this should be quite interesting.

Open up your iTunes and fill out this survey, no matter how embarrassing the responses might be.

How many songs total: 3631
How many hours or days of music: 10.4 days
Most recently played: muscle museum (live glastonbury 2004) - muse
Most played: zombie - the cranberries
Most recently added: flights of fancy - west grand boulevard

Sort by song title:
First Song: abercrombie - mates of state
Last Song: 99 red love balloons - bjork

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: cave water dripping - 0:05 but that's not a song. intro - muse 0:22
Longest Song: echoes - pink floyd 16:31

Sort by album:
First album: a - kiko y sara
Last album: Open up your iTunes and fill out this survey, no matter how embarrassing the responses might be.

First song that comes up on Shuffle: amarantine - enya

Search the following and state how many songs come up:
Death: 13
Life: 98
Love: 138
Hate: 17
You: 415
Sex: 7

just now i witnessed a caterpillar getting totally owned. it was quite amusing. i was standing at the roadside, waiting for the light to change. then there was this caterpillar on the floor. then it started crossing the road. so i kept watching it, and kept thinking, oh man, what if a car ran over it? then WHAM. a car did. the caterpillar flipped about 3 rounds in the air, and landed on its back. dead.

the moderation fantasy

the one that we believe,
someone we create.
crawling about in our tyranny.

get in line, dont say a word.
lose your voice in this atmosphere.
count the people in this line,
make sure no one's left behind.

lets look on the bright side of life. of course, that is assuming there actually is one. but no, that is being cynical. so lets assume there's one. what could be good about losing your wallet (with ic within), your ipod, your camera and your keys?

i actually have a bright side. i just need to lose my handphone and my laptop now, and i can go triblal!

whoopee.

its lonely out there. and mighty quiet inside.

all this anger and frustration is going to kill me. its like, self-destructive. i really do wish i had some outlet of sorts. it sucks to be this negative, to always be angry and frustrated and unhappy. no one likes being unhappy. well, i hope not anyway. its a horrible feeling. its depressing. and i think more than anything else, it leaves one lonely. i think deep down inside, some part of us wants to be dependent. i mean, yes we talk so much about wanting to be independent and everything. but sometimes, its just nice to have someone to fall back on.

i fear i may never have a voice. i fear i may never be heard.

i'm going to type a long long post. by saying that, i think i have predisposed myself to do it. so what, is it wrong? in all honesty, there isnt much to talk about. so what shall i do? i am really hungry you know. i havent eaten much today at all. and there isnt anything to eat at home. all the pineapple tarts are gone. i love pineapple tarts. i love cny snacks. but it makes me fat, so in a way i'm glad they are gone. so how how. maybe i should talk about life. but life sucks. life is boring. you know i thought about it, what keeps friendships together? and what makes friendships just friendships, and nothing more? it must be our flaws, isnt it? the fact that people are so differently, but innately, we are all imperfect. we are all flawed. we all make mistakes. and i think as long as we recognise that, friends will be but friends. today i saw a very sad scenario in the train. there was this couple standing next to me. (not a good looking couple, but that is irrelevant.) the guy was playing his psp, with his headphones plugged in. the girl was standing next to him, leaning on him somewhat, and with her own headphones plugged in. now, isnt that just so very sad? i think it is. i mean, i definitely could be misjudging them, but i just find such a scenario very saddening. den again, i find myself contradicting myself. but maybe not. on the way up the escalator at tanah merah, i saw this angmoh couple totally making out on the down riding escalator. i personally found that slightly off-putting, but well, people say that's love. i doubt it. i think i'm looking at the somewhere in between. affection, but not, i dunno, obsession? but then again, maybe it is obsession that makes it so special. obsession isnt inherently a negative word. it tends to be associated with negative meanings, but it can be good, sometimes. there is a reason they call it a "healthy obsession". oh shit, i should paragraph.

there. a paragraph. i think the knights riff is just SO DAMN AWESOME. seriously. it makes me happy. its like the happy floorball. it makes me happy. i dont think its right, how i keep judging people. i know i cant use the argument that they judge me, hence i judge them. i mean, judgement is inevitable. but it gets excessive, sometimes. and i know it. i dont want to be a horrible person. ok so maybe i am, that's not for me to say, not really anyway. more correctly, i dont want to be an actively horrible person. some people can do it so well. and well, i cant. that sounds like an excuse. i dont want to keep having to make excuses. these are strangely short sentences. ok stop it man. quit dreaming. i shall go get myself something to satisfy my hunger. ok i found nothing. or maybe nothing found me. i think i shall go distract myself again. distraction is good. i dont really think, do i?

