code

this is a cryptic message:

i have a confession to make. i cant make decisions. i really cant. all those options, they just float over, and float away. in a way i think i need people to make decisions for me. why? maybe its cos i'm too scared to face the consequences. maybe i'm afraid of responsibility. probably its cos i just dont want to be definite about. i mean, just look - the past 3 sentences have failed to produce a concrete proper explanation. its all maybes and possiblys and ifs etc. this needs a solution. dont you see? deep down, everything needs to mean something. i make things mean something, even if they dont. in a way its a sense of security, knowing that you understand. or maybe pretending that you understand even if you dont. its like how people pretend to be good at something even if they arnt. truth is, people do get away with it, so why cant i? there are things we all need to say, and there are things we all need to hide. recently i have taken to typing in proper sentences, even though i suspect i still dont. why? i dont know. its not like i'm practising for anything or what. i hate being chased, but i must be. why am i so full or paradoxes and shit? its frustrating. i can never figure out who i am. i think i am having identity issues. identity crisis? maybe not. issues? i think i have issues man. and i suspect it might become worse. and you cant just throw all that away can you? in some sense theres still that little bit of hope that lingers on. maybe i am just being stupid and idiotic. i suppose i am, but i cant help it. they never can. its hard to explain it, not cos its actually hard, but cos i dont want to. i dont like explanations that i can find. it just takes all the fun out of life you know. that's a serious problem. thoughts get in my way way too much. it sucks thinking and thinking and thinking, at the end of the and the problem isnt solved. i think i shall start a think-less-do-more campaign. we dont need bright minds in this world, we need effective ones. people are naturally stupid, they only pretend to be smart. only 4.6% of the human population have naturally effective minds, 18.62% have smart minds. the remaining 77.78% are stupid, naturally. dont blame them, blame me. you see, we need to train people to develop effective minds, not smart ones. smart minds are useless. just look and yourself already. i just wish somehow it was easier. but it never is. i cant be. if it was any easier, it wouldnt trouble me like it does. at the same time, any easier and it wont be attractive anymore. everything that means anything would just fall apart. why the hell do i have to be in school at 9 tomorrow? i dont want to go to school, even though i do. i dont get you. i really dont. its frustrating, yet at the same time its fascinating. you keep me guessing all the time, and i must admit, as much as i hate it, i love it also. bob is annoying. why? he just is. he was born this way. born to take away all that i have. really, its the simplest things that are so hard. it seems like a lifetime ago that i heard you giggle. dont you remember? i bet you dont. no one does anyway. how does one cope with so much rubbish? i mean, all this crap i'm saying, no one bothers, no one cares. i pretend as if people will bother, even though i know they wont. stupid? you bet. why must i be in that 77.78%???

ok so maybe it isnt.