into the vortex

sigh

Dream Police

its not that i've forgotten it, or what it meant to me. 

rather, i've stopped having it mean everything to me. 

Pictures

its scary just how little i remember of when i was young. young as in before primary school kind of young. i'm looking through all these photos of when i was like 5, and i honestly remember so little... is it because it was never anything significant, or do i just have a really bad memory? there was nothing incredibly memorable i guess. i never broke any bones, i was never dropped on my head, nothing of the sort. i guess i was just like any other kid. normal. 

ok so blogging semi-hiatus to finish putting photos in the album and watch the new episode of house. 

sometimes i ask myself, what can i be proud of? i dont think i've ever done anything that i can feel really proud of. i dont organise charity events, i dont go around helping people, hell often i dont give a crap about anything other than myself. and i guess some part of me does feel rather ashamed. especially when i see people around me doing so much for other people. this is my mystery of humanity. we are all so different, even when we are supposed to be the same. we chase seperate dreams, we honour contradicting beliefs, only to prove we are different. i want something to be proud of. no, i need something to be proud of. i need something that, looking back 20 years down the road, i can remember 2009 with. 

i'm glad to have bothered to put photos in a photo album. it may not seem like much, but its a rather big deal for me. i never used to do these kinds of things. its scary. 2009 has been a very weird year for me. break out? life-changing? stupid? i've yet to experience enough to properly label year 2009. every year has a label, every year means something. so far, 2009 means a lot of things. i only need it to mean one thing. and that's hard. 

its very easy, feeling this small. 

because everyone needs schedules they cant follow

Routine Order for Monday, 150309

CDC - Pte Desmond Chan

0930 - Reveille

0945 - Fall in for 0BX

0950 - Breakfast

1000 - Self Admin

1200 - Lunch

1300 - Area Cleaning

1730 - Stand By Area

1800 - Prep to move out for dinner

2000 - Area Cleaning

2200 - Commence Internet Surfing 

0200 - Lights out

Safety message of the day:

Dont be stupid.

Hygiene message of the day:

Dont be stupid. 

Romeo and Juliet

http://www.gatecrash.com.sg/?page=event_detail&actionForm=detail&eventID=571

for whoever may be interested. 

The Chronicles of Desmond

occassionally, i live my life in film. its like taking a camera and looking in onto my life. its a queer feeling. i dont feel like my life is scripted, but i do often wonder what it would be like if it actually was. would i be interesting? would i have dramatic potential? would i sell?

then of course, the director yells cut, reality sets in, i dont move on, and life carries on. 

because there's time for everyone, even if time shall wait for no one

truth is, i'm happier now. its hard to admit it, but i think i am. i've got less to worry about, i've got significantly less to care about now. i'm so far away from everything. the disconnect has done me some good, even if it hasnt always been very pleasant. now i've got 10 odd days to reconnect with the world around me. i'm doing everything i can. of course i'm not perfect, and of course i cant make everyone happy, even if i may want to. 

but i'm changing. and i know it. i somehow feel that i have now a greater sense of morality, which is somewhat weird. do i like the newer me? i dont know, i dont think the newer me has really been tested yet. 

the past 2 house episodes have been very thought provoking. issues such as persona's, social contracts and all, these are after all facets of the human condition. and i think that's why house appeals so much to me. or rather it used to, and has now again found the old house glory. just like house, there's no real need for emotional drama and all. take that all away, and what you have a dissertation about the human condition. and that will always be fascinating. people will always be fascinating. 

no reason

my blog is so boring. 

ok ok update update. POP was awesome. well not that it really was, but rather the feeling of passing out was fantastic. i guess the end always feels good, cos you know you are now going to have stuff to look back on. of course some part of me misses it all. 

this block leave i think is coming at just the right time. i miss being me, i miss doing all the things i used to like to do. army has changed me, whether for better or for worse. 

this is such a loser-ish update. tsk. talk to me lah, i'm so much more interesting than my blog. 

A levels?

right grades, wrong subjects. but it doesnt matter.