better than this

haiz.
its the holidays once again,
and i'm reminded once more,
why school was such a wonderful place.
reminded why i enjoyed myself so much.
reminded why i really do miss times in school.

the holidays.
yes its a break,
but is it really?
do we actually get a break?
i dont.
everyday is a bloody torture,
everynight bleeding painful.

someone tell me.
why is it that parents cant shut up?
why is it that parents never see the need to chat with friends?
why is it that using the computer for personal purposes is wrong?
why is it that listening to music is wrong?
how is it that a father can come home irritated, shout at everyone, and expects everyone to do exactly as he demands?
i seek answers,
answers that arent forthcoming.

its times like these,
when i realise just how much home means to me.
or doesnt.
everyday having to listen to the same old crap,
over and over again like a broken record,
its tiresome.
and i realise,
i dont really care about this family.
i really dont.
the value of family is lost to me.
whatever it stands for,
i no longer believe.
i've lost faith.
or rather my faith hsa been broken.

walking out is not an issue.
not now.
many might say i'm jus bein rebellious and shit,
but in all honesty,
i'm more than willing to leave.
if someone, somewhere,
could take me in,
or if i could somehow find a way of supporting myself,
i will leave.

we should plan for our future.
yes i agree.
but different people plan different things.
and i have some of my plans made.
i'm running away.
is it a short term solution?
yes.
is it a feasible solution?
i dunno.
but will i live to regret that decision?
no.

i guess yeah we must plan.
but dont over-plan.
well maybe its just me.
i don like the structure,
the need to fix things.
i'd rather take things as they come,
to live for the moment.
i want to enjoy my time.
to enjoys the times.
planning, it takes away that sweet sensation.
the exhilaration.

sweet emotion.
its not rock and roll.