i miss v14

today it struck me, just how much i miss v14. and i am somewhat surprised it took me this long. i mean yes i do miss the class, but today it really struck me just how much i miss them. i mean, i guess its also cos we spent 2 years together, and we've only been with our new class for a month. and also i guess everyone's all still caught up in their sec sch past. but really, i miss 14 very much.

i mean we all had went through alot. gossiping, bitching, hating, issues, fun, laughter, insanity, everything. and i dunno. it just totally struck me today. just, talking.

poster of my life

time doesnt heal any wounds. time numbs them, so much so we forget they are there. but then something comes along, to rip those wounds right apart, to unleash the pain, the suffering, the hurt. and then the blood of history begins to flow.

brother

its the sad reality of it all anway.

the personal response of the critical mind and the critical response of the personal mind

its the sad sad reality that rules my life.
i'm always wandering around,
lost, searching, feeling.

its so funny, how things always have a way of happening. its the horrifying reality of my past coming back to haunt me, literally stalking me, drilling holes in the back of my head, yet i cannot see. i cant get myself to stare it straight in the eye. i cant deal. and its killing me, you see.

theres something really fascinating about unplugged songs.

growing old takes time.

i'm bitter. thats all.

me and my little girl

i have complexes.

first, i have a stalker complex. not that i've stalked anyone yet, but i know i can. i have this thing about observing people, noting every single thing they do. and wanting to know everything about them. its quite scary really. and all these stalking plans keep running through my head, so tempting, at the same time so scary.

secondly, i have an elitist complex. its like, once in awhile, i'll feel that everyone around me is just so, stupid. and pointless, and useless, and absolutely worthless. i have these moments, and i totally hate myself for it. its like, suddenly everyone kind of disappears, and theres me left in my own little bubble, looking down on everyone else, thinking i'm so damn fucking great, when i guess the truth is, i'm not.

oh well. we all gotta live with who we are i guess.

fucking msn

wad the hell. msn is being absolutely effin gay.

the death of the conversational evangelist

it seems that things always have a way of happening,
history always repeats itself.
maybe its just me, everywhere i go,
i bring along this luggage,
this negative energy,
that makes me want to do as i do.

and i saw stars and lighting flash across the sky

its not that i want to be like that.
sometimes, i'm not sure i'm given a choice.
things stick, u see.
labels stick.

and i wonder, do i even want to try?
though i may tell myself i do,
do i actually mean what i say?
or am i jus lying to myself,
trying to make myself believe that things will change,
when in fact they wont.

i think its qutie damn scary,
our whole life we're wondering if we actually exist,
and in death we wonder if we really lived.
whos to say?

who's gonna stop us now?

what does it mean to be happy?
i mean, people are all happy and shit,
but does anyone know what happiness is?
i'm not sure i do,
and i wonder if anyone can give me some kind of answer.
we all have our moments, when we feel like nothing could stop us,
nothing could get us down,
but these moments, are they real?
do we truly feel happy in times like these?
or are we just kidding ourselves,
imagining our happiness so we dont have to face the
true bleakness of reality.
i guess, once in awhile we all have to kid ourselves.
to be happy, to be sad, to be angry,
which is the biggest lie of them all?

to be or not to be. that isnt a question.

i have learnt that:

i need to look up more. serious this is pretty much screwing with my acting.

i should always reply, even if tis the most trivial thing in the world. i guess of them high strung people just gotta know.

its funny. bus 31 travels the route of my life. from my hse to toa payoh, it passes my kindergarden, vs, vj, tao nan, kong hwa. weird really.

inguinity

laughter is infectious.
happiness is infectious.
is sadness then infectious?

and what if we all died tonite?

we could all live happily ever after.
live in blissful ignorance.
believe everything to be all right.
that things will somehow work themselves out,
like they always do.
we could be happy,
we can laugh, joke life away,
but ultimately,
we'd be living a lie.
one many people are willing to live,
but a lie nonetheless.
who dares to try?

i've been dwelling for too long. in some ways, i've lost the ability to feel happy. its like, everday i'm living in limbo. yes i can be something, like be high or be happy or be sad or whatever, but AM i happy? i'm not. and i dont know how to make myself rediscover that emotion. i guess i need for something to happen. something i can do, and probably something i can succeed in. like winning something, or taking part in something, or just doing something. i'm not sure i've found that thing yet. there are some things that may do, but not yet. and i'm just hoping in these few months i might discover something that'll let me feel happy again.

