somehow, someway, i must supress the inate rage in me. theres no way to get rid of it, i know. its in my bloody genes. all i can do, is to try my very best to supress it, to contain it. i mean, really its all i can do.
i'm in a terrible position. i'm in a position where i know that even if i dont put in the effort, i can still scrape through, i can still get by, and because of that, i never want to put in the effort. that sucks. its stopping me from doing better than i am doing, its stopping me, period. i really dont know how i can change that. fuck lah.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
OH BABY BABY, I WAN YOU TO KNOW...
THATS IT IS FICKING OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok i am happy. i tink. aniwae gd luck fri ppl, though i don tink any of them read my blog, but yea gd luck. i am tempted to quote humin but i shall not.
Monday, April 23, 2007
WARNING!!!
BEFORE NAD GETS TO SAY ANYTHING AND DESTROY MY REPUTATION AS A HUMAN BEING, LEMME SAY FIRST: THANK YOU NAD PLS PLS PLS DON TELL THE WHOLE WORLD.................................................
THX.
THX.
THX.
ARGH I DUNNO WHERE TO HIDE MY FACE ANYMORE. THIS IS RETRIBUTION LAH.
THX.
THX.
THX.
ARGH I DUNNO WHERE TO HIDE MY FACE ANYMORE. THIS IS RETRIBUTION LAH.
Friday, April 20, 2007
you know you are stressin out when
- smells like teen spirit smells like teen shit ok no. when the song makes u stressed. wth
- u think that stress balls stress
- flying things start appearing out of nowhere, haunting your every typed word
- the meteor shower never seems to appear
- u take 20 mins to write 20 words, which you then proceed to delete in 20 secs. repeat process.
- the thing u say most often on msn is "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
- the reply you get is "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
- you start considerin the fact that you may be a teletubby in disguise
- ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
- it takes 3 and a half showings to get your mono anywhere near decent (with a high possibility that it isnt)
- you're more focused on a lj tag den ure bloody cc (a stupid tag specifically)
- you think about drowning yourself in ketshup
- when u write a post like this.
- u think that stress balls stress
- flying things start appearing out of nowhere, haunting your every typed word
- the meteor shower never seems to appear
- u take 20 mins to write 20 words, which you then proceed to delete in 20 secs. repeat process.
- the thing u say most often on msn is "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
- the reply you get is "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
- you start considerin the fact that you may be a teletubby in disguise
- ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
- it takes 3 and a half showings to get your mono anywhere near decent (with a high possibility that it isnt)
- you're more focused on a lj tag den ure bloody cc (a stupid tag specifically)
- you think about drowning yourself in ketshup
- when u write a post like this.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
my gutted sorry
which is harder?
to like someone you love,
or to love someone you like?
times are horrendous. theres something about the whole atmosphere of life that just aint happening right now. everything feels so damn wrong. the rain doesnt rain right, the sun doesnt shine right. but i guess its not anyone's fault, only mine.
its really depressing, to think that we could possibly not be able to rectify our flaws. are our flaws inborn? are they coded in our genes and hence forever there? if it were, i find it a very scary proposition. i mean, people in general are propogating bad genes. every child that is born, he is but the manisfestation of mankind's faults and imperfections. but no i shall not think about these stuff. i try very hard not to. i dont want to lose hope in life so early on.
i'm not sure i'm ready, i'm not sure when i'll be, i'm not sure if i'll ever be.
i need something to distract myself. i need a change in perspective. i just need, something. i'd go as far as to say anything, but i dont think that'd be a gd idea. but right now, i'd settle for alot of things. do i need something to make me happy? i dunno, i really dont. i think i could settle for something that wouldnt necessarily make me happy, but that just distracts me. what would make me happy? gettin to know my hot neighbour? probably. getting pedals? probably. its all stuff that wont happen anytime soon or at all. so whats the point? i hope, i really do, that this is just another phase, and that it'll be gone after another few days.
at the end of it all, what really matters is who's left to tell the story.
to like someone you love,
or to love someone you like?
times are horrendous. theres something about the whole atmosphere of life that just aint happening right now. everything feels so damn wrong. the rain doesnt rain right, the sun doesnt shine right. but i guess its not anyone's fault, only mine.
its really depressing, to think that we could possibly not be able to rectify our flaws. are our flaws inborn? are they coded in our genes and hence forever there? if it were, i find it a very scary proposition. i mean, people in general are propogating bad genes. every child that is born, he is but the manisfestation of mankind's faults and imperfections. but no i shall not think about these stuff. i try very hard not to. i dont want to lose hope in life so early on.
i'm not sure i'm ready, i'm not sure when i'll be, i'm not sure if i'll ever be.
i need something to distract myself. i need a change in perspective. i just need, something. i'd go as far as to say anything, but i dont think that'd be a gd idea. but right now, i'd settle for alot of things. do i need something to make me happy? i dunno, i really dont. i think i could settle for something that wouldnt necessarily make me happy, but that just distracts me. what would make me happy? gettin to know my hot neighbour? probably. getting pedals? probably. its all stuff that wont happen anytime soon or at all. so whats the point? i hope, i really do, that this is just another phase, and that it'll be gone after another few days.
at the end of it all, what really matters is who's left to tell the story.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
wash away those tears, little girl
it is quite an unfamiliar feeling, to be angry, frustrated, pissed, irritated, agitated, and yet, all that come out, are tears.
i hate it, more than anything else i hate how hopeless it all seems. its almost as if there is no way out, nothing to do but just to wait out this storm. and its a terrible situation to be in. every turn is a wrong turn, every step is a wrong step. how does one escape a reality like this?
i hate it, more than anything else i hate how hopeless it all seems. its almost as if there is no way out, nothing to do but just to wait out this storm. and its a terrible situation to be in. every turn is a wrong turn, every step is a wrong step. how does one escape a reality like this?
