making notice

i think i should blog more. it might help with my thought processes. assuming i dont get distracted, which i invariably will. its only in my nature that i do. let us question then, the nature of Man. can our characters be formed, or are they already present and there for us to discover? can we apply a formalist vs platonistic approach?

due to my distraction, i will further compound my problem by deviating to a seperate issue, which is my need to security. everyone needs security in something, and i am no different. some people seek security in having secrets, in knowledge, some people find security in scerwing with others etc. what is my security? its easy to find security in material wants. actually, i think its easy to find security in many things. but being secure is not enough. its just like how being valid isnt as good as being sound. i want to be sound in my security, i want to be happy. everyone wants to be happy, at least that's what i believe. even someone like house. maybe he deals with his inability to be happy by trying to make other's miserable, and hence compounding his own misery. it is a vicious cycle.

i cant be happy. i'm no ready to be happy yet. its easier for some people to be happy than others. and i envy those people. being happy is being free from the shackles of one's own mind. being happy lets me sleep easy. i knew what that was like before. but i havent slept easy in a long time. last night was especially bad. i started asking myself questions i shouldnt ask, the same way didi asks questions he shouldnt ask. the problem is that there is no one to be my gogo. i have to be my own gogo.

i have to be my own gogo.