there's this strange buzzing

theres this strange buzzing between my ears.
its defeaning, yet i hear no sound.
it hurts, yet i feel no pain.
theres something, but i cant feel it.
but i know.

theres this strange buzzing among my eyes.
it blurs the very vision i thought i have.
i blink, each blink a torture in itself.
i can feel my eyelids yearning for each other,
seeking the comfort that is familiar.
who's to say?

theres this strange buzzing running through my hair.
its there, but i dont feel my hair move.
the smell of my hair wax drifts around,
i can taste the sweetness in the air.
poison lurks where we least expect it.
but at least i'm aware.

that theres this strange buzzing,
somewhere.

i am like SO going to fail lit and ki. i have lost all ability to construct a proper english sentence, let alone a paragraph, let alone an essay. i'm SO dead. really. btw that reall isnt a sentence. neither was that one. neither is this one.

who's to say i'll never die?

07a12 is highly amusing. seriously. i guess its a strange feeling, after spending 2 years in vj. everything feels the same, yet so different. i mean, the place is the same, but the people are different. and i guess the system now is very different too. like how i haf to get use to spending half my day in school sitting around playing murderer listenin to britney spears and eating. and mr chan sucks, lah.

i guess i'm expecting too much too soon.
if we all gave each other time,
would it all be alright?

funniest shit ever

www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMaHELOabcY

owned

deformed muscles ((((:

its the irony of it all,
minute after minute,
hour after hour,
staring at a screen,
believing that it means something.
believing that its actually worth it.
when in fact, it isnt.
all it is, it's wasting time away.
wasting this life away.
burning up the seconds,
slowly, ticking, ticking,
like a stream never to flow again.
to the end, and never back.

to think, to think it might actually end up somewhere...

if death is inevitable, who's to say life isnt?

the truth is, they wont be there when you need them.

i guess i must learn to be less judgemental. after all, i'm not sure how much we can and/or should trust our first impressions. theres just too many things affecting our judgement. and we dont even know them yet.

its a little game i'm playing with myself. sort of like playing twister, except just with myself. and in a way, its fun, yet at the same time i'm punishing myself. and hey, i tell myself its fun, but is it? is it worth it?

if things had no answers, then we wouldnt have questions to ask.

my bed of roses

i seek solace

in things i dont understand.
in things i cant do.
in things i dont want to say.
in people i'll never trust.
in everything that isnt what it seems to be.

after all, we are all living a lie.
the truth is nothing more then a well packaged lie.

at the core of everything else,
i think we'll all eventually lose ourselves.
to something we'll never understand.

how do i ever look at this the same way again?

i guess its the inevitable. its going to happen sooner or later, we just got to be mentally and emotionally prepared for it i guess. i mean, i dunno maybe its just me or something, but like no matter where i am, its always there. and we just gotta deal i guess. we cant keep running away, or lying to ourselves that everything's perfect, or that it wont happen. we'd be living a lie. and i guess, i just dont want that to happen. its takes too much out of me.

i need a little bit of faith

just what do i have to fucking do?
everything i do is wrong.
i'm always the one causing trouble,
the one being unreasonable,
the one making things difficult for everyone,
the one who doesnt know how to follow rules.
i'm always the one doing things for the sake of defiance.
i'm awlays the one who doesnt understand basic rules.
the one who doesnt know that nature defines everything.
i mean thats just fucking bullshit.
and what the hell am i suppose to do?
i try to reason, no. cannot.
things must have a conclusion.
just finish it since i've fucking started.
i mean like fuck you lah.
waste your own fucking money its not my damn fuckign problem.
i've decided i won fucking care anymore.
its just a waste off my goddamn time.
i'm just hoping i've got enough means to vent my frustrations,
until i can finally get away from this screwed up place called home.
i want to run away so badly.
more than anything else in this world,
i want freedom.
from everything i am, everything i mite be.

angel crossed

i'm drifting around like a poor misguided fool.
listening to the voices of aimless angels.
telling me it aint over, dont surrender,
little do they know, it already is over.
over, before it had even started.

i'm hopelessly entrenched in this sea of deceit,
swimming around, not knowing where i'm headed.
drowning, bit by bit,
as the energy drifts slowly out of my body.
everywhere i turn, its the same familiar darkness,
the same chilling waters,
the same stale, cold air.

i guess the truth is, no one really understand.
no one ever will.
its pointless.

