if you'd just hold on

first of all, PEOPLE whoever you are who may possibly read this, DONT add me on friendster. i will not accept any more friends. hell i'm never going to friendster ever again. or any other networking shit. if u want to talk to me, msn works. i mean, i think its FUCKING stupid for people to add me on friendster even though i dont really know them (more so for my account before it got wiped out). i mean, its just plain fucking reatarded. its like, "OMGZZZ I GOT LIKE SHHO MANY FRENZZ WORHXZZ". go and die, lah.

anyway, moving on.

i'm not fated with fate. seriously. i've always been delt a crappy hand, no matter where i go, even if this feels like a path to escape, it never is. cos when the path opens up into the concrete wasteland, the same phantoms come back to haunt me. different forms, different shapes, but its all the same. and i think somehow, i know i'm going to end up with people i dont want, people i detest or will detest. after all, its always been that case, ever since i was young. and why would that change? could i be that naive?

i dont want you.
i hate you.
i absolutely detest you with every bit of my heart.
but i'm too nice to hurt you.
i'm too kind to want to break you.
i'm too weak to watch you suffer.
so you just go on like you do,
while i stand back, laugh, mock, weep, cringe,
clench my fist and stab away at thin air,
just for you.