woohahahaha!!!

yay!! ok so i'm not really happy. i mean, its hard to be when ure wrist is bloody killing u... ugh. pain. and i realised smthn. acupuncture isnt dat bad lah. its jus...weird. esp when they start putting current through u. l was doin my wrist, so it felt lyk there was a heart beating in my hand. lol.

and another thing. i now noe wad its like to have ure hand chopped off. its bloody difficult doin things with only 4 fingers and a thumb. its a serious handicap... lol.

on a happier note, this whole blog entry was done on my pda. ^^ haha.

wft

anyone want any songs? pls ask me =) says:
juhrjeu43koi59tu85iot987yui85rueiaoq4897uuuuuuuuuut5j4sgues]
[matchbox 20 revival] cause i'll be the rain, falling on your fire escape says:
hfhydhyd

anyone want any songs? pls ask me =) says:
4t54utgrbf[

wft. what fuck the.

my name is...

i realise smthn. in alot of my dreams, there area always guns in it. like firearms guns. and i'm always bein shot at in some way or another.

so last night/this mornin i had another series of weird dreams. nuff said.

somebody saaaavveeeee meeeeeee....

christmas wishlist

ah yes xmas is here again!! like woohoo happiness!!

ok ok so i aint dat happy. hell if there werent smthn called presents i wouldnt be happy at all. but keepin in tradition of christmas, i shall thus create a wishlist. so.

dearest santa:
wattup santa. u noe, i've been a really good boy this year. yes i really have. look, i only failed my overall by 0.2%! and i passed half my eoy papers! and i only pissed about a few dozen people off this year... AND i only 2 huge arguments with my father. that just proves how good i've this year. i don really want to go into the minor details, such as me and my friends (last time dat is) causin a huge class riff.
so in light of all the good things i've done this year (no i did not donate to no beggars), could u pls give me the following for christmas? i want:
1. an electric guitar and amp
2. chelski to start losing (i noe i'm askin for quite alot here, but pls...)
3. man u to win everygame from now till the end of the season
4. england to win the damn world cup, and erikson to drop becks
5. a new pair of adidas shoes
6. franz ferdinand's newest album
7. john steven's red
8. a 80gb external hard drive. ok ok i'll settle for 40.
9. a xbox 360 (!!! pls pls pls)
10. a tonic that will ensure i pass my re-exams. come on santa i noe u got that hidden somewhere...

u see, jus 10 things. so pls santa, make my christmas a merry one. for once.

ps. to my frens: my bday is only 44 days away...

fight kill fight kill fight kill

pain...
yea my leg hurts like fuck now. jus now went bbq was barefooted for like mroe den 7 hrs lah... played soccer, bball, ran around... my leg jus hurts. bleh. and i ate like so little... wtf.

ok so i figured vanish O2 is plain crap. MY SHIRT IS STILL DIRTY!!!! like wtf?? the stains won bloody come off >.< ugh.

on a happier note, i havent done any holiday homework at all!! wee!!! ok ok i lie. i've read wutie abit of air-conditioned nation. yea, so i've done smthn. woohoo. and i also havent really studied for my re-papers. yayness. ok ok i lie again. i've revised chem except stoichiometry and acids and bases, and i've gone through the bio eoy paper. abit. haven really touched maths. i'm like sooo screwed...

ok so i resolve to spend the next wk REALLY studyin. i really cannot afford to fail. failin is bad. i repeat, FAILING IS BAD!!! UNDERSTOODED?!? good. so, i shall be online alot less, as i shall in some miraculous way find a way to distance myself from my laptop as much as possible.
--
wonderful now to more serious things.

i've been having alot of dreams lately. however, for the past 2 nites, i've had dreamless sleep!! yay!! (ok so i haf no idea why i'm happy or anythin. blah.) if u've read my dream theory (which doesnt make alot of sense i will admit), u'd noe dat... uh, i dunno. notin really. it's jus, i dunno. its strange dat for like a gazillion continuos nights i've been having weird dreams, and den suddenly i haf dreamless sleep. strange...

oh yes another thing. KOBE BRYANT IS TH3 MAST3R!!! wahaha. he's sick man... wtf he singehandedly outscored the mavs. dats plain sick.