Thursday, April 12, 2007
flatter and deceive
and at the end of it all, i'll still be letting someone down.
if it aint you, if it aint them, then its just me.
if it aint you, if it aint them, then its just me.
AN ARMS RACE
hahahahahahahahahahahaha. nadia amuses me.
i find it quite sad. maybe i have a hate gene or smthn, but somehow i just cant like, u noe, just like people. somehow, somewhere, i always find something to hate about a person.
if only things were easier, if only things were simpler.
but what can one do, dwelling on all the ifs?
after all, life moves on, with or without you.
i find it quite sad. maybe i have a hate gene or smthn, but somehow i just cant like, u noe, just like people. somehow, somewhere, i always find something to hate about a person.
if only things were easier, if only things were simpler.
but what can one do, dwelling on all the ifs?
after all, life moves on, with or without you.
Monday, April 09, 2007
highness dooms me
eeek i havent blogged in like, 2 million years. bleh. i hate life in its totality.
sigh. its just, everything's happening all over again. lifes this really vicious cycle that keeps coming around to screw you over. and i dunno. will there come a point when i'll jus break? its scary to even entertain that thought, but i cant help it.
i'd be lying if i said i wasnt at all afraid.
if i cant even enjoy the simple things in life, how can i expect to ever be happy? i dunno. i really dont. i somehow wish i had, or someone had some kind of answer.
eh wadeva. i'm too tired to pour out all my sorrows onto a random page of words called a blog. its too queer.
sigh. its just, everything's happening all over again. lifes this really vicious cycle that keeps coming around to screw you over. and i dunno. will there come a point when i'll jus break? its scary to even entertain that thought, but i cant help it.
i'd be lying if i said i wasnt at all afraid.
if i cant even enjoy the simple things in life, how can i expect to ever be happy? i dunno. i really dont. i somehow wish i had, or someone had some kind of answer.
eh wadeva. i'm too tired to pour out all my sorrows onto a random page of words called a blog. its too queer.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
post 500
so this is post 500. well.
i realise that personally, theres something very comforting about just coming to my own blog and just, lingering around.
its almost as if its a different world altogether. a different state of reality. somwhere nowhere nearby, somehow i can just escape from myself.
somewhere to be...
i realise that personally, theres something very comforting about just coming to my own blog and just, lingering around.
its almost as if its a different world altogether. a different state of reality. somwhere nowhere nearby, somehow i can just escape from myself.
somewhere to be...
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
frustration ball
sometimes i wonder if like, everyone is keeping this monstrously huge secret from me. its like, life's trying to cheat me. but of course thats not the case. compared to so many other things around, i am insignificant. no one cares about my secret.
there are so many things i could wish for.
i think there always comes a point in time everything just looks so dam bleak. everything somehow just seems to have to go wrong.
i wonder just how long we'll be able to hold on
i suppose we all just gotta hang in there. no one ever said it was going to be easy. its just, overwhelming sometimes, tho nowadays its more like most of the time. its just, i wonder how long it'll go on, before someone finally snaps.
there are so many things i could wish for.
i think there always comes a point in time everything just looks so dam bleak. everything somehow just seems to have to go wrong.
i wonder just how long we'll be able to hold on
i suppose we all just gotta hang in there. no one ever said it was going to be easy. its just, overwhelming sometimes, tho nowadays its more like most of the time. its just, i wonder how long it'll go on, before someone finally snaps.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
are you really but one self?
i am terribly fascinated by queer things.
i am very fascinated by death. death, it does alot of things to people. and it very interestin to observe and analyse it all. the way people deal with death is a very fascinating topic. i mean, different people deal with death differently. some drink or take drugs, trying to ignore it, some try to hide it away and pretend like nothing happened, some wallow in their despair, and who knows what else others do. and its fascinating.
and the thing about death, it has a tendency to change people. its evident in real life, or if u dont see it, people write about it. books, forums, movies, everywhere, death is present. particularly in books. i always enjoy a good book that concerns death or murder or the like. its fun to plot the character's emotional and sometimes psychological journey through the story.
sigh i'm losing my mind i think. and i'm rather quite very stoned due to very long days and very little sleep the past few days.
you know i thought about it. if someone did write a book about me, i'd want to read it, but i really dont know what to expect. its quite a scary thought.
i am very fascinated by death. death, it does alot of things to people. and it very interestin to observe and analyse it all. the way people deal with death is a very fascinating topic. i mean, different people deal with death differently. some drink or take drugs, trying to ignore it, some try to hide it away and pretend like nothing happened, some wallow in their despair, and who knows what else others do. and its fascinating.
and the thing about death, it has a tendency to change people. its evident in real life, or if u dont see it, people write about it. books, forums, movies, everywhere, death is present. particularly in books. i always enjoy a good book that concerns death or murder or the like. its fun to plot the character's emotional and sometimes psychological journey through the story.
sigh i'm losing my mind i think. and i'm rather quite very stoned due to very long days and very little sleep the past few days.
you know i thought about it. if someone did write a book about me, i'd want to read it, but i really dont know what to expect. its quite a scary thought.
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