making notice

for a long time now i've had this coming.

just think about it for a moment. some things must come, and then some things must go. there's no use holding on to the past is there? i mean, what's done cannot be undone, what wasn't done cannot now be done. everything, in some way, has its time and place. and once you let it out of your grasp, in many ways, its gone forever. there is no turning back, even if we keep looking back. there are some secrets you can just keep forever, even though it isnt really a secret. its more shortcoming, something you wouldnt want to admit to. your stupidity, your naivety, your mistake.

the real issue now is this: who do i want to be? i mean, sure i know what i can do, in some cases i know what i should do. do i then be myself? or be what i should be? how long more am i going to remain my selfish self, and hope that it'll pull me through? you know, i dont think i am what i was before. maybe its cos i used to have so much to hide. now what do i have? am come on, its j2 already. i'm 18, last year in vj. everythings going to end pretty damn soon you know. i hope that sharing session is still on, a12. we all need closure. i maybe more than all of you.

i think i am past unhappy or sad. i have entered the realms of being miserable. i hate what i'm doing, i hate so many things. i know what can make me happy, but i'm not doing/getting it. what does that make me? miserable. indeed it does. realistically, i dont know what i want to be when i grow up. in my dreams, i'll be doing what i want, what i enjoy, what i love. but i doubt anyone will let me chase that dream. my parents sure as hell wont. hell if anything, they'd be the ones trying to stop me.

there really is no use pretending this is some massive issue, some all-encompassing problem, when obviously its not...

there are no answers.
there isnt a way out, not yet.
i'm still learning.
even if i dont like it,
as much as i want to escape it,
i've fallen thus far.
through the clouds and onto the grass.
there are no answers.
all day i can wish upon falling stars,
watch the days run past,
and still i'll think of you.
no idea, never ever will.
there are no answers.
none, this riddle will forever baffle.
tease young men, play with their minds.
this night we shall change,
make amends for all the faults of our games.
but there are no answers.