blurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrb

I need some form of self evaluation.

I wish I knew someone like house. That would be way too cool.

I think I sense increased brain activity in my upper cranium. Wonderful.

There should be some definite way of classifying people. Fear, desires, aspirations etc. Something than cannot be empirically measured, if that is the term (I'm not sure it is). Okay i misuse the term classifying. This is not about classification; it is more like qualifying people. People can be easily quantified - age, height, race, weight, sex, eyesight etc. However I feel there is a need to be able to qualify people, Maybe that is the only way we can truly get to know a person, to be able to look past all the things that can be quantified, and to look for the things that can only be qualified.

There is a problem with this, in that it assumes human interaction to be structured. Here I am assuming that people first look at the so called outer layers, before getting to the inner layers. This is the same as saying that each person is an onion, we all have multiple layers, and to be able to reach the inner layers, one must first get past the outer layers. I would think this to be the normal idea. However, I wish to question this. What if people are in fact not onions? Personally, I do not believe that people are onions. Rather, I think people are more like those fortune wheels we spin at fairs or at lucky draws. However, people are not just any wheel, we are tweaked, tampered wheels. What the arrow eventually points to will depend on the person spinning it.

I much prefer this view of people and human interaction. Why? The onion-view scares me a little, because what it seems to say is that if people try hard enough, and if people know how to, they can eventually strip a person down right to his or her core. The onion will eventually be reduced to onion strips. And honestly? I don't want to be a bowl of onion strips. With the wheel-view, what it seems to say is that people can be selective about who they are. The wheel appears to be fair, but in fact it is not, but only you know it. The wonderful thing about the wheel-view is that it can be manipulated, such that you can allow someone to know everything about you and who you are, or nothing at all. However, the wheel-view is of course based on the assumption that every individual section (vector is the more mathematical term I think, but i am most probably wrong) is filled. Which in many cases, I think they are not, which makes using the wheel-view incomplete and thus flawed.

There is a flaw with this whole argument. What I am here trying to do is to use the onion-view to generate the wheel-view, to some extent. Which then means this argument cannot hold, and thus falls apart.

Splat.

poor you poor me

omg. i just realised that i grew up watching lame ass chi variety shows, chi news, crappy chi dramas and, gasp! 出路 O_O

wtf.

burn it into my memory

and just like that, the moment is gone.

forever? lets hope not.

there's a sense of inquisition,
beyond all the affirmation.
knowing that beyond the bright lights,
there lie a thousand nights.

fuck parentage lah

inherently lonely.

i think, from an economists point of view, being lonely is the best state condition yet.

nets with loopholes

i'm in the happiness-is-a-lie kind of mood.

cant you tell?

doors and chairs

i have a problem.

and i dont know how to deal with it. it has something to do with arrogance, inferiority, jealous, fear, selfishness, who knows what else.

its like trying to fight an invisible enemy. you know he's there, but you're not sure where. so you cant attack, all you can do is to keep swinging that sword and running around, hoping that you somehow hit him, and making sure he cant hit you. its as simple as that.

or not.

indeed the moron

i wish life were like a story book, a great book of fiction, a potter on stilts. then everything would be just right.

you make my heart boil

ARGH. i am so irritated right now, i feel like screaming at everything that remotely bothers me. like my damn mother, so bloody annoying. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh.

i cant stand dirty players. i really cant, cos its so frustrating to know that you lost not cos they beat u clean, but cos they beat you dirty. its just unsatisfying. and it hurts to, to look at all the work and pain and everything we have to go through, just for some stupid refs to screw it all up. we've sweat, people have bled, pushed all over place, tripped, everything dirty you can think of, and they just blatantly get away with it. fuck lah. just, argh thinking of it makes me want to smash something.

john muk must die. hahahahahaha muk hahahahahhahaha

channel 56

why oh why, do we cry and cry,
seek and seek, for the bleak and weak.

i am annoyed by my lack of elec guitaring. ugh. stupid broken stuck string thingus. argh. i miss the sounds of distortion coming out of my amp very very very much. bleh distortion i miss u :(

i have yet to realise just how much i have to do. lemme see. i have to find 2 texts, work on both of them, get out a duo and a design i/s (wtf). tournament is ending so that shouldnt be too much of a problem. ok wait wait i need a list.

