the world you love

dats no officially my song of the moment. yep. not jus cos its a jimmy eat world song, but cos its a really nice song, and the lyrics are...relevant. to say the least. the song makes me feel. but u noe, dats jus me.

an u noe, these kinds of moods,
they are self sustaining.
cos i'm hatin myself for being so moody,
and my response?
get even moodier.
so, its really a vicious cycle.
i'm hating everything i do,
yet theres notin else but to do wad i'm doin.
dats how it is really.
and you know when life gives you lemons,
it doesnt rain it pours.
really.
life has a way of doin dat to u.
when it seems like you hate everything around you,
life conveniantly puts more things there for you to hate.
i'm not jokin.
of course the logical explanation is that its a matter of perception,
cos when you're feeling like shit,
everything else seems like shit.
but really. the kind of mood dat i am,
logical isnt an option.
so why does life do this to us?
constantly laughing in our faces,
kicking us when we are down.
its like how jus now on the way home on the bus,
i saw the prettiest girl i've seen in a long time.
and it makes me wonder,
is it these kinds of moments dat define who we are?
cos if anything else,
it applifies things.
it makes everything look so much more.
so maybe the girl wasnt daaat pretty. (she was)
maybe its cos i'm feelin so shit that she jus appears to be prettier.
its like how everything else around me jus seems...better.
more right. more perfect.
thats how it is den isnt it.
self-pity? its a very fine line.
i mean, self-pity isnt good,
no pity isnt good either.
yesterday i watch grey's anatomy,
and i tink the one thing i remember most,
other den the absolutely gory nature of the show,
is this very true fact of life:
its all about finding a balance.
yea. in the show it was about life and death.
in life, maybe not so much.
den again, maybe its the little issues that really matter.
it the small things we don care about that really affects us the most.
i believe that.

its not like i want to be like this.
i dont. i really dont.
its not helping at all,
considerin i'm 5 days from my exams,
and i feel like murdering half the pple i see,
and stuffin the other half in a box.

i honestly think alot of pple are too selfish.
ok so thats pretty duh.
but the thing is i don tink enough pple acknowledge this fact.
i'm selfish, i know it.
and i accept it.
do i do things about it?
i try, i really do.
but everytime i look around me,
i don tink pple even know they are selfish.
and its not in the very obvious things.
its very subtle, and maybe dats where the problem is.
its not obvious enough such that its screamin in pple's faces,
and hence we all jus pass it off as smthn else.
covering it up.
like "aiya he's jus liddat one lahh",
or "zz ure being over sensitive!".
ok so maybe i am,
but that still doesnt change the fact that there are so many pple out there,
unaware of their own selfish ways.
and its scary.
i think we shld all try harder.
to do many things.
to know who we are,
but more importantly to realise who we are to others.
to realise that the worlds bigger than outselves.
i know it sounds very preachy and idealistic,
but face it, its the truth.
we all are too selfish, too naive, too egoistic.
haiz wads the difference aniwae?
its not like anyones gonna change.
for a start who even takes me seriously -.-

i wish someone'd jus understand.
but haha, its asking a tad too much eh.

i've got alot of figuring out to do,
after the exams are done.
yea, the exams.
this exams is really screwin me up.
i tink the muggin is the cause of me falling ill twice in 3 wks,
in addition to all the other little nuances that has infested my life.
its also messing with my head.
i'm not the person i used to be,
but dats probably a good thing. for now.
but once the exams are done, ahhh.
i'd jus feel so much freer.
that word doesnt exist, but yea.
it'll jus be so relax.
theres so much i want to do.
so so much.
i cant wait.

have u ever had this experience?
where you want something so very much,
but when u finally do get it,
u realise its the worst thing that has ever happened to u?
well i haven been through something like this before.
but i'm afraid i mite.
i'm afraid,
the coming together could finally spell the falling apart.
i jus hope not.

"we're only just as happy, as everyone else seems to think we are"