How do you fall in love when you've never been in love before?

prom was awesome. i suspect it was even slightly better than i expected it to be. i mean yes some parts were pretty lame, haikel was full of crap, but hey at least i enjoyed myself. i guess that's the most important thing. 

haha, this post has been stagnant for a couple of hours. i shall get back to it. 

i've actually forgotten anything intellectual i might have thought a while back. my brain has been degenrating into mush ever since school ended. its quite sad really, considering that i wont really need to think very much during army. of course you know what i mean. 

oh yes i remember now. i was musing about army just now, and i realised that the change to pixelated gear is very fitting. it is the 21st century after all, we no longer engage in physical combat. it is the time for digital and cyber warfare. hence the government's decision to make all ns men look like freaking avatars. i just hope they dont eventually send me to thailand to fight that never ending pseudo-war. 

i am falling sick. not just literally, but i suspect mentally as well. it's not that my mental state is degenerating or anything. its just that so many things have changed that i sometimes dont recognise me anymore. suddenly, i'm doing so many things i normally wont, and it scares me. everything scares me, because i'm actually really a coward. which is worse, pretending to be a coward or pretending not to be?

i may be awesome, but i'm not as awesome as you make me out to be. 

i may be delusional, but not as delusional as i make you out to be.