oh yea and another thing. i read this article in today about ronaldinho bein named TODAY's sportsperson of the yr. u noe, the guy who wrote the article, dunno wads his name, i like his articles. he always writes these kind of articles, and i like readin them. cos they tell the truth, but in this very fictional way. as in he tells it like a story. i dunno. its..inspiring.

ok yea i'm bein totally incoherent here. wtf.

i'm waitin for this sky to fall,
i'm waitin for a sign.
and all we are,
is all so far.

one more day with you...

if you only knew

treasures the ones you have,
so that you wont have to live in regret.

i heard this somewhere.

forever?

i need you to show me the way from crazy.
i wanna be so much more than this.
no one would know,
us and the moonlight.

i always believed in futures.
the past is told by those who win.
what matters is what hasnt been.
believe your voice can mean something.

please keep in sight what makes you care.
you know time heals nothing by itself.
and if you were here with me tonight,
i'd sing to you just one last time.

it doesnt seem there's hope for me,
i let you down.
the world we love forever gone?

you'd be lucky to get out of life alive

memories.
looking back, we all do that.
recall, remember, regret.
we look into the past,
hoping to find answers,
when there are none.
we all have memories,
happy, sad, all kinds.
and i realise,
its not the sad ones that hurt.
its the happy ones.
times of joy, of laughter,
of fun.
all that now in the distant past.
and on looking back,
then u realise how much u miss those times,
how much u wish it could be dat way again.
and yet, it'll never happen.
things change, they always do,
and nothing we do can stop that.

everytime i look back,
back to the times we were all so innocent.
back to the times no one really cared.
back to the times i really had fun.
looking back, i really do miss those times.

why do the happiest memories hurt the most?
its cos u realise, they are gone.
forever.
theres no turnin back the clock.
theres no way to undo whats done.
and its then u realise how much those times mean to you.
happy memories,
they are the ones that you remember best,
but that also means they are the ones hardest to let go off.
and if you cant let go,
you cant really move on.
you get trapped in your past,
clinging on to things already gone.

then,
when you realise how its stoppin you,
then it hurts the most.

the dream theory

yes. so this is a strange weird theory i've come up with.

wad do dreams mean?
do they tell us things?
about others, about ourselves?
these are some questions i seek to answer.

dreams,
i believe they are the product of our subconciousness.
disclaimer: i haf done no research whatsoever.
i believe that dreams reveal what we really think.
well after interpretation.
as far as my own dreams go,
they are always...extreme situations.
my dreams, there are real people.
people i know,
yet in foreign situations.
scenarios that have no apparent relation.

take my dream last nite for example.
this is one of the few occasions i remember anything at all.
basically it started of with me and my family leaving my grandma's house.
well in reality she stays in tamp,
but in my dream i had no idea where the hell i was.
den i got onto a 31 (which does go to tamp).
den i dunno wad happens here.
oh yes, i was rushing to school.
when i arrive at sch, and i haf no idea how,
its not vjc.
its some weird place,
and i have a strange feelin i've seen/dreamt it before.
its a school, and there are 7 floors.
one floor for one level.
top floor for staff.
yes, it was a primary school.
kong hwa primary, judging by the uniform.
i run up to the top floor, and i see...
ms sharma, my sec 2 geog tr.
she gives pieces of paper,
with stuff on it i didnt comprehend,
and i don rmb wad the hell it was.
weird stuff.
and i look out of the window,
and in the neighbouring school i see...
dunmanians.

here i wake up.

ok so lets analyse this dream.
i went to kong hwa from p1-3.
significance? not sure.
my sis studies in dunman.
meaning? dunno.
ms sharma? uh, dunno.
my family? dunno.
pieces of paper with no meanin?

so wad does this all mean?
well, my dream was made up of fragments of my self.
so are dreams that?
unrelated fragments of our thoughts, our past, our selfs?

i tink in some part yes.
but there must be meaning somewhere.
there always is.

one thing i remembered from my dream.
acutally alot of dreams are as such.
i'm always running.
wad does that mean?
i'm not sure really.

someone, somewhere,
do enlighten me.

dreams are the manifestation of our subconcious mind,
they, i beleive, show us what we really think.
when your dream includes people you know,
i could possibly be showing you how you really feel towards them.

that is of course,
if you first can rmb anything.

