making notice

I think eventually we all end up having to ask the important questions in life: what do i want? What can i sacrifice? Is it enough? Will it ever be enough? Why isnt there a blogger app for the iphone? Such questions haunt me, day and night. And i've come to the worrying conclusion that basically, i'm still very unhappy. Maybe its because i want too much, and i set my expectations of everything so high that i'm constantly disappointed. Maybe i just spend too much time kiddin myself and pretending that i'm happy with the way things are, when i clearly am not. Maybe i'm chasing a dream that's already lost.

Often i wish things werent so complicated. If things were simpler, maybe life wouldnt be all this hard. I'd be one persona, and that would be enough. People would understand, because i wouldnt confuse. I would understand, because i wouldnt be so confused. Is it so hard to step out of this bubble and back into a world full of normality? I'm finding out that it is. Suddenly everything that made sense to you no longer makes sense.

I really dont want to sound bitter and disgruntled, but i think i am. But probably more with myself than anything else. I realise its been a long time since i've felt any strong lasting sense of emotion, whether happy or sad or what not. Nowadays everything is so fleeting, they pass and i carry on. I'm afraid i'm becoming slightly emotionally numb to the world. Theres prob too much anger and resentment right now, emotions i dont want to be having.

At the end of the day, i want to do what i want. Its just sometimes, thats prob not the smartest thing to do.