its so easy you know,
getting in and out of character.
its casual even, cause its happening too often.
i've been made to paly a part i'm not sure i want,
but i dont have much choice.
i volunteered after all.
i guess i'm chasing that sense of liberation.
of being able to be me,
without actually opening myself up to get hurt.

i need something to occupy myself.
to stop myself from constantly brooding,
constantly dwelling deeper and deeper inside,
i'm afraid i'll lose myself,
to my fears.

i need...something.
anything, that means something.
that means enough.
enough for me to care.
enough for me to dare.

back back back to the disaster

its that strange familiar feeling rushing over me.
a little bit of nostalgia, a slight tinge of fear.
even when i close my eyes i still can see,
the envy, the lies, everything's so clear.
wondering if all these is meant to be,
god's little way of toying with my heart.
break it up, put it back, let it be,
its all just a joke played in the dark.

u see. i cant rhyme -.-

i'm scared which becomes more of me. is this but an act? is who i can be anything like who i am? i'm not sure which is better. to stay in my comfortable suit, or to go out and buy some new clothes. i guess in a way i'm afraid of change. i'm afraid of letting go, after i've grown so comfortable wearing these clothes, fond of them even. and if and when these clothes are snatched away from me, i've got 2 choices. get new clothes, or go naked. i'm gettin new clothes.

i hope they're nice

she makes me wanna chop my arms off

i am:

superficial
vain
proud
idealistic
paranoid
dumb
mildly insane
schizo
saddistic
obsessive
demented
moral-less
tactless
fake
poseur
ignorrant
arrogant
scared.

NOW. whos gonna believe who i am not?

happy bday to the world

surprisingly, my new year has been relatively good. considerin in 7 days of bloggin, my post have been relatively happy. or not terribly depressing and shit. well i guess, its just 7 days. the year is a long one, filled with long 7 day periods. time to take charge, RAWR!

i'm not crazy i'm juat a little unwell

i guess its scary when the real and the not so real become, well, indistinguishable. i'm jus afraid i wont know where the line is for me to cross.

and it all always has a start and an end

i have learnt from orientation 1:

first impressions count. but not much.

ignorrance is bliss. false ignorrance is ignorrance nonetheless.

i'm best when i'm fucking high, or fucking emo.

come touch me.

why am i so stupid?

sigh. i'm so damn stupid.

and i'm such a bastard lah. i cant stand the way i am so superficial, so judgemental, so anti-social. its horrible. i mean, i'm screwing with my life. i'm ending things before they even begin. its so ironic. somehow, i think i'm one who doesnt give many pple a chance. its fucking horrible. i'm fucked up.

i hate myself. so do you.

sigh.

we all still grow old

oc is getting to me. i mean face it, i'm living in a world of make believe. everything that is happening, its all so surreal. and i dunno. its fucking scary. everything i say, everything i hear others say, it all seems so...scripted. and its just me. i dont know whats real anymore. 2 months i've benn out of touch with the real world. the internet alien abducted me. and now, in a couple of hours, they are gonna send me back to earth. school starts in a matter of hours. reality soon begins. pple are wishing each other gd luck with the sch year ahead. yea. i need all the luck i can get. reality's a bitch.

kaytlin cooper is hott.

rain rain rain

i don get it. every other blog i go everyone's all like "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!"

um, wads so happy about the new fucking year?

looking back on a 2006 i'd much rather not forget

lifes been:

an ocean.
swimming in this ocean.
you have no idea where to go,
no idea where you're headed.
but you keep swimming.
anywhere. everywhere.

a game.
we're all playing games.
i stare, he stare,
we see who's scared first.
i run, he run.
i jump, he jump.
i fall, he fall?

a farce.
i've been living a lie.
lying to everyone,
lying to myself.
it makes me feel comfortable.
its almost like i actually am.

a torture.
i do way too many things i really shouldnt.
all these, its all my own damn fault.
all these things i've done,
i do them over and over again,
until they hurt.
until i can feel the pain.

the words in a song.
i can write on and on,
but in the end,
without any music,
the song aint a song anymore.
and sadly, i'm not up to singing it anymore.
i need some inspiration.

my 2006 was, in truth, not very much.
i realise i spent much of it wasting it.

2006 was full of:
music.
computer games.
guitar.
stoning.
randomness.
emo.
anger.
inept-ness.
incompletes.

i hope 07 really is a better year.
i hope its full of:
music.
guitar.
jamming.
emo.
scandals.
gossips.
lies.
anger.
computer games.

i need a reminder.

pootbomb

have you every tried wearing fbts over boxers?