now now, just what do you want? i want to rant about muse. i think muse is awesome. i really do. it makes me all bubbly and happy. of course, that's provided i'm not listening to the depressing songs. starlight is incredibly uplifting, even if i dont particularly like the song. there's just something about the song, its so hopeful. and maybe we all need something like that. some blind hope. to just push us on. keep us going even when we feel like there's no more road ahead of us.

oh lookey. distraction.

hello.

you cant hear me.
you still drift around all the time.

i've forgotten the words to this song,
i've forgotten, for so so long.

be quiet.
we're all leaving.
once and for all.
decidedly, we shall move on.
even if we dont know how.

i can pretend so much that i do not care.
maybe even convince myself that i dont.
but there's no hiding the smile behind the frown.
i'm torn, again and again.
regardless of what the pictures say,
i'm not the person i'm made out to be.
a little less, maybe quite a bit more,
i'm running away, away from today.
so quiet now, hear your own breathing.
forget the sounds of my footsteps fading.
its a long way from home,
called out into the empty nowhere.
time passes, we wont regret.
no, not once.

if only i could change your mind,
if only she would turn back time.
then it would rain once more,
give us time for one more sunrise.

i had an incredible brainwave in my dream last night. the most amazing song lyrics came to me.

so i got up, picked up my phone, and typed everything down, then saved it under a draft.

and then i woke up this morning, and realised, ah shite. that was all a dream too.

goddamn.

wasting my mind, thinking about you all the time.
i've destroyed the future, trying to recreate the past.
green pastures turn grey, roses slowly rot away.

this is potentially tragic.

no one to talk to.
the music has left my ears.
all i hear now are the whisperings of my memories,
reminding me of all that i have thrown away.
words no longer fill up the empty daily silence.
all the buzz, occupies the space that was once reserved
solely for you.

maybe i never cared as much as i should have.
believe whatever that i may, things still wont change.
you have moved on with the times,
stayed on the tracks, speed ahead.
i remember getting off,
i remember getting lost.

third degree heartburn

how i wonder how this world would be,
if the sun didnt rise tomorrow,
if darkness was all that's left to see.

change out of those dirty clothes,
like the shallow bay purge your sins.
come off the steps, dont look back,
take heed, you may just succeed.

i suddenly feel like title-ing and labelling everything. its therapeutic. which reminds me, i really cannot spell. wonderful isnt it, this world we live in. its so perfect, and beautiful, and complete, and free of any troubles at all! honestly, the world is a perfect place. its complete, clean, orderly, predictable, stable, everything you could ever want. so what's the problem?

the world is populated by imperfect people, that's what.

because the because.

because he aint happy enough with what he has. hell, he aint happy at all.
because he does not enjoy what he does.
because he cant seem to get any satisfaction out of anything he does.
because its not good enough, it may never be.
because he doesnt know if it'll make him happy, which is why he hopes.
because hope is dangerous, hope is flawed, hope is everywhere.
because he listens not to the voice of emotion, but the voice of reason.
because he is afraid that that voice of emotion is right.
because he has a past.
because he doesnt know if there's any future.
because he's afraid, weak, frail to the bone.
because life's tough, but we struggle on anyway.
because he has friends to laugh.
because he has friends who cry.
because he pretends like he does not care.
because he wants to forget, even though he knows he cant.
because he wants to run, farther, longer, faster.
because he wants to fall, so he can pick himself up.
because he left those scars to never heal.
because he forgot, wings dont make you fly.
because we all care, even if we dont want to.
because we all feel, even if we try not to.
because we all fall, even if we never jump.
because we all hope, even if we've forgotten how.

this kind of weather is beautiful. its like, natural aircon. you know what the sad part is? in singapore, we call it freak weather. in temperate countries, they call it spring.

in other news, Houston, we have a problem.

house is seriously awesome. i love the show. gosh.

