Neon Trees?

my twitter feed is becoming a slightly harrowing place. so who are neon trees? i'm slightly annoyed that my twitter feed is being flooded by lamc retweets of people being excited over a band i've never heard of. then again, one tweet was as follows: "shreya_bieber: neon trees. thank you lamcproductions! first justinbieber, now this! BEST YEAR EVER.". then again, a fb post was as follows: "Check out Neon Trees cover version of Justin Bieber's hit "Baby". "

ok obviously they suck.

Hope

the only thing keeping me together is the promise that it'll somehow eventually get better.

Not just another Tuesday

its been a pretty expensive day, to the tune of $207.00. ouch. no more spending for the month of June then, less petrol and other life essentials.

in other news, Crash is so awesome.

I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

Expectations

its been a tough 2 weeks or so, i won't lie. spent a lot of thinking time dealing with what i suppose are deep set insecurities and fears that have been dormant for a long time. sometimes its harder to deal with a problem that you fully understand.

the reality is that i cannot hold everyone accountable to the same standards. its just not fair, because people are different. i should manage my expectations of the world accordingly. and i can't just avoid or run away from it, because it'll keep coming back, perhaps harder than before.

as much as we would like to embrace our differences whatever they may be, we all want to feel a sense of belonging. statistically we're on the wrong end of the equation, because there are far less people to supposedly mix properly with. but i don't think its right to just shut the rest off. i've learnt that its necessary to deal with things we don't want to deal with, because its the right thing to do. it allows for functional social contracts to play out, it facilitates life as we know it. and its easy to sit on one side of the fence and lob waterbombs over the fence. i hope i am capable of better.

i'm not sure who i am going to be, and that scares me. that scares me.

Ready, Get Set, Go.

who blogs anymore?

seriously though, i think i'm falling down a slope. this has to stop. i'm giving in and giving up a little too easily for my personal liking. its not right anymore.

i think i've figured it out. a big fear of mine is not so much that i don't know who i am, but rather that i'm too sure of who i am. i think i need to let go of certain things to allow myself a better perspective on things around me. everything makes sense, but it makes sense to someone, not just myself.

looking back at the past 3 days, i've come to a couple of major realisations that have a significant impact on the road ahead. its a good thing i guess. better now than later when it's already too late. for the most part, people are simple, but relationships (between people) are complicated. but it all gets a little tougher when having to deal with relationships between complicated people. and i realised that its something i've been away from for quite a long time. now i need to get back into it, dealing with it. ready, get set, go.

Childhood Preconceptions

today i had a perception i've held since childhood shattered. you know how everytime you go out to eat with your family, and you always want but can never get to eat from the western food stall? (ok so maybe you dont know, but that's how i grew up). its always more expensive than the other food, so i hardly got to eat western, and everytime i do its like a special occasion or something. so yes basically i've always held the impression that there was something special about the western food stalls at all the coffee shops and food courts and what not, even till this day. well till yesterday, to be exact.

at the tampines mart kopitiam, i had the most awful western food i've eaten in my life:

the pasta was overcooked and hopelessly bland. they appear to have dumped a litre of olive oil on top of it, so all i was tasting was oil and pepper. the fish fillet was more fillet than fish. and they were tiny. and it costs $5! and is a chef recommendation! i really don't want to know what the chef isn't recommending. (the picture looks a lot better than it actually is)

i also had terrible dessert:

that's supposed to be almond pudding with longan. i ate ice with syruppy ice. and some longan.

sigh. i now stand disillusioned with western food stalls at dodgy kopitiams. this childhood belief, right down the drain.

Message in a Bottle

right now, i'm depressed, suffering from an identity crisis, and am probably in denial. shoot me now.

Beauty and the Geek

an interesting thought came to mind. i think every beautiful girl needs a nerdy loser geek admirer. most of them probably don't want one, because its generally quite creepy, but i think every beautiful girl needs one. ok lets qualify "beautiful". by that i mean pretty, popular, etc etc. why? because all girls are insecure, and having these geeks being in love with them gives them something to fall back on. because most guys are jerks. i don't like to stereotype, but its very apparent very often. and guys being jerks, they never know how to deal with a girl's insecurities. staring at another girl, saying something wrong, you know the like. but this geek, he'll never say a thing. and for as long as social conventions and norms remain the way they are, he'll always be in love with her. conceptually, of course. real world applications are a lot more complicated and impossible to try to evaluate in one paragraph. but basically my point is that beautiful girls needs geeks to make them feel important and wanted, no matter how creepy they may be. there's nothing like an insecure girl needing reassurance about her self-worth. i think this is basic premise of so many tv shows, movie plots and other narratives. and its fascinating, at least to me.

i guess my second point is that geeks rock. hahaha what the hell.