--

i think i'm goin crazy.
help.

SOS

um, my template kinda disappeared. like woohoo. ok so i discovered this some time ago, but nvm.
leon?

so aniwae the song now is hear you me by jimmy eat world. damn nice song, but i suggest you don listen to it if ure feeling really down. lets just say it won help.

sigh. i don really believe it, but i shall start work and revision soon, soon bein like a few hours from now. what the hell.

is this how it ends?

is it?
must it?

you know i wish it werent this way.
i dont want it to end.
not ever.

but, i dont know.
am i giving up?
i dont even know.
i tell myself not to,
but things just dont seem that way.
as much as i dont want to admit it,
i guess it is true.
this could just be the end.

i really dont want to,
but if it really is for the best,
if there really is no other alternative,
then i guess i dont really have a choice.

holding each other's hands,
it only takes one to break away.

and well, you've got Him now.
more so then ever it appears.
and it seems this is where our differences lay.
in faith.
at the end of the day,
i guess you're right.
it will be for the best.
for you, maybe for me.

if you're reading this,
and i believe you are,
i'm sorry.
for your sake,
maybe it really is time for us to part ways.
you've got things to do,
a faith to believe in,
and i wont stand in your way.
i promise i wont mess it up.
yes, our lives are so different,
and i think we both need some time apart.
i've got thinking to be done,
re-papers to be faced,
and its probably best i do it alone.
you once said maybe you were too reliant on me.
i'm thinking, was i too reliant on you?
and i dont know.
i guess its also time for me to face this world on my own.
we promised never to say goodbye.
and i hope, maybe one day,
we can talk this over.
again.

i'm sorry.

love,
desmond.

please. i beg you.

i'm sorry. but why? i dont understand.

if this is really it, at least...

at least give me a conclusion.

deadpan

death is over-rated.










































































~to be continued~

please read this

hello everyone. i have a book reccommendation to make. At the present moment, i am currently reading a book titled Skeptics and True Believers: The Exhilarating Connection Between Science and Religion.

This book basically looks at the difference between science and religion, and how the two are related. It looks at people's general perception of science and religion, the progress of these two schools of thought throughout time, and how today's society is influenced by the forces that are science and religion.

I believe that everyone should read this book. This is for a variety of reasons:
1. It is very well written. The writer, Chet Raymo, writes pretty damn well.
2. Chet Raymo uses alot of statistical evidence to support his claims.
3. The book will give you more insights about science and religion, and their roles in today's society. Raymo analyses the various different aspects very thoroughly, to give a complete picture.
4. The book is written as objectively as possible. Raymo tells the reader at the beginning his stand, but also looks at the pther poinht-of-view.
5. The writer was a christian when young, hence he has experience with Christianity.

Nb. I think that especially Christians should read this book. I'm sure we all know my stand on religion and Christianity in particular, but this book gives you an objective take on very pertinent issues. Also, Raymo does not in any way put down or malign Christianity. He does not attack it, instead showing how Christianity is relevant in the past and now, just as science is. He does nto take a particular side fuly, instead putting forward the claim that without either facet, science or belief, the human mind isnt complete.

better than this

haiz.
its the holidays once again,
and i'm reminded once more,
why school was such a wonderful place.
reminded why i enjoyed myself so much.
reminded why i really do miss times in school.

the holidays.
yes its a break,
but is it really?
do we actually get a break?
i dont.
everyday is a bloody torture,
everynight bleeding painful.

someone tell me.
why is it that parents cant shut up?
why is it that parents never see the need to chat with friends?
why is it that using the computer for personal purposes is wrong?
why is it that listening to music is wrong?
how is it that a father can come home irritated, shout at everyone, and expects everyone to do exactly as he demands?
i seek answers,
answers that arent forthcoming.

