i figure, its better being angry than it is being disappointed. the immediate consequence of being angry is of course worse and more destructive, but as long as its not constantly directed at others, its not so bad. why? because anger fades. it always does. as long as you dont start pissing everybody off when you're feeling angry, as long as you exercise some self-restraint, it will pass. but being disappointed, its a lot worse. immediately, there isnt much effect. things seem normal, life seems fine. but it isnt. because disappointment doesnt fade. it'll linger and linger for a long long time, and it'll slowly eat you up from inside. the worse part is you'll never notice. before you know it, you're jaded and quietly suffering.
so i'll be angry, just for awhile.
please bear with me, maybe pretend to smile.
i hate post-paper. its the worst time of any exam day. i think its ridiculous how people have to discuss the paper once its over. i can understand why, so i cant say i dont. people want the assurance they didnt fuck up, people want to gauge how well they are going to do, people just want to know. i much rather not know. ignorance is always bliss. what if i realise i totally screwed up the paper? am i going to spend the next 3-4 months moping and worrying how i did? no, i'm not going to do that. i much rather enjoy myself, live life, and then be sad later on. there's no point prolonging my pain, or rather premeditating my pain.
i really wish people would just shut up and start worrying about the next paper. what's done is done, and nothing you say is going to change it. why worry? people worry too much, which is why no one knows how to have fun anymore. everyone's too worried about making it.
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