wander off in the evergreen park

i'm doing everything to distract myself from the fact that i'm still unhappy.

we must be mistaken

this cannot go on i swear.

its swarming me, drowning me,

and somehow i dont even really care.

all these thoughts consuming me,

corrupting my state of reality.

i think at this rate i will lose my mind.

moving forward i don't quite know how things will be like. hell, i don't even know how i want things to be like. its too easy to say oh lets just see how things play out. truth is no one really wants things to just play out. everyone wants things to happen the way they want it. we are all selfish to your own ends, just some more than others.

i think i'm losing control. i feel like what i once knew about myself is slipping away. i'm no different, yet everything's different. this i cannot reconcile, and in a sense i cant yet deal with it. it troubles me endlessly, and closure isn't in sight.

and always i push on, because i cannot stop.

*and the worse part of it is realising that you're not special at all.