this whole fitting in a system thing.

yeah, it doesnt work, i know.

Showering Hypothesis

i have had my revelation on why i think so much and have so many brainwaves while showering. its the mind-body divide. having showered the exact same way for 19 yrs (more or less), its become muscle memory. so the mind doesnt have to think about what the body is doing. this allows the mind to wander, and therefore to wonder. and so all kinds of things come to mind. and yet why cant i commit anything to memory once i'm done showering? because the mind-body divide is lost. stepping out of the toilet, the mind must now control the body. there is no more routine, no more same old procedure. and so the mind is lost, lost controling the rampaging body. 

the world will keep changing, but showering always remains the same.