as groups, we vote and agree to give the greatest amount of satisfaction to the greatest number of people. sometimes, voting the best means nothing. the best is hardly ever what the people want. ARGH ANGST ANGST ANGST. i suppose that's why a democracy works. democracy allows for wrong decisions, but in the short run, it does not matter. people just want to leave that hall satisfied and happy. any event that leaves the audience feeling shit is a shit event. FUCK LAH CB.

what a joke lah.

am i not quite ready to sacrifice it all?

you've got your special designs,
all the little hearts and yellow crowns.

there are some things in life you just dont forget: all the firsts and all the lasts. that first kiss, the first crush, the first medal, the last goodbye, the last time singing the school song. it just makes us that much more human. it makes all those moments just a little more special.

no one can ever really compromise. we like to think we can, but it's so, improbable. its all those little things you know. you can look past the looks, the money, the love, everything. but can you look past those habits? everyone has habits.

once in awhile, i like to indulged myself in sad, emo rubbish. it can be quite nice, quite comforting. you know, the problem is that everything is presented to idealistically. i'll always be by your side. i'll never let you go. you're the only one for me. yes, it can be true. yes, we all have hope. dats why its so believable isnt it?

i dream, all the time.

you could be my unintended choice
to live my life extended
you could be the one i'll always love

you could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions
you could be the one i'll always love

i'll be there as soon as i can
but i'm busy
mending broken
pieces of the life i had before

first there was the one who challenged
all my dreams and all my balance
she could never be as good as you

you could be my unintended choice
to live my life extended
you should be the one i'll always love

i'll be there as soon as i can
but i'm busy mending broken
pieces of the life i had before

i'll be there as soon as i can
but i'm busy mending broken
pieces of the life i had before

before you






isnt that like, beautiful?

honestly, it's good to have your heart broken. i mean, if you have your heart broken, at least you can go to a hospital, get a good surgeon and mend it. yes it'll take awhile before it works like it did before, hell maybe some things may never be the same, but at least its there. at least it works.

what really sucks is not to have your heart broken. rather, to have it slowly chiselled away, bit by bit, until there's nothing left. even the best surgeon cant mend a heart that isnt there.

dont lose your hearts, little ones. bear with me, even if you cant bear with yourselves.

i am dead tired. i dont want to work on my i/s. i dont want to think about my crit com. all i want to do right now is to just get away from all this shit, and spend some time alone. or spend some time with people that matter...

i suppose, until i actually know, until its all out in the open, i'l never move on. its the same as it was before. it'll just keep eating and eating into me. it makes me unhappy. i have to be simple here. no more confusing riddles, no more stupid little secrets. just be simple, just be honest, just be true.

its been so long. it could be so much longer.

cant you say the same thing 10 times over, and mean it 10 times over?

I AM FEELING MURDEROUS.

sigh. i dunno what to say anymore. all the words are just lost. lost in translation maybe. we spend so much time trying to figure each other out, we forget that sometimes, we dont need to. sometimes we just need to listen. its easier to understand when people arnt always talking and spouting meaningless shit. people are so full of shit. and its tiring, having to always distil through all that shit to get to the meaningful stuff.

some part of me just wants to get everything out. some part of me just wants to scream and scream and destroy everything. but every part of me knows i cant do that. i have learnt my lesson, as hard as it may have been. control, i must control. i'm destroyed already, but that doesnt give me any right to go around destroying others.

i cant help but care. even if others dont want to give a shit, i still feel its my responsibility to do something. call me stupid, call me a public nuisance, whatever it is, i dont care. i've learnt not to care. i mean, at some stage, it all just passes by. i reason, many people judge and do things based on how they feel. like if they feel angry, they will be angry. i think in some ways i've lost that. or maybe suppressed that. at the moment, everything is about what i think. like, i have specific reasons to be angry, therefore i am angry, and therefore i feel angry. the feeling almost becomes an afterthought.

yes, the feelings almost become an afterthought.

you and i must fight for our rights.
you and i must fight to survive.

i am soon to crisis.

this should be quite interesting.

Open up your iTunes and fill out this survey, no matter how embarrassing the responses might be.

How many songs total: 3631
How many hours or days of music: 10.4 days
Most recently played: muscle museum (live glastonbury 2004) - muse
Most played: zombie - the cranberries
Most recently added: flights of fancy - west grand boulevard

Sort by song title:
First Song: abercrombie - mates of state
Last Song: 99 red love balloons - bjork

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: cave water dripping - 0:05 but that's not a song. intro - muse 0:22
Longest Song: echoes - pink floyd 16:31

Sort by album:
First album: a - kiko y sara
Last album: Open up your iTunes and fill out this survey, no matter how embarrassing the responses might be.

First song that comes up on Shuffle: amarantine - enya

Search the following and state how many songs come up:
Death: 13
Life: 98
Love: 138
Hate: 17
You: 415
Sex: 7

just now i witnessed a caterpillar getting totally owned. it was quite amusing. i was standing at the roadside, waiting for the light to change. then there was this caterpillar on the floor. then it started crossing the road. so i kept watching it, and kept thinking, oh man, what if a car ran over it? then WHAM. a car did. the caterpillar flipped about 3 rounds in the air, and landed on its back. dead.

the moderation fantasy

the one that we believe,
someone we create.
crawling about in our tyranny.

get in line, dont say a word.
lose your voice in this atmosphere.
count the people in this line,
make sure no one's left behind.

lets look on the bright side of life. of course, that is assuming there actually is one. but no, that is being cynical. so lets assume there's one. what could be good about losing your wallet (with ic within), your ipod, your camera and your keys?

