making notice

I AM FEELING MURDEROUS.

sigh. i dunno what to say anymore. all the words are just lost. lost in translation maybe. we spend so much time trying to figure each other out, we forget that sometimes, we dont need to. sometimes we just need to listen. its easier to understand when people arnt always talking and spouting meaningless shit. people are so full of shit. and its tiring, having to always distil through all that shit to get to the meaningful stuff.

some part of me just wants to get everything out. some part of me just wants to scream and scream and destroy everything. but every part of me knows i cant do that. i have learnt my lesson, as hard as it may have been. control, i must control. i'm destroyed already, but that doesnt give me any right to go around destroying others.

i cant help but care. even if others dont want to give a shit, i still feel its my responsibility to do something. call me stupid, call me a public nuisance, whatever it is, i dont care. i've learnt not to care. i mean, at some stage, it all just passes by. i reason, many people judge and do things based on how they feel. like if they feel angry, they will be angry. i think in some ways i've lost that. or maybe suppressed that. at the moment, everything is about what i think. like, i have specific reasons to be angry, therefore i am angry, and therefore i feel angry. the feeling almost becomes an afterthought.

yes, the feelings almost become an afterthought.