when the good bad and ugly all become the same damn thing

i am slightly surprised it took me this long to realise this, but now i've realised, when ure feeling like shit, the worst thing u could do, is to try to be happy. really. i mean, lets face it. whatever u do, when ure feeling like shit, ure feeling like shit. nothing u do is gonna change that. and trying to be happy, that makes it worse init? i mean, u try and try, yet u won succeed. dat sucks. and whilst tinkin about good times will help, too much of it will also make u feel even worse. or so i believe. i tink the best way is to jus drown in the frustration and anger and depression and everything. yea really. like go listen to depressing music, watch depressing tv, do depressing things, talk depressingly, do everything with that little bit more edge. i tink thats the way to get over it the best. its like rubbing salt into a wound. it'll hurt like fuck, but it'll get better faster. i've done it before, it sorta worked. den again, i tink its best not to trust me.

i'm not sad. i really aint.
even if i may look it, i'm not.
i'm jus...not happy.
theres nothing much to be happy about.
i'm jus trying my best not to feel much.
maybe its better of this way.
to have nothing,
den to haf something den throw it away.

lala. i don even noe why i do things sometimes.
ok not sometimes.
most times.