They Tell Me

they tell me, i am too young.

i can't be leading a revolution, i can't even hold a gun.

and what can i say?

i nod my head and turn away.

they tell me, i have to learn,

the ways of the world, how money makes the world go round.

and i have not dreamt of anything else, why should i?

dreams are only for fun.

they tell me, its all for my own good.

a thousand many reasons, all respectfully spoken like they should.

when i grow up i will become a doctor,

yes mom, yes.

they tell me, i must be safe.

i cannot let them get to my head.

and so i stay away from those evils,

wrapped up in these pale sheets.

they tell me, i will eventually grow up.

my future is so bright, 1 + 1 = right.

just keep following the light,

these blinkers are my guide.

they tell me, don't believe the hype.

foolish people join the circus so they can

hop around and scream all night.

yes, i think this table suits me much better.

they tell me, i am still young.

so i will not get my hopes up,

i know its best not to have any fun.

i have no roots, i have no leaves,

all these cotton buds numb out the sun.

slowly i must grow, under the watchful sky.

i wonder...... oh wait, i cant.

Understanding

i think i've kinda figured it out. understanding people isn't that difficult. you just gotta be an ass, really. you've got to put yourself in situations, and yet be detached from them. you've got to console people when they are emotionally vulnerable, and yet not be emotionally attached. look past the moments of stress and frustration, and find the logical explanations for the illogical. but can one really do it? be so detached from things even whilst being right in the midst of it? i honestly don't know. is it something you would even want to do?

its funny how we all grow up. emo phase, existentialist phase, whats next? pre-life crisis? we all need our respective forms of escapism, because i don't think anyone can really fully live with themselves. its too demanding, too raw. we can't hack it, thus we need others to do it for us. that's what friends are for, right?

to be and not to be, that must be the answer.

Brighter than the Moon

watching the eusoff dp made me realise, i dearly and sorely miss theatre.

its more than the complex characters weaved into a stunning storyline. its more than the twists and turns that keep us at the edge of our seats, hearts pounding. its more than the outrageous costumes and elaborate make ups, the strange voices and queer personas. its more than the witty dialogue or the poignant lines, resonating through our minds.

its the bumping in, the endless rehearsals, the many frustrating nights not knowing what the hell you are doing. its never understanding your character, though you've tried for the hundredth time. its saying the same line, over and over again, but each time a little bit different. its the late nights spent sitting around. its the messing around during rehearsals, doing random things for fun. its losing your mind slightly. its the nervousness you feel just before you step on stage.

ultimately, its the sense of wonder. because theatre allows for many things that we cannot otherwise do. we can explore the depths of the human condition, tackle ideologies and what they mean to us. most importantly, we can be, and not be judged.

On Facebook

(i was lying in bed trying to sleep, but i had to type this out)

I just read the Time article on Facebook, and it is a fascinating read. Very thought provoking.

The problem with facebook is that at some point, our profiles, and thus our identities, become overly diluted. we like too many things, that we forget what we really like anymore. And its also due to the fact that its so easy. Liking something is just a click away, and you dont even have to be on Facebook to Like something. We will all lose track, sooner or later. and then the question is this: who am i? Or rather, do i know who i am any more?

I believe what we need are lists, hierachal structures to define ourselves better. It's something we all do on a day to day basis. Comparative analysis. I like A and B, but i like A more than B. And this can be true of anything - TV Shows, movies, songs, artists etc. And i think this is something Facebook can incoporate to distinguish individuals better. We can better define ourselves. It is essentially giving our Facebook profiles an opinion, instead of just being a fact sheet. I fear that Facebook will cause people to lose their own identities, to a certain extent. When its so easy to express your opinion on everything, the question is now whether your opinion counts?

Also, i believe that humans like small networks. Yes, having 500 friends is comforting to know, but having 5 awesome friends is better. And lists would allow for this. It would bring together people of much similar interests and personalities. It would be easier for like-minded people to find each other. I think this is essentially how forums work. People band together on things that interest them. Yes, it is politically relevant that 12 million people in Colombia organised a protest on Facebook. But is it relevant to me, the individual? Facebook could be a forum killer. People no longer have to create 50 forums for 50 different interests. All you need is to find 10 people which multiple matching interests to yours.

