making notice

i am willing to say, i know what it feels like to feel useless and worthless.
to feel like you dont mean a thing at all.
i mean, what can i fall back upon?
what's going to cushion my many falls?
friends? i'm not a social person.
family? up yours.
relationship? yea, in 400 years maybe.
money? i wish.
status? yea: shit.
myself? no way in hell.

it sucks, having all that you want, all that you can only dream for, to have it crushed, over and over again. its a horrible feeling that's hard to describe. i've cried because of it. i never really realised how important dreams and hopes are. i mean, its one of the few motivating forces keeping me going. but am i doing all this in vain? am i chasing a long lost cause? am i running a race i will never finish? one i was never meant to finish?

it hurts to have to think so.
it really hurts.