its times like these,
when i realise just how much home means to me.
or doesnt.
everyday having to listen to the same old crap,
over and over again like a broken record,
its tiresome.
and i realise,
i dont really care about this family.
i really dont.
the value of family is lost to me.
whatever it stands for,
i no longer believe.
i've lost faith.
or rather my faith hsa been broken.

walking out is not an issue.
not now.
many might say i'm jus bein rebellious and shit,
but in all honesty,
i'm more than willing to leave.
if someone, somewhere,
could take me in,
or if i could somehow find a way of supporting myself,
i will leave.

we should plan for our future.
yes i agree.
but different people plan different things.
and i have some of my plans made.
i'm running away.
is it a short term solution?
yes.
is it a feasible solution?
i dunno.
but will i live to regret that decision?
no.

i guess yeah we must plan.
but dont over-plan.
well maybe its just me.
i don like the structure,
the need to fix things.
i'd rather take things as they come,
to live for the moment.
i want to enjoy my time.
to enjoys the times.
planning, it takes away that sweet sensation.
the exhilaration.

sweet emotion.
its not rock and roll.

ouch

ok i'm like having mental block, so cant really blog properly. so i shall jus be bloggin short reandom posts.

ok so like yesterday i went for cai pai, and den cos we damn free notin to do, so we took out cards and played. i learnt dat:
1. betting push-ups sucks. for me that is. i mean, when u play daidi and like haf to do 44, and ure as weak as me, it aint good.
2. playing poker nailbiting. what more with the kind of people we haf. i mean, its the kind of chiong pple who don worry about doin push-ups. like one round we bidded until 55 push-ups. ow. lucky i won dat one ^^
3. bballers are scary. like strong scary.
4. this is ideal for our performance, cos we're gonna be close to bare bodied. if we keep at this everyone's gonna haf a 6 pack by then...
5. it hurts. my arms are closeto dead now. i cant even swing them, nor can i carry anythin much...

zz dats it. i'm in pain. and bloody bored. this is so crappy. shall find somethin to blog about soon.

i just want you to know

another ripped quiz:

Are you currently grounded?
nope.

Do you snore?
i've been told...

Are you a lover or a fighter?
both ^^

What's your worst fear?
failure prob.

As a kid, were you a lego maniac?
yep. still haf ALOT of lego at home.

What do you think of 'reality' TV?
boring nowadays. and largely fake. ROCKSTAR IXNS IS THE BEST REALITY SHOW EVER!!!!!!

Do you chew on your straws?
dunno. sometimes.

Were you a cute baby?
yes.

Is single life for you?
hopefully not.

What colour is your keyboard?
black.

Is Barbie sexy?
nope. her boobs are too big, her legs too thin, head too empty and has no cunt.

Do you sing in the shower?
sometimes.

Have you gone bungee jumping?
nope. but i really want to.

Do you have any special talents?
erm, dunno. its relative. the talent to irritate people?

What is your ideal vacation spot?
many actually. england, new york, paris, canada, portugal

Can you swim?
yeah.

Are you a virgin?
yeah.

Do you care about the ozone?
no.

How many licks does it take to get to the centre of a tootsie pop?
i dunno. 1. wad the fuck is a tootsie pop? 2. why the hell do i want to get to the centre of ir? 3. must i lick it? i'd rather suck...

Can you sing the alphabet backwards?
doubt it.

Have you ever been on an airplane?
yeah. its nice.

Are you an only child?
no.

Do you prefer mechanical or electrical pencil sharpeners?
i use a mechanical pencil.

What's your stand on hunting?
hunt all the hell u like ^^

Is marriage in your future?
dunno.

Do you love your handwriting?
nope.

What are you allergic to?
dust mites.

When was the last time you said "I love you"?
never happened. i tink.

Do you cry at weddings?
nope.

How do you like your eggs?
fried.

Are blondes dumb?
depends. the prettier ones usually are.

Where does the other sock usually end up?
on my foot.

What time is it?
dunno. oh yes 10.26.

Do you have a nickname?
yah. many in fact. progressed over time.

Is MacDonald's disgusting?
no. but the food is kinda boring and lousy.

Who's your hero?
myself.

Are you in love?
head over heels. (goes and check tagboard)

When was the last time you were in a car?
jus now. on my way back home.