Lists also allows for people to be unique, and that must appeal to the narcissist in all of us (see: global leaderboards on any online game). Facebook is not a game, we do not score points. There is no ladder to climb (unless having 1000 friends is the sort of thing that turns you on). Perhaps its the mentality that different people bring to Facebook. I for one think its ridiculous to live your life on Facebook. Let it be your tool, and not the other way round. It must enrich our lives and not destroy them (see: Catfish). And yet not everyone sees this, i guess. Some feel compelled to link everything to Facebook, to post everything in their status update. i mean, surely we dont need to know that so-and-so just earned 2 gazillion points in Bejeweled, or got another PSN trophy playing GT5. Its the beauty about Facebook. Its a personal broadcasting network. Its like the news. Its always on, regardless of whether people are watching. And for some people thats a good thing, because you dont get judged. When you actually tell someone you earned 2 gazillion points in Bejeweled, they may appear bored or uninterested, or perhaps even tell you that you are lame. But on Facebook, that cannot happen (there isnt yet a dislike button). In fact, quote the opposite. You dont know that anyone is listening, but you can hold on to the belief that someone, somewhere, is. And that's enough.

The one thing that i feel Facebook (and the Internet in general) sorely lacks, is the human connection. And its not surprising. The Internet is a very efficient tool, and it must be, for it to work as it does. Facebook is so elegently efficient in its processes and conceptual workings. "For all its industrial efficiency and scalability, its transhemipheric reach and grand civil integrity, Facebook is still a painfully blunt instrument for doing the delicate work of transmitting human relationships." (Time, Jan 2011) I think Facebook has to become more personal, and it takes two hands to clap. Facebook must allow for a greater sense of privacy, even if there is little more absolute privacy. We too must be more privy of what we are sharing. Sharing is good, but oversharing can lead to disasterous consequences.

At the end of the day, its about being careful. Facebook have done a good job, i think. They've managed to create social networks, without many of the common social problems. Of course it isn't perfect, and it perhaps should not ever be. But mapping out the intricities of human connections, not networks, is something much more complex. And we too must be more careful of how we are on and off Facebook. Adding a friend isn't quite the same as making a friend. We must not allow Facebook to oversimplify and compromise the very complex nature of human connections. And we too, shouldn't.

On Facebook, one is networked. Not connected. That much i am clear.

ArtScience Museum

http://inhabitat.com/lotus-shaped-singapore-artmuseum-collects-rain-and-light/new-11-65/

i must say, i think this is a great step forward. we need more of these kinds of stuff in singapore. looking past all the green hocus pocus, this is in essence an art museum, right smack in the middle of singapore.

"Singapore’s approach to the project is to attract not only tourists but to encourage cutting-edge thinking as part of its new economy."

hopefully. we need singaporeans to start doing stuff like this:

http://inhabitat.com/electricfied-tron-legacy-inspired-icehotel-suite-in-sweden/

and you know what i think should be in the museum? this:

The Revival

hello 2011.

my new year's resolution is to stop being such a bum. so first things first i shall revive this very much dead blog. it shall no longer be just a bunch of random ramblings, although i am sure there will still be a fair amount of that. i shall attempt to make it more significant. not so much a diary or journal, but a way of documenting the things that makes me who i am. i've kinda lost track of that the past 2 years.

one must also account for the fact that the attention span of a modern day youngster (yes, we are still young) has shortened to 160 characters. and that's all fine and dandy when you just want to comment on something, those spur of the moment happenings. no, blogging must equate to something more. something with more substance and quality. we dont need more headlines, just better articles.

every year my new years resolution amounts to the same thing - to be a better person. its vague enough for me to be able to bluff myself that yes, i have done it, yet its vague enough to be something achievable. in 2010, i think i have become a better person. i'm guessing responsibility does that to you.

all things considered, its been a good year. now hello, 2011.

in dire dire dire need of excitement.

Boundaries

its not about where you draw them, but how you define them.

We Are The Workers

do as we will, run up the hill,
we are only the men of men.

how can we change, this system we are in,
there's no room for freedom, no space within.

we can enter this darkness, your hand in mine,
knowing we're servants of a greater design.

we'll count down till the end, it will come,
let us find out what we have become.

yes, sir.

Hello everyone.

If you have any spoiled electronics that you are considering throwing away, please feel free to donate to me.

If you have really atas spoilt electronics that you are considering throwing away, please feel free to sell to me.

Thank you (:

Fluff

TV is the ultimate form of escapism. it can give you everything that your life cannot.

TV can let you be happy. it allows you to dream of better places, of better people, of better opportunities, of a better life, if only what if? if happiness is a mental construct, then TV is the ultimate god. you can be anything you want and more, if only you find the right show to watch.

TV can let you be sad. Not everyone's life is sad. Some people have it good. but everyone needs that emotional release, to feel sad for something or someone. i believe sadness is a basic human instinct. its best to feel sad for something or someone so you dont feel sad for yourself.

TV can let you be smart. Watching dumb people makes you feel smart. watching smart people makes you feel smarter.

Lets face it, life sucks. it tends to be that way. its comforting to believe that, somewhere somehow, there's someone who's life sucks more than yours. everything else is just fluff.

When Stressed,

Make Lists.