Expectations

its been a tough 2 weeks or so, i won't lie. spent a lot of thinking time dealing with what i suppose are deep set insecurities and fears that have been dormant for a long time. sometimes its harder to deal with a problem that you fully understand.

the reality is that i cannot hold everyone accountable to the same standards. its just not fair, because people are different. i should manage my expectations of the world accordingly. and i can't just avoid or run away from it, because it'll keep coming back, perhaps harder than before.

as much as we would like to embrace our differences whatever they may be, we all want to feel a sense of belonging. statistically we're on the wrong end of the equation, because there are far less people to supposedly mix properly with. but i don't think its right to just shut the rest off. i've learnt that its necessary to deal with things we don't want to deal with, because its the right thing to do. it allows for functional social contracts to play out, it facilitates life as we know it. and its easy to sit on one side of the fence and lob waterbombs over the fence. i hope i am capable of better.

i'm not sure who i am going to be, and that scares me. that scares me.