to understand, you must first learn how to learn how to read

and here i am, almost 2 years on and a different person.
lifes been a whole lot of up to downs.
they say heaven aint close in a place like this,
and yet i have come to realise,
the distinctions between heaven hell and our mortal realm,
there really isnt much to it...
can one, in such a short time,
tranverse heaven hell and everything in between,
all while being the same man he used to be?
its so funny, when we all began as strangers.
made to lie together, to know the pain of each other,
to realise that at the end of everything,
we're all but strangers.
once a stranger, always a stranger.
i dont regret, but i do wish some things were different.
things said when they shouldnt,
actions that werent forthcoming when they should,
its all in there isnt it?
really its the worst way to enjoy life,
knowing theres another life out there for you.
knowing that everything u haf,
everything u ever wanted,
it was and will never be enough.
what does one do when you're stuck?
right in between here and there.
you know, there are somethings that should be said,
and then there are things that should forever be hidden.
how does one distinguish them then?
essentially that is what a dilemna is right.
a choice of neither over either.
she said you are there,
i said i am everywhere.
he said she's stuck on you,
it must have been a pity it never really happened.
cos she knew, he knew, i knew, we all knew,
its really didnt look right.
there really was nothing in it for anyone.
i must say i still miss those moments of quiet,
those times where the world seemed still,
almost like we were stuck in a vacuum of sorts.
haha.
but vacuums dont exist,
and hence it never will.
its quite queer the degeneration of sorts,
everything that have contributed too this great big hole.
black hole.
even if there was more for us in this life,
we will always look back and tell ourselves,
it could have been a whole lot of this and that.
also the times of sheer madness and joy,
they are all gone now.
now it feels so messed up,
so alone.
its not that i cannot live at all,
but sometimes i stumble when i crawl.
the obscenities of life they all come back to haunt all of us.
i must be happy for u all,
for finding greater things in life,
for discovering new direction.
but stay awhile and pity me would you,
me stuck in my past,
slowly letting myself down, into the deep yellow sea.
we werent right, we werent wrong,
we were something else altogether.
i admit girl, many a times i was wrong.
yet u stood by me for so long,
and for that i am eternally grateful.
yet it went wrong,
though maybe it is like this.
everything must go wrong before we can all move on.
it hurt, knowing i didnt do as i shld,
knowing that ever since,
it never really has been the same again.
so where do we go now?
honestly, i'm not terribly sure.
you know i've come to understand one thing.
the thing about friends, they hardly ever last.
at least friends that you see on a daily basis.
jus tink about it. you are spendin essentially about a quarter of a day
looking at these pple, living with these pple.
you noe, i tink thats why msn is so bleedin great.
it lets you talk to your frens in a very sterile environment,
one that lets you say things you normally dont.
and of course, not counting video conferencing,
you dont see their faces.
over time i tink pple generally tend to get sick of things they see,
like pple's faces. and thats when it all falls apart.
do you know what happens when an albino eats a mosquito?
i dunno either. if you do pls come tell me.
its almost like how its really impractical to get a ferrari and a lamborghini together.
so i guess i'll jus live with it.

yes it makes me weep,
but dont you cry tonight,
cos theres always a tomorrow.