what is it then. glory? passion? bitterness? maybe its because one does something that one's good at, not something that one likes. and people actually realise that. how i wish there was someone who could talk to me about this, someone who could think with me. so why then? we always ask that question, why. it helps us think, it helps us relax. fuck pop ups. why dont clinton/obama use pop up ads? that would be soooo effective. you know, it would be nice to be smart. to know that thought processes actually count for something. its much better than all this hypothetical bullshit and theoretical hogwash. there's no point in trying to understand something we cannot comprehend.

what am i doing? i am avoiding reality. look at it. i'm not even telling you what the time is, even if it is 12.08am right now. i dont see the point. time's a measure of something. what is that thing? of moments past? wrong. time is the measure of the number of ticks on the clock that is used to determine time. (its some atomic clock somewhere, i've forgotten the name and am too lazy to take out the article) so if time, what many consider natural, is in fact a measure of a man-made phenomena, what's stopping us from applying this same logic to everything else? at some point, nature becomes rather unnatural, doesnt it? Man suddenly have a role to play in everything. suddenly, instead of signs of God, you start seeing signs of Man. instead of the golden ratio, you start seeing golden "made in china" markings. its what the world is coming to, lets face it. at some point, all this building, all this growing, its all going to collapse on itself.

there are too many smart people on this earth right now. that's why governments are seeking out ways to support life on other planets. earth is over-infested with brains. and it very obviously is a problem, the same way the fucking pop ups are a problem. cheebye partypoker.com. at some point, all that brain is going to have to go through natural selection. well, it has done, but those were less developed brains. they were the monkeys, these are now the man. we are going to have a war of ideas. and the best part is, its all freaking stealth. no one's going to know. its all those little discreet missions and covert ops that is going to be the doom of mankind. facebook, google, ebay, skype, they all have the same function, even if they are disguised differently. yes, you think they are harmless, but let me assure you, they are not. they are planting the seeds of destruction. they are getting you ready for the war, making sure you're prepared to fight, prepared to contribute to the carnage, prepared to be part of the downfall.

and when all the dust has cleared, it'll be you and me left. and we shall rule the new born reality.

its pretty ridiculous, therefore its worth a shot.
i know i'm not alright, its always been this way.
from that day we sat on those steps,
breathing life away.
come away from the edge,
quit hurting yourself all the time.
step up on that pedestal,
halos and broken wings.
share this discipline, the cause we follow to win.

looks like it isnt looking too good for you.
all that crumbles, break apart.
drift away like continents, always too far.
but there's no use telling me,
believe in the crimes of humanity.
have you gone to far?
questioning the leaders,
dressed in all white,
going about our lives all through the nights.

face it, its not like we have a choice. sometimes life is just going to suck. its not like i want to make things so difficult all the time. in many ways, i think we're all simple people. things just complicate themselves for us so we have drama. stupid freaking drama.

fuck lah. i'm sick and tired of it. i really am. i dont know how it feels, i dont know what to say, i dont freaking know anything at all. all i know, its not enough. its too little too late.

fuck math. i am going to fail fucking h1 math, laugh out loud.

It's happening soon, it's happening soon, its scent has been blowing in my direction.
To me it is new, to me it is new, and it's not gonna change for anybody.
And it's gonna be our last memory,
And its led me on, and on to you.

It's got to be here, it's gonna be there, its gonna be now or I'll lose for ever.
To me it is strange, this feeling is strange, but it's not going to change for anybody.
And it's gonna be our last memory,
And its led me on, and on to you.

Accuse me,
Trust me, I never knew,
That you were the one, you were the one,
oooh.

And it's gonna be our last memory,
And it's led me on, and on to you.
And it's gonna be our last memory,
And it's led me on, and on to you. You.

life hurts.

i've turned on the radio. singapore radio. things must be looking rather bleak. especially when they start playing the fray and avril freaking lavigne.

lets face it, there is no going back. chase it as we may, nothing can recreate those silent memories. i dont want to have to continue this way. love like the yellow thief. love her, love her and salute her. i'm driving myself up the wall. into the grave. whichever imagery suits best.

i cant express just how i feel. i can tell you what's happened, i can tell you how i react, i can tell you what i'm thinking. but i cant tell you how i feel. its hard, this emotion business. there's alot at stake isnt it? i realise, i cant just put it all aside. ok so maybe i can. well it depends. the music on the radio is annoying. maybe i want sympathy i know i wont get.

you know what, yes i can.