1. tsd - duologue, need to find text, work on text, do text. i/s, need to find text, decide on i/s, do the damn thing. study godot. read up alot more on theatre. god theres so much to do.
2. floorball - ok tournaments ending so this shouldnt be thaaat much of a problem.
3. math- ah fuck lah.
4. econs - see above.
5. ki i/s - shit. what the hell i'm suppose to do i have no idea.
6. piano - insert expletives here. exam in less than 2 months and i'm sooo going to fail.
7. jamming - need a bassist. need to find time to jam. need to jam. need to write. need to record, eventually.
8. me too people - DINNER. argh i miss those people.
9. whatever else there is left. which is alot. ALOT. its so funny how one thing can be everything and everything can be one thing.

see? i'm screwed.








i wonder about something: who the hell am i blogging for exactly? and i have come to a conclusion that i blog for myself. to like, come back and read. well i dont know alot of all these rubbish just come out like that. i mean, who actually reads all these crap. other people's blogs are so much more interesting anyway. its probably my little means of escaping, the whole escapism notion, seeking comfort in the fact that there is indeed something beyond the shit that is reality, somewhere we can go to and escape from everything else. virtual therapy. must be kind of great yea. and half the time i think the things are do are so selfish, because all i'm doing is just amusing myself. who cares?

power of the gone and departed

i'm tired. over and over again, i really am. i mean, i really dont see much point in the whole thing anymore. its reached a point where it is just plain stupid, but hey, what can i say? nothing. its always nothing.

its all that fragmentation thats doing me in. the little bit here, the little bit there, its all too confusing and distracting and ultimately, useless.

hell it always is so much more complicated that it really is, only because it make it so much more complicated.

i guess it has to happen time to time, this whole fall-into-semi-depression phase thing. its prob the result of a lot of factors. tiredness, irritation, annoyance, general distaste etc. its everything, and its so stupid cos it achieves nothing.

so many things to know

there is ALWAYS enough time for soul searching.

unsaid things, all left to fester.
thank yous and sorrys,
never muttered, never heard.
honesty's too much,
honest words not enough.
all we can ask for is the truth.
all the lies, leave them behind,
they matter no more, they help no more.
cos come the time you search deep inside,
you must realise that you've got nothing left to hide.

born stupid, brought up stupid, died dead

i have concluded, i am actually quite normal.

i like to eat, i like to sleep, i like to have fun, i like playing soccer, i like violence, i enjoy sports in general.

so yes, i am a typical alpha male.

now, believe that.

lesson on the mind

Part IV of the Constitution of the Republic of Singapore

Fundamental Liberties

Liberty of the person
9. —(1) No person shall be deprived of his life or personal liberty save in accordance with law. (2) Where a complaint is made to the High Court or any Judge thereof that a person is being unlawfully detained, the Court shall inquire into the complaint and, unless satisfied that the detention is lawful, shall order him to be produced before the Court and release him. (3) Where a person is arrested, he shall be informed as soon as may be of the grounds of his arrest and shall be allowed to consult and be defended by a legal practitioner of his choice. (4) Where a person is arrested and not released, he shall, without unreasonable delay, and in any case within 48 hours (excluding the time of any necessary journey), be produced before a Magistrate and shall not be further detained in custody without the Magistrate’s authority. (5) Clauses (3) and (4) shall not apply to an enemy alien or to any person arrested for contempt of Parliament pursuant to a warrant issued under the hand of the Speaker. (6) Nothing in this Article shall invalidate any law —

(a) in force before the commencement of this Constitution which authorises the arrest and detention of any person in the interests of public safety, peace and good order; or

(b) relating to the misuse of drugs or intoxicating substances which authorises the arrest and detention of any person for the purpose of treatment and rehabilitation,

by reason of such law being inconsistent with clauses (3) and (4), and, in particular, nothing in this Article shall affect the validity or operation of any such law before 10th March 1978.

---------

basically, my point is that yes it is innocent till proven guilty. now darryl, quit arguing with me :D

dont cry

i just feel so stupid and lousy.

when the heart and mind dont even talk anymore...

click click click stop

liberation is hell. or heaven. it really depends.

theres only so much you can say to make it right again.

i'm pressing backspace over and over again.

singing my sappy love song

when you're hanging on to every moment, every word
when you cant help but think and think again
when every breath seems to last forever
when every silence just seems to linger
when it all seems to mean forever
when every step just bounces that little bit more
when every smile seems to stretch that little wider
when it feels like you could go on forever
yes. it is once again.

own3d

i am having such a disturbing day. terrible in fact. how hte hell does one get lucky stuck in one's heard????

btw, here is absolute totaly pwnage:

shuwen:
"OH OH i have progressed in plaing badminton!!!!!
so happy
i can now hit a shuttlecock twice in a row"

its not tiresome, just tiring

tired.

its sometimes really as simple as that. at the end of it all, it usually boils down to the very simplest problem. i suppose the blame is always on both parties. blame is shifted, blame is pushed, blame is contested, whatever. point is, there never is any black and white left in this world. sometimes it'd be so much better and easier if we just say the grey in everything.

i still cant figure it out, somehow. surprising? i dont know. maybe. its like, its this, then that, then this again. it is confusing, it is tiring, and i dont know where it is going. just how many more pleases?

argh. i'm too tired to think. its damn tiring you know. and its not as if i'm not already tired as i am.

