making notice

sigh. hello once more, its nice to see you again.

you'll never quite understand what it's like, going to sleep feeling terrible, and waking up feeling just as bad. its unpleasant. its bad sleep. you dont have to dream about suicide, of course not. you dont have interrupted dreams of people you dont know. you dont dream about a past that never happened, a future that you desire so bad. you dont have to wake up at 5am, feeling thoroughly unrested, and having yet another queer dream between 5-7. no, you dont have to suffer. no, you dont have to be weird.

but its nice, you know. its nice being you, sometimes. people dont bother as much, people dont seem to want to care too much. and i'm fine with that.

i do wish i had a reason. i do wish i had an explanation. but all i have for you are excuses, my friend. i'm sick of them. i'm sick of making all these excuses, because i know i am putting off the inevitable. i thought about it last night, before i went to sleep. if i had a time machine and only one chance, what would i do? would i be selfish enough to take myself back in time and change what has happened? would i be naive enough to think that i can do what i couldnt? would i be brave enough to change? i asked myself, and then i will ask you. could you do the same? its nothing like a sacrifice. sacrifices have a point. sometimes, we dont need a point. some things need no explanation, some things are better off left without reason.

i dont get you. of course i dont. you hide better than i lie.

as always, i have written a song for you.

silly little me, always forgetting i've got no voice to put lyrics in.

goodbye. until next time, my friend. i will always remember you.