today is a good day

is nice jus an excuse?
i dunno.
maybe people say that so they don have to explain.
or maybe they don want to face it.
come on...
i seriously doubt jus cos a perosn is nice is reason enough to like him/her.
there must be other reasons.
haha.
i'm confused.

dont you worry.
i'll be back for you.
it'll only be a matter of time.
cos i'm out to get you.
muhaha.
so is she pretty (nice)?

roflmfao

arrogant selfish brat.
how lovely.

one day,
just waiting for that time.
and when it comes,
i couldnt be any happier.
its lovely,
to must see you again.
lovelier,
if i do never wake up.

on the road of self-rediscovery

"what is my biggest flaw?"

those who wish/have an answer to the above question, pls email me at desmondchan11@hotmail.com. i'd be very glad to hear from. thank you. and yes even if u don like me, i would actually really like to hear from you.

talkin to her on the phone

i hate secrets.
really.
but i have so many.
and i know quite a fair bit too...

ugh.

the thing about secrets,
it binds you.
it controls you.
it gives others power over you.
control.
and i hate that.
u can say i'm ego or wad,
but i've never been the most sharing person in the world, bar one.
but that has changed alot.

and i really thinks its takin too much.
i've made my first step.
lets see if i can keep it up.
or not.

how i wish, wish you were here...

times like these

watching people is very fun.
ok so i come up with crazy thoughts,
but dont we all?
thats where the fun is isnt it?
and come on.
if u noe the truth,
nothing others say will change it.
(and no i shant go on about how the pomo man believes there is no truth etc).

haf fun while you can.

nb. people should stop living in denial.

music, makes the people, come together..

i realise that there are always song that reflect exactly how u feel.

Broken Wings - Alter Bridge

Fight the fight alone
When the world is full of victims
Dims a fading light
in our souls
Leave the peace alone
Now we all are slowly changing
Dims a fading light
in our souls

In my opinion seeing is to know
The things we hold are always first to go
And who's to say we won't end up alone

On broken wings I'm falling
and it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
by the fires of the sun
On skinned knees I'm bleeding
and it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
and I'll search for so long

Cry ourselves to sleep
We will sleep alone forever
Will you lay me down
in the same place with all I love
Mend the broken homes
Care for them
they are our brothers
Save the fading light in our souls

In my opinion seeing is to know
What you give will always carry you
And who's to say we won't survive it too

On broken wings I'm falling
and it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
by the fires of the sun
On skinned knees I'm bleeding
and it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
and I'll search for so long

Set a free all
Relying on their will
to make me all that I am
and all that I'll be
Set a free all
Will fall between the cracks
with memories of all that I am
and all that I'll be

On broken wings I'm falling
and it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
by the fires of the sun
On skinned knees I'm bleeding
and it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
and I'll search for so long

all i ever wanted

i like lessons.
any lesson.
cos at least there is some peace.
i need to read my bible in peace.
and no i'm NOT converting.

nb. people should learn to shut up.

crumbling empire of infatuation

i turn around,
upside down,
turna turna turna turna turn around.
but all that i can see,
is just a lemon tree...

words of wisdom indeed.
for thats wad its like now.
and how it shall be.

find peace.
that is my objective,
one of my greatest desires.
nah i don give a fuck about wad nobel peace prize or what shit.
fuck world peace.
i don care.
i'm looking for something else.
my peace.
selfish? maybe.
self-centred? yes. 100%.
why?
cos its my life,
its my resposibility,
for my actions determine who i am,
and who i become.
and one of the most important things to me,
is the ability to find peace.
withint myself.
and yet its so hard.

finding peace.
maybe dats wad yoga is for.
but is it really about meditation?
of course not.
"peace. its does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart." -unknown
those words can be no truer.
and my failure no bigger.
that is my goal.
to find the calm within,
and sadly, its not happening.

its a dangerous little game we all play.
with each other.
especially in the 2 years in vs,
i've seen quite abit of shit.
tolerence issues,
conflicts of every kind,
and i've learnt one thing.
if one is to find peace,
one must know turmoil.
one must face the problems.
and only then can one find true calm.

den i qn myself.
haf i done that?
face up to my problems,
tackle my issues head on.
have i?
i'm not sure.
i cant say i havent,
btu then again i cant really say i am.
its like climbing a wall.
i'm climbing,
yet i don noe if i want to go over.

