angel crossed

i'm drifting around like a poor misguided fool.
listening to the voices of aimless angels.
telling me it aint over, dont surrender,
little do they know, it already is over.
over, before it had even started.

i'm hopelessly entrenched in this sea of deceit,
swimming around, not knowing where i'm headed.
drowning, bit by bit,
as the energy drifts slowly out of my body.
everywhere i turn, its the same familiar darkness,
the same chilling waters,
the same stale, cold air.

i guess the truth is, no one really understand.
no one ever will.
its pointless.

its so easy you know,
getting in and out of character.
its casual even, cause its happening too often.
i've been made to paly a part i'm not sure i want,
but i dont have much choice.
i volunteered after all.
i guess i'm chasing that sense of liberation.
of being able to be me,
without actually opening myself up to get hurt.

i need something to occupy myself.
to stop myself from constantly brooding,
constantly dwelling deeper and deeper inside,
i'm afraid i'll lose myself,
to my fears.

i need...something.
anything, that means something.
that means enough.
enough for me to care.
enough for me to dare.