making notice

its really over.

it hasnt really sunk in yet. right now, things still feel kinda normal. i suspect its cos i havent actually stepped back into 24. tomorrow will be difficult. i know it will. going to school, realising that i dont have to spend hours in 24 again, realising that yes, i actually do have lessons to go for. realising that i can have a life again. realising that life does go on. and realising that it really REALLY is over.

am i sad? sad am i? i am sad? not yet. it hit me a little last night, while i was bumping out my stuff from day. for a moment, just sitting there alone surrounded by wires, silence and the cold of day, it did feel like the end. i felt a strange feeling of calmness, and it was nice. nice, but foreign at the same time. i dont think anyone really realises its over until it really is over. den it just suddenly hits you like a train. i think in the next week or so all the 'what ifs' and all the 'if onlys' will begin, but till then, i am relishing the moment.

yesterday was great. some parts kinda sucked. sam getting injured, my piece being shit, my groups being all random and weird, but overall it was good. i think the most important thing was the feeling of closure. it really did feel like it ended. someone put it very aptly, it was like our investiture. and it was a good way to end. the timing was right now, just after exams, just before everyone gets back to their normal lives. no need to revisit the past, no need to fear the future.

there is a strange contradiction to how i feel. on one hand, there is an extremely great feeling of relief, and yet on the other hand there is a whole lot of sadness. i'm very glad its all over, but of course some part of me wishes it never ends. as usual i am being longwinded again, as i always am, but wad the hell. lets try summing everything up in as little words as possible...

its really over.