how come i end up where i started?

i think few people realise how much time i spend living inside my head. hell, i think sometimes even i don't realise it. and its worrisome. sometimes i really wonder if i'm all quite there. maybe i should get myself checked out.

i don't think people really read blogs anymore. blogs are too lengthy. they demand too much of your attention span. they don't come with like buttons. its funny how our generation has evolved. i still remember the time where blogs were all the rage. i guess it was a time where it was the only real social media available. it was the only way to communicate with others, without actually doing any communication. it was chatting without the chat. and there was a time when blogs actually meant something. now everything's so instantaneous, and somehow i think we've lost something along the way. i think we no longer care as much.

i guess in a way my motivation to blog has changed too. blogging used to be a medium with which to communicate, with a (supposed) audience. nowadays i think blogging is a lot more self-serving. considering few if not nobody actually reads this, it somehow serves a purer function that i think it used to. now it really can be the personal journal that it was supposed to be. its a pot in which i can let my thoughts simmer. and if occasionally someone decides to come stir the pot, then so be it.

i was eating durians just now, and it got me thinking. some people are like durians. they are all thorny and prickly and generally scary from the outside. and in some ways there's a certain mystery about durians. inside, they can be all soft and delicious. or they can just be empty. and not everyone wants to find out.

i think more than anything else i'm looking for company. its quite lonely up here in my head. maybe people will join me, or perhaps drag me out.