but you can never leave

i guess in a way its a good way to end it all.
one last expedition.
afterall, the past 2 yrs have been all about that, expeditions.
running here, running there,
chasing after stuff, etc etc.
in a way its a form of closure for me.
i mean, yes its strange, slightly weird,
but all in all, necessary.
so say hello to my goodbye.

often, i ask myself,
is it because i want to be like that?
am i seeking attention i know i cannot get?
or is it just, i dunno,
something comfortable i can slip into.
i think its more of the latter den the former.
its been a long time coming.
i cant say i've lost hope in the world and everything around me.
its more accurate to say i'm losing hope,
yet at the same time i'm still clinging on to some.
my life is a freaking paradox i swear.
so i suppose its just the way i am,
or rather the way i've become.
this mould, its become so comfortable,
so me.

did you ever care enough to ask,
whether those words meant enough for every two of us.
plodding along with this life so bare,
hoping that maybe someday,
someone could actually be there.
to make every circle seem so square,
change every shade of grey to blue.
but its a farce u see,
this whole, hope, thing.
those who bother must be those who really dare.