i need sleep and tons of weep

honestly guess work sucks. you never know where you're going, you dont even know whether you're even getting anywhere. and what is really bewildering is that people do that all the time. i do that all the time! why oh why?? if only life were as simple as math, where the probability of me doing something is but a fixed ratio to something else. i mean, at least then i have choices. but no, life aint so easy is it? so many variables, changing all the time, i really wonder how anyone can figure things out. i do all i can, and i'm nowhere.

yes it does hurt.

its not like writing a book. in writing a book, you can plan the end, and then slowly work out how you're gonna get there. at the rate things are going, i am going to be trapped in a pit hole of misspelled words and misery. and there is no way out. or rather, there is, but i'm not sure how i will get there. and maybe, jus maybe, i'll be just a little too late, and it'll be over.

forever?