i actually have a bright side. i just need to lose my handphone and my laptop now, and i can go triblal!

whoopee.

its lonely out there. and mighty quiet inside.

all this anger and frustration is going to kill me. its like, self-destructive. i really do wish i had some outlet of sorts. it sucks to be this negative, to always be angry and frustrated and unhappy. no one likes being unhappy. well, i hope not anyway. its a horrible feeling. its depressing. and i think more than anything else, it leaves one lonely. i think deep down inside, some part of us wants to be dependent. i mean, yes we talk so much about wanting to be independent and everything. but sometimes, its just nice to have someone to fall back on.

i fear i may never have a voice. i fear i may never be heard.

i'm going to type a long long post. by saying that, i think i have predisposed myself to do it. so what, is it wrong? in all honesty, there isnt much to talk about. so what shall i do? i am really hungry you know. i havent eaten much today at all. and there isnt anything to eat at home. all the pineapple tarts are gone. i love pineapple tarts. i love cny snacks. but it makes me fat, so in a way i'm glad they are gone. so how how. maybe i should talk about life. but life sucks. life is boring. you know i thought about it, what keeps friendships together? and what makes friendships just friendships, and nothing more? it must be our flaws, isnt it? the fact that people are so differently, but innately, we are all imperfect. we are all flawed. we all make mistakes. and i think as long as we recognise that, friends will be but friends. today i saw a very sad scenario in the train. there was this couple standing next to me. (not a good looking couple, but that is irrelevant.) the guy was playing his psp, with his headphones plugged in. the girl was standing next to him, leaning on him somewhat, and with her own headphones plugged in. now, isnt that just so very sad? i think it is. i mean, i definitely could be misjudging them, but i just find such a scenario very saddening. den again, i find myself contradicting myself. but maybe not. on the way up the escalator at tanah merah, i saw this angmoh couple totally making out on the down riding escalator. i personally found that slightly off-putting, but well, people say that's love. i doubt it. i think i'm looking at the somewhere in between. affection, but not, i dunno, obsession? but then again, maybe it is obsession that makes it so special. obsession isnt inherently a negative word. it tends to be associated with negative meanings, but it can be good, sometimes. there is a reason they call it a "healthy obsession". oh shit, i should paragraph.

there. a paragraph. i think the knights riff is just SO DAMN AWESOME. seriously. it makes me happy. its like the happy floorball. it makes me happy. i dont think its right, how i keep judging people. i know i cant use the argument that they judge me, hence i judge them. i mean, judgement is inevitable. but it gets excessive, sometimes. and i know it. i dont want to be a horrible person. ok so maybe i am, that's not for me to say, not really anyway. more correctly, i dont want to be an actively horrible person. some people can do it so well. and well, i cant. that sounds like an excuse. i dont want to keep having to make excuses. these are strangely short sentences. ok stop it man. quit dreaming. i shall go get myself something to satisfy my hunger. ok i found nothing. or maybe nothing found me. i think i shall go distract myself again. distraction is good. i dont really think, do i?

now now, just what do you want? i want to rant about muse. i think muse is awesome. i really do. it makes me all bubbly and happy. of course, that's provided i'm not listening to the depressing songs. starlight is incredibly uplifting, even if i dont particularly like the song. there's just something about the song, its so hopeful. and maybe we all need something like that. some blind hope. to just push us on. keep us going even when we feel like there's no more road ahead of us.

oh lookey. distraction.

hello.

you cant hear me.
you still drift around all the time.

i've forgotten the words to this song,
i've forgotten, for so so long.

be quiet.
we're all leaving.
once and for all.
decidedly, we shall move on.
even if we dont know how.

i can pretend so much that i do not care.
maybe even convince myself that i dont.
but there's no hiding the smile behind the frown.
i'm torn, again and again.
regardless of what the pictures say,
i'm not the person i'm made out to be.
a little less, maybe quite a bit more,
i'm running away, away from today.
so quiet now, hear your own breathing.
forget the sounds of my footsteps fading.
its a long way from home,
called out into the empty nowhere.
time passes, we wont regret.
no, not once.

if only i could change your mind,
if only she would turn back time.
then it would rain once more,
give us time for one more sunrise.

i had an incredible brainwave in my dream last night. the most amazing song lyrics came to me.

so i got up, picked up my phone, and typed everything down, then saved it under a draft.

and then i woke up this morning, and realised, ah shite. that was all a dream too.

goddamn.

wasting my mind, thinking about you all the time.
i've destroyed the future, trying to recreate the past.
green pastures turn grey, roses slowly rot away.

this is potentially tragic.

no one to talk to.
the music has left my ears.
all i hear now are the whisperings of my memories,
reminding me of all that i have thrown away.
words no longer fill up the empty daily silence.
all the buzz, occupies the space that was once reserved
solely for you.

maybe i never cared as much as i should have.
believe whatever that i may, things still wont change.
you have moved on with the times,
stayed on the tracks, speed ahead.
i remember getting off,
i remember getting lost.

third degree heartburn

how i wonder how this world would be,
if the sun didnt rise tomorrow,
if darkness was all that's left to see.

change out of those dirty clothes,
like the shallow bay purge your sins.
come off the steps, dont look back,
take heed, you may just succeed.

i suddenly feel like title-ing and labelling everything. its therapeutic. which reminds me, i really cannot spell. wonderful isnt it, this world we live in. its so perfect, and beautiful, and complete, and free of any troubles at all! honestly, the world is a perfect place. its complete, clean, orderly, predictable, stable, everything you could ever want. so what's the problem?

the world is populated by imperfect people, that's what.