SOMEONE BUY ME CHEESECAKEEEEEE

did i mention i hate anonymous taggers? no i didnt. well, i hate anonymous taggers. and i dunno why (actually i have a fairly good idea, but lets pretend i didnt say that) but i feel very mean and bitchy right about.......now. some part of me just wants to grab a chicken and rip it in half and smash it with my tennis racket. gut on gut action hurhur. i dont want to be mean, but i really really really want to do something horrible. its all these cravings, they are so annoying. away cravings!

butterflies arnt flies

hilarious might just be the word of the day.

i know and you know that i am tired/unhappy/emo/depressed/annoyed/someotherstuff when i post more than twice in a single night, and when the post doesnt (dont) really make much sense. oh and yes the crappy grammar is another sign. what the hell. who gives a shit anyway.

when saying hello and goodbye means nothing at all

its very scary how easy it just to lose oneself in the virtual world. its all so safe, its so anonymous, its so, easy. i really dont know how to put it. and wish as i may, i know nothing can change a thing. its so easy to curse and swear, so easy to rant about this and hate about that, because behind that computer screen, there is no one but you. and your eyes see nothing but words. no feelings, no emotions. you cant feel the raindrops slapping against your skin, you cant feel yourself sliding all over the wet floor, you cant feel the minions of evil spirits tearing away at your body, all you see is words.

and no one really understands. no one wants to, no one can.

and its just so easy isnt it? just fingers against plastic keys, the steady tapping of the keyboard to accompany the hum of the air con unit. does one even need to think? cos often, everything seems to come out, and i really wonder if anyone really thinks beforehand.

sigh. honestly, its just too damn tiring.

but never did we try...

ponder the beef fodder

all we need is a little sensitivity,
a little choice to make, a small step to take.

sometimes, the answers lie within, not without. problem is, realisation is a mean bitch.

i've got questions, but whose got the answers?

take it easy
don't you get it's just expression
won't you raise your voice
everytime a little dirt gets under
cry if you want
the return of no sensitivity
you don't have to scream
to say something that you honestly mean

no sensitivity - jimmy eat world

sighsighsigh

WHAT!

ammused is not the right term.

why oh why, my oh my.

the wonders of maybe

training's been good. its a generally specifically good thing i suppose.

ahhh i know when i am tired. when i get tired i start and finish random blog posts. posting 3 times a night is sign of either depression or tiredness.

i am sooo cool with words man. hur hur.

and i never learnt a god damn thing

living in a world of thine own.

its so weird how alike things can be, how roles all seem so similar and familiar.

its a crazy freaky world. full of crazy freaky. some just cant deal. its quite obvious, they dont have a mental and emotional maturity to deal with it. or maybe its all just so contrived. its like a lit poem, its all mush and fluffy, and often theres really nothing much on the inside. something really is wrong with the system. but i wont be like all those stupid idiotic moronic idealist and say how the system must be changed and all that rubbish, because it is all bullshit. it really is. i think anyone who believes in all that idealistic utopian crap is stupid. theres no way we can change the system. we can fight, we can alter it, but we cant change it int he sense of overthrowing it. it jsut wont happen. now if only people would actually get that.

confrontation is a necessarry evil? i'll sleep on it...

and i'm the one to blame

hey i guess somtimes we just got to do what we've got to do. regardless whether it is enough or not, we just do it. no questions asked. and if you cant even do that, what can you do?

wow. all i can say is wow. even i dont think i could ever sink that low. i mean, thats just rock bottom. unbelievable.

its such a strange strange looking world. my hands are numb.

sitting on the fences, one more time

honestly, nothings new. its just all about growing up and realising the world is round, not flat.

angels and neyos

aloof? maybe that is it.

the circus and the tiger

i have come to realise many things. among them, well not really but whatever i'm the one talking so shut up, anyway my point is, i have come to realise something. in a way. i think now i am more at peace with myself. although i suppose that really isnt the truth. the truth tends towards the nature of lies. anyway point is i feel like i can actually talk now. things feel better, different even. maybe its the change in enviornment, the change in people, the change in lifestyle, changes bring about changes.

oh shut up already. i know my grammar sucks, i cant spell and my english is downright horrible, but i'm talking and your're not so i dont give a shit.

so i think it is a good thing, and i think it is going to make me a if not better, at least a more faceted person than i think i already am. i forget what i was going to say. oh yes i remember now. it is a remote possibility, but i might be now finally be able to be honest because i can and not just because i want to. honesty is never the best policy, but people buy it anyway. its all in the saleperson...

round and round it goes around the merry-go-round.

an interesting night just got interestinger

if life were simple, everything would be categorisable. everything would be labelable. but life isnt simple. i wish i were labelable, but everytime i try to think of one label that can actually encompass who i really am, i cant think of anything. someone help me? and everything is so much simpler if everything could be labeled. its like, you could chuck people and things into different buckets and decide how and what you want to do with them.

get me a bucket someone.