its really doesnt help with the kind of people i have around.
really.
after awhile it gets frustrating.
i'm beyond irritation.
its part of me now (sadly. an issue i have to address).
its a whole new level.
well kind of.
considering things don change,
how its the same thing repeated over and over again.
much like a broken record.
nb: is it me or am i surrounded by broken records? maybe i've walked into the wrong shop.
i'm sicked of it.
and sadly its always the same fuckin people.
the same fucking table.
the same fucking voices,
saying the same fucking things.
the best part is,
what they say,
its all meaningless banter.
"oh my god!!"
"really??"
"goodness!"
"hurhurhurhurhur"
"aiyaaaa..."
"don liiidaaat laaahhh..."
"you're so fat."
"you're ugly"
words that have absolutely no meaning at all.

well my point is that all these is really wearing down the patience i've tried so hard to build over the years.
i know my limits.
and i know they werent as they were last year.
maybe its the people.
or the school.
i dont know.
i'm not trying to make excuses,
cos i know alot of it eventually boils down to me.
i'm living in a past.
or actually i'm trying to recreate the past.
trying to find what i found,
even though i know its already all gone.
things here arent the same.
people are immensely different.
you get a whole new spectrum of things.
pms, bgr, scandals etc...
i tink its hard to say i've not moved on,
but i guess i have yet to let go.
yet to allow the past to be my past.
as much as i try to make it my present,
i know it won't happen.

i guess one leads to another.
to find the peace i so desire,
i must learn to let go.
well actually its more like learn to accept,
that it won be like before.
it cannot be.
i cannot be.
for things have changed me.
i've become a much different person than before.
much.

i have to clarify.
its not that i don find peace.
i'm not some turmoil filled angst machine or anything.
its jus dat i've realised that in sch,
it harder and harder for me to keep myself in one state of mind.
the numbed one.
the one that advocates violence,
in al its manifestations,
i've tried my hardest to supress.
i really have to be thankful that i'm not really alone.
for i tink i'd probrably go mad.
its very comforting to know there can and will be someone there for you.
someone you can turn to in need.
for that's usually what pushed a person forward,
instead of over the ledge.

calm in my heart.
its difficult.
bloody well so.
but nonetheless,
its must be done.

ever felt lonely?

cos i'm in too deep, and i'm trying to keep, up above in my head, instead of going under

hm. swamps are pretty fun. ok scratch dat. VERY fun. yeah. i'm not joking one bit. today we were suppose to do some coastal clean up at sungei buloh, but it turned out to be a mud party ^^. ewll for us vipers aniwae. which is why i say we rule. i mean, i could only imagine if any of the j1s had gotten as dirty as say subra of olivia. they'd freak out. i mean, they are really hopeless. and accordin to marjorie, one j1 girl said that the were "smarter cos they kenw where to step, hence they did not get dirty". well dats true. it doesnt really matter where u step, as u don really sink in sand. normal sand. with mud its a different story altogether.

hm. j1s are wimpy. subra is wimpy. daniel ho is wimpy. well dats the truth. like what the fuck ure already dirty. does it really matter how dirty u get? i tink wilbur would make a good adventure partner. maybe one day i'll climb mount something with him. yeah. but back to the wimps. j1s are jus plain hopeless. they are too afraid to get dirty, and claim to be smarter than us cos they won be dirty. wads their agenda? cip never is about cip. well involvement yes. but its mainly about having fun. rolling around in mud is fun. subra is a scaredy cat. afraind to get dirty (the irony). lol. and daniel is a plain wuss. i would bet my life on it that we wouldnt haf dared to even touch the mud. (sidenote: when i was washing my shoes jus now i found some mud still in its exact condition. thought about keeping it, then decided against it.) so aniwae, he didnt turn up, cos he's prob (and almost defnitely) too afraid to get his precious little (touching) hands dirty, to scared to be a man maybe? oh no i forgot. his hands are for a different purpose. dirty, but defintiely not muddy. lmao.

hm. playing in mud is fun. even though rolling around with (and like) the worms in there can be abit freaky, its still fun. and walking in mud is WAY cool. the sensation is really unique. like suction baby... the feeling of ure foot goin in and out of ure shoe when u try to extract ure leg is, erm, sensual to say the least?

hm. diane lost a shoe. roflmfao. well its not funny but it doesnt fail to ammuse the careless stranger. and diane does weird things. like asking guy(s) to play with her, admitting to liking nuts, wanting to cut jus cos her shoe got stuck in mud (must be depression) and getting her clean shirt dirty. smart girl she is.

hm. being hosed down by ms toh is jus so wrong. must take special care to ensure u come out the same person (read gender) u were. protection is key here. ms toh is perverted in the head. seriously.

hm. the whole experience was really cool, since the last time i actually walked on/in mud was like 3-4 yrs ago. and i definitely want to do it again. although i'll prob wear my fbts or smthn. and an ugly shirt. maybe i'll find a chelsea jersey. hm.

hm. pity the wimps werent there. well wimps/bimbos. u noe. the like. people like beatrice, yx, amanda, cheryl, audrey. lol. it would haf been bloody amusing. watching them whine and whine and whine and whine and whine and whine and whine... u get the idea. it would really be funny. not forgetting those from the other classes >.< imagine:
bimbo 1: "oh my god! we're suppose to go into that?? -squeels-"
bimbo 2: "-shriek- so dirty and disgusting!.."
bimbo 3: "yarh..."
me: -rolls eyes-
bimbo 4: "eeyugh... hmph i'm not goin ANYWHERE near that."
toh: "oi all of u! what are u all doin? standing there like a bunch of taitais."
bimbo 5: "but miisss tohhh..."
bimbo 1: "i am SO not goona dirty myself."
me: -rolls eyes-
wilbur: -laughs-
bimbo 2: "wad lah."
bimbo 3: -crosses arms and refuses to go anywhere near the swamp-
bimbo 5: "i noe!! lets jus pick up all the stuff here. den don haf to touch the mud."
bimbo 4: "eeyugh u mean we must touch all this stuff? so diirrtyy..."
me: (to them and subra)"wa lau don be a cheebye and jus go in lah."
subra: "shit up/fuck u."
imagine. (note: this has been re-recreated cos somehow it got deleted o.0 wtf.)

hm. i realise i jus began all my paragraphs with hm. hm. interesting.

hm (wtf). the coastal cleanup thingy was hence fun, minus all the irritating noises. we haf a plan. muahahaha.

propaganda

great songs dat everyone should listen to:

1. trees, marty casey
2. everlong, marty casey/foo fighters
3. photograph, nickleback
4. here by me, 3 doors down
5. helena, my chemical romance
6. home in me, mig ayesa
7. wish you were here, marty casey/pink floyd
8. bohemian rhapsody, suzie mcneill
9. live and let die, any of the numerous covers
10. suspicious minds, JD fortune
11. dead on arrival, fall out boy
12. sugar, we're goin down, fall out boy
13. mr brightside, the killers/marty casey (i strongly reccommend the former)
14. leader of men, nickleback
15. be my escape, reliant k
16. right here, staind
17. it's been awhile, staind
18. sweetness, jimmy eat world
19. knocking on heaven's door, there are jus too many
20. down to my last, alterbridge
21. somewhere out there, our lady peace
22. bittersweet symphony, the verve/oasis
23. another brick in the wall, pink floyd
24. listen to your heart, DHT
25. jimmy gets high, daniel powter
26. make up your mind, theory of a dead man
27. hello lonely, theory of a dead man
28. suteki da ne, ffx (i tink the composer is nobuo umatsu)
29. middle of nowhere, hot hot heat
30. jouney songs
31. making love out of nothing at all, air supply
32. all out of love, air supply
33. 98 degrees songs
34. hard to beat, hard fi
35. boys of summer, the ataris
36. be yourself, audioslave
37. like a stone, audioslave (audioslave luvs the wa-wa peddal)
38. ALL backstreet boys songs
39. ALL westlife songs minus the jazz
40. stay together for the kids, blink 182
41. living on a prayer, bon jovi
42. bowling for soup (you cant really go wrong)
43. meant to live, switchfoot
44. dare you to move, switchfoot
45. beautiful letdown, switchfoot
46. u2 (again u cant really go wrong. although i never liked vertigo much)
47. velvet revolver (u mite go abit death, but nonetheless...)
48. forever, vertical horizon
49. you're a god, vertical horizon
50. blue orchid, the white stripes

anone who wants any of these songs (and are too wimpy to download it yourself), or haf any reccommendations fro good songs, pls drop me an email. haha. down with piracy!!!