Do you prefer baths or showers?
don care.

Is Santa Claus real?
yah. santa claus = me.

Do you like having your neck kissed?
dunno. never had it happened. although i tink i mite :P

Are you afraid of the dark?
sometimes.

What are you addicted to?
sugar, music, sports, football, myself, food, sleep, my guitar.

Crunchy peanut butter or regular?
not a big fan of peanut butter.

Can you crack your neck?
yah.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
nah.

How many times have you brushed your teeth today?
once.

Are you a heavy sleeper?
yes. very much so.

What colour are your eyes?
i dunno. brown -> black.

How loud do you sneeze?
depends. sometimes loud sometimes soft.

Do you like your life?
YES!!!

Do you play any musical instruments?
piano, guitar (kind of), dats about it. but i can pick up stuff relatively fast ^^

Can you skateboard?
yes, but badly.

Have you ever stolen anything?
yep. 7-11 is too easy.

Do you like camping?
yeah. it is fun.

Are you horny?
depends. if i feel like it i could do it. the gel i'm using now is this weird nivea one which is pretty strong. and i still haf clay. i now to go get wax and spray. >.>

Do you snort when you laugh?
uh, doubt it.

Are dogs man's best friends?
nah. girls are man's best friends.

Do you believe in divorce?
not sure.

What's on your mousepad?
i don haf a mousepad. or when i do its like my guitar pick or smthn.

Can you do the moonwalk?
sadly not.

Are you a racist?
kind of. like i don particularly dislike any race, but i do laugh at them. for fun.

Do you make a lot of mistakes?
yes.

Is it cold outside?
dunno. my aircon is on...

only one

things i really need to start doing:
1. taking more photos. i seriously need to start getting more photos. my collection now is rather sad.
2. read the bible. i'm at exodus >.<
3. hit the gym and go running.
4. read. in general. i wanna get some non-fic books to read, in addition to the usual fiction.
5. get an amp to play the elec i borrowed from daniel. i seriously need to start palying my guitar. well.
6. write.
7. write.
8. write.
9. my webfolio. possibly.
10. shop. i'm deprived.

heres to the night

Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not. - George Bernard Shaw

He looked out of the window, watched as the rain fell down onto the earth. Watch, as the heavens opened up, looked up to see but a bird flying in the sky. He stared long and hard. It was an eagle, gliding through the clouds that lined the horizon. The rain fell steadily, yet the eagle kept flying. airborne for the endless depths of time.

Everytime he looked, his life was in shambles. It had been this way for as long as he could remember. He had fallen so hard, so many times already. How was he to get up?

He walks in the rain, hoping it will all come true one day. He dreams.

--

a man without dreams is like a bird without wings. without dreams, a person cannot fly, a person cannot soar. without dreams, everyday is but anyday.

we must dream. dreams makes us more than who we are. it allows us to become the person we want to be. it elevates us to that special place, the place where truly nothing is impossible. dreams allow us to make things happen. dreams let us accomplish things we never thought we could do.

my father always tells me, dreams are nothing. they will get you nowhere. the reality is that the world is out to get you. and to this i say, you're wrong. yes the reality is that the world throws shit at you. but if you do not dream, if u restrict yourself from doing so, then you are but stopping yourself from going higher, from goin further.

dreams fuel the human spirit. it is that that makes us tick. as much as it is cliched, it is true. dreams do come true. granted msot wont, but if you give up now, will they ever come true?

--

Candles we all hold,
Aid the very sorrow we dont know.
Rain we all will fall,
Raw is the skin he wears.
Yearn for sweet beginnings,
My life to make it seem.
Young is that heart that burns,
Lost is the hope he was made to earn,
Over the rainbows he wants to walk.
Vain are the ones who saw this life,
Earnest are the souls who truly have gone.

Living for the times we both will share.
Long for the love we cannot bear.

in the end

tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end, it doesnt even matter.

i'm running through my problems again,
they keep crawling right on under my skin

if i think like you think,
it dont make my load much lighter.

i figured out what you're all about and i dont think i like what i see.
so i hope i won be there in the end when you come around.