hell yeah!!

as mr cook would say, BOO people with lots of money. 

its hot, its stifling, its irritating, its depressing. and its sapping my mind. 

its still sweet, you know. 

there's something about taking wedding vows that is so unlike human beings. i mean, it is the ultimate act of selflessness and self-sacrifice. and people just arnt like that. 

i totally forget. 

i like the quiet. one piano, one very big room, one holy place. its perfect. 

and i'd rather not judge. 

does everyone deserve to be happy? 

no one gets second chances. things never will be the same. 

i think its very important to have a good family. i think the lack of a good family has made me recognise this fact. i mean, life is always going to suck at some point, and i suppose its nice to have someone to always turn to. parents these days are perhaps too worried with developing the child that they forget to develop the family. its like economics. the government should always grow the economy, instead of just focusing on specific sectors. if certain sectors grow, total welfare may not. but if the economy grows, total welfare will. (simplistically speaking, of course) its nice to be able to come home with a smile on your face, and leave home with a smile still on your face. i dont think enough kids manage that. there's too much pressure to perform, to much pressure to excel. 

all this, from a family potrait. 

watch you choke, watch you choke,

watch you choke on all of your memories,

and finally keel over and die. 

feelings tell me nothing,

i've left the mail by the doorstep,

right next to the broken glasses of milk and kerosine. 

it is damn fucking hot. 

today i had the most amazing sensation. it was a combination of sheer fatigue and sheer joy and adrenaline. i cant really describe it. on one hand, the mind is so tired, but the body is calling out to move about and do shit. on the other hand, the limbs feel so weak, but the mind is saying "YEAH YEAH YEAH". the constant flux of this state of mind left me in a strange state. its like, its like going to punch wall, but midway time slows down and you hand suddenly gets so weak, it rapidly decelerates and you never actually end up punching the wall. i wanted to do so many crazy things, and so many crazy things wanted to do me. 

WOW. it was awesome. i've had an incredibly wonderful day. 

my fairytale:

its not all that bad. 

she likes people who can exist in her conception of the beautiful world. to her, there is nothing but endless bundles of hope, waiting for people to discover. the showers of blessing and joy will eventually come, no matter the draught that plagues us now. and she cant accept people like me. i destroy everything that means anything to her world. me, who don't believe that there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. hell, i dont even believe in rainbows. me, who believes the only knights in shining armours are installation art pieces during Biennale. i cant take back everything i say, because it leaves me with nothing to say at all. she wont accept anything i say, because then she'd have nothing left at all. she must go on making out the world to be a better place, and i must continue ensuring that it isnt. 

i cant believe in fairytales. 

its amazing how when a rich person tries to give away money, it only ends up making her richer.

yes, i am talking about oprah's big give. 

i need to stop looking at expensive guitars and expensive bicycles. 

not quite as foolish as you :)

"kindofbeinginlovebutissadbecausehecan'tgetthewordsoutother"

while i was cycling home just now i saw a boy that couldnt be more than 12. 

he was smoking. 

and what can i say?

these are the tools of the trade.

wah. fuck. prelims are next week and i'm playing freaking need for speed. sigh. i dont feel remotely stressed. hell, i dont really fell anything at all. i wonder which is scarier.

i can say that i have failed.
and then i can say i have failed without trying.

house is awesome.