knot tied tight to last forever

extreme boredom + good music -> extreme music + good boredom

eh the above equation sucks core.
wadeva.

i tink i'm goin crazy.

i haf marty's trees on repeat. >.< i tink i've listened to it about 20 times already.

this is stupid. but wad the fuck the song rules!

fanboyism

Trees - Marty casey

i, don't wanna go through this life,
without you, by my side.
and i, have got it all worked out
in my head, here's how it's got to be.

it'll be you and me,
up in the trees,
and the forest will give us the answer.

we, we make believe,
in a world we rule together.
we,can build our dreams,
with a know tied tight to last forever.

it'll be you and me,
up in the trees,
and the forest will give us the answer.
it'll be you and i,
up in the sky,
it's a combination for disaster.

yeah yeah yeah... yeah yeah yeah...
we got one shot,
so what are we gonna do.
it'll be you and me,
up in the trees,
and the forest will give us the answer.
it'll be you and i,
up in the sky,
it's a combination for disaster.

and i know there's more for us in this life...

this song owns all. 

sing it! i love rock and roll...

It is difficult to say who do you the most mischief: enemies with the worst intentions or friends with the best. - E.R. Bulwer-Lytton

are we but living in the past?
move on, only to realise you really are standing still.
you seek trust, but do you give any?
you want respect, but do you give any?
much as this world is about give and take,
whos giving, and whos not taking?
jus how often do we ask ourselves this?
its so comfortable for all of us,
such that we forget,
the fact that the world is much bigger.
even as the world gets smaller,
with technological advances and the likes,
i cant help but feel,
its fucking ironic,
that though the distance between new york and singapore is getting much smaller,
the gulf between two people,
standing side by side,
is increasing by the day.

friendship seems so far away now.

this isnt about anyone in particular,
but if u tink i'm referring to you,
good.

like some punk ass kid sitting in front of the tv, then migrating to the laptop, wastin time typin crap, listenin to music and running out of space...

i'm bored. what can i say?

little boys and virgin girls

since the issue is bein discussed on my tag board, i shall give my view.

pretentious: Claiming or demanding a position of distinction or merit, especially when unjustified. (dictionary.com)

are the people in the vip pretentious? yes. without any doubt at all, positively yes. vipers are pretentious. however, i realise the word has many negative conotations, and in many circumstances varying definitions.

vipers are pretentious. no doubt. but their ways are largely different. there are a few kinds, revolving around different factors.

the first is academic excellence. here in the vip, we are the elite in singapore. or we're suppose to be aniwae. anyhow, the point is that there is alot of competition. and because of this competition, this desire to be better than others in terms of marks, it results in neccessary distinction. this distinction makes people pretentious, whether you want to believe it or not. people here base much judgement on marks. examples are ample. how many times haf you heard or asked "eh wad did you get for the test/assignment/ws?" it jus goes to show how much emphasis is placed in academic execellance, over anything else. no, not by the teachers, but by the students themselves.

the second factor is that of ego. of sorts. people (or course not all, but many) want to show, possibly even prove, that they are better than others in a certain aspect, or in different aspects. i don haf a problem with people who ARE better, beyond reasonable doubt. you jus haf to accept it. i mean, your're so not gonna beat wilbur in sailing. but as the definition goes, "especially when unjustified". i don jus refer to the people in v14. i mean the WHOLE ip. there are many, and i mean MANY people who are like that. we should all "want to be the best". that is the correct attitude. but those pretentious ones constantly TRY to APPEAR profficient in everything, when they arent. dont we all see it every day? the wannabe attitude, that ultimately spawns the pretentiousness. (is there such a word?) pretending to be something you arent, petending to be someone you aint.

the above are but the extreme.

but in the vip, people are all pretentious, in their own little ways. its a matter how how much they show, and how much you (choose to) see.

absolutely nuts

stupid things i do when i'm bored as fuck:

