keepers of the fayth

woot. back from japan trip.

i still remember the fuji climb.
every single bit of it.
but its the end,
in which i will always remember the clearest.
right from the point we hit the open road,
we meaning the 10+ of us,
everyone was feeling shit.
it was cold, raining, freakin windy,
conditions not made for a good climb.
and at every turn we thought,
is this it? is this it?
yet it never was it.
but when we did reach,
we went crazy.
shouting, screaming,
in joy, pain, sorrow, i dont really know.
upon entering the place,
mrs jay and ms toh helped us to dry off,
and after we had a quick meal.
to warm up, so called.
what followed i never will forget.

we knew that the rest of the batch were quite some way back ,
but hoe far exactly we didnt know.
and when the teachers told us vans were being sent out,
we were goddam shocked.
cos they were stuck out there,
in what was like the middle of nowhere,
freezing their asses off.
we were told to finish up and get ready to help them
the way the teachers "took care" of us.

so aniwae we went down and waited for the 1st group to come in,
and there was these weird towels we suppose to use,
and we were still shivering so we were group huggin lyk free...
uh, yeah.
when the 1st batch really did come in,
i was really stunned.
i mean, looking at the really bad condition they were in,
crying, fingers, faces frozen,
it was saddening.
and ironically it was our job to help them get warm,
get them to go eat etc.
and so we went around rubbing peoples hair,
trying to get them dry so they dont fall ill,
and lyk talkin to them and stuff,
all this time still shivering.
and then the subsequent groups,
it really was extremely hard to bear.
but at that point in time i felt a sense of communion,
the fact the 10+ of us guys, though we didnt really know each other,
still managed to find the bond,
in helping the others we too helped ourselves.
and in each batch you could see different people,
their pain, hurt, worry etc.
and at times i jus felt so helpless.
cos i really don know how to help people,
when all of us were jus so unstable at that point in time.
and yet we still managed to pull through, i think.

and from that experience,
reflecting back in my hotel room,
30 may 2005,
i realised i've learnt so much about people,
and also so much about myself.
the climb revealed alot about every person,
and it allowed me to know some people better too.
watching people helping each other out,
encouraging, pushing each other on.
i think that was what the climb truly was about.
not the end, but getting there.
i wasnt with the group that got lost,
so there are things i don't know,
but from what i heard it was that every one
turned to each toher for comfort.
with no one to lead the way,
there was only each other.
and sometimes i feel its best that way.
having no one but each other,
you jus have to work together,
and its in such situations that you get to see the true side of people.
with facades having been stripped down by the cold,
the wind, rain, pain, exhaustion,
impressions change,
and mine did, and of many people.
and of myself, for i discovered that i could be really worried,
worried for people i didn't even know.
yes, i have been worried before,
but never for a general group of people,
such as i was at fuji.
and it did scare me in some ways.
but it helped me know myself better.
and the climb also proved to me that
i tend to underestimate the degree of many challenges.
even the act of helping people,
i never realised how difficult it was.

and honestly the climb was the real highlight of the trip for me.
and after the second night,
sitting in mr ng's room and listening to everyone give their views,
i also managed to learn abit mroe about certain people,
but i shant elaborate, less this turns into a bitchin session.

and so that was kawaguchi, aka fishy smell room.

when we left for tokyo i had pretty high hopes,
of shopping, neoprints, shibuya, disneyland etc.
and well, i don noe if my expectations were met.
yes, it was loads of fun, but i wasn't totally sastisfied.
disneyland was a real expensive letdown,
but other than that things in the day went pretty well.
there was lots of shoppin (yip!),
and i finally found my ff scores (yip!x2),
and basically window shopping,
which was really scary.
what with 5 storey burberrys, bvlgaris, etc.
like free.
and things in japan are super expensive,
but thats what you pay for more range and latest items.
and we missed quite abit of things overall, but nvm.
shibuya was really interesting, in that alot of things s'pore don haf one,
and also there are alot of offers,
like 4.50 shoes and 1500 yen mujis!!!
wa lau its lyk super missed out lor.
and i bought a big totoro, which is super cute.
and me, aaron and pea all bought the fish vibrator,
which is super cute.
lol.

so aniwae the tokyo part of the trip was quite fruitless,
in that we didnt really learn anything,
except maybe how to shop quicker.
but thats the days.
what imacted me the most, after fuji,
were the things that happened at night.
i wont go into details,
but basically many things happened,
things quite unexpected really.
and some were good, others bad,
and here i try to be no judge,
but its hard.
question marks are everywhere,
and yet some deal with it, others magnify it.
and to those whom dealt with it,
thanks, for i've greatly benefitted from it too.
to those who are just running away,
pls stop. less no one can make you.

there was alot of talking involved in this trip,
alot i mean alot.
every night in our rooms,
sometimes in others,
on the bus, in restaurants,
just talking.
talking about the class,
the people, the others,
trying to clear out some of my thoughts,
our thoughts.
and i am still quite confused about several things.
how to make it better, when some jus don wan to?
proving time and again they jus cant,
cant move on like we all should.
but hope can just bring us so far,
but farther it will take the work,
of who? maybe me, maybe you.
really. it was truly meaningful.
all the nights just lying in bed,
thinking, reflecting,
wondering about how we could be.

sigh.

now its over, back in s'pore.
back to the world i had 1 week of reprive.
have to listen to the same old words.
listening, but not hearing.
cos i know whats there.
on and on it goes,
and i dont know how long i'll take it anymore.
its getting too impossibily hard.
better it be over.

SWS. we rulz.