1. do random searches on letssingit and download the songs dat haf "interesting" lyrics.
2. search an artist on limewire pro and download any of the songs which look remotely listenable.
3. create dumbass quizzes. like wtf??
4. write weird poems dat are specifically about no one (although my brain has ceased to function recently)
5. jump around in my room. yes mindlessly jumpin. i mean it. i actually do this...
6. throw a tennis ball around the room, accidentally hitting my guitar or laptop or smthn...
7. strum my guitar >.<
8. listen to bohemian rhapsody 10 times (i haf 5 diff versions. lol)
9. think of stupid ways of murdering my hair (!!)
10. this.

nobody will break my heart

friends are there when u need them.
true friends are there when u don want them.

a friend shares his cake with you.
a true fren eats it, then brings you to the pastry shop to but one.

i never realised how important friends were.
or not.

we need each other.
survival is mutual,
or none at all.

been living for tomorrows all my life, searching, waiting, watching...

i haf to say this.
some people are irrtatin the fuck out of me.
(yay, some of u will say...)
with no particular individual(s) in mind,
these people get on my nerves:

people living in denial.
they are so fuckin (here i refrain from usin goddamn) myopic about things, its sometimes amazing. shocking that it can actually be that way. i mean, some things are jus so bloody obvious. its also hilarious, when a person can immediately do what he(for simplicity's sake i shall use he.) claims no to. in the space of 5 secs.
people all haf impressions, some call it stereotypes. i noe it too fucking well. hell start failing and u'll noe wad i mean. i noe i'm looked down upon. i noe my marks give me a bad name. people here in the vip base alot of judgement on academics. hey i aint saying this is fucked up or anything. well it is, but there is basis for it. i mean, in such a competitive environment, marks is the first and sometimes only comparison.
so when placed under a particular image, i tink its bloody stupid to claim to want to fight it, and den do nothin. wait, i'm goin off point. point is, some people keep tellin the whole world who they don wan to be, yet they are exactly that. claim to not be a suck up, yet act cute in front of trs. and then deny it. thats really the cherry on top man...

bimbos in v14.
there are a specific couple/threesome here. but that doesnt matter. the thing is, i'm getting so irritated with all the stupid brainless remarks, the wannabe actions, the acbc attitude.
its like, its tiresome after some time to say the least. i mean, we are all smart. duh. we're the fuckin vip. but when these people start becoming stupid, as in un-thinkin, it fucks up everything. its like i don recognise them anymore. people haf changed too much. for the worse. and now it gets on my nerves. bloody hell it does. fuck it if its jus me. it doesnt matter. the point is that bitch or not, they haf changed. mutated. and in all honesty dats not a gd thing.

people who don stand by what they say.
this is qutie an issue. a personal one too. cos i've witnessed this many many times. i really cannot stand it when people say one thing, then becasue of something, probreably popular opinion etc, then revise his or her stand. i haf a big problem with these kinds of people, mainly becuase of my nature. i am one who will stand by wad i say, wad i believe, and fuck u if u don agree. but i hate it when people's stand keeps changing. its all in the futile attempts to fit in isnt it? and its not jus 14. i also see alot of it in 13. in wanting to fit in, to be accepted by the mass, one changes and confirms to the norm, even after statin clearly that he or she would stand by his own stand.

like fuck u all.
i cant stand it.
i'll make it fuckin clear.
if u tink i'm being egoistical and all,
so be it.
i don give a fuck anyway.
i'm allowed my own opinion.

this is but the tip of the fuckin iceberg.

all the things she said

even within the eng language, there are words with absoutely no meaning at all. not literally, but they haf no siignificance. GENERIC WORDS. (nb: this after some lang lesson last yr lol). i've learnt never to use any of this words. as much as possible.

1. nice.
2. good.
3. bad.
4. mean.
5. evil.
6. etc the words of this sort.

why? because there is no meaning fixed to the word. like, i'm nice. compared to osama of course i'm nice. there is signifcance in using the word. i've seen it so many times. "oh my ure so nice!". "omg ure very nice too!" "no no URE nice!" me: -_-"
jay taught us this last yr. if u must "express" the above ideas, you haf to show it. you cant jus go "oh ure mean..." and leave it at dat. mean? fuck mean. prove it or shove it.
it shows a few things: limited vocab, limited brain capacity, limited